Storytime: I Almost Left Him | Closet Confessions | The Curly Closet

So this story time comes from about a week and a half into when I met my partner. So to begin with, I met my partner on bumble. Bumble if you're not familiar is an online dating platform, but on Bumble women make the first move one random day. Um I signed up to Bumble. I made a profile. I started looking through pictures of people. You know guys whatever I saw a couple of guys well, okay, who looks okay whatever, but then this little like notification popped up on my screen, where it said you can access your gallery for, like I don't know 249 or something like that, so the gallery is Essentially, all of the guys who have seen your profile and have liked your profile. So, dare I say it's easy picking, doesn't it if you access the gallery, then these people have already seen you already liked the look of you. So it makes it easier to start conversation because you already started on the basis of like okay. I guess this person might have a bit of Interest whatever, so I'm the Australian for the gallery scrolling through the gallery scrolling through the gallery, and this is the same thing I signed up to Bumble by the way. This is not a couple of days later. This is literally the same evening, then I see this guy handsome melanin, beautiful lovely smile, looks very warm and friendly, and for me that was the number one thing at that time. Like I wanted someone who's going to be warm open, I didn't want the strong, silent type I've had enough of days. In my life, I've decided that yeah. You know what I'm gon na check out his profile um, but first, let's just keep going because you know a single keeper options or something so I'm I'm continually like I'm scrambling for you scrolling free scripture. So I'm looking down like I'm saying, okay cool a couple of guys on here, okay cool, but I still haven't seen anybody that kind of caught my eye like this guy, so I scrolled back up found this picture with his profile. Looked on his profile like again read through what he put as like answers, and he made a couple of comments about like Primary School, what he did for a living and just generally it just seemed like a regular normal gas. I'M like okay, because you know, let's face it on London, you come across some real, some strange things: okay, so anyway I read this profile. I was like okay cool, he looks normal seems: okay, um yeah. Why not? Let me just send him a message right, so I sent him a message. He responds to me pretty much straight away and we start chatting a little, but it was quite late at night, so I think he said something about being tired and I said to him: oh, if you're a bit tired, it's cool, we can continue chatting tomorrow. So that's what we did the next day woke up continued chatting and we just we just started to get along really. Well, we chatted them. He again seemed very normal, very chilled very nice down to earth kind of guy. So you know we kind of um talked about our background. Our family is a bit Hobbies, music, all of the regular stuff that you talk about when you just met somebody. We went from bumbled messaging to Whatsapp messaging and then from WhatsApp messaging. I did some more by video call because you know online dating you have to do the catfish check, just just a tip guys. If you don't know you need to do the catfish check like from early. You know you can't be a hitchhike to someone for ages upon ages and you've never actually seen their face. This was at the end of lockdown, so I was just like my regular homely looking self, he kind of said. I don't really look very like Outdoors presentable. I'M like nobody is it's locked up. His face actually matched his pictures. I'M like okay cool. This is the same guy cool, handsome guy, okay cool, actually even better, smiling person than like the pictures. I was like, okay cool. This is nice going well. We went on a first date, which was just very very chilled again. It was the end of lockdown, so it's quite quiet like nothing was really open like that, so we just went. We went to the park which, for me, is actually very nice. You know it's a public place because you know I don't know this guy. I think we just had like coffee and stuff and walked around the park. We chatted. It was like early spring, so daffodils were out, he like picked a daffodil gave it to me a very cute star, very sweet, so we just chatted like we just kind of knew each other for a long time, and it was again it was very nice. It was very relaxed very chilled at the end of the first date he like walked me back to like not directly to my house but close to my house side note he would have walked me home if I had wanted him to, but bearing in mud. I didn't know him very well. I didn't really want to actually bring him directly to my house for him to know where I lived when we got close to my house. I just kind of said: okay, like the bus, stop was nearby for him to get on the bus to go to his house. So I just kind of said: okay. Well, you know the bus stop is here we can kind of just you know. We can part ways here, but I'll text you and let you know when I get home and he said: okay, that's cool, so he said um. I would like to see you again if you'd like to see me again. I said yeah that would be nice. He looks so happy trust me like his face. He just face literally lit up. He looks so happy so yeah everyone was going nicely like no like red flags or anything. Everything was just smooth. Nice, no crazy, like fireworks like butterflies. Anything like that, but just happy warm feelings. You know like, I feel safe with this person. We seem to be getting along really well and he seems down to her from very normal. I feel respected and safe when I'm with him, which is a good feeling to have I'm like everything is going nicely until one day after this I'm at home, I'm chilling I'm watching a program on television. I can't remember what this program was, but it touched on medical conditions and then I thought to myself. Oh I forgot. I haven't asked him one of my screening questions, one of my most important screening questions. You know how, when you meet somebody they're, just certain questions that you always ask them to just get lay off the land get any kind of issues that may potentially arise. I have a certain set of questions that I tend to ask about, so I text him and I said um. This might be a bit of the blue. I hope you don't mind me texting you asking you this, but do you or anybody in your family have Sickle Cell. So you know what what's up when you get the two blue tips, so you can see somebody's read your message and it says online. So they're still there, so there was a bit of a pause and then I saw my partner's name is typing. Then it stopped then typing. Then they stopped then typing. Then it stopped and this went on for a good. I don't even know how long my heart literally was like I sat there. I was like crap he's going to say yes, because guess what if it was a no answer, the person on the other side would have just come out and just said no in it. They would have just said: no, the fact that they're typing stop in type in stop it type in stop it. It went on for a good two three minutes. It was one of the longest two to three minutes of