5 Red Flags I Ignored In My Abusive Relationship | Don’T Be Like Me | Ft Celie Hair

I was always reassuring this person all ways he's like my name became assurance blessing in that about you fly just break god like if you let me live this situation alive. I promise you. I will not get myself involved with any rubbish man anymore yeah. You probably gon na die, you should. Let me leave that i will swear off man like what drunk do you think this is at that point it was important for me to make a promise. I know i can fulfill i like mom, so i couldn't say: oh, if you probably would leave money, no, no god knows a lie and not delivered. I just wan na blow up in the limelight think about what my life would then be like go to l.a. I'M back on the one night trying to catch a flight, i'm just working for that dead life. Hey y'all! Welcome back to my channel! If this is your first time seeing this face hi, i am tiso well, every time subscriber hi girl welcome back to our channel. Coming have a seat, today's video i'm going to be highlighting and speaking on certain red flags that indicate that your man or your partner might hit you one day, might put your hands on you one day. So that's what i'm going to be talking about today and i'm also going to use my experience from my previously abusive relationship as an example. This video is sponsored by celia hair, sent me this 26 inches. I think it's trying to see something the details will be in the description box straight sweep um inside the good bag goody bag. We have a hair bag, a hair bonnet, which i was so excited to get because i've been wanting to make stuff of hair bunny. But i haven't gotten a heart to making it hair clips, always appreciated. Yes, what's wrong with me and a brush for your edges, this book carried everything on every a rattle comb um this thing lashes as opposed to another one. Thank you another one. Thank you. Then. This is their card silly, yes, their color is so cute purple and gold. This is like the hair. I love this hair like i actually do love this hair, how long it is and the hairline is chef's case, although i wanted to pluck it, but you can actually lay like this. Yes, just a little background, my last relationship was abusive, physically abusive. I was in a relationship where um you know i was being hit. I was beaten choked out my head slammed against the wall. Many times then locked in the bathroom for in the toilet for a day without food, nothing. So it was really horrible situation which i'm not going to that's. That'S just all i'm going to talk about i'm just going to be highlighting the red flags. I saw in that relationship that i chose to ignore for some reason and i ended up being right. This is first, if i'm going to give you that i noticed or that i i should have taken note of, but i did not when i first meet you, they start immediately doing things for you. You might be doing things for you buying new things. You know they are focused on getting you and not getting to know you. I know like every guy can do that right, so the guy must not essentially be abusive. Yeah is what i think is different when a person is genuinely interested in, you wants to have a genuine relationship with you, they will focus on getting to know you. They will not focus on the getting to have you passed doing all your possible ways. Just for you to be there girl, they are bombarding you with this one, but you doing everything, for they are not doing things unique to your situation and they're just doing general things like by what they think women need when women complain - or you know self say Things about well how they want a guy to treat them. Some men pay attention. Part of the men that pay attention are dementor genuinely wants to do better, and then you have the other set of people that are using it as a tool. Picking up those lessons, those things and using it as a tool or we want to manipulate women and get them so that was the first thing i noticed he just came in and just crowded my life. I'Ve already done a story time sort of about not about the situation but on the person if you watch like, if you go to my just saying my story time about how she came to me as a woman, i think that's kind of that story time. The guy, the idiot, you know the idiot so you're the real fool. They are the real idiot. So you are the real fool: they are the real idiots, the idiot that made the girl come to me as a woman. Is this particular person i'm telling this story about, because i went on to pursue like to have like a three-year relationship with this person? I can't remember in that story time. I called him, god forbid, i'm still going to maintain his name, because i said what i said. I said what i said. Your name is, god forbid, he wanted to make me sit back and you just do everything for me and at first you'll be like. Oh, my god, this guy, this person really loves me. This person is obsessed with me. This person wants to, you know, make me live a life of leisure, but here's the difference between a controlling person or somebody that is genuinely doing it because they love you. A controlling person who don't want you to do anything well everything that thing has um help you develop help in your character. Development will help you in life. A controlling person will do it for you and someone that loves. You will do it with you, but at that time you'll be seeing it as love. Oh, my god. This guy wants me to sit down, relax and be taken care of, and they are doing this not because they genuinely want to take care of you. They want to disarm you, they want to destroy every wall of defense that you have put up and they want you to lose yourself in them and just be completely