S3 Ep 25: Tales From The Curl Keeper (Joelle Monique) | My Momma Told Me

Because I had a, I had a Ron, Harper basketball card. Do you remember Ron Harper? He had the double part he had the double remember and I asked my mom to give me a double and it didn't go good. I didn't I thought it went. You know why he got double right. No, it's because he's stuttered and he would always say things twice. Are you serious? No, I just made it, but wouldn't that be fun. If that's why he did it yeah, it would be amazing that would have been an amazing. Wouldn'T that be [, __ ] cool. If Ryan Harper was like, Hey man, I'd be saying stuff twice: the government turkey stuffing y'all, can't tell me nothing. Yes, sir. There it is welcome. Back to another week of my mama told me the podcast, where we got deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and we work to prove that Vince Staples is in fact heir to the Staples stationery Fortune. It is a black owned company y'all. How do you think he takes so much time off music and still has all that money? Also, why is Sprite so expensive in there? You tell me whoa well well, you're, coming in with with two heavy things that that I think are worth discussing number one. This starts to make me think: maybe that's the reason they've replaced the Staples Center. You know what I mean that God, that the the Lord, the patriarch of the Staples family, might be on a death bed. He might be on his way out of here. They don't want Vince Staples to come in and make the Staples what we want it to be, what it's always been meant to be, and so they they say what is it always? It'S always been meant to be black owned. It'S always [, __ ]. You know nothing about that; it was always meant to be black owned. It was, there was supposed to be incense and dashiki. You know what I I didn't believe you, but I was gon na go with it, because I'm in this one Vince Staples was gon na. Take that [ __ ] over and they couldn't have that so they sold it off. Vince Staples Vincent Kwame Staples the third Lord Staples first of his name: no, they they couldn't handle it, so they sold our [ __ ] off and then, on top of that they made Sprite the most expensive Sprite can be given. I got a spray in a Staples one time. It was like seven dollars yeah. No, they they're like hey. We are before charging the [ __ ]. If you want sprite that bad to buy it at a Staples, you are paying Hawaiian prices, yep yep. It is what am I gon na get a RC? No, you know what I mean. You know what I'm getting it's green. You know I'm thirsty as [ __ ]. If I'm buying it here yeah. I have no other choice: Staples, I'm out of options, I'll pay! A surcharge for that [, __, ] I'll pay that black tax anyways yeah. You know you know who uh is probably much more thoughtful about all of her her things. Besides uh accusing then Staples of somehow uh sitting on billions of secret dollars that he can't access. As our guest today, I think she she seems like like a much more reasonable. Much more well well considered person. She. She is a podcaster she's, a journalist, a culture critic she's an executive producer at I heart. She she does it all, and she just so happens to be the sister, the older sister of our our very beloved editor, for this show a man, a man who we respect, dearly and cherish. I don't know you were just trying to play him out not five minutes ago sure I told him he looked like a cop, but if you say that you say that Sans beard with a part in your head, that's a that's a bold statement. Buddy I'm lashing out, they made me, look ridiculous and - and I'm just trying to hurt the people closest to me. We love Justin. He does phenomenal work and we couldn't be more excited that that his sister, but a much much very talented person outside of just his sister she's joining us today. Please give it up for our guest, Miss Joelle Monique. I think I'm looking forward to cracking up. I hope I can, like you know totally crack up, so I haven't like totally cracked up in a long time. Yeah! That'S how we do intros around here. Welcome uh, hey thanks! So much for having me uh. I feel kind of great that you guys are like she. She seems like she has your [ __ ] together. That means whatever I'm projecting is working. The LIE is out there. Let'S keep you strong and going. This is totally a together woman he's on lying to us. We love it. Yes, we're impressed over this way. Yeah you impressed this whole part, perfect perfect. So you came to us with a conspiracy theory and I'm very excited to jump into this. You came to us with a conspiracy theory that I feel like I've heard versions of, but never quite this specifically phrased. You said my mama told me if you cut a girl's hair before her first birthday, she'll be cursed with bad hair. Yes, yes, tell us everything. I feel like every culture has a version of this story. I used to work at a children's hair salon in like the northern part of Chicago so yeah. All these rich kids come in and get their hair cut, but it's like it was dycast in Chicago. So you know the diaspora is very mixed and Blended, and there was a lot of concern about like. Is it time to cut my daughter's hair? If I cut it, will I ruin it, which is a ridiculous? We could just up front say it's a ridiculous statement. Like, oh, it changes every seven years. Yes, your hair changes every seven years. Okay, as