What Is Your Relationship With Your Hair? Ft. Angela Stevens

Foreign we're back for another exciting episode of The Spicy life. I am your relationship expert magnetic matchmakers, Vice imari, and on today's episode of The Spicy life, we're doing what is your relationship with your hair? So join me in the G-Spot that is guest Spotlight. I have they're beautiful the amazing Angela Stevens. The Crowd Goes Wild Angela is one of my dearest friends, but she is also an Emmy award-winning, hair stylist, founder of conscious curls and author of the book hair. So super excited to have this conversation with you and, as you notice, she's preggers yay. Congratulations! Thanks! Mani! Thanks to you, you guys, I just have to say before we even get started. Maddie is the person who coached me on my love journey and got me here. Got me here, you know, so I'm just super happy to be here and share my wisdom about hair and just everything you've taught me girl. I love it. I love how each episode that I do someone's always like giving me compliments or like affirming you know my purpose, and I promise you guys, I'm not paying them to say it or to give me these flags. I wish, but it's what I do. I can't help but talk about relationships, and you know help any way possible. Of course, when it comes to like guiding you so so happy that you are now in a different relationship, different position in your life. Yes, you are definitely doing it and um. I'M really grateful for you coming on the show, because I know how busy you are, and it's really hard also too, because you're pregnant yeah and so a lot going on. This means a lot right, but guess what the baby's gon na be able to look back at this episode like Mom me, I was in there. Yes, I've been taking my little baby everywhere on the Move, working like crazy, but of course I'm always gon na show up for you. I love you. Thank you. So much um like everyone who comes on the show you are going to give us your spicebreaker, which is when did you first fall in love with yourself? What was that defining moment that spoke to you, wow? Okay, um! That'S a great question. Go heavy right into it. I I first fell in love with myself when I damn. This is a good question yeah. When was that moment, and it's okay if you've fallen in Fallen out, but like what stands out to you as like this is when I realized how freaking dope I was, or this is when I realized I was lovable or this is when I realized like. I am an amazing person here on Earth and the world needs me. You know one defining moment of when I really realized how much I loved myself was. I I took myself on a solo trip to Hawaii and I've always had a lot of confidence. So I can't really pinpoint the first first time I love myself, but this solo trip it really helped to like establish how much I needed to pour into me and how beneficial it is when you just take a moment to enjoy being alone like I was there For five days by myself I was silent for a day. I did a road trip like I did a photo shoot. I did so much stuff with myself and when I came out of that trip, it was transformational and I really did feel like I just enhanced my femininity. I enhance my awareness of who I was and it was. It was honestly just the most beautiful thing: I've I've ever treated myself to, and I think that's the first time I treated myself to something where you know when we think of treating ourselves we're like okay, I'm gon na go get some good food. I'M gon na go, buy something or go to the spa, but to take myself on a five-day, you know vacation and like not spare any expense and just enjoy being with me. It really. It was a huge defining moment for, like my level of self-love. I love that because there's a lot of people who won't do that right, they don't want to even take themselves out to eat because they're like well. How am I gon na look to other people being by myself? How did you get over conquer other people's perceptions? Well, I've always been somebody who would go out to eat by themselves if I want to try a restaurant, I'm good, especially because as a hair stylist and we're gon na get into this, but you know we give so much love to other people. I'Ve always found ways to try to treat myself and honestly like food would be wonderful. My girl, you deserve it like so um, but then one of my friends and clients Eve she encouraged me to go on a solo trip, because I did the rapper yeah. She don't just be coming on the spicy live name drop and one of my clients are friends. She'S a marvelous friend to me I would say a big sister, then a client, but just her telling me about her own experience is going away by herself. It really motivated me to take that leap because I don't know many women who would take at that time who would take a trip alone, so it was definitely something I had to kind of get over as far as the fear is concerned, but you know I Went somewhere safe, I stayed in a like all inclusive kind of resort situation in Hawaii, so it wasn't even like out of the country necessarily so I I did the things that would make me feel a little bit safer about it, but then you also have to Challenge yourself - and I think that's the beauty of of like identifying like new things that you enjoy is by putting yourself in situations that you normally wouldn't put yourself in so you know. Definitely safety is a big factor, but you also do have to conquer those fears. Sometimes, and that's what makes you love yourself even more yes, because you're like proving to yourself that, like there's levels to my growth yeah, you know I'm not gon na be stagnant here or I'm not gon na. Let this fear hold me back from experiencing somewhere that I want to go just because maybe maybe you're single and you're, not in a relationship and so you're like. Oh I'm just not gon na travel, or maybe your friends all flake at the last minute, because the group chat fell off and people started pulling out like when it comes to a trip. Okay, all of a sudden, you go quiet, real quick, wait that far away now we're not gon na get too too personal. On um some group chats we've been on yeah we're supposed to happen. It'S time to talk about the money goes so, but when you take yourself on a trip you do you have you to depend on. You know you was gon na, be committed to you, so I think that