vulnerable so that when they attack the second thing, i noticed he did that you also notice, if You come across somebody like that is that slowly, but surely you start isolating you from the people that love you from your friend. I know you'll be like it's not possible. Remember at first this person came and took over did everything nobody, almost nobody has done for you, i'm telling you this person was treating me like i'm his daughter or something well, just so crazy. I don't know how to explain it. For example, there was this time i got into a fight in school in uni and they were about to suspend me from the hostel like experiment from the hostel, and i didn't want that. So his mother worked in our school. What he did was to tell his mother to call a hostile manager and talk to a hospital manager like um, and i said i'm her daughter and this one and that one sometimes when i get in trouble in school or when something is happening. Maybe i do something bad, maybe it's mostly fighting because i was a hot head in uni. It'S mostly fighting and they'll, be like. Oh i'm going to give me your parents number. Your father's number need to talk to your father. I know that if they should talk to my father i'll get in trouble, i thought he might start crying and complaining. Oh, this is what happened. He would immediately say. Oh give him my number. Let me talk to them at some point. Whenever they say, oh bring. Your father i'll bring your brother, or do this do that. I was always giving them he's, not bad, because i know nobody's going to he's not going to shout at me i'm using to find a way to get me out of that situation. So you see this person that is in your life and is taking over. Everything is basically doing everything every single thing for you. So when the person starts complaining, they will start slowly by complaining about your friends about your family about sometimes you say how you spend a lot of time, a lot of time with your friends how you spend a lot of time, you desperate how you don't spend That much that much time with um. I remember when i'll go visit him and then come back, go back to school and i'll forget to call him to tell him, though. Oh i've got him to school. I'Ll just go straight to my friend's room and we are just sitting laughing and i said you called me: i'm like are you? Are you back in school? I'M like oh yeah, i just go back and meet daddy, he would get really upset and he will start you complaining how? Oh i don't. I don't care about him. I only care about my friends this one down there. You know why people start saying little little things about this particular group of people to you and you to get your pointers is either me or that that, just because it's complaining about your friends and your friends know that he's complaining about it's not stopping becoming, like A rift your friends are complaining about him. He'S complaining about your friends. They will go as far as strategically when they're in the same environment with your friends, they will start acting in a hostile way. They are not scary, aggressive they'll start acting in a way that will make your friends feel uncomfortable and that's where your friends will get upset and you you'll be in the middle. You not, you know, defend your friends and then after having that issue with your friends like, why did you let your mom talk to me this way, are you thinking? Oh, maybe he was just upset that they know he did it on purpose to cross that ribs between you and your friends, foreign start talking to your friends about your mom. What you did you they would not care to know because they know this person is an [ __ ] and they are telling you about it and what they keep telling you, but this person is doing a lot of things for you. Do you think this person loves you and he's pumped for you? This person is just loving you in the way that you think you want or you need it to be loved. You are not going to see it right away. You'Re going to see that your friends are haters before you're going to slowly but surely start to pull away from your friends in my special when you are sure that my friends are no longer like friends, friends with my friends, he started um focusing on my family. You know there are certain things you go through in school that you don't tell your your family just for obvious reasons, because you don't want them to know this, that type of human being. No, no, no know i never knew you were like this. I never knew you ain't hollow. I never knew you were a harlot certain things you go to in school. That tells you to tell your family, you tell your friends or in this case your boo, so that i remember when this thing happened to you remember. I was the one: why is it that? Why are you listening to this person? No leave them, i'm not treated like this come. I am yourself. He will make himself your self space and he's doing this thing strategically. So whenever you notice that your man has started complaining about your friend and your friends are not necessarily doing 19 vandals, just constant complaints start taking notice. Ask him why: why do you have an issue with my friend, because a man that loves you or somebody that loves you, a partner that loves you, want you to have a healthy support group outside your relationship? We want you to have your own set of friends. You have wanted to want you to have your independence, people that you can rely on and talk to, whether they are your family or your friends. Is that sometimes, even whenever i'm having like issue with any of my friends - and i mistakenly tell you it's up to him to you, know dissect the issue and say: oh cdc, you see this you, i think you may be wrong this one. I think