you evolve and grow, there's at no point in time will cutting your hair affect how it comes out of your head. However, the Superstition is really strong. Moms particularly really freak out about it, they want their girls to have, I think, the black community, it's all about curl pattern and jacking that up too early you know you got that lovely baby hair when you're little they want to keep that intact into your older Ages as long as possible, so don't cut it do cut it. How short? All of that like it has real importance. I remember in the white Community we would not like cut girls hair until they were like four or five tip. Typically, like you got a haircut way later, if you were a white little girl, which I always found very interesting, they were not right, so I'll keep so so for the black parents that they were more often cutting the the girl's hair early, just not at one. So like at three they're coming in cutting yeah, two or three like, let's keep it even you know, especially as a natural came into popularity again we're seeing like, let's make sure the froze not too uneven, can we just either that or they were taking them to A braider and be like: let's just keep this braided up and going we'll just trim the ends, get you that long hair by the time you hit first grade. These are the goals I feel like for most people. Well, you already debunked it because I was like. Oh, this is for sure true, I was about to say, boring. You didn't insane, you didn't see him in the least bit uh fully on board with the premise and then Joelle was like. I, I don't believe any of this and it's nonsense. I was, I thought it was totally true because I had like uh not me, I I I but my little brothers. They have nicer hair than me and the we didn't cut their hair till they were like three or four, and I I guess I always thought that there was some. I don't know in my head. It'S like something like you got ta grow into it. First, before you let it reset or something I don't have any science on this, but that is I. I never heard that seven years [ __ ] ever yeah, I believe it I'm just saying I never heard that that was the first for me and uh. I I also was like seven years. I didn't read nothing about those seven years, but you you seemed very confident and in that way I was gon na nod through it. Yeah yeah, I would say just it's, for I would say my purview is specifically for a a class of people that do not mind spending like 20 to 60 dollars on their child's haircut. It'S not a Great Clips where you're just like cheering children, they were like. We need trendy Styles and like okay, so for white little girls, it was like the classic Bob like they would come in. They'D have their long hair, their whole lives they've been growing out since babies and when they hit like between first and third grade suddenly as like a sign of maturity or like a year older, now or maybe mom's, just tired of doing the hair. Whatever the reason they came in and they got the same like under the ear tucked Bob all of them, it was like a standard for like two of my like stylists, when I was working at the salon. So I just think that, like you know again for in the white Community, it's all about, like their girls, tend to be blonde for longer. He was like just let's have this long blonde shiny hair going around with your little when you're older, you could start taking care of your own hair, we'll do a big chop, you're good, to go for black girls. I felt like it's a lot about just curl pattern and keeping that consistent as they grow up and giving them more options with their hair. As they're older. I think there's a lot of fear of somehow damaging it, so they won't be able to wear it. Natural or they're only be able to wear it straight or whatever, there's so much anxiety about how our hair is going to come out of our heads and how we'll be perceived for that. Well, I guess that's that's one of the questions that it's sort of, like is leading me to is uh. How much of this do you feel like is just some weird internalized racism? Do you know what I mean that, like some of it almost reads like that, we can only be pure at a certain point, and if we somehow unleash ourselves of this Purity, we we become less good for the white man and his appearances and expectations. Whatever the [ __ ], I think it's a heavy dose of racism and misogyny right. So I was talking to somebody who, like just had a baby girl and she was all excited and every time she told people she was pregnant with a girl. They would be like I'm so sorry. Girls are terrible, so difficult. Oh God, she's gon na steal your beauty, she'll steal your baby. Wait, wait! Wait! Okay, um! I think! Even if it's not misogynistic, that's a pretty crazy thing to say to somebody that this baby is. Is gon na [ __ ] Maleficent, your your your youth, your body busted in six to nine months enjoy that face. I mean that is, and I think, like some people feel like in competition with their daughters, they're like oh now, she's beautiful she's, like you know, got the Limelight for whatever reason it's a very weird attitude for people to take on, but we've seen it and it's Weird - and I think yeah definitely see that in real life, but then on the flip side of that you have a lot of moms who sort of live vicariously through their daughters and their beauty. They'Re, like oh, I