that's really awesome. I love that moment for you. We'Re gon na dive straight into the topic at hand and the relationship that we have with our hair and people are used to be talking all the time about. You know relationships with lovers, relationships with friends, and I think we forget that everything has relationship. Okay relationship with uh food and fitness relationship with money, relationship with hair is huge, especially within, like I feel, like our community hair for many women also, I feel like um affect self-esteem I feel like it shows, maybe how you feel about yourself or what you present To the world, based on like how you do your hair right, different hairstyles have like different definitions and as someone who has struggled with accepting my hair and you, and I have had conversations even about being like a multi-racial um and trying to figure out, like you Know your identity, my identity, yeah. My hair has always been like one of those defining things like. We know, you're, something you got some black and you somewhere like, and I feel like for a long time. It was an insecurity of mine because I didn't know how to manage it yeah. So I too, like many people, I'm sure are feeling this way of just, and I want you to kind of share um. What are some of the relationships? You see that people have with their hair most people who have a love-hate relationship with their hair or they have a hey hate relationship with their hair um. I have not come and count like. I have not come across many women who are just like. I love my hair, it's always been great. I have you know great most women complain about their hair as if they're the only one going through it yeah and I always have to like, be there reaffirming voice and say girl, you're, not the only one. You know it's not that bad um. These are the solutions, but everybody has a hair issue. Either your hair is too thick. It'S too thin. It'S you know it doesn't grow fast enough. It grows too fast. It gets Tangled too easily. It gets frizzy. You know it's three different textures. First of all, everybody's hair is usually three different textures you're, not the only one like everybody's hair, it's like basically being like. Oh my God, I have five toes everybody does so on each foot, right, everybody. You has multiple textures on their hair, so unless your hair is just bone straight, if you have any kind of curl coil, any kind of wave pattern usually have a multitude of texture. So that's not just a you thing. That'S a everybody! Yes, everyone with textured hair. For the most part, you won't come across anyone really who just it's the same curl pattern from the root to the mid strand to the ends and in the same, it's the same everywhere across the head. That'S so at some point, there's been emotions of people in your seat that have vented about the challenges with their hair yeah. So a part of when I offer services to people is also a bit of a therapy session. It'S counseling is encouragement. It'S you know pouring into their cup, so to speak and so um. I always have to explain to them that like this is this is a common thing. Even if, if you have scalp irritation, that's a normal common thing, you know it's not nobody's gon na. Look at you and judge you a certain way, and I know people have had nightmare experiences yeah where people will judge and be like, oh my God, your hair's, so thick or so this or so that, and then that feeds more into your insecurity with your hair. Instead of feeling like I'm, not the only one, and so, but there are a lot of artists like myself, who also want to encourage you know our clients and let them know like we're on this journey together. There are hard Parts, but there are fun parts and let's make you feel beautiful, you know what I mean: yeah, that's what it's really about. I think um as you're speaking, it's like bringing up stuff for me and I hope it is for other people too, because I want everybody to be like reflective on what the relationship is with their hair. But like you're, saying um that when it comes to our hair right, it took me back to moments when I wasn't accepted because of it so like being uh different shows that I've done in my hosting experience, I was told that my hair wasn't manageable or that I needed to only come with it straight because when it's curly um, it's not camera friendly or uh, when it's curly, I'm not as attractive. I'Ve been told that as well and uh have it even been on set where they try to do my hair and they were like. We tap out we're just going try to put a wig on you, but I already have so much hair that it's like. Well, we won't look around me so in those moments it was triggering for me because it also brought up like my childhood, where I didn't really know how to manage my hair. My mom was figuring it out because even though she's black and Mexican too, she didn't know how to do all my hair. I have more hair than my own mom, so she didn't know how to do it and my cousin just to tease me and used to call me inappropriate names because of my hair that when I was told like well you're not as attractive with your hair uh. It brought up like childhood memories of being made fun of yeah. What do you tell people when they tell you or when you feel or sense, their energy about memories that they associate with their hair or negative experiences with their hair? How do you help heal them? In those moments when you have them in The Hair Chair, I always like to tell people and explain that, like a lack of information and ignorance equals, you know, insecurity and so other people's ignorance about your hair can make you feel insecure about it. You know other people like so let's say you do go to somebody that's supposed to be a professional yeah and then you get there, probably as a child or whatever and they're like. Oh, no. No, this is too much. I can't do it really. Is there an experience, instead of that? That'S what's giving you insecurity, which had nothing to do with the issue at hand. They just didn't, have the tools or the knowledge to be able to take care of it. It wasn't so much you you know, and so I do try to just explain that, like there's a lot of people walking around with the defensiveness around how to do certain things, because they're ignorant yeah, and so that's why