Being Non Binary With Long Hair
This is a link to an article I wrote recently about just this if you need more thoughts and more current ones at that!
https://saltyworld.net/the-fourth-mona...
Hey everyone, so I am back in the loft kind of a different angle, but I'm working with late daylight. So this is the only I have to sit right in my window in order to get any halfway decent light, so that you could actually see me. I wanted to talk a little bit today about my hair cuz. I think about it a lot and it's something that kind of relates to a lot of the gender things that I've been thinking about in the last, since I've really had it wrong. Um so yeah today we're just gon na deal with that a little bit so, as you can see, my hair is like pretty long it's longer actually than it looks cuz it's curly, so it actually goes down to like I know there we go like kind of The middle of my chest - and this is what it looks like I mean its natural state - it's curls like this by itself, um and yeah - it just exists - exists like this normally and so obviously a lot of my videos when I was making videos, I had short Hair or shorter hair, I was growing it kind of towards the end of my video stint. I don't know what we call it, but yeah and I've had long, hair and short hair and everything in between for various stages throughout my life, but basically one of the things that happened, sort of maybe you're on to ish years ago now I had cut my Hair really short and I'd had it short for a while and then basically and I'd been coloring it and stuff, and basically something really weird happened. Where one day, I just sort of started to realize that my short hair was making me sick and that I know that sounds probably really bizarre, but basically my hair for me is very emotional and it it's very emotional. It'S like the easiest way to describe it. I guess it's very meaningful to me, both spiritually and emotionally, and basically, from that day on, I decided that I needed to grow my hair and I needed to stop coloring it and I needed to have it long, and so that was the day that I started Growing my hair and I've just I've stuck to that ever since that which is pretty intense for me, cuz I used to kind of be like I'll grow, my hair out until I decided that I don't want it to be grown out anymore and then I'll chop. It off and it was just kind of like oh whatever, but so that was a very big deal for me and it was a very big deal that it stuck and it has stuck. I have had very little to no urge at all to cut or color my hair since that day, and it's this is my natural color as well. This is just my hair in its natural state. I have long since cut out all of the bleach and all of the color and all of the kind of remaining damage that was done from that time. So this is just my hair as it as it is and yeah. So I basically started growing it and cut it back a bunch to cut out, like I said, the bleach and the color and all the stuff that was in it, and then I think, probably about six. Oh no, that does weird things with the lighting. It'S just gon na have to stay forward about six months in I totally natural hair like no color, no bleach, nothing in it anymore. It was about that was when I was in Brennan. So there's still videos of me. I think there's videos of me at that stage, but they're not off anymore cuz. I private at all my days different story, but anyway, yes and then, and it's just kept growing as hair does and then I had bangs for a little bit cuz. I did cut bangs, but that to me doesn't really count as cutting my hair cutting my hair cuz it it's just a small portion of my hair and then I also hope you can see it. But this part here above my ears a little bit shorter, because I cut that part. Quick short at one point, because I was experimenting of whether I wanted to have parts of it shaved for it to be a little bit less hot and a little bit more punk-rock um, and that was fun, but I'm back to kind of letting it grow. So obviously my hair is very important to me and my hair being long and being natural in its color. It is very important to me now - and that was something that was really difficult with my gender identity and has still been really difficult and I've kind of fallen into this space of just generally kind of allowing myself to be seen as very female. Because I feel, like my hair, makes me seem that way and makes people assume that it's easy and right and correct to see me that way, and I have a long, complicated relationship with being really out and being really active about fighting for my identity to be Respected and so generally, I'm not really out with anyone except my close, close people and they respect my identity easily and comfortably in its fluxes and phases, which is a whole other thing that I want to talk about. But it was very difficult for me when my hair was getting long and in all the different kind of stages, and I hated I really hated the way that having longer hair made me automatically feminine or me me feel like. I was then automatically perceived as feminine, and I struggled a lot because a lot, if not most, of the visibility that I was seen in the non-binary community was those people with short hair, and I was just like I I'm not cutting my hair again and I'm. I can't cut it for my gender identity. It'S too important to me. It'S too important to me, spiritually and emotionally, and the damage that cutting my hair would do to me and those aspects of my life is too dramatic, so I'm not gon na cut it, but it's really hard sometimes to feel like. I can never ever appear masculine anymore, because my hair is long and that's something that's I find really frustrating. So I don't even know like if I have a necessary point with that, but just like my biggest point being that that struggle is very real. And I never heard anybody talk about it. And that was very hard for me. And if you are a non-binary or a masculine that identifying person - and you have long hair like power to you, your long hair does not automatically dictate femininity, it can be feminine and it can feel feminine and that's beautiful and wonderful and