this is where she's coming from no starts. You know criticizing my friend and telling me that i'm right, i'm hundred percent, try transfers is 100 wrong. That is why i thought you need these girls alone leave these girls alone. Somebody that clearly cares about. You would want you to iron it out to your friends, just look at how they react around your friends. Actually, when you bring them around your friend, i ever brought him around my family. Just this once went to my brother's wedding, but i never made him meet. My mom, i never made him because i'm just of the opinion on that, if you are, if you're not serious in getting married to me, i'm not going to make you meet my mom like. Why are you meeting my mom she's? Not the president like go away before he even starts isolating you from your loved one. You find yourself that you are constantly trying to reassure them, that you're in it for real life and show your commitment trying to prove yourself to them just because of the way they always complain. The way is if they are insecure, which they are not. They are just using it as a tactic, in my case i was out of his league in my case, but i didn't care because i genuinely liked this person because it was funny - that's why i shouldn't fall in love for funny. If he's funny laugh, you got pregnant for funny. If he's funny just laugh, you got pregnant for funny dina. If he's funny laugh. I was always reassuring this person. All ways he's like my name became flesh assurance. Blessed are sean at some point. I got tired. I got fed up. I was like stop people stop it. I they started by love bombing just taking over coming into my life and taking over like doing everything like don't worry, i'm about to take over eh eh. Hey, don't worry i'm about to take over. I i lost my broke down every wall. Remember those walls are mute, god forbid has knocked it down. At this point he knocked down all my walls. I just became really vulnerable with him because i felt safe. He made himself my safe space, then from there he started making me reassure him all the time i see his insecure start making himself this victim, like he puts himself in this state that i was pitching him. I was speaking him like. Oh, i will never leave you. You make me happy come on joke that i would be like. Oh this person asked me after this person. You just talked to me and your daughter, i told him, although i have a boyfriend he'd be like so that means i'm the one stopping you from talking to me. That means, if i didn't, if you if i was not in your life, that they tell you i'm so if he was fine, he was not a rubbish guy. You got ta talk to him. That kind of thing i'm like, oh, my god, what [ __ ] after he has broken down your walls, you're reactionary, then when he starts complaining about your family and loved ones, you feel, like he's already thinking that i'm going to leave him he's already thinking. I don't love him enough, he's already thinking. I don't care about him. Let me do this. Let me cut off my friends. Let me like take a step back from my friendship. I'M sticking take a step back from his person. If he's going to make him happy because he's already feeling that i'm not in committed relationship, you start doing things that you're not supposed to do just to assure him that you are 100 committed in this relationship. After he's done isolating from a friend from your family and friends, what next he will start attacking your finances enemies of livelihood that you have that will make you be independent at any point that will make you have independence of any form he will seek to cut It off, i know he'll be like. Am i not telling me to stop working out? How i agree, that's not how it worked in my case, this is how it happened. Every time i enter my, i want to go for a job and maybe the job isn't. Then you go, i mean when i get a job he's usually like. Oh, don't go yeah. I want to stay with you now 7 minutes to stay with him. Just know that i've already promised those people and they've already already paid deposits and they think for sure. I'M going to call whenever they've not paid deposit, i've not really promised, he doesn't say it until. He makes sure that promise. That'S if he would say. Okay, we stay i'll, give you the money they're supposed to pay. You then i'll stay back and i have to call and disappoint my clients and tell them i'm not coming because, like i mean you follow when you refuse, sometimes when i refuse i'm like no, i cannot do this. I insist on going who have a fight for like one month. You don't want to talk to me saying that i don't know i monday. What'S what am i doing? How much am i getting from makeup that he's not giving me that i have to leave him? I have to leave him hanging just to go for makeup that i love money. All these things he's making me disappoint my clients, so that my clients who stop booking me, stop trusting me and my clientele just destroyed, and that was what happened. People that used to be constant, used to constantly come to me for makeup, stops coming to me for makeup, and it was just really horrible. That was a and at some point i wasn't really getting jobs as frequently as i used to i. I was not getting your baby once in the morning or even once in two months and i'll be crying to him and he'd. Be like. Oh, don't worry, don't worry, you get jobs and you think, oh this person, if my time will be telling you to still go wrong. Give you money, don't give me the money. You'Ll be like. Oh, this guy loves you guys. You really need to give me money. So i can just relax. Is that how much you want to spend time with me? Please pay attention, don't be like me, big and can hug me breathe, don't be like me, big and can't hardly