knowledge is a big part of like my Brand is a big part of what I do is explaining things breaking it down, making it like simplified because usually there's just a disconnect between knowing and unknowing, and that's what, where all of the problems and the trauma come from? What I love about your IG? Is you give so many educational, like videos and step by steps like walking us through what to do with our hair, because there's so many times where I'm, like I'm lazy, I'm too tired. It'S too much work. I tap out. It'S just gon na be in a bun today, but then I see you throwing your conscious curls or you you know, do this little updo style or little twist here and braid here and I'm like. Oh, I don't even think about that. I could probably do that. I don't have to actually like look crazy dripping. My son off at daycare today, like I could do something with my hair yeah. A lot of people think that hair has to be like this three four hour experience yeah in order to like look pretty, but even though I do work with celebrities and I work on television and film. What I prefer doing, the most of is, like figuring out easy ways to do things if we could do it in 15 or 20 minutes or less, let's figure that out, because that's really how we spend our morning yeah, you know like we don't have time to Go sit in the salon every day or every week, but we have to do our hair every day. You know what I mean. We have to do something to it. Like you know, you might get your maintenance, you might get. Your color cut. Fine go over there. Four or five hours a month or every three months but day to day what are we doing? How are we, how are we nurturing ourselves number one and then how are we just getting out the door? Yeah presentable it's number two, so I just love being able to kind of put those connections together so and you are really good. I feel like about putting those connections, because I'm telling you guys, if you haven't seen Angela's social you've done such a good job with it and telling me like what I should be posting to. I feel, like friends, just pour into each other good friends, we're friends. Good friends, but I I love that you are really about empowering yourself when it comes to your hair. What and I want you to speak to what is the power that we give our hair? What does it mean to us and what does it mean to hear you? What does hair mean to you? The hair, I mean hair, has kind of been everything to me because you know I, like you have had had my own traumas around hair. It doesn't grow that long easily. You know it breaks out. It'S really fragile. So, like I've never seen my hair really that long and honestly my clients, they all can grow their hair really long, but I don't have. I don't get the same attention to myself that I give to other people, but even as a child, lack of education and understanding leads to breakage dryness. You know and then my texture is like a tight coily texture, but back in the 90s. What were we doing? Relaxers cap up all the things and so um I was a product of like just damaged short hair. You know, I remember. I got braids and beads on my hair one time and this girl was calling me my pet, oh and it was just like. I was so embarrassed because I really thought my little beads were cute, but they were shorter. You know so um and then too, like you know, just not having like a full ponytail and not having like. So I really got into extensions really early on in my career, and I mean in my life because I always wanted to add a little bit more. But I remember one time I was jumping rope and I tried to add a little hearing and I was jumping that rope and then that hair fell right. Yeah girl embarrassed okay, so I'm like the trauma somehow it helped push me to doing better. I was like how do I secure that and then so that doesn't happen again. You know um or just learning about what looks good on me versus what wasn't working for me. You know it's a lot of trial and error and through that era I did experience trauma, but it didn't it didn't, deter me from wanting to like figure it out more. You know, and so I owe hair everything I've traveled around the world for hair. I'Ve been on television multiple times for hair, I got brand deals and all kinds of stuff for hair and - and I made the most beautiful connections with women all over the world yeah. So I I mean it's, it's like a language of love to me at this point. Her hair is a love language yeah. When you come home and you're like Daddy, just run your fingers through my hair rub my scalp, I feel like when it comes to hair, though, while you have used your um traumas to prepare you into your purpose. Essentially, what it sounds like is like empowering us to feel confident in our you know: hair and love of hair. Not all of us have been that fortunate when it comes to our relationship with our hair. So can you speak to some of the negative experiences that um hair has hurt our Identity or how we see ourselves when we're not in love with our hair? So the biggest thing that I see, especially in the black community, is traction alopecia, and that is basically when a woman you know either gives a service or does services on herself that continue to like damage her hair into the follicle. To the point that it's broken like and it's not growing back so then you get balding a lot of times. You see traction alopecia along the edges, so a lot of women don't have edges and then they have to like cover their hair with wigs or things that may not be the best on them. May not look their best. You know whatever but they're kind of like covering up the problem, yeah versus addressing the problem and and helping to like nurture it um. So I think that's like the biggest. How would you address the problem? Um, it's different ways. It honestly depends on how bad the situation is, but a lot of times women get alopecia from doing services like or getting things where it's painful like. Instead of getting that service over and over again number one, you have to speak up when something is hurting you. So I, when we talk about our book, I can kind of go into that yeah more, but in in my book I explained, like you know, pain. Is your hair's whip saying this isn't done right, and so a lot of us have been ingrained to believe that we're supposed to sit there and