Can A Big Chop Ruin Your Relationship?

My best friend and I were walking to the mall, and I really wanted to compliment her on her new look. “Girl, I love your TWA! It’s looks so good on you and I love how it brings out the beauty and features in your face,” I gushed.

She replied, “Oh yes hunny! I had to let that relaxer go. I feel so liberated and ready for this new chapter in my hair journey.”

I asked her, “Girl, I know your boo loves it, right?”

Her excited shrills immediately changed to a somber whisper, “Tina…he dumped me…I guess he only wanted me for my waist length hair.” I was completely shocked and speechless. But I wanted to support and encourage her in any way I could. So I gave her a loving and caring hug, and let her know that she is beautiful no matter what! But that had me thinking for the rest of the day, ‘Can a woman’s decision to Big Chop really affect her love relationship?’

What is The Big Chop?

We all know what the big chop is: it marks stage one of your hair journey, where you make an attempt to rid your hair of the relaxer by cutting it, and allowing your natural hair to grow out to great lengths. Big chops can also happen if you already have natural hair, and you just feel like starting over for something fresh and different.

Not everyone thinks big chops are cool though; some might go as far as to think your man did you wrong, and you chopped your hair off to let go of the past. Others might think that you are having a mid-life crisis, and your long hair was holding you back, so you finally let go.

Then there are those who think you are completely sick and crazy, and that you have completely lost your mind. But hey! Not everyone is going to love all of your decisions; there will be unwanted opinions, rude comments, and blank stares – but who cares, right?

The truth is, it’s easy not to care about the comments of those people we do not have to see everyday especially when those cruel comments and harsh statements come from the one who should support and encourage you always, like your man.

After all, we enter into our love relationships with relaxed, texlaxed, or maybe even extensions* and weaves*. Our guys may not have had not had the chance to see us with our natural hair.

We flirt, we date, and we marry, all the while not once mentioning anything about transitioning or having natural hair underneath our weaves*. Then you come across a new found love for natural hair, and make the decision to Big Chop.

Your man gives you the eyebrow raise, and lets you know that a woman having short hair comes off as you being abrasive, masculine, and arrogant.

He may even say your personality has changed from being sweet, coy, and feminine to having a daily attitude, being too bold, and thinking that you can be your own man. To be honest, there is no fool proof way to deal with this problem.

Everyone is different, so tips tend to be pretty general when it comes to this topic. If you want to help your man to transition with you, and for both of you to enjoy your hair journey, then we have a few general suggestions:

1. Remember that the transition to the Big Chop is an experience for the both of you. You and your man make decisions together about major needs and wants in life – so why not on your hair? He is going to be with you every step of your hair journey, and remembering that will help you to be more patient with him.

2. Let him know of your goals and what plans you have for your hair. If your man is against, or not sure about the Big Chop, explain to him why it is so important to you, and why you are passionate about it. At the same time, listen to his feelings about the Big Chop. Is it the styling? Is the hair too ‘nappy’?

Is he afraid about your personality changing? Once you have a clear understanding of his emotions and feelings, cater to those aspects to comfort him in that particular insecurity.

3. Show confidence and don’t back down. If you are not sure about your decision to Big Chop for yourself, your boo won’t take you seriously in the matter. Be strong in your decision, and help him to embrace your intent on natural beauty.

What did your man say to you after your Big Chop?

4. Short hair shouldn’t matter to someone that loves you. We aren’t saying that the transition is easy and the Big Chop isn’t a walk in the park either, but the moral to this whole story is if you are in a long term committed relationship with a man who loves the real you, the Big Chop won’t matter in the long term.

He might kick and scream for the moment, but after awhile, he will start to see you again – and that’s the truth!