strong and do that. But it can also be masculine and express masculinity, or it can be completely genderless and express no gender, like my hair and the way that I feel about my hair in terms of my gender expression changes all the time, and it's not always my hair does not Always feel feminine to me, and it does not always feel masculine to me. That does not always feel genderless to me. It feels like all of those things at different times and in different ways, and it's so frustrating to me that, like I, I see almost nobody with long hair who is not either like you know, assist man who just happens to have long hair cuz. Some sis men do or who is a woman, or you know a trans, woman or whatever, but like it's basically associated feminine vast majority of the time, and I, like I said I know, of pretty much nobody in my experience or very few people that have longer Hair and identified on binary, so if you have long hair and identify non-binary or anything out of the feminine norm of gender, gender nonconforming whatever it might be, please like, let me know your experiences and how your long hair affects your gender identity or the struggles. You might have with it or how it makes you feel and if you feel mega comfortable, you can like reach out to me on Instagram. So I can see pictures of you in your long hair and you can see pictures of me and my long hair. My Instagram is because of Skyy most of you know that, but if you don't yeah and let's just like share some like non-binary long hair, positivity love with each other, because it's long overdue, my friends long overdue. So we should come up with some sort of hashtag and take Instagram by storm if you have hashtag ideas for like gender non-conforming people with long hair, something of that nature, preferably ones that are really brilliant and like clever and have dual meanings cuz. I love that um, but if you have hashtag ideas like leave them down below, and maybe we can get something going and like spread the love and positivity because I love my hair, I love my hair and it does not define my gender. It enhances my gender. Alright, cool
Comments
sasha james: As another non binary with long hair (my whole family has long hair, and they don't really want me to cut it short), it's nice to see how you can express your androgynous self with long hair. I always feel super insecure about having long hair, but you inspire me to be happy about myself!!
Infinity seagull: Heyo! My hair looks almost identical to yours. I didn't think i would ever pass as anything other than a girl, even if i wore guy clothes and deepened my voice, but the other day i got called a young man despite everything and it was awesome!! There are quiet a few guys at my school with long hair, and they dont look too drastically different from me if you don't focus on the face too much. So.. i guess even if someone in passing who doesnt look too closely at me can think im not a girl, then thats good enough for me. It's alright if people don't see me how I do all the time, just that they get what im like. Your story's really interesting! It made me think about whether i actually wanted shorter hair, or just wanted people to think of me a certain way.
Es: Today I was finally so fed up with the lack of long-haired enby rep, that I googled it just to see if anyone else was discussing it, and I found this video! (': I relate a lot with your story. I used to cut and dye my hair a lot, and at the time, that self expression was really important. But at some point, letting my hair grow very long in its natural color became extremely meaningful to me instead. I love my long hair, and the reasons are multitudinous! One big reason though, is I became extremely chronically ill 4 years ago, and even as I was bedridden and mourning my mobility, my hair kept growing. Even as so much of my body was ill and in pain, my hair was still so healthy. On the flip side though, my hair is actually one of the biggest reasons I don't feel comfortable coming out. I am only "out" to my partner and one friend. I feel that my hair reads as so "feminine" to people living within the binary, that if I were to come out to them, they wouldn't believe me or wouldn't get it at all. That said, I couldn't agree more with you, when you said that to you your hair sometimes feels very masculine, or feminine, or neither-- in all different ways! That's what I see when I look at my hair. In fact, sometimes when I'm alone with my own thoughts/perceptions it can feel so masculine to me that it relieves my body dysphoria! However, I am far too self-aware/self-conscious of the fact that the average person on the binary cannot understand that. And so I live in the closet. ): With my long healthy hair hahah <3
sleepyzebra11: I've become a lot more aware of the quiet ways that people express or just live with gender. Society's working away slowly at this too I think, and your story is really helpful and valuable in the process. I can def see the non binaryness of your hair; even as a short haired nonbinary person, I often wish I felt read as more than just a boyish looking girl, for example a water sprite, or just someone who doesn't want to feel anything around my neck or ears....
Galen Stephens: I quite like having long hair, but I haven't been able to find a way to bring about the "look" of being nonbinary and that kind of saddens me. I suppose that is mostly because of how sharp my jawline is. In any case, I much agree with what this person says.
Cindy Leonard: Non-binary with long hair here as well. I don't like how I look with short hair, period. And my feelings are - it's my hair, nobody else's business what I choose. For me, the joy of being non-binary is that I can look how I choose to look. I think your hair is beautiful, so if you like it long keep it that way! :)
Nature Lover: I love this video. I’m a non-binary person with longish hair and I’m so tired of my gender identity not being taken seriously because of it. Not all AFAB enbies have super short hair and your hair length does not determine your gender. Why is long hair always seen as feminine by society?