accept these painful services for a look, because you know we say what beauty is pain right yeah. No, I definitely say when I'm working out yeah, I mean you have to encourage yourself at some point, but but still there's a certain level of time. You shouldn't be hurting and damaging yourself. No yeah pain is an indication that something's wrong. If your stomach hurts. If your head hurts, if you know you have a random bruise or something like that's telling you something is wrong. Those are signals, so you shouldn't ignore that when it comes to your hair, so if it's throbbing you got to take Vicodin, you got to take multiple Advils. You can't sleep at night. That is chances are that service is going to damage your hair and a lot of times. You know you can't come back from that, but then, instead of learning from that one experience a lot of times, we will go and get the same service over again and over again and over again. True because we we've decided that that's normal and so then you start to see you start to see like. Oh, oh, I'm losing my hair. Oh now I got ta do something to cover it up. So then you try to cover it up with something. That'S equally damaging yeah, you know going into wigs or, or you know, more different kinds of braids or I don't know like I've, never understood why people put themselves on those types of Cycles, but it is something that's very common. It happens a lot, but wouldn't we be telling ourselves we need that, like I don't look as good. If I don't do this service - or if I don't have this done to myself, um and wouldn't that be what creates the cycle is how like our self-image, we don't like how we look without it. So therefore, I need to do maybe this harmful thing in order to maintain the look that I've been putting out here and there's always another option, I will say that I like to give my clients plenty of options. I never really say no, I say here's what we can do and it's usually multiple things. It'S not just one so um. I want to encourage anybody who is like stuck in a look. That'S not serving them. You know, as far as like their hair care, explore your options babe, because it's so many of them and change is good. You know I'm definitely speaking to that. Right now, like my body, has changed, my lifestyle has changed um and instead of me trying to put myself in a box that no longer fits me. You know. Sometimes you have to enjoy and embrace a new box. You know and and try something different. So when it comes to that, I say again like it's: okay, to give yourself a haircut, it's okay! It'S okay! To try a new look! Babe because, like you might look better low-key, like if you've been wearing the same heavy dark wig for five years, it might be okay to like Release Yourself from that and do a pixie cut and color. That and it'll look thicker because short hair always looks thicker and you know learn how to do your makeup differently or you know what I mean. It'S like just try try different things with your look wardrobe too. Maybe you need wardrobe too yeah image, consultation and change. Your clothing up, yes, and so I just I try to gently but firmly encourage my clients that, like I understand that this is this is how you identify yourself, but you can always break through those identity blocks and create a new one. You know caterpillar becomes a butterfly yeah for sure. I think that we see that often right, where you're going through a breakup, all of a sudden you're ready for the hairstyle change you weren't doing it before we are now in the chair like chop it off right um. Hopefully it's not like you know, uh. It seem like waiting to excel where you're just like cutting yourself and going crazy, but um. I do think that when we want change, it usually comes through our hair. Why do you think that we do that? Why is it during this? Like breakup time during this emotional time, we decided to make this huge difference with ourselves. Physically, I think breakups and funerals and funerals too yeah are the two most likely times that a person will change their look and they'll either yeah cut their hair. That'S the easiest way to see a change, because you're forced into this new identity, yeah that you kind of have to see yourself differently in order to accept what it is. Wow. Okay, I thought it was just like I'm gon na take out the pain on something. It'S gon na, be my hair and you're. Saying like it's really like there's been a life change. I need to look through for a different lens in my physical appearance. Is a part of that yeah? You know like, like death, honestly, is probably higher than um relationship. Like breakups and divorces and stuff - but I I think with both of them once you come to the realization that, like who you were before that traumatic event, happened, is no longer who you are, but then you still see yourself as who you were it's almost like. Your mind is like wait, I don't I don't get it so doing that haircut doing that color, you know doing that. Drastic change helps to kind of put a bookmark in like that's who I used to be, and this is who I am now is that would you say a healthy Behavior like? Is it something that you suggest what you do or is it like? Do not do this, keep your hairstyle prior, or is it something that like we should embrace? You know if we need that emotionally? In that moment, I encourage change. I encourage Consulting a professional who is skilled at what what you're trying to do? I don't incur income taking a um Clippers and just shaving the middle of your head and then being like what now yeah. No, I do encourage going to have a consultation, and speaking with someone and saying this is where I'm at in my life, I'm looking for something different. Here'S what I'm thinking! What do you suggest? That'S a healthy conversation to get you to this new place. This sense of newness, you know it's the same as like. If you've been living somewhere for a certain amount of time and then something drastic happens and then you're like I need to, I need to change yeah. I need to move. You know it's like you're, not just gon na you know just sell all your stuff and then I have a place to go like you want to do it with some thoughtfulness, so you're gon na go, look at you know the best places in a different area. Maybe whatever and like try to see what's going to make the most sense for you, but change could be helpful in moving on moving forward. Are you tired, tired feel, like you're, on a Merry-Go-Round attract same toxic, relate relationships over and over again, maybe you're, even having trouble making the first connection with someone? If meeting a passionate and Powerful partner feels daunting for you, then chances are the spicy life can help. 