have the most beautiful daughter in my friend group she's she's, marrying she's, like look at these guys that are, after her, like literally showing us like Prof. I recently had dinner with my mom, a bunch of her friends, um. Okay, all right, like this feels very personal, yeah and she's wearing a green shirt yeah. She keeps asking where is the bathroom, but she doesn't get up to use the bathroom, but I think that there's a lot to be said about, like the fear around like, is your daughter, gon na, be so beautiful that it's going to be a problem. Is your daughter going to be more beautiful than you is your daughter going to be accepted period around like their hair and then, like that's one of the first major decisions you make as a parent right like what are we like? We got their clothes, their room is kind of set up, they've gotten all their shots and doctor stuff, like a lot of the big scary stuff, is out of the way. But then it's like well, when do we cut bigger hair and hair is so personal to us like? Do you all remember your first haircut, or did your parents take video of it at all? I I don't remember what I saw on America's Funniest. No, we did not have that it's a lot of worked at. We would do a first haircut package where we would like film it. Of course, now your parents have like cell phones and stuff, but I think even back in the day, you would have people come and like film it like it's a momentous occasion like this is the very first time and some really traumatic experiences connected to that. I don't mean that that was treated that way in my home, but but maybe that's just because my parents are who they are but uh. I can't imagine it was even like I I can't imagine my hair. I forgot even that one I I bet it was pretty young. I got my first one. I I think I I similarly don't know that my hair got like crazy long, but it probably like was thrown out when I was like a baby and a kid from. Like the. I remember specifically asking my mom because my mom used to cut my hair and uh. I thought she was good at it, but it turns out when you got outside the first haircut I remember is asking my mom for a Michael Jordan haircut. I wanted to look like Michael Jordan, because I'm a kid in Chicago. I wanted to be bald, like Michael Jordan, because I wasn't sure the Fab Five at it. It was. It wasn't crazy. There were people doing the thing you know what I mean. I I said give me the Michael Jordan. She was like. I don't think you want the Michael Jordan. I was like give me that goddamn, Michael Jordan, give it to me woman. I swear to God, and she finally gave me what what was her negotiation with the Baldi. She just like buzzed it super low, and I cried forever. It was the worst choice I could have made was was having that everybody slap it. Of course, they did yeah you're gon na look at this. This bald scalp and not slap the [ __ ] out of it. I remember I remember my mom cut my hair for a long time too, and she gave me a part one Speaking of Parts she gave me a oh man, it was it was, it wasn't bad. She gave me the double and it didn't work, and I thought it worked. Okay and then I got to the Boys and Girls Club and they, let me know they went in. It was a bad day. Yeah. It'S tough man, hair that we said all that to say Joelle hair to your point is a very precious thing for everyone, in a way that it does feel like at the point that my hair becomes [ __ ] up. I would want to be able to blame something grander than myself that, like maybe my parents did a horrible thing to me at one that made my hair turn terrible instead of just admitting like. Oh, I don't know how to take care of my [ __ ] right right, and then you got ta think about too like so. If you're like, if you're a kid on the Spectrum like getting, a haircut, can be like super intimidating or if you're just a kid who's like this is a new experience. I have anxiety, if you're, just a child, with anxiety coming in to get your hair cut. Like all of it is just like a very intense emotional experience for a lot of people, not everyone, but for a lot of people, and I think that there's this feeling that if you at least wait until they're after one, you know their head's the right shape. That'S pretty much gon na be growing up. You can like get the haircut to match how they look. You know a little bit more about their personality. Maybe we can match that up a little bit yeah some plates ain't finished shifting, so we we probably should have been pushing the Clippers yeah. What if you press the Clippers into the GUI spot now my baby broken because you, because you wanted to give them a bald fade? That'S how that's how a beautiful mind happened. I think we got to take a break we'll be back with more Joelle Monique and more. My mama told me. Whatever welcome back to my mama told me, we are disgusting whether or not the gooey spot gives you mental powers. No I'm just kidding it's not even called the gooey spot is that when you got ta press, you got ta press a certain like code into it like it. It'S like up down up down left right. If you hit that gooey spot the right way, you're gon na be strong as hell, you put the Konami Code on that gooey spot you're gon na raise the Savage no. I was just thinking about this because now I'm realizing I'm listening to all this talk about children in their hair and how little autonomy I've ever