What Your Man Can Learn From Your Natural Hair Journey

We discuss pretty often how much we learn on our natural hair journeys. How this movement is progressing and growing and thriving and we understand the significance it has on black women or women of color as a whole.

Whether you are natural or not, you have to acknowledge the grand importance of our natural beauty being on trial, and how that makes us look inward to find our own beauty. There is a self-awareness of what you personally find beautiful that is on trial. Why is what you find beautiful…beautiful? Has it been shaped by society or your upbringing or even your insecurities?

With all of this we are struggling or overcoming, we seem to be forgetting one important aspect of our hair, beauty and acceptance. What about our man? Now, I know we discuss our men or significant others when it comes to our hair quite often but it’s more about how they like (or dislike) our natural tresses.

We try and make them understand our desire for this change and in many ways we demonize them for not coming to our aid and accepting our hair or even just supporting us. It’s our hair and I get that but maybe approaching this dilemma in another way may make it a more pleasant journey for the two of you.

We are learning everyday how to care for our tresses. How to cleanse, condition, retain moisture, keep strong and healthy and as we want only a healthy relationship with our hair we must also want a healthy relationship with our mate. That relationship needs nurturing too. if you want it to thrive and grow stronger everyday because just like our hair it can wither away into a damaged mess that grow stunted. Once that happens, all you can do is cut it off because there is no salvageable parts left to save.

Inclusion

Including your man into your journey is not only wise but sets up a positive journey for the two of you. Yes, it’s his journey as well. He’s watching, learning, accepting and growing just like your tresses and just like you. It takes more than just letting him see you in your satin bonnet* or knowing you will run out of hot water after you shower to get the true meaning of what this is and how this affects you as a woman.

He may not, at first, show much interest but asking him what he likes, which hairstyle he finds prettier or doing your hair around him is including him even if he’s not even truly aware. He’s learning about your routine, your products, methods and new ways of taking care of your hair.

Understanding black beauty

Our beauty is complicated. It’s real, it’s awesome but in a world where European standards of beauty still reign supreme; shattering that false notion of a singular loveliness means your self-love and self-worth has to be enforced on all fronts.

You can’t claim to love yourself if you can’t recognize your self with a pound of makeup, three pounds of hair, fake eyes, fake nose, fake nails and a fake spirit.

Our beauty is real and as he sees it, feels, it and drinks it in he will begin to learn and understand what makes you more than just a skinny waist, a big ole booty and a weave* down to your butt. He will see the woman who makes him smile, makes him love and makes him want you.

Forgiving himself

He may have loved your weave* or your hair in a straight style but as you come out of your shell and become the natural woman you are meant to be you may need to forgive yourself for not loving the true you.

He needs to do the same because if he loves you and he sees how skewed his perception of beauty is or was it may take a while for him to realize he’s been bamboozled like the rest of us. Hey, if you hate it took you this long to love your natural hair how do you think he will feel when he realizes he’s been loving false ideals of beauty?

This institutionalized racism that many claim does not exist has been fed into our psyches for decades. Swallowing someone eles’s notion of acceptable pride is not easy to shake.

Unfortunately, when you do see the error of your ways, the shame that follows can be damning. Don’t allow it to define you. Release it and move on with a newer and healthier perception of who you are and who he is.

You don’t have to harp on what you may have thought or liked in the past. It’s not who you are today so forgive your past and forgive his. You are both wiser and more in tune to your reality now.

Loving the natural you

He can and will love the natural you if he’s a real man, I’m sorry, but it’s true. A real man loves you for you and not just the physical you. He can get over your choice to become natural if he is not a fan and he will become a stronger person for doing so just like you will.

Don’t take on a shame for wanting to go natural if others do not see your choice as a good one and don’t allow his shame to define who you are. Real love is more than hair…it’s a living, breathing realness that needs to be nurtured.