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Look tomorrow do or should I, in your professional opinion, check with my husband first and see if he wants to look at me through that through that new hairstyle, or should I not take into account his feelings because it's my hair, so I would say anytime a Person wants to go like if they have super long hair like yours and want to go super short. I always try to like come to a happy medium, so I would suggest a bob. You know what I mean you're like don't go all the way. Halle Berry yeah, you probably could wear it and it'll probably be really cute. You know what I'm saying, but because it's like night and day you don't want your partner to feel like they just woke up to a whole new woman out of nowhere when they love the woman that they were with already you know. So I think sometimes it's better to do things in stages, yeah versus just like throwing a bucket of water on them and then all of a sudden you're, just a different person. You know um, so it's not necessarily like it's not about getting their permission because you have to live your life for you. They have to live their life for them and you guys coexist. You know together yeah, but I do think if they chose you based on what you know what they see like visually, you wanna kind of ease them into seeing this new version of yourself yeah, it's not necessarily like. Can I but I'm thinking I might do this. What do you think or ask okay, so I like that approach. What do you think, if I'm thinking about this, so you are saying like it's cool and we should probably consult our partner first, especially if it's going to be something drastic, I mean I feel and I'm guilty of uh. I, like you better with the beard, and I said you know I let him know, I'm like no, it's getting too short. Let'S grow a little bit, you know back. I have I baby your your bald head. It'S not! It'S not fresh. Today, we're not going out like that like or at least we're not going to the the Angela's baby shower like that. Can you shave your head, so I feel very entitled to give my opinion when it comes to his presentation, even when it comes to glasses versus contacts one day. So I do think it would be unfair if I was gon na go purple with my hair, or I was going to chop it off to not be like baby. What do you think about this? Look because best believe I give my two cents so yeah? Definitely I get mine too, and I mean my my dude. He gives his opinion to me, but I also try to create an environment where he knows that tomorrow I may look a little bit different yeah, I'm sure because you switch it up. I don't know, but I'ma get with you one day to the next. I'M like, I don't feel like I'm living up to my best potential. Every time I see your hair because I'm like damn it, she got a new Fresh Style again today and I'm Still rocking these dang girls prepped him to understand that about me. If that's not a part of your personality, then it would be a little bit weird that it would be like. Oh I'm doing this now, I'm doing that now you know what I mean, so it kind of how you start is how you finish: yeah, that's true, but I do encourage change. I encourage change all across the board like if you wanted to do warmer tones in your hair for the fall like that would be beautiful. You know what I mean and I think a lot of times men enjoy that too, because they can Chronicle like oh yeah. That'S when she had that red, oh yeah, like you, know, yeah, then you kind of come home a little bit different and it's like what look at my wife, she a whole different lady. I got ta name her, something else. You know it's like fun, but you just want to do it in parameters that feel comfortable with them so that they feel like they're on the journey with you and they just don't aren't like like having to accept whatever you throw at them. You know I you know what I like this, because I would tell them to do that with anything going on in the relationship. If I'm like full transparency like give me the information, even if I don't ask for it, it should be the same thing. Maybe when it comes to like things that we're doing around our maintenance that may potentially like affect their view of us, so I I'm I'm rocking with that um. I think for uh a lot of this and why I wanted to highlight this episode. Two was the Journey of falling back in love with your hair, I think, is very important or just in love with it. Maybe you never had that to begin with, so tell me: how do we fall in love with our hair? What does that Journey? Look like so the journey for me was when I I did a big chop and I cut all of my hair off and I had like a little itty bitty fro and I actually like appreciated My Curls way more than I thought I would because I was Always told my whole life like I had some really nappy hair like oh your hair, so nappy all you need that super relaxer. Oh, you need to do that, and so I was just. I had just come to the conclusion that that was my identity, but then, when I did a big chop - and I was able to like you know, form like little ringless with my finger and some products - I was like. Oh, I'm cute, you know and like just to be able to like jump in a pool and not feel like. Oh no, like you, know, yeah and just be like. Oh it's cool. I just run some product and do do that and be good. It made me feel like sexier. It made me feel just like badass yeah, you know um. I think that Journey for everyone is different. I'Ve seen clients where they've come to me for, like you know, eight months or a year and they've got nothing but like extensions back to back and through that time I've grown their hair and then they see their hair. Finally, at this length that they've never seen it at before and they're like, oh my God, okay, can we do a silk press like I'm popping yeah, I actually don't want to wear a weave. You know for a second, and so like I love when I'm