– pleo: I'm nonbinary (AFAB) and I'm letting my hair grow after a few years of cutting it really short. My hair texture looks exactly the same as yours and now it's in my shoulders length...well, it sucks to be perceived as feminine because of it, I miss being more androgynous/masculine, but I love my hair and I won't cut it!
Ariel-kun: I have a giant hair and I just accepted the fact that I'll never pass as anything other than female. I'll just have to be like "I'm non binary" and pray for people to take me seriously. And I won't mind they don't. (At least that's what I tell myself) Edit: Lol, I got a lob cut now. It was butt lenght before. Still don't pass tho. Not gonna happen.
Ash the Friendly Neko: There are plenty of guys with long hair who are hella masculine, and plenty of short haired gals who are no less feminine for it, yet we can't just let enbies take their pick and be happy with it. Come on, folks. Gender expression is not the same is gender identity. You don't have to present totally androgynous to be nonbinary. That's just asinine.
milkymoon: Thank you for this. I’ve been forced to have long hair by my family all my life, and it’s to my waist now. As someone who often leans towards a masculine feeling in my gender, I’ve hated my hair for so long, and have had trouble even taking care of it bc it always reminded me of my dysphoria. However, throughout this year, I’ve been developing a better relationship with my own hair, discovering how apart of my identity it is, and how it actually really helps comfort my dysphoria at times. I’m realizing that since hair naturally grows long for many people despite their identity, it is genderless in that aspect. Now my hair feels more wild and free from people’s expectations. When I live on my own I will finally cut my hair, but I now know that I’ll definitely let it grow long again someday, and that is okay.
Jade Prescott: I'm nonbinary and I'm growing back my hair. I've been verbally harassed by men since I decided to grow out my hair and it's really shitty af. I recently slowly trying to like my hair since my hair was prejudiced by my family since I was young and I also grew hating it too. I also have only very very few people who actually acknowledge me being nonbinary and it's really difficult to stand up and be ask to be acknowledged.
Savannah Stadt: Thank you so much for talking about this!! Because there’s barely any long hair non-binary representation, I thought I was totally alone. But this video makes me feel a lot more comfortable about it. Thank you :)
Alexzander Aguirre: just started growing mine out and its been hell! ive never let it grow since i was a preteen (im 27 now) and oh god it makes me feel violently feminine and ive been trying everything in my body not to cut it because i noticed how much control my hair had over me???????
Ch4pp33: Your story is so similar to mine. Thank you for sharing it. You are not alone. <3
JP T: Your hair is wonderful
Russian Kiwi: I have very long, straight, kind of caramel hair, and I have recently started questioning my identity, and have been trying to leave the world of femininity and to find a bit of a middle ground, and in my search I have discovered a striking lack of long-haired non binary individuals, which somewhat discourage me, as I realised that to be identified as non binary, I would probably have to cut my hair. Much like you, I am very much emotionally attached to my hair. It makes me feel comfortable, and styling it in the morning has become a common routine. So seeing someone non binary with long hair has given me confidence, and a will to fight for representation. Thank you for existing, and doing what you do
Ma Nithya Punitha Ananda: I have enjoyed having dreadlocks and that gives a feeling of both genders. And long dreadlocks also have a spiritual context as it is the hairstyle of hindu monks who worship the hindu god Shiva. Having long dreadlocks is a sweet experience as it has given me experience related to spirituality and gender. Something to consider. Thanks for sharing about your experience
DEC0MPOSIEX: Thank you so much, holy smokes. I think my hair looks very similar to yours- it’s curly, full, and pretty long- I have a lot of friends, non-binary and not, who have short hair, and sometimes I feel so insecure about my hair length cause almost every non-binary person I’ve met had short, or at least shoulder length, hair- and paired with my overtly feminine features, it feels so hard to feel like I’m valid by sort of choosing to present more feminine. I was always torn on cutting my hair- one, for spiritual reasons, and also that I just liked having long hair,, but I always felt, and sometimes still do feel, like the length of my hair keeps me from feeling totally OK with being non-binary and still wanting to wear makeup and dresses. This really helped me feel better :)
That Random Human Being: I can relate a lot to this.