breathe. Please pay attention to that. Is it love because somebody that genuinely loves you would want you to have your own thing? Who wants you to stand on your oh, want you to want to seek your own self development every once in a while when you say, oh, i don't think i have the strength to go back to make me like. Oh, if you need to rest rest, don't worry, don't worry about the money i'll, give you the money. That is love. Somebody who loves you would you be interested in your personal growth will be interested in the growth of your business would be interested in fueling. Your passion, you will push your finances to the point where you no longer have have any means of income. You now have to start depending on him almost for 100 to go by because remember, you've cut off your friends. You'Ve cut off your family. Your your friends are obsessed with your family to an extent you're not talking to them, and the only person you have is him, then the next thing you will do. You will start attacking yourself as team that this is almost like one of the final things. You start attacking your self-esteem, telling you things that make you feel insecure in my situation, start saying things like i am not self-sufficient, i'm not capable of you know holding my own how he has to do everything for me and so far how he made himself indisposable To me how he made me used to all these things and then turn around to say, i cannot do anything for my on my own and he has to do all these things. For me, it's like making me think: i'm not capable of doing things of my own. He would do it and then attack me for for him doing it, but i never asked you to do it. I was able to do it eventually, so making me think. I'M lazy, i'm incapable of holding down my own. I am dependent on him he's not even in such a way for me to want to change in a way for me to acknowledge that i am useless and i need him he's not all you need to do better. I need you from now on. This is what, from now on, i will be doing this for you. You have to be first also, like you learn how to do. If you genuinely think i cannot do it by myself, but that's not what it is. He was saying for me to believe it because if he says enough time i'll start believing it and that's how i'll be doing another thing, god forbid did to me that affected my self-esteem and just really messed me up psychologically or he thought he didn't, though he Thought he did at the time was. He said these things he made me feel as if i had bad luck and i'm even lucky that no matter how much um my bad luck has affected me, she chose to stay with me. No other man would be with me just with my bad luck like any bad thing that happens to him. He will tell me, is my fault. He will find a way to blame tommy and say this type of thing was not didn't happen to him before or he met me would be like before he met me. He was reached. He had a lot of money then, when he met me, he noticed that some of his business deals stopped coming through. So he said he was making me feel as if i should be lucky that, even with my bad luck, the battle of following me that he he's still in my life, i'm telling you when we prepare to go out if his car stops working. You blame it on me at that time. It was so easy for me to believe it, because a lot of things were also not going right in my life. Then i thought i was not just a lucky person. That was the time i told him why he needed that, and he just used it against me, used it to manipulate me and he used it to just mess with mess with me psychologically, and it was just so easy for me to believe it. But, thank god i did not cut my friends off because one day really affected me. I was not talking to my. I was not talking to my friends and they told me that's not true. Instead listing all the good things, people read one bible scripture for me. Just really gave me assurance and told me that he's taking a peace, god forbid he's taking the peace i should just ignite, which is why they fight so hard to isolate you from your loved ones, because your lord wants to be the voice of reason. When he's being ridiculous, now, where he's been, when he's just being the devil himself, and your love wants to be the voice of business, you you don't have to tolerate this. This is not true, so if your loved ones are still actively in your life, he won't be able, and you can talk to him, talk to them about anything. He won't be able to succeed in destroying you mentally so that he can now finally go in and push piss you successfully. He won't be able to do that successfully. You say, oh there's, no way i can cut off my family completely. I don't know why all he needs to do is piss them off to a point where they always be complaining about him. So you can't complain about him to them, because you know they don't like him most of the things he would be doing to you. You will keep it to yourself. You can't really come out to say it because they advised you, i ignored them, and you went ahead with your relationship, so you can't really come out to tell them. Oh, this is this. This is what is happening. So that's enough! You don't they don't necessarily need to put you off. I'M going to do my makeup off camera then come back and continue. Let'S see they do after you finish dealing with your self-esteem and all of that is to start abusing you verbally baba lab is like straightforward. I really not feeling this makeup they'll start attacking you like full-on verbal abuse. There was mama like this before, but this one is like you never like straight or disrespected to your face. I was called names like idiots - oh my god, i'm so fascia because, like in my personal body like they don't even tell me, get out or just say