able to show that to them and be like girl like look at look at this ponytail without without anything look at this, you know um. So that's another way um, I think. Sometimes you know when people get color for the first time they have a different like love for themselves because they look brighter. They look happier, you know, color makes you, you know glow more yeah, so um, sometimes that's all they needed or people who just been holding on to a lot of hair for a long time and they finally get it cut. And then it moves differently and it gives them like this new sense of attitude and like self-expression, um it. It honestly depends on what your needs are or where you've been stuck. You know because some people hold on to long hair, but it's thin. So it's not moving. I think that was a game changer for me just liking, my hair again, maybe not um the overall like falling in love with it, but I think a good trim, color and the correct products. I think, really help me with being like. Oh, I can manage this hair. I can do this where I think that's where the challenge was coming from, like I didn't, I didn't know how to do it and I thought that straight hair was the only way only way. If I don't have a press, I'm not I'm not going out. I don't look good like that was really what I would tell myself that I didn't look good unless my hair was pressed and then I had ex-boyfriends that would affirm that we don't like your hair. Curly in this Natural State, we only think you look sexy when it's straight, so I then Associated it with my self-image of well, I'm only beautiful with this look yeah. The right regimen will also help you with your like identity and your love of your own hair. Like if you've been using products that make it feel dry or coarse or you know, you don't see a curl pattern for me and then you find things that help with that and I think the natural hair like boom. That happened like in 2010, greatest things to ever happen, yeah that really helped a lot of women fall in love with their hair again, because before that, it was like either products that were too greasy, you know, or were products that were super drying or it honestly, Just wasn't anything but chemicals and that's going to be damaging, so it was so many things that didn't speak to like our needs and then all of a sudden, all these companies start are creating products that actually work for us yeah and then women were like. Oh I'm fine yeah. I look good like I'm wearing my curls, you know - and I know - and I'm really happy and thank that we've gotten to the internet and also we've gotten to a place where multiple textures are. You know, appreciated yeah. You know 10 years ago. It wasn't about curly hair for anybody yeah, you know what I mean, and so it didn't matter what your texture was. Now we we celebrate all of these variations of the curl diaspora, and it's like amazing that every woman can feel represented when they see ads. When you see you know their favorite celebrities out and really embracing that texture, so it takes it takes something, but that's something that's going to be different for everybody. You know why conscious curls, what does that name mean so conscious, curls? Basically, it speaks to like my awareness of like what your, what your hair needs and so um as a woman again going back to like I like easy solutions, I'm conscious that women want easy solutions. I'M conscious that women want hair. That looks like our own texture. Yeah, I'm conscious that women want a quality product, that's not going to smell bad or you know shed all over the place or you know tangle in a few weeks like I'm conscious of like ease and effortlessness, and so all those things kind of speak to what We think about when we create products is things that are easy to do easy to use, will last long, it's a great quality and it works for your lifestyle yeah. I remember you're bringing up um. That'S easy to do. You did my hair for the baby shower uh-huh, I'm gon na just tell I'm gon na put your business out there. We had a bet. Okay, the BET was that she would go back to her ex, because I told her that she wasn't done suffering. She needed a little bit more and she was like I'm done it's over it's over um and she went back no, not for long not for long, but because we made a bad. She was like look to honor the BET. Instead of um me giving you money, imma do your hair right, because the the value of her doing my hair was way more than what the amount of the money was. So I will take it. Thank you sis. So she does my hair for the baby shower and I wanted my hair like long luxurious to my butt free, you know flowing and uh you put conscious curls in my hair and I kid you not. I called you and I was like okay, I'm tired. I want to go to bed it's after the baby shower and I was like I don't know how to get this out and you're like sis, it's literally like clips that you have to because I started pulling it out because I didn't I was uneducated. I didn't ask you anything: I just started ripping it out and I was like this is hurting and you're like push the little clip and it was so easy once so simple. I overthank it over thunk it over. Thank it over complicated it, but it was so simple and I felt like oh my God. If products were always this simple, if you know putting in the pieces, always simple, I would do this look more often, but because I always felt like it was complicated and I didn't know how I stayed away from pushing myself to doing that. The different you know, variety of looks like and I'll see. If um we could put a little clip of my hair from the baby shower and because it was so fly, it was pretty awesome. But but I felt like you brought me to another level of Consciousness. Exactly and that that too is like the education that we provide, because I'm not just selling hair and just being like this, we got these bundles that go buy it. It'S more like here is how you use our product in a way that's going to be healthy. For your hair yeah, it's gon na be easy to use, and so that level I want to bring everyone who shops with us up to that level of consciousness of like I could do this many things yeah with my one purchase or I can get this many Items and that's gon na cover this look that look night Day date night. You know what I mean and so