*Requested* Life Lessons Ive Learned In My 40'S!!!!

Hey guys welcome to my channel this is your girl, charisma to all my new cake squad members welcome to the k squad. Let'S jump right into this video we're back we're doing something different today, so i asked my k squad. What did you want to hear from me outside of beauty and hair etc? Gave you guys some choices and it seemed like the consensus was for me to give you guys a couple of life lessons i have learned up into my 40s and within my 40s. So that's what we're going to talk about today, sis! So, as you know, and many of you don't know, i am 44 years old. My birthday is november, 14th, go scorpios, hey scorpios, and no i'm not, i would say seasoned, but i have been to a little bit of something in my life: okay, ma'am. So i'm going to give you guys some gems of mine, and hopefully it will help. You feel free to leave gems of yours down below, because i want to hear all of you guys, um. You know little, i guess tidbits or tips on what we can do as women to get through our lives as we travel through the 20s, 30s and 40s. So feel free to leave any gyms. You have for me and each other down in the comments below. So let's go ahead and get started, so i guess i'm 44 and i'm gon na go ahead and give you guys some of my life lessons. So the first one i have for you is to break generational curses, and that is a really important one as we grow up. You know within our families, especially the black family, there are generational curses and we carry them throughout generations and then we all end up in therapy. So i learned that i needed to break the generational curses. I am in therapy, i see my therapist well, i don't see her often as i should, but i do see a therapist i've been in therapy for two years and she's helped me navigate through that to regenerational curses. Generational curses are horrible, because not only do they affect you, they could affect your spouse, your children, outside friends, whichever i'm not going to go into specific generational curses, but just know that they can be broken and they often can start with you. You can break the curse. We do not want to carry those curses into other parts of our lives, so that is one big life lesson that i learned is that, yes, i can break a generational curse uh, just because my mother did it and her mother did it and her mother and Her mother doesn't mean i have to do it and i do not have to carry the burden of the curses or bring them down to my children as well. So i have learned that it is okay to break generational curses. Another thing i want to share with you guys is: we were talking about this a little bit with number one, but your mental health is so important, always put your mental health first once again, especially as black women. It is often overlooked in our community about mental health. When i was younger, i knew that i that something was wrong with me and i had anxiety and depression. I think at what 10 11 12 years old and was told by family members. Just you know, pray about it brush it off, go outside and play, and once again talking about generational curses, i with my children, i do not do that. I allow my children to uh talk to me about what they are going through, especially with their mental health. I have offered them the gifts of therapy if they do want to take it, and i have never shamed my children uh for feeling a certain type of way. Your mental health is definitely number one. I do have generalized anxiety disorder and i don't mean just oh i'm anxious. I don't want to speak in front of people, i mean i have it bad. I have panic attacks and things like that and i am medicated i'm on lexapro, which has saved my life. So, like i said, your mental health is number one. Ladies, protect your mental health. That means you have to sometimes grab your and go out the door and just leave whoever in the house just to get you some type of clarity. Do that it's okay, so mental health should always be your number one priority, or at least up there with your priorities, because if you are not functioning at a healthy level mentally, you cannot pretty much give any of your energy to anyone else. So i always champion mental health and i've been wanting to make a video so badly about my mental health experience and if you want to hear about that, leave it in the comments down below - and i definitely will make a video about that. But yes, mental health is so important, especially in the times that we are living in 2020 has been a ride. For me, it was absolute hell mentally physically and emotionally. So, yes, trust me therapy is a must. I champion therapy so much also, if you do need resources on therapists to see. If you want to see black therapists only also get at me in the comments or you can email me um. My email is in the description box below or you can just dm me on instagram my christmas world, and i will give you a list and a website to black therapist that you can see. So yes, ladies mental health, everyone wanted to share. Is that girl? You cannot change people. Let me tell you guys something in my 20s little boyfriends, i was dealing with brother man who almost said some girl. They were her a lot and i just swear to god. I could change them. You know, oh no, if he's with me, you know i can