my life. It was so scary to me, because I just sat there looking at like oh crap, and the thing is outside in the dining room with my mom watching the show. Please please, because we know what I've asked this question so many times, I've so many guys and nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever come back and said yes until now. So yes, you finally replied. You said that his father trait, and that he also has sickle cell trade. Sickle cell disease is carried mainly by people of African descent, foreign disorder that is genetically carried. So you can't catch Sickle Cell from a person, but you can be born with sickle cell or you can be born with a Sickle Cell Gene. What happens to people who have sickle cell diseases that they have what's known as a crisis, which is when your red blood cells, which are usually round, become a moon shape or a sickle shape? When that happens, it becomes very difficult for the blood to flow around. Your body normally and you get pain. My father had a variation of sickle cell disease, which is called sickle beta thalassemia. For me, being his daughter, I have sickle subject. Sickle cell trait can also bring its own self-complications, but in the general case they are not as severe as if you have sickle cell disease. I don't have any symptoms at all. I lead a very normal life. I'M fine, but I am very, very aware of what could happen if I have a child with someone who also has sickle cell trait. If you are a person that has Sickle Cell traits and you have a child with a person who has Sickle Cell traits, you have a 25 chance of having a child who has sickle cell anemia, I.E, sickle cell disease. You have her child who may have a potentially debilitating lifetime condition like I know, I'm telling the story with a lot of like light-hearted. You know, because this is just how I am, but the truth be told at that point in time. My stomach just drops, it literally dropped because I just saw. Finally, I meet a guy who seems to be like genuine. I have a really good vibe from him. I feel safe with him. You know we have like some similar like cultural backgrounds, even though, like I'm from the Caribbean he's Nigerian, but either way things about our backgrounds. Are we have them in common, and he just seems like a genuinely loving caring person and now of all of the times to know that somebody has a blood disorder that we could potentially pass on to our child's bloody scary. I I didn't react outwardly but inwardly. I just I freaked out and we freaked out. I just thought you know what okay do you know what just just call it quiz. I don't think this is really going to work in the past. I have seen like red flags in people and just be like. Oh okay, just just work for me: it'll be fine, we'll move forward. It will be okay only to realize that it wasn't okay. So for me at this point I just thought: I'm gon na see things for what they are. I'M not gon na try to pretend. Like this will all be okay in the end, because, usually it's not if this is what we where we are, and this is what's going on, I might as well just like face facts. I was ready to just cut off the whole relationship. I noticed this up for some people that might seem a bit shallow, but the thing is: if you have any idea about how debilitating sickle cell anemia can be. This is not just about me. It'S not just about all whether you know I really like him or potentially we can fall in love in the future and all of that kind of stuff. If you have a child with a debilitating lifelong illness, would you be able to cope with seeing your child in pain and knowing that you're? You can't do anything to help your child in that situation. They are working on treatments and there have been some breakthroughs, but at the present time from what I know, they're not available like on the the mass Market or generally in the NHS until something like that. Materializes you're gon na have a child that potentially 25 chance that your child can be really sick. Is that what you really want to face? Would you be able to cope with that? It'S easy to say: oh yeah, I'll be fine with it, but when reality hits you when your child gets sick in the middle of the night or you have to take time off, work or your child is really really unwell and they have to look into your. Your eyes and you can see that they're in pain, and you don't there's only so much you can do to help them. Would you be okay with the decision that you've made to go forward and have them at that point foreign? The best I can describe the way I feel honestly I was, I was scared. I was really scared. It'S really really frightening. I came this close to cooling liquids. So what made me change my mind? I had to kind of talk to myself and say all right cool like I know: you're you're freaking out right now, but let's just let's just take our time. Let'S take our time. Let'S think, let's breathe, okay, let's not make any rash decisions like, and I think when it comes to that kind of thing like you can't just make a rash decision it's early days. I don't even know if I really like this guy, that much to even like want to have a child with him. Yet I mean I like him, but do I like him that much so we're gon na have a baby together, like I don't know yet, there's a lot of unknowns and I don't really know what's gon na happen. How do you know that this guy, like isn't the most beautiful, perfect wonderful person? It may just be worth it? I also thought about the fact that 25, whilst it is a significant risk, it's not a majority risk, so the risk of having a child with sickle cell trait is 50. The risk of all the probability of having a child with no trade at all is 25 and the probability of having a child with sickle cell disease 25. So actually 75 is in our favor and 25. Not so 25 is significant. It'S a definite real possibility, but it's not the majority possibility, so we have 75 20. I'M on our side. That'S another thing! I thought about a couple of days later I was chilling at home. I was watching a TV show about my via sorry Goods. I just sat there and I thought you know what this is a real possibility for us. We could potentially have a child by IVF. Surrogacy is a possibility. There are so many like options that are available now that never used to be available. So for us it might be the best idea to just roll with it and see what happens so. He and I had a conversation after that. It was a little bit like tense. It wasn't tense between us, but it was just tense in terms of where did we go from here from his side? Just as from my side, his family had always warned him about the dangers of having a child with someone who also has sickle cell trait. But in the end, between the two of us, we decided that before we start panicking, let's just give it a go and move forward. Honestly, the decision to carry on was more on my side than his side because he was just more like okay, let's chill and let's just see how things go for me, I was the one that was just ready to Veil. It'S not working. Thankfully, in the end I didn't fast forward when I found out that I was pregnant. I was. Are you outside the door babe? Because I can hear footsteps, you say hello, poor babies would be like this is so bright mommy, oh no yeah! It is bright. Bye-Bye