just being conscious and having that um. What'S the word, I'm looking for having the understanding that education behind what you're comprehension yeah it makes it strengthens your your level of like um confidence in yourself, dang and so related to relationships um. I always tell people that like come to me. You don't know how to date, let me give you the tools so that you can be more competent at the dating process to be more confident and that's exactly what you're saying when it comes to hair yeah and that's how it is with like most things. But we just keep ourselves at a limiting Pace, sometimes when we're afraid to venture out yeah okay. So why - and I need to ask you this because I've never talked to you actually about your book um, which I love, that you're an author and as someone like writing my book right now. You have a wealth of knowledge that I know to give, but why hair, why did you? Why did the world need this book and what is the book about and why do we need to get it so I wrote this book um in 2017. I think 2016. 2017 and um, I released it in 2018 and it was honestly just a little idea that somebody kind of sparked into my head at first, but then I really started thinking about well. What messages would I want to give to a little girl, and I thought to start thinking about what messages would I want to give to me as a little girl and that's basically how I came to you know my decision around the messaging in here and so Hair is honestly like it's the love story, but it's also an educational tool. It'S a conversation piece for families, for mothers and daughters for fathers and daughters. Um. Do I need it for my son yeah I mean yeah, I think so I think I mean it's really more. You know connects more to girls because I think they have that more of that issue than I think boys do. But it's important for boys to have an appreciation around women with textured hair and not to that part. Look at it. I want a girl and be like oh she's, only pretty with straight hair. You know um. I think it is important to have those conversations so um, I basically wrote wrote the book in um in a way where, like the hair comes to life, and that's something that I kind of I like that idea because a lot of times we complain about our Hair yeah um, but if we realize that our hair was alive like Would We complain about it as much, we hate it so much or we just be like okay girl, like which what you need, because it's a living organism, is that what like? Because hair has life so I understand we explained it um in a lot of different um analogies. So the same way we drink water, our hair drinks, natural oils, the same way we take naps our hair when it's wet. That'S like it's re-energizing it. Water is your best form of moisture for your hair. So the same way we have to sleep in order to wake up and do what we need to yeah um the same way. You know we get tired. Our hair gets tired. It usually needs a conditioning treatment. It needs something: hey our hair really is alive right, you know and when you treat your hair well, it looks happy. You have a great hair day, you know, and then sometimes your hair just might not be it as long as it turns on you and it's the same with us like we are not our best selves every single day. Neither is our hair. So then you become a little bit more understanding of it and when you do treat it well, it shows and other people see that and embrace it and appreciate 80., and so it's all about going from. Oh, I hate my hair because it doesn't look like this or doesn't look like that to here's. What I need to do to make my hair happy and it's good that's going to make it shine. That'S gon na make it Thrive um, so it it's. Basically, a conversation between a mother and daughter and the daughter acknowledges that her hair doesn't look like her mom's or anyone else is in school, so she's already identifying that I'm Different. What'S wrong with me in my household I'm Different in my world, I'm different, there's something wrong me. I want to cover up my hair. I want to hide it and the mom is like well, I have a secret for you. Your hair is alive. It'S it's doing things up there she's like no, it's not mine whatever, and then her mom explains yeah when your hair does this. It'S doing that when it, you know what I mean, and so then it's this, like all these ideas are forming and she's really sharing this whole journey of like why the hair acts the way it does and in order for you to get the best result from It you have to love it: dang, okay, I'm so I'm guilty! I'M gon na be um honest with you guys right now, I'm guilty of my friend having a book and me having not bought it bam. But, okay. I have brought conscious curls, so um uh for for I've got it. You gave it to me um for Shelly, my sister shout out to my sister Shelly uh and big purchases, big purchases. Thank you, but I don't have the book and I love what you said about um. The way that like hair is alive and the analogies that you gave in order for you to have more of an understanding and pride around it, but also I have a son. I don't have a daughter right, so, as someone who mentioned to you earlier that the people who I was in relationship made me feel bad or people that I've worked. That made me feel bad or family members even made me feel bad yeah um, giving the book to my son, because I was originally thinking of it as this feminine thing right, because I associate hair with women. But how awesome would that be for me to give him the tools to be able to talk about hair or to appreciate hair, because at some point he will have a woman. You know with hair and who knows what she might be dealing with or what? I might be enlightening him to right now, not for just his own self-esteem, too um, but also to be you know, giving you know to be able to provide like empowerment to her as well like the more educated. He is the more accepting and loving and appreciative he will be exactly so. I am going to definitely get him in the book. I need to purchase it it's available everywhere. Online books are sold, especially Amazon super easy. It can be here tomorrow. I love it Jane when you have friends who, like do you know all boss moves um? I I really really love Angela, because you inspire all the time when it comes to like making sure that you provide