had over my hair um. I never chose my haircuts as a kid. I think I could choose like if I wanted a part or not, but other than that, like the idea of like long hair or something never like you couldn't come home and be like Mom, I'm getting braids now, no, it was like because my own Super African Tutor is like vaseline on the face short haircut, okay, okay, I feel the same way and I was wondering if it's like a black parent thing like for me. It was immediately perm like relaxer at four or five right, the kids relaxing remember the kids yeah. For me, Lex was actually on that box as a little boy. Although did you see the thing where all those girls came out and they were like, never used a relaxer, no black Twitter, a bunch of the little girl models are now adult women, and all of them were talking about how they had never had a relaxer in Their entire life and that they were just hair models - dude dude. I know I needed to get to these [ __ ] on the 360 styling box. So many questions they're, just peeling back wigs. Those guys looked amazing. Do you remember them? I will say this that now having been on enough sets where, like a barber, comes in with that that spray - oh the Beijing yeah, but when they're using it for uh for justice and not for like weird evil it they can make your [ __. ]. Look sharp than a [ __ ] bro. I was on a I'm gon na I'll. Tell you guys the truth, we're friends I was on a TBS, show Beijing up. I felt incredible yeah. No, it's it's uh! It'S a wild Power that they they can employ. If they do it the right way, the wrong way Jalen Rose is real. Great Jalen. No, but Jalen Rose is doing it. The most evil way possible. He'S wait, explain I just think he truly is making us believe that Barbers have that potential to like to never let our line ever come out of place ever and the truth is, we are vulnerable, we are human and Jalen Rose is is on some weird. We are here. I I hear what you're saying I love a dude. I love a black dude with hair that looks wet. I think it's so cool. I think it's so cool. I always. This is a hangover from the Jerry curls. It'S like, I don't know what it is. It'S aspirational we're kept. Okay, all right! Joelle! Were you allowed to choose your hair after yeah? You said perm immediately, but at what point were you able to like assert a little dominance over this? When I was 17 and I cut it all off, I pulled a willow much later and life. I was like no, I'm cutting it all all of it off. I really wanted to go natural because I'm a I'm, a lazy girl like if you have relaxed hair, you can't be lazy. You got ta get up in the morning like you can never step out in the rain. You got ta be worried about humidity. When I was living in Chicago, it's too many things to constantly be worried about. If you have your hair relaxed and I wasn't good at doing the hair wraps yet so I was like I'm just gon na cut it all off and go natural, and when I learned you could just do a wash and go. I was like. Is this Heaven? This is what life was really meant to. If you lived like you should just be able to rinse your hair out and throw some products away and walk out the door. So did you cut it and then just show up bald-headed at home, or did you like notify everybody to be like hey this decision, I'm? This is what I want here. We go somewhere in the middle, so I would go to my mom's stylist growing up. So I got that first, like relaxer, that was at my mom's hair salon and we would go. You know every six months to a year, depending on how good financially the year was going, and so I went in and they were like the usual and I was like no cut it all off. They'Re, like your mom, knows this, like sure, does it's totally fine whoa? You know she thought it was getting worked out. She was like oh okay, I see what you're going for. She would have never allowed it. How how all the way off are we talking uh? They had these Clippers, which was a shock they're like okay, so we're gon na start shaving, the back. So it was like you remember when Rihanna did the umbrella video and it was like long in the front and really tightened the back. It was that okay, oh okay, that's a good look. Yeah, it worked. It worked. I liked it. Oh yeah two. I remember them. I was like these guys would know. They'Re connoisseurysous, Brianna, yeah yeah, I'm a big fan are y'all excited for the uh NFL. The Super Bowl show, I am excited for this goddamn right. I'M excited for that Super Bowl show, I think I'm gon na Bet On It On Rihanna are both. They have all kind of profits for the halftime show yeah like how many people still bring out and Yeah and [ __ ], like that. I want her to bring out like 100 people like she did, for that BET. Awards show dancing on stage. Yes, oh look. This is the dopest thing I've ever seen in life. Repeat that yeah uh, my wife and I talk about it all the time that Rihanna, I would much rather see Rihanna in concert than most people, just because it feels like a friend is performing like sure she kind of feels like you're friends with Rihanna yeah, like She seems like a homegirl more than like uh like Beyonce you, it feels like. If you walk in a room with Beyonce, you don't even do like you, don't you can't have a regular conversation with that right right, the same way about Rihanna, though I don't think she's gon na see me and be like. Oh, do you want to smoke a