3 Ways We Can Avoid Negativity And Become A Sisterhood Of Healthy Hair

This has got to stop! I mean what’s all the fuss about?

She was natural, but decided to relax – side eye. She has a curly perm, but wanna come to the natural hair meetup – attitude. All she wears are weaves*; she can’t tell me anything about my natural hair – rolling eyes. You cut all your hair off, that’s dumb – negative opinion.

Uggh enough already, it’s just hair!!!

When I became a naturalista back in 2012, I was proud of my decision. Not because others were doing it, and not because it seemed like the “right” thing to do. I decided to go natural because my hair was really damaged by the relaxer, and I needed something different in order to get my hair back to healthy. Honestly, I did not know I was going natural until I saw my roots and got excited, so I went with it.

At the same time, I was in it by myself; I did not know what to do with my hair, but I did not become discouraged. I tried hair salons, but they did not know what to do with my hair. So I checked out books at many libraries, printed articles from online, posted “styling” pictures on my wall, and read product reviews. I took my hair into my own hands like many naturals before and after me.

Then I discovered hair tutorials on YouTube, and saw many blogs of naturals who had similar hair as mine. I learned about my hair daily, more than when I was on my journey alone, and I am grateful to all the YouTubers and the bloggers who put themselves out there like that.

Now that it seems to be a bit more popular, things between us girls have become less than favorable with some kind of weird animosity – natural women vs relaxed women vs women who wear weave*. Why all the hostility between us? When it all comes down to it, it’s just hair.

We should lift each other up, no matter what journey we are on. Women would go HAM on you if you do not make the same decisions as they do, or demean you in the comments sections on social media if they don’t agree with you. Can’t we all just get along? Here are 3 ways we can avoid all the negativity, and get back to a sisterhood of just plain healthy hair:

1. Learn to appreciate what is different about each of us

From my personal perspective, I was walking with my son in the park one day, and saw a woman with beautiful hair. I mean her hair was bra strap length, and just gorgeous. As we were walking towards each other, I told her, “Your hair is very beautiful.” And that’s when we had started a conversation.

Her hair was relaxed, and she’s been relaxed for years. I told her that I’ve been natural for about 2 years now. There was no disdain, no arguments, and no negativity. We just talked about hair in general, our journeys, and we were very polite about it. Then we went about our way. I felt pretty good just knowing her story, and I am sure she felt great hearing mine.

It doesn’t matter who the woman is, if you have a story to tell, tell the story and be open to hearing hers. You would be surprised how much you have in common, even though your journey is seemingly different.

2. If you do not have anything nice to say then do not say or type anything at all

“Hey, what do you use? Your hair is very beautiful!”  Let’s take it back to those days where we could compliment our sisters just because they looked good or their hair was the bomb.

We are a sisterhood looking to grow healthy hair. Whether you are looking for length or styling options, we should be uplifting each other in the hair community. The point is, try to avoid being negative at all costs, even when behind a computer screen. It is just as easy to type something uplifting, as it is to tear someone apart.

3. Give help to anyone who needs it

I have family members asking me all the time about what they should do for their their relaxed hair, and of course I help them. My first reaction is not, “You should go natural first, then we can get started,” but I literally help them.

I give tips on shampoos, deep conditioning*, moisturizers, styling options, etc. And I feel good helping them. I have friends who weave* it up, and are proud of it. I don’t growl and roar at them for hiding their hair under a weave*. Heck,  they look fabulous, and spent a pretty penny on that hair – all I can say is something positive.

Just by being about 2 years in my own hair journey, I have done so much and gained so much knowledge. I feel I have to share it with others who need it, even if they are not natural.

We need to get back to loving each other as individuals, and just uplift one another when we are in need. There is so much enriching knowledge in our community that we are missing out on because we have useless arguments and competitions.

The next time you see another sister with a gorgeous style, compliment her. When another sister asks you a question about your hair and her hair journey is different to yours, help her succeed with her goals. We are a sisterhood of growing and keeping our hair healthy. In other words, deep down we are all the same.