rude things to me, but this one was just straight up abusing me verbally like injured these, that you know Air human beings - we are not perfect. Sometimes we blot out things out of anger. I'Ve never really called any of my any partners. Uh partner, i've been with an idiot or call them names, but i get how that can happen. Just out of anger, you just make the mistake of calling names now the difference between you or just another person who is doing it. Your head is makeup. There'S another person who is in it out of anger and an abuser is that normal person would apologize. If not immediately, but apologize and say, oh, i don't know why. I did that, i'm so sorry and it should never happen again and it will not happen again, but an abuser they apologize, but blame you for making them angry to the extent that they have to cross you out. That'S the difference because you say things like i don't like getting angry. You see every time. This is how you begin. You make me angry and i'm blocked. I don't do it again, stop making me angry. I really don't like you when i'm going to try to blame you, so it's like, if you don't want to get get caused out to behave well, an abuser will make. You feel, is your fault that he costs you out. Thinking of it, the verbal abuse of speedy way for the physical, it's like you're testing the water to see what i can tolerate and what i cannot tolerate. I remember one day i was in school and i had this job i was supposed to. They were doing face off. Can you coco in the same face of campus and boy, and i was one of the makeup artists there, so i was supposed to go and do the makeup and come back so i told him normally he wasn't then i was in okay. I told him he was like. I should not go that is late at night, because the team was like all night now, we've gotten to lead to the um stage of distress, food disrespect, so it doesn't really need an excuse to tell me sit your ass up. Ass down pick your cutting and shut up, i almost did not go something they've already paid me for because at that point you know how somebody has broken your sweets, you're just really exhausted, and you don't really have the strength for another back and forth. That was what that was me. I i just said i was not going to go, but that's why you you need to have your friends around, that's why friends are good and that's what and they know it doesn't like they honest fight, had in order to remove you from your isolated from your Friends, i thought that my friend came to my room was like. Why are you not going? I said, i'm not going, and my friend just basically told me, girl, daddy and to get treated. That way i stood up like my friend was like yeah i'll, be weak in the knee stand, up still y'all be weak in the knees stand up stand up, i stood up, i stood up and i went. I made my money. In fact, you notice that each time they abuse you verbally they it gets more and more intense, more and more intense, sometimes even with the threats of violence. Well, you just be brushing it off. If i i had so many red flags in that relationship, but i was color blind, maybe i was color blind. I was just brushing everything everything off as anger. I was also gaslighting myself a lot if i started them. I deserve that. I need to leave. I sang this like to myself. I tell myself, but he's been there for you. He doesn't really mean it. He actually loves you. That'S. Why he's shouting at everything? You know it's just some mental, but i don't excuse my french [ __ ] crazy, going on in your brain at the same time, you're also dealing with the physical aspects of it. At some point you say yeah. This girl is ready for mortal kombat speech. You might start by just you know, shoving you or throwing things around mine just started by shoving me when you shot me what was on my head was: oh, my god. I really annoyed him today. I really annoyed god forbid today. That'S why he showed i was beating him that i made him upset to this point. I'M going to try not to you know make him upset to behave so that actually, oh, my god, stand up, stand up, stand up. That was it until one day. I don't know what happened. I i in fact i know what happened. I just i just know what i'm here for i'm all here for a story time, what happened happened and it became physical. I i've heard people say talk about their force. You know the first time he hits there he's honestly just a slap, not just a slap or whatever mine was slapped, putting in chocolate stabbing with scissors hitting my head on the wall against the wall. Looking up in the toilet, choking me like until i passed out, it was all that particular happen happening that small time within hours happening within hours. He was leaving for hours and hours. He can do this for hours. Sorry, my voice is breaking no. I promise i'm. Okay, something tells my truth. He can do this for hours and hours. I saw this side, i knew this person is going to eventually become a busy physically abusive, but i was so reluctant to leave because at that point i spent three years with this person and just history just hit you don't other people are hanging on to toxic Relationship toxic friendship, toxic situation, just because of history! That'S why i head downward history. You see history, i hate you hey very much from that one. Somebody should say it's next, we'll be like if you don't off, shut up, if you're, not off that stupid. Damn rubbish that come on get out of my sight, if you don't of that stupid god that that ridiculous, that that rubbish, glasses get out of my front now, the brutality that happened happened the first time it was kiki as if he was a mma fighter. So when that thing happened, i was locked in the toilet for like overnight. I