blunt with me? Have you seen Rihanna's team, though David Rihanna Love is a real person like Rihanna. I do know that, like all of her people are like homies from way back in the day, I feel like you get to like walk up to Rihanna and at the very least she would meet you at uh. Let me at least see who this person is. Let me just check you out and see if you're cool, if you pass the test, then you need to hang. If I I think, if I told I think if I told Rihanna my booty hole itches, she would laugh and we would have a good time that should open yeah. That'S how I start Rihanna. I don't have anybody else. I could tell this is my booty? Oh it just like a [ __ ] and then she gon na go man. You crazy, come on. Let'S get a drink, oh man, man! That'S the dream, that's the dream right there. I think I think she's a silly Billy at heart and I think you feel like I I would love for it to go that way for you. I don't think it would go that way. For me same awards show hey, hey girl, hey girl and she's, like security yeah. No, they would already be on me from the first day they saw me coming from across. They saw me leave the hors d'oeuvres table. They were clocking me. I love the idea that you don't even get it out because Security's tackled you because you're just screaming my booty all inches. Please just let me go my booty all inches and then as they're taking me out. I'M like remember me, oh my god. Oh man, all right, let's jump into this research because yeah you got some good. This is General Tom Foolery. Here I I did look it up and Joelle. You are absolutely correct that there is no real correlation between cutting a child's hair at any point in their hair quote, unquote becoming bad. That is a a 100 myth. Yes, okay, I know, as somebody who was terrified, to cut her hair. My whole life they're, like it, won't grow right or you have to cut with the curl pattern and like by the time the pandemic came. I without like a pair of violent scissors. I was like, let's just do this eyes: hair it'll grow back, I'm tired of being afraid of it, uh, yeah and yeah. No, you could. However, you touch your hair eventually it'll just come back out of the scalp like it normally would. Yes now they do say Scout okay, because I knew you were gon na bring this up. I will say the face is different. I imagine you're about to bring up the fact that they tell you to like shave, your facial hair, to make it grow back. Thicker and or more effective, you know how much Jamaican black, castor oil I had to purchase to get this [ __ ] to connect. This is like you think that this is how it started. No, no! No! This is years of like staying on top of it. Now, here's what I'll tell you and I'm I'm curious to hear both of your thoughts on this. What research would say is that that is simply time and genetics that made your [ __ ] connect much more than it was the uh connected 28 no Langston. It was hard work questions, so you were, you were, I got a beard at 19 and she didn't connect till 28. Are you hearing what I'm saying you were there a moment ago and now you're going with this [ __ ], because a thousand percent? That'S some black, castor oil it'll teach you right. It'S amazing with the hairline up front, which is really nice for me. You know it's a little thinner like you know. You said I was making black castor oil, so I mean the hair is more luscious. It'S growing! Better, it's just I'm not belittling the product. I'M just saying it sounds like it that it's not Miracle Grow you're, not Chia Pets. It'S it's! Your genetics changing over time that made your beard connect. Why would my genetics change to close it? Is? It doesn't even make [ __ ] sense that doesn't even make sense. I'M saying that that it is the the your body evolving. It'S not the genetics, my body evolving. What are you talking about? Oh my God, body evolving. You dug your heels in in a way that this is this conversation would never work because you keep being nuts. You know, you know how I got a beard. I got a beard from Jamaican black, castor oil blessings of God. That'S how I did it, I'm not! I'M not. This is insane what you're saying to me: Jeanette, there's no genetic reason that it would fill in late. Is this the same reason that that you, you didn't start off with the [ __ ] filled in you, yeah, that was testosterone and puberty and [ __ ] your testosterone levels change more as you get older. Maybe yours do hahaha! It'S the Jamaicans, the black, castor oil, because what did it? I was searching, high and low trying to figure out I used to have to go and the barber would be like you want me to just cut this little bit off here and I'd be like yeah. You might as well, and then I found black castor oil and it filled my [ __ ] in man. It'S like I'm a testament yeah. I just explain why you have a superior beer David. It worked and we could all. Thank you, man, this guy's over here. Trying to say it's because my [ __ ] body's giving out well, let me say, praise God: we we thank him every day for his contributions to your beard. You are a bad guy, you're, a bad guy, you're, a blasphemers as they say and uh. We'Re all super grateful for your for your perfect, castor oil beard uh. I did bump into some other sort of like uh, conspiracies arguments inside of this uh, that the hair grows back thicker when you cut it over time, which is also apparently not