Styling My Daughter'S Hair As A Black Mom | Hair Me Out | Refinery29

-My journey with hair has impacted the way that I treat hair with my daughters.. I want to make sure with my girls that they love their hair and whatever form it's in and they see the beauty in it. Always. There were parts of my life that I didn't see the beauty in my hair and I don't want them to go through that same journey or struggle that I did. My name is Jessica Durand.. I have three daughters. And today you're going to watch me style. My nine-year-old's hair. ♪♪, I had Aniyah when I was 20., And that did affect me my relationship with motherhood and how I viewed being a mom.. We basically grew up together.. We have a different type of relationship because I was learning how to be a mom, and I still am. Being a mom at 20 is hard.. You don't know who you are., You don't know much of anything. Really., At least for me. I didn't., And so it kind of shaped who I was as a mom to my other kids as well throughout the years., So our normal everyday routine. I do the hair.. I always do the hair., All the girls, It's all me. And I usually try to let them pick the style that they want to kind of give them that little bit of you know. Independence. The TikTok video of mine that went viral was of me doing. Aniyah'S hair before school. That morning she did not like the fact that she was getting her hair done second., And so because of that she said she didn't want to get her hair done.. I said ,''Okay., That is your right.. You don't have to get it done. ,'', knowing that she would probably want her hair done later. Once we got to school that day, she was very upset in the backseat.. She was still crying., And so I looked at her and I said ,''Would you like me to do your hair ?'' And she just said ,''Yes please.''. I decided to record the moment that day for a couple of reasons. The first reason was just logistically. I wanted to be able to see what I was doing. And you know I recorded because I felt like I wanted to be able to see that moment later. Looking back., We got out and I didn't have a brush with me., And so I had to just kind of use, my hands and the water that I had in the car to try to do the best that I could, because I wanted her to go to School feeling as confident as possible., Seeing the way that she responded to me it was kind of it was beautiful kind of watching back.. The reason I posted it honestly is because I felt like the moment was beautiful.. I never would have thought that so many people would have also seen the moment and felt exactly what I was feeling.. I asked her and I said ,''Is it. Okay, if I post this ?'' - And she said ,''Yeah. - That's so cool.'' And then it you know a lot of other people thought it was cool too.. The video ended up getting about 20 million views.. It was a little shocking because to think that just a video that I posted was healing for other people. I think that also kind of sparked something in me that, like okay., So the things that I'm posting that are meaningful to me are actually helping other people.. So I think that it was a pretty cool experience. ♪♪ -My name is Aniyah and I'm nine years old. Boom. My favorite thing about my mom styling, my hair, is she always lets me pick she's, really gentle and she's really careful.. My mom tells me that my hair is beautiful and I don't have to change it.. I feel happy after my mom does my hair.. My mom teaches me about my hair that it's really beautiful and I should take care of it and that I'm really lucky to have curly hair. -The style that we're doing today is more of a treat.. This is not necessarily, you know a rushed morning. Type of hair routine.: This is like a Saturday at home.. We might be watching a movie. And she's like hey. Can you you know, give me a style. I can wear for a couple of days. So, first up, I'm just going to kind of get her hair. Nice and wet because it's dry right, now., And so it's easiest to do when it's you know just in a wet state. Straight down., So for detangler I use the Cantu for kids.. I have found that with my girls. This is great for just like the everyday mornings when we just add some water, some detangler, to help freshen their hair up a bit from day to day.. This has been what their curls have reacted to best.. It helps with frizz and things along those lines.. Our next step is we're going to go in with a detangling brush. And I'm going to start at the ends and then I'm going to work my way, up. And then this is the comb that I'm going to use to do her parting, which is nice because It has this front section here which allows me to get the part nice and straight and even in all the sections., So I'm going to start with the middle part. And then once I get the middle part set everything else. I kind of will go based upon that middle part., So now I'm going to part it on the side of the head. And then I'll clip it and I'll mirror it and do the same on the other side.. This is probably the hardest part of this. Hairstyle is getting the part right. So once you get that part you're kind of golden., Now we're going to do the same to the other side. ♪♪. So now I'm going to take this side here and I'm going to just put it up.. Now we're going to part this section., What's your most favorite part -I get to pick out the elastic. -Now, I'm going to put a little bit of edge booster on here.. Now I'm going to take this section here and I'm going to use my clip., I'm just going to clip that here and turn you back.. Now I'm going to do one more section to make these three even sections.. So now, for this section here, I'm going to section this into two pieces right down: the middle. Just want to make sure it's even. -I think it's even. -I think it's even.. I think it is. Okay.. Now this is the fun part.. I'M going to get my elastics., You said you wanted purple. And you just wrap the elastic around.. So now you've got that one piece in., I'm going to add some of my Edge Control. ♪♪. So this time around you're going to take the top piece.. Usually I like to swirl it a little bit. And I'm going to connect it to the back piece. ♪♪ And then you're going to put it all together into this new elastic. Okay.. So now we're going to do the same thing two more times on this side. ♪♪. There'S things about the density of her hair, the type of hair that she has. That impacts how I style it. Some of the traditional styles that I would use for my hair growing up, because my hair is a little more coarse, are just not the same styles that her hair can withstand.. But it's okay, because it's all a learning process. And we're learning what each of our hair needs.! So now we've done, one half. So we're going to turn her around. And then we're going to do the same thing on the other side. -Do. You like doing my hair -I do.. I do like doing your hair., It's actually very fun for me and calming for me when I do your hair. Believe it or not. I enjoy it.. I am just going to make sure that this section here matches this first section here, just so: it's even., That's perfect., ♪♪ Okay., Last one., And now that we've got all of our sections done, I'm going to start with getting most of the hair back first. And Then I'm going to add some of my Edge Control. ♪♪ And then we're going to use our tight brush. Going to get it nice and smooth.. And now I'm just going to put this back. And I'm going to grab all of these pieces along with it. We're. Just going to get them up in the ponytail., We're just going to kind of clean up the sections with a little more of the Edge Control., And then we just go back with our brush here. We're going to use some more water.. We use lots of water in this house. Going to brush it over again.. We use the curling cream just to bring out all the curls in her ponytail.. We also like to take the little pieces just give it a twirl.. Okay, you ready I'm going to spin. You 1 2 3. ♪♪, Okay, -I love, it. -You haven't seen it yet. ♪♪ -I love it. -You, like it -I love, it. -Oh, look how beautiful it is. -I love, it., -Oh good.! You look -I look so pretty. -Hair. For me, I think has always been very important to me.. For me, growing up hair was an important piece of who I was., And so, if anything, my mom always made sure that I felt beautiful with my hair. And so as an adult like I've been relearning. What that beauty looks like how to do my hair in different ways. ♪♪ Good. Love it.. As a Black woman, my hair is important to me.. I find meaning and beauty in my hair. The way that society looks at me based upon my hair., And so with my girls, I have three girls., It's something that I'm instilling in them is them feeling beauty in their hair and them loving, whatever form it's in and how versatile it is.. I hope that other moms don't feel alone in this experience, because motherhood can be very isolating. And you go through this journey. Thinking you're the only one feeling these things or that it's not okay, to feel the things that you're, feeling. And so part of my platform is just letting other moms understand that whatever it is, that you're feeling you're a mom that loves your child and you're doing The best that you can. So pretty. -So pretty., I feel really happy. When my mom does my hair and I feel strong., Do I look pretty -You look beautiful. -I didn't ask that.. I asked if I look. Pretty. -You look pretty.. Yes,