he can do this and i can flip this and that and this and the other, even with friends, family members per se. No, you cannot change people, especially adults. You can't just so stop trying to waste your time doing it all. You can only person you can change. Is you it's not up to you to change people? It is not up to you to get with immature men and then try to magically grow them up into the man you want them to be. I learned that early on in my 20s, going into my 30s that you know what it ain't happening, sis and i literally drove myself crazy trying to do this for other people. It'S it takes so much energy out of you. So no you cannot change people. People go be who they are it's up to you if you want them in your life, if they're giving you negative energy, all you got to do is say you know what this is not for me. I'M gon na have to bounce i'm gon na have to i'm gon na have to go elsewhere, but because you're not bringing the judge over here. Okay, so no, you cannot change. People stop trying to change people. The only person you can change is yourself another gym. I want to share is that it is super okay to take breaks. We talked about this a little earlier uh earlier this year. I just packed my stuff and went to atlanta. I drove there from houston. It was a 12-hour drive, it was beautiful. This is not the first time i've been in atlanta, but it was the first time i've been by myself and i enjoyed myself. I needed the break i needed to get away from this house, these kids, this husband, this cat uh. What was going on in the world to be honest with you, if i wasn't so afraid of flying anymore, i would have hightailed it to germany. My father's side is all german and i have a beautiful family in berlin and i literally should have just went to germany, but i went ahead and tell that it was the closest place i could go and it was so great for me, mentally physically and emotionally. Sometimes you just have to do that. It is okay to take breaks. I am a mother, i work. I do youtube, i you know, i'm a wife, i'm doing this, i'm doing that. Sometimes we're doing so much. We don't even think to breathe. Let alone say you know what i just need some me time. So it's okay to take breaks. You could take a medication at the moment next door. You don't have to leave out the state, but i encourage you. Ladies, do it do it? Do it do it and you do not feel guilty when you do? I had no issue telling my spouse, i'm leaving the end. You know i'm saying like i didn't want to have to explain myself to people i'm an adult and yeah. I have to get on now, so definitely it is okay to take breaks. It is okay to turn that phone off, it's okay, to turn off the tv, it's just okay to get away. So it's always great to take breathers, also, especially when you're doing youtube youtube is so stressful, because youtube is also mixing with like heavy social media content. Instagram twitter, tick, tock and it gets very stressful when you're seeing other people's numbers doing better than yours. Or you know, oh, why sh? Why am i not getting these likes and i've done this like work so hard? That used to really really bother me when i first started youtube. It doesn't as much anymore, but i still work just as hard as the next thing. Youtuber and that also wears on you mentally, i do have youtubers who watch me, so they understand what i'm talking about right. Now, you put in such hard work, so yeah that stresses me out. You know, like i just get stressed, i'm a human i've gone through horrible physical things um since i turned 43 going into 44 and i just needed a goddamn break, so it is okay to take breaks from going coming out of my 30s into my 40s. Is that your circle of friends get smaller? My mom likes to tell me this. I never believed her, but this is true. I only have a really small circle of friends. Most of them are still back home in los angeles. I have a couple of associates here in houston, but i do not consider them super close friends. These are people that you know i'll go and have a little kiki with you in the brunch and that's it. You know these are not people that i share intimate deep secrets with. I do have a best friend that i've known for 25 years back home in cali, who i see often but other than that i don't really have any more outside friends um. To be honest with you, i have great great friends that i've known for years on twitter that i pretty much probably would trust over people. I know in my own life, like that's real t, but that's not here neither here nor there, but your circle of friends gets smaller as you mature and get older and see what you want out of a friend. If you know what i mean, you know us. Ladies, we could be a little catty, i mean we see that on real housewives, and these are 50 year old women. You know so. Yes, your circle of friends does get smaller and that's okay, it's okay to let a friend go! You can still be friends but baby. I could be your friend friend with this, because i don't see you every day in my face. You know so yeah your circle of friends definitely gets smaller as you get older and mature. One thing that i learned - and this was in my 40s - is that hitting 40 is awesome. I gave myself a birthday photo shoot. It was great and i also learned just to say bleep it and when i say leaping i mean bleep