Føggyleaf Exist: I'm non-binary but I'm trying to look a bit masculine. During this quarantine, I've been trying to get my arms more toned and have a thinner jawline. You don't need short hair for masculinity, there's other ways
Larry Larry: I had very long hair for most of my life. My standard length is to the hips. I never really dyed it. With 28 I shaved an undercut for the first time, so I can easier wear high ponytails. I forget that ppl gender me when I'm alone or with close friends (I guess because I was pretty isokated as a teen). So I'm always confused when ppl gosh about may hair and expect me to answer like a women to them. I appreciate your video! I gave up cutting my hair (which is good) but started thinking about it again when I figured I'm enby. It annoyed me that I had these thoughts again.
martha arrington: you deserve more clout and thank you for making these videos
Lost_Boy _From_Neverland: Since we're in quarantine, I couldn't have my haircut. I like having long hair as a non-binary person. But... There was this English lesson. We met our new teacher and friends. Since my name is unisex, the teacher asked me my gender. I literally said "I'm immortal". She just laughed. But tomorrow we'll have a zoom meeting. And she'll see me and probably think I'm a girl. I can't do anything about it
FriendofHafiz: Thank you for this video. Great information. It helped me greatly.
Basil🌻 : you are valid!!! and it's also actually dow to breaking a stereotype, i feel sadly most AFAB non-binary people only see the way to be is to have short hair, which makes long hair be invalid and invisible- nobody is strong enough to pull long hair while being non-binary, im an AMAB person and i got misgendered last time i had short hair so ive been scared for years but fuck this binary hair bs. im going to go short with a MALE BODY- its very hard but im doneee.
Linn Korova: Wow....it feels like if myself were talking on the video...the same troubles, and the same feelings.
Lilyyy Maeee: Your lipstick looks amazing on you
Lorelei Caday: i am nonbinary and have long curly hair and i feel the same ways...it is hard because i feel like my long curly hair is very important to me and my identity and being able to express myself but nobody will ever see me as anything other than a woman. i had short hair when i was 15-16 and looked MUCH more masculine. i have been struggling with my gender identity for years now and it feels like im not getting anywhere. i feel like to dress and express myself how i want (like having long hair and wearing makeup and wearing the clothes i like), i would have to do HRT to not automatically be seen as a woman by everyone but i can't tell if that is right. but in the last 5 years since i stopped identifying as a trans boy i have not been able to make peace and be comfortable with people thinking i am a woman either. sometimes i want to be seen as a very feminine man rather than a woman but i also feel attached to calling myself a nonbinary lesbian and i worry about not feeling comfortable calling myself a lesbian anymore the more i stray away from ~stereotypical womanhood~. even though i support nonbinary, transfem and transmasc lesbians in my community i have this weird feeling that i specifically wouldn't be allowed to be a lesbian anymore gender is too confusing sometimes i wonder if i will ever figure out what i want haha
Rica chowdhury: I'm also a non binary person with long hair and tired of hearing " cut your hair to look non binary"! Why!
rhea raj shinde: FINALLY SOMEONE I CAN RELATE TO
Zoe Hicks: Last night my ex (were both non binary) told me my long hair made me look like a poser and that they prefer AFAB NBs with short hair. I feel so invalidated right now, and I want to chop all my hair off even though I love it long. This made me feel a bit better ❤️
Nat Fyre: You're so right
-Lavender Love-: Im a non binary person with long hair and recently I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair way shorter but it’s not because I want to but because of the expectations :( so I don’t know if I should cut it
Kai: we don’t owe anyone androgyny :(
Jay_theconfusedgremlin: I'm non binary and we have the same type of hair!!! Why are the odds?? :)
Autumn Cosplays: So I’m non-binary and my dad doesn’t believe in that stuff so I have to have shoulder length hair and nothing shorter than that but when I go live with my mom in a few months she will let me diy and cut my hair how I please. Another thing that is hard for us NB are Swim suits☹️
Alex: In another life I might have been a pansexual male, but I'm a female and I've tolerated being one until recently exploring my gender identity. I don't think I have dysphoria but I've never particularly liked being a woman. I hate periods, having a vagina, feminine face, and the extra flesh on my arms and stomach. During puberty, I was super uncomfortable with my growing boobs, wearing bras, being called lady or woman, tight clingy clothes, but I grew to accept that I was a woman and I didn't give it much more thought other than dissatisfaction. I recall one day taking quizzes like "are you trans" and realized that didn't quite fit me and I was probably overreacting. Another time, I watched a video on this woman doing "drag makeup" to look like a man. It was the only one I could find that wasn't the typical feminine drag makeup and I loved it. I also never wanted to wear high heels, dresses and skirts felt wrong, and I was a tomboy as a kid. I used to be so mad about puberty changes that I said I would have surgery to get rid of my boobs and my uterus I don't fully identify with man or woman so I guess I'm under the nonbinary umbrella. Even though I've become more comfortable with my female body (thankfully I have small boobs and a boyish body), I idealize about what I could look like as a boy. Maybe I'll learn makeup to look more masculine bc I don't feel any desire to transition
kuhn: I look a 1000 times better with long hair cause short hair just does not suit my face, but I don’t want to look like a masculine women. I’m non binary and want to look androgynous, truly don’t know what to do
itzpykram: Bruh