Does Your Man Like Your Natural Hair And Do You Care?

Well, does he? And yes, do you ACTUALLY CARE? I find this topic or problem perplexing on so many levels. I mean…why are we even having this discussion in the first place?

OK, I get it. Your man, husband, boyfriend, significant other is important to you so what they think about you matters. So this two part question is a real-life dilemma for some women who are considering going natural, already going natural or who have been natural for a while.

Does your man like your natural hair?

I know this is kind of a loaded question since there could be a deeper meaning behind it like, who’s asking and what’s their ulterior motive? Are they hating on your hair or do they know your man and knows what he likes?

Well, scratch all that. It’s me asking and I’m just inquiring because apparently this can become an obstacle for some women when deciding to go natural. Let me start with a story I want to share.

A co-worker of mine wanted needed to go natural because her hair was breaking off badly. Her real problem was heat along with relaxing. She used a curling iron* or a flat iron* regularly but her hair was paying the price.

She decided to stop straightening her hair and allow it to curl naturally. It was beautiful, or at least I thought it was. She wore a curly fro like she did back in the day (she was older than me and actually had a fro back in the 70’s). Yet, she was self-conscious on how she looked despite what me and others in the office were saying. We all loved her hair.

Her hair was thriving, the breakage and thinning hair problem was disappearing. Happy ending, right? WRONG. After about a couple of months she was back to flat-ironing and using the curling iron*. Her husband didn’t like her curly fro and preferred straight styles.

She had tried to appease him by wearing straight wigs* but changed her mind and went back to what she knew he loved. I was shocked. Shocked at him and shocked at her but I kept my mouth shut. It wasn’t my place nor my relationship.

My opinion

I’m sorry but I’m not going bald for ANYBODY. My thinning hair was one of the reasons I went natural and the thought of going bald outside of an illness is sheer madness to me. I’m sure she told him her hair was breaking off or at least I hope she did. When does preference become abusive? I think it does when your preference harms me in some way.

Even if going natural is not necessary and just a choice, must a woman consult with her significant other to determine if this is for her? I mean it’s hair! Her hair to be exact and although I want to be attractive to my husband there needs to be a line drawn.

I’m lucky in that my husband doesn’t really care how I wear my hair. I’ve had every style under the sun and fortunately that he loves my natural hair.

It may be easier for me to feel this way but let me tell you that I’ve been deciding for all of my adult life how to style my hair and never asked a past boyfriend what he thought.

When I went natural I never even said a word to my husband. I just DID IT. My sister on the other hand dated a guy who loved weave* and told her this as she was transitioning to natural hair. Needless to say he’s an Ex-boyfriend and she’s married to a man who loves her natural hair.

Do you care if he likes your natural hair?

Do you care what he thinks? I do care what my husband thinks and likes but not enough to go back to relaxing my hair. I care about what he likes and thinks but not enough to damage my hair. Here’s another story.

I just came across a woman in a Facebook group discussing how her boyfriend of one year doesn’t want her to cut her hair (ever) and said it is up to both of them to stay attractive to each other.

He wants to propose this year but she’s not feeling his stance on what she can and cannot do with her hair. I say rightfully so because as one commenter mentioned,  if she became sick and lost her hair then would it become a  deal-breaker?

The bottom-line is we have to love ourselves and that means even if others do not. We have to like ourselves as well and if you feel natural hair is for you but your significant other does not then who are you going to pacify?

Caring up to a certain point is my position in the matter. I mean…I love ya, but I love me more and if my hair style is the most important feature on me to you then we’ve got a problematic relationship. It’s a shallow relationship and if you are in a casual relationship then say ‘bye’ but what about the relationship that has time, and kids, and mortgages and love involved?

As I said before…I’m perplexed. My hair shouldn’t be that important in my husband’s eyes for it to become a problem so I cannot see how to fix that situation. I care but I don’t care and that’s the way I believe other women should feel too.

Care enough to explain why you are going natural but don’t care enough to stop going natural if that’s what you really want. You have to live with him but you also have to live with your hair and yourself so you need to ask him why he cares so much.

Maybe some of us are too afraid to know the answer but in the grand scheme of things you need to find out whether your hair is more important to him than you are.

What say you?