finally found my way and left after everything. No, i still wanted to go back, but what made me take the strong decision not to go back was if you hit you the first time you go back. The second time would be worse than the first time and my in my situation. What the first time was already like pretty brutal, really really brutal the second time i would be gone. I would be dead i'll, be there. He would have let my mom go. Bless me for that hope. The second time that i've been another thing. I remember just staying staying in that bathroom floor, just thinking of everything thinking of her i passed out. This is how i would die in a man's house in a man's hand after my mother finished suffering and putting me through school just for a minute from nowhere to take my life, it might cut my life short and my mother hi. I was just thinking of all my loved ones how they would be devastated, how they would be worried. Looking for me in that bathroom fly, just beg girl like if you let me leave this situation alive. I promise you. I will not get myself involved with any rubbish man anymore yeah. You promised your life, you should. Let me believe that i will sweat off man like what drone do you think this is at that point it was important for me to make a promise. I know i can fulfill i like mom, so i couldn't say: oh so i had to give realistic promise to god and i kept to it. I really hate it when people victim blame, it's just a lot of things that we see the actual physical violence. So you really don't know the situation of a person that man might not know where to go. To might not have anyone to talk to. You might not have john's that might not have money to leave no one to talk to where to go to nothing and also the fear that has been instilled in the person and also the psychological damage. The person is defeated psychologically. If you are in this situation or you are in an abusive relationship, i want to tell you that i 100 understand how you feel, and i know right now. You don't know where all right now you don't know where you where to go from here. You don't know who's wrong. Actually, your your family and friends, don't know the situation you're in or you've cut them off or anything just start by reaching out to someone swallow your pride or swallow. Whatever shame it is you have and reach out to a loved one. Somebody you know that they have your best interest at heart or they had no matter how angry you think they are with you. I can assure you that once you sit down and tell them what is happening, they will give you the strength as actually move on and leave that situation. I have that support system that will keep encouraging you and ending you up on that when you're finally ready to stand up and leave, you have a safe net to learn, try and reach out to someone anybody, no matter how angry you think they are with you. I can assure you if they care and love you once you tell them. What'S going on all those anger, all the anger and frustration they have with you, we just all younger frustrations. I thought of it this way. You know that bible that god said. If i know the plans, i have for you the plan of good and not of evil, to give you unexpected end, the expected end god wants for me is not to be in a relationship or in a marriage or whatever, where a man is beating me too. For someone a man is abusing me physically mentally verbally god did not expect me to live a life of misery. I know that for sure, because he loves me - he has said it all over and all over over and over and over over again in the scripture of how much he loves us. So i know somebody that, and god that loves me, let alone, god would always want the best for me, and the best for me would not be to be this in an abusive relationship in a relationship where you're mentally you're just dead, both physically mentally i'm just Dead, that is not the expected, and god had for me when i recently did that prayer. I was like it's all over i'm breaking up with you, it's all over bye-bye. It'S all over, don't cry, don't beg it's all over, so i got ta go please. You have a family member or a friend who is in that kind of relationship instead of just cutting ties with the person, the person might cut ties with you, but don't cut ties with the person don't take it personally is not all about you. Just always keep that space, but once in a while, let them know that, no matter what you're here for them whenever they are ready, you're not going to judge them also, let them know that you're going to join them, you're not going to judge him whatever. I'M not going to judge anything you're just here for support anytime. They are ready, your hair. That will encourage them whenever they are ready. They will remember that there is somebody with arms, open, wide ready to receive them and to listen to them and to give them any form of assistance that they might need it to also help them and encourage them to leave cutting them off and telling them have Brought up to you it's going to compel them to stay more in that relationship. Please be kind, be kind, don't be quick to enjoy. Don'T say what i see without my don't just really: i'm begging you especially an abusive relationship, a physically abusive, i'm begging you, those people are going through a lot, just be kind, just be just be kind to them, because it's really difficult, i'm not even going to Lie to you, it's very difficult, be kind and spread love, no hate. Okay, i'm done so. That concludes our video. If you have any tips for the girls on red flags to look out for, please put it down in the comment section. This is the hair. This is the hairline like comment and subscribe and i'll see you guys in my next video bye love. You