it. I don't even know about nothing. I like, i just feel like i've lived enough to know what i want. What i need, what i don't want, what this this is, and i just learned to say, beep it you know um i used to have a. I was really insecure when i was younger, especially in high school, by my side being so tiny, i'm naturally sin and that's the reason why i didn't want to do youtube, even though people were pumping me up to do it. I'M just like who wants to see a 38 year old, bony, butt tooth black woman telling them how to do makeup and hair and this nest. But, as i grew comp more confident in myself, it just kind of came organically and i just say: bleep it yep. I'M 98 pounds baby. I ain't never been over 98 pounds, except when i was pregnant and it's okay. You know like it's. Okay, sometimes i still feel a little if it's like, if i wear shirts like this, like, i have a little tank on today. Looking at myself on camera, i can either say i'm beautiful or you know. Why do i look like that like? Why do i look? I stopped that and just learned how to say believe it i'm 44. I don't think i i think i cleaned up pretty good for 44, so i think i'm okay, so so yeah once you're approached in 40s. You really just don't give a dang, no more. It'S just like wrong will live like do me. So that's another thing. I learned my priorities is just to say, blue, and i don't want to make this video super long, because i have a lot of things that i have learned in my 40s but um. Another thing that i'm going to say is that uh, let's see, i got a different perspective on life. When my parents passed away my dad passed away when i was 17 and my mom passed, i was 28. that losing a parent really opens your eyes up to just life in general and how fast life is, how short it is, and just for us to cherish Life, so my last life lesson um, leading up into my 40s, would be to love yourself, which is hard for some people, like i said, therapy has helped me through that, so so much and also um, my job that i do that i don't speak of on Camera, but most you guys want to do anyway, i'm in music, um the job and then doing youtube has helped me so much as far as loving myself, um being inspired, because i'm a creative you guys inspire me to keep going. I still freak out, even when i get beautiful comments from the k squad telling me thank you or this or that sometimes i just say i'm like. I can't even believe they're saying this to me whether i would have 4 500 subs or 40 000 subs. I'D still feel the same way, so i definitely would say: love yourself and whatever job or whatever you know, whatever you're in school job, whatever just make sure it's something you want to do and that you're passionate about doing, because when you love yourself and you love What you're doing it exudes so that would be my last life lesson just continue to continue to love yourself because baby girl, if you don't love yourself, who else gon na love, you girl, we're not seeking us we're not seeking love from outsiders. Okay, we seeking love from within and yeah. You know having spouses is cool, they love you, okay, that's nice, but guess what they're? Not you. So it's always good to start loving yourself. First, once you love yourself. First, everything else will fall in place so, like i said i would have gone on and on and on about the gyms that i have learned leading up into my 40s, but maybe i'll do another one leading up into my 50s, because obviously i'm not done with My 40s yet but p.s you do learn that stuff starts hurting you in different places. When you hit your 40s as well, you guys already know i'm going to do pre-menopause my finger hurt, because i think i got arthritis in it. You know your bones. You should be hurting so yeah that that's not the fun part about the 40s, but you do learn that too. It'S like, oh man, my rib hurts yeah, but basically love yourselves. You guys always always love yourself and exude light and that's what you will attract. So i hope you guys enjoyed this. This is really fun. I'M glad that gladys encouraged me to just start doing more commentary videos, because i'm going to keep doing these and once again leave comments down below and let me know what else you guys want to see. Someone told me they wanted to see one of my ratchet story times, and i think i might do that one next, because i have a lot of ratchet story time. So uh one more thing: if you do sometimes catch me on live, my personality is a little more vibrant on live i'm a little bit more personable online than i am on youtube, but i mean the personality is pretty much the same. The only thing that's missing on youtube is cursing uh yeah, but yeah. If you guys want to see anything else, leave in the comments below and like i said, let us know what your gyms are too and you could be in your 20s and give me some jams: 30s. 40S. 50S. It doesn't matter. We all have a tiny bit of life experience that we could share with each other. That could probably help each other. So you guys already know the drill you guys if you enjoyed this content, go ahead and click that thumbs up button hit. That sub button. My face is popping around the screen somewhere, don't forget to follow me on instagram, tic, tac uh, snapchat and twitter, and until next time guys i'll see y'all, stay beautiful and bless bye.