um your gifts through various outlets. Right so like it's not enough to just be like hands on and do hair, and you know make people look beautiful, you're. Also like okay, let me educate you on beauty and you know put out these videos. Let me teach classes. Let me also um put out a product that you guys can use. Let me also educate you through books like I feel like you really do. Do It full circle and we can't buy into something or believe that we're capable of loving something or healing our relationship with something if the person who's selling it to us isn't madly in love with it as well right and you are madly in love with hair And you're gon na have is your Ginger been revealed. Yet I told my friends, oh so I can't say I'm here. I tell my friends, but I was just kind of keeping that you know. Okay, fine. We want to talk about the ginger um, but I was gon na. I won't even touch on it. Yeah. It'S not true. This is true. Okay, we won't touch on that, but um. I really appreciate too also how humble you are even working with celebrities right. You don't treat uh me any different than you treat Eve when it comes to like giving her advice or doing her hair, even though she won you Emmys and doing my hair. Did not it's okay. Have you ever received any trophies? You love something, you don't do it for the accolades, you don't do it for the trophies. You genuinely do it. I mean you do it for the check, but you also just do it because you like it and you just happen to be getting paid for it. So that's what, with everything I do is not necessarily like. I don't go into it like. I got ta yeah this next, but it's more of just like what I'm attracted to you know. At one point, I wasn't as attracted to working behind the chair, as I was around like publishing and figuring out how to speak to people in a way where I didn't have to use my hands yeah. You know when it comes to the products it's like. Well, if I'm already supplying this this service, I should have the product to match, and you know things like that, but I don't really like it's it's not about the accolades and it's not about status. For me, it's just about doing what I love with people that I love and I'm I only really work with them. It'S a lot of people, I just say no to whether you're celebrity or not. You know it's just an energy thing or a time thing I don't overwhelm myself with work in certain ways anymore, so it just is me doing what I love and speaking the language that I love with other people. I feel like you, um, have the gifts of hair therapy and um. What I mean by that and let me provide like additional context. I don't mean, like you, just put a mask on hair and now it's like super silky conditioned when I say hair therapy. I actually imagine someone going into the therapist and usually when we go to the therapist, we talk about like career, family, um and relationship right, romantic relationship. I don't know about you guys, but when I've gone to my therapy sessions, I'm not usually talking or addressing like my relationship with my hair. But if I were to sit on a couch and talk with a hair therapist who focused just on like what are the challenges that you've had with your hair, what don't you love about your hair, like? What do we need to heal about your hair, like you? Would be that you would be the hair therapist that I would be like. Okay help me figure this thing out and while I feel like I healed my relationship a while back ago with my hair, that doesn't mean I'm still triggered uh, it doesn't mean. Sometimes I don't feel like, I think, I'm gon na chop you off today and punish you the way you punish me. You know like that doesn't mean, and even when we do healthy healing when it comes to romantic relationship, we still get triggered. Even if we have you know, pulled ourselves out or even forgiven, Sometimes some stuff can always resurface and I feel like you would be my go-to person if I needed to sit on a couch and be like. So when I was five when I was five, my cousin hurt my feelings and I'm gon na brush your hair massage. While you talk so give me, give me like three tips that, if someone's not in love with their hair, these are the three things of the three keys or three gems, that you would recommend to begin. Their healing journey to fall back in love with their hair tip number one so tip number one that I would give a person is. Okay, I'm sure you have a laundry list of things that you don't like about your hair. Let'S create a list of things. You do like about your hair, so, like you for example, right I'm sure you're like oh, my hair gets frizzy. Other people don't like it. You know this, then the third, but one great thing about your hair is that it grows fast. It holds a style really well like when you have curls. It holds your curls really. Well, it's not gon na just like Drop and fall flat. You know it moves. It takes color really! Well, you know so there's just as much stuff as you can complain about. There are usually some things you can appreciate: you're, saying, hair affirmations, yes, so start with hair affirmations, um and so that you can kind of equip yourself with like focusing on the positive. You know, I think perspective is everything yeah in any situation. You know you can always look at what's bad, but also look at what's good um and then from there look at what's bad from a place of like how can we? How can I improve this so, like let's say you have a you know growth issue right, you could say, how can I improve my growth? You can take vitamins, you can you know change up the regimen that you're using you can go and get a trim. Maybe your hair has been breaking from that. You know there are usually solution, based options to the problems that you have yeah, so it's more so not just sitting in what you don't like yet, but figuring out. Okay, if this is what I don't like, how can I improve it? Yeah um and then the third thing I would say, is consult a professionals. They'Re, like I can't emphasize enough, you cannot handle the these things on your own. I know that there's YouTube University and I know hair is personal. You know people do it in the kitchen. People do all those things, but it wasn't until I actually went to cosmetology school that I realized most of the problems that I had with my hair.