true. They do say that uh, basically cutting baby hair, because most children's hair is that new hair for, like the first six months, that even cutting a baby's hair in the first year is often it was hair that was already gon na kind of fall out on its Own, so you're really just playing uh with like some temporary ass hairs in the first place yeah. I think this is really like moms lamenting the fact that their children don't have like that brand new baby yeah yeah moms. We were like all of a sudden they're like I have to hold you here and now, you're like chew and you're like walking, and that everything is like a just. It'S not the same as it was, and that induces some level of like Panic of like time. Passing by too quickly or something like that, I really feel like a lot of people like you want to hold on to the baby years as much as possible. So really don't cut that hair, because that will be the thing that instigates change faster yeah. A part of me wondered and I'd be curious to hear both your thoughts on this. A part of me wondered if this connects back to some slavery, [ __ ]. Just that you know they used to shave slaves upon sort of like receipt of them or or exchange of them, they'd shave them or often catching them. They'D shave them to avoid, like you know, lice and [ __ ] other things that were potentially going to be carried in the hair. Also, you didn't give a [ __ ] about them as humans. So, like you do whatever you want to them. That said, it's like, if, if you had a generation of children who were then shaved, you are going to make Generations after of people who cherish hair in a way that you can't undo. If that makes sense totally, I have to think about like a lot of the laws in Surat like post-slavery to around black women and hair. Like we know in Louisiana, there was a law that all black women had to cover their hair because white women were, like you know their hair's fire and we're jealous. So please cover that [ __ ]. We don't want to see it. You know, and even into today we see a lot of how you know: schools like to police black children's hairstyles, which is irritating. I don't know if it's necessarily for like children goes back. I mean how much control do we have over our babies and their hair. Even back then I don't know I I can't imagine they were like all right. You cut your hair, but the baby can have pigtails like um everybody's ugly over here uh. As far as we're concerned, so cut it yeah yeah. We really don't care about your style. Personally, otherwise, right yeah, the uh. The other piece of research that that I sort of found myself bumping into was that there's a a bunch of other weird-ass conspiracies that people [ __ ] around with one of which, being that eating carrots or the heels of bread. Will make your child's hair curly have either of you heard that conspiracy between the heels of bread will make your tough that was invented by a grandfather who was like? Why do we always have a gila bread around there? You want your child that baby beautiful hair eat this heel of bread. Okay, please get out of my house he's like we're, not throwing away the booty bread, dude I'll, be honest. I like the booty bread. I don't know, I think it's better as like toast or like, if you uh sometimes - and maybe this is just a a bad eater's decision making. But sometimes you just eat a piece of bread and I the heel, the heel, bread that [ __ ] tastes good. When you just eat a piece of bread like no heat, just naked bread yeah, you just pick out a piece of bread and you go to town on that [ __ ]. I have never been so hungry. What we have different. We have different. Do you put stuff on it? No, sometimes I just fold it up grab it like you grab an apple. We do a whole wheat over at my house now, but but I've I've done it with Wonder Bread. I'Ve done it with all the breads. Oh, I wonder. Bread yucky uh, listen, I do like Wonder Brothers, I'm comfortable being the only one on this uh on this eating bread by itself I got a loaf of bimbo soft white right off camera, but yeah. I'M not gon na uh hear any disrespect for the Wonder. Bread Wonder Bread did a lot of good stuff for for a lot of dead people. It held this down in World War II. Definitely got us here, it's the best for peanut butter and jelly. Actually you, if you you're telling me that, if you had to make like a a Kraft, grilled cheese that you wouldn't prefer Wonder Bread for that, I would never make craft grilled cheese, because now we're going that's the root of this whole problem. I always just do like a Sourdough with like some monster cheese. Maybe you know well, I didn't know your middle name. Okay, my mom said French name, so other people like her and she'll be pushy and like fancy [ __ ], and I do I thought you went by Joelle Monique, but you are joelle's SpaceX Monique. As far as I'm concerned. Oh, you, don't ever you never got down on the craft singles as a child when I didn't have the option to buy my own groceries. Yes, I ate a craft singles cheese sandwich and I thought it was fine. I also ate my little Campbell Soup and it was good too, but now I have options. Okay, I live in California, we're the best. Damn Farmers, oh God, I love a farmer's market. They have a little French stand that sells. You, like the sourdough bread and the circular loaf listens are great. I I whoa, those are thick butts. I can't eat all that, but was that the last episode that was the last episode? That'S a little that's a little Easter egg for whoever gives a [ __ ]. But no I I look. I I am in no way suggesting that you can only eat a grilled cheese that way, or there aren't better ways of of experiencing these things or healthier ways. Rather, but I will say that there is no part of me that wants to run away from those roots that form the individual I am and, and God do, I owe a lot to a Wonder: Bread, ass, grilled cheese sandwich, uh yeah, you know sure uh, the Butternuts are the choice in my in my household, sometimes I'll, see the little blue and white checkered packaging and I'll get a little nostalgic for my childhood sugar, toast and [ __ ], but no we were or a wheat family. I had to beg for Wonder: Bread or wheat's good yeah, we all or we eat the brown one. That'S pretty tasty too. I I will say that I don't. There is no evidence of carrots and or booty bread being a source of making your hair curly. Again. Genetics is the thing that often does it. They do say that eating healthier does lead to like healthier hair, but I think that's like in the way that, like all things in our body are sort of symbiotic in that way that, like, if you put better Foods in your body, all your shit's gon na Work right better than it would have worked if you ate [ __ ], like you, know dirt that math checks out yeah. It feels it feels real everything. My personal favorite conspiracy that I I came across in looking up all this hair [ __ ] is a theory that people say you should wash your child's hair until it squeaks, hence the name or the the uh. The phrase squeaky clean. Now that's connected to slavery. Whoa, that's connected to sleep, say more yeah, I don't know so. I'M trying to remember the James Baldwin quilt. I'Ll paraphrase it there's a lot of thought and you can see it in Old advertising that black was dirty and particularly post slavery right when we're like pre-jim Crow, we're really working to assimilate and engage in like society, and the thing we're often told is like you're Dirty you're disgusting, you can be Porters, you can raise chickens, but that's it. These are. The lanes will allow you to occupy post slavery, and so we see going past that into uh, Jim Crow and Beyond. There'S this fear that if we are not pristinely clean, then we can be observed as being dirty and filthy and that will hold you and possibly the entire race back, because you know one of us equals all of us. So I really think that, like the idea of needing to be perfectly Polished is a reaction to how we were treated post-slavery, I will say - and I don't want to bring up the specifics, because I don't want to incriminate anybody. I was recently in a conversation about who we thought the cleanest race was oh whoa, whoa did you did y'all land on a uh on a on a agreed race? Black people were the cleanest and I'm not gon na go down the list, because you have to tell me no, you have to tell me if you're a cop, all right, not today, yeah yeah, that's fair, but we definitely did get in a heated. A heated debate about uh yeah, who do you think, is the cleanest race. I know black people have the cleanest because of the way the internet reacts anytime. We talk about just washing a leg. Yes watching just let water roll down your body like uh. What and that's like who told you that who didn't you did you? How did you is it strange to ask? How did you learn how to wash? I don't think that's strange to ask at all. Like I mean, I don't know, like my mom's, showing me how to watch, it was like they were interesting. It was like a game like oh get, you get the washcloth and then you rub it up and you get it soapy, and you rub here and you rub it yeah yeah. There was a checklist when you got out of the shower. Did you yeah you brush? Your teeth, let me smell you, you wash your nods, yes, yes, I did yeah. No, I I think it was similar where you know bath time to somebody is like hey have fun, but you know, let's get serious about it, we're in here to work too yeah. We got ta win, you know yeah, but it is that's [, __, ] terrifying. The idea of I didn't even know hair could squeak. If I'm being honest, that you would wash it to the point that it would make a. I don't think my [ __ ] squeaks a noise. I did think maybe that was a white thing, so I was surprised to hear you Joelle say it's a slave thing, although I believe you uh, because I don't know if black people ever said squeaky clean, but the idea that you needed that level of cleanliness. I think is definitely a thread that runs on the black community, but yeah I thought white people's hair was the only one that could even possibly speaking squeak. That would be impressive. I think if you had like a a sponge and you rubbed it sharply across a white lady's hair laying down it, might make like a almost like a [ __ ]. Excuse me like a Jennifer, Aniston white lady though, like it's got a oh who's. Goop Gwyneth Paltrow yeah, like if you rub a sponge across Gwyneth Paltrow's hair it'll play like a [ __ ] harp. You know what I mean like it'll it'll squeak out. If you play it backwards, it tells you to worship the devil. Oh, it's a devil heart. Let'S be clear it ain't this is this, isn't a heart made by No Angels the devil's heart. This is a fallen angel, ass heart that we're listening to, but it is a heart yeah. I I even the the idea of washing hair that often feels like a white thing. I know that most black people do not wash their hair every day that that isn't, I think, that's too much. It feels crazy, yeah right so you're right here is build up oils and stuff differently husband. I I don't wash my hair. I just use nuts and berries from the forest, but I actually do wash my hair every day, but I think it's because I have uh a white father who gave me oily scalp, like you, wash your hair every single day. Well, I think I got like white people, oil, shampoo and condition yeah. I try to condition it every day. Wow. I forgot what happens if you don't have you ever just tried to be like I'm rugged, nah I'd just be like cakey and [ __ ]. You know I mean, like white people have to wash it every day because then they're like how straight is your hair yeah I've had braids multiple times in my life and there's no need for us to discuss that anymore. Someone find pictures send them to me. Maybe how about you mind your goddamn business? How about that bridge? Like do you remember Lloyd? I bet you had braids like Lloyd. I did yeah back. That was even my Lloyd coach for sure you want to get it shoddy man, oh no! No! I like the smooth, Lloyd, okay, okay, that's like the vulgar, Lloyd yeah. You like a club and push your weight on it. That'S what I was into no. What are we talking for you washing your hair? How often are we talking? I have 80d. I can barely keep track of what's Happening to moment uh. I know I just feel it. It doesn't need to be washed. Is it gross, I would say, probably I've, never let more than two weeks go by Washington yeah, but I got like I got that like uh, I got like a condition or a situation, so I like I watch it and then I I like leave the conditioner. Oh yeah, you got to because that's how you got ta like really set and cook in there and you like, wrap it up in a towel, so you get the heat in there. Then you do like cool Brands, I just wash it and and rinse it and then put the conditioner in and rinse that out and I go about my day, but you don't use a two in one. Usually I could see you being a two-in-one. I I have. He said he's dabbled in two and one I don't do it currently, but don't use the three in one, though, is that like Irish Spring? No, I don't know I've seen it it's like on the bottom Step at Walgreens, but they definitely have three in one where it's like. You can't tell me, I'm gon na use the same liquid to get all this stuff. The way it needs to get. No. Thank you hell coming out of that shower. No, no, let me tell you both. I'Ve listened and uh hey. If they add I'm about to brush my teeth with it, it's a conditioner or shampoo. It'S it's a body wash and it's a thick mouthwash. It is well. I think we did it. I think we nailed this. I feel good about it. Yeah Joelle. Could you tell the people where they can find you and what cool [ __ ] you have going on yeah. You can find me all over the Internet actual Monique. It'S j-o-e-l-l-e-m-o-n-i-q-u-e. I have a newsletter coming out. Hopefully soon, I'm gon na talk some Black History Month movies. You should be watching underrated and you know also about the last of us, which I am just obsessed with so good uh. That'S a good goddamn show. Oh [ __ ], it's so good! Okay! I can't I can't just drop it under raid real fast, though, just like an underrated black movie. You should watch yes, um, I'm probably just gon na watch hoodlum every day, but I need something on top of that. It'S on YouTube, it's from the Harlem Renaissance, and there is this Baddie she's, the like hottest woman in Harlem or something they called it. Red fox red fox is Domino. That'S funny! Oh watch it yeah just playing a character named Domino. I mean yeah. Okay, most beautiful woman, Hollywood, sorry, Harlem Francine Everett was her name and the name of the movie Mama find it. I'M excited yeah me too yeah. It'S cool to see like Harlem Renaissance movies, because these are like the first black portrayals are just like regular-ass black life, and if you want to see older movies that are not tragedy porn but like actually about lived experiences, that's the way to go. It'S so good lost boundaries is a 1949 movie. She did that. I highly recommend, and I think you can find it on YouTube. I think the whole movie is there. Also dirty Gertie from Harlem is a lot of fun. You can try both of those and hey. Go watch Two Can Play That Game. That also is uh underrated. As far as I'm concerned, there's so much love in basketball. Perfectly rated, oh yeah, we'll get the criteria on collection version. It'S good yeah! Do you love that movie Hell Yeah Boy? Could you tell the people where they can find you? What should you yeah? You can find me a cool guy jokes87 on Instagram. You can come to see our show February 16th. At the Legion Theater February 17th. You can come see high note, Comedy Denver, headliner Katrina, Davis, uh, and then you can. Let me open up my calendar. This is a spaceship. It always doesn't think I think the problem is I put my face in when I was high and then it doesn't matter. I get it do I get it March 23rd. Through 26th, I'm gon na be at Rooster: Teeth, feathers in Sunnyvale, California, March 31st. Through April 1st, I'm going to be at the Dallas comedy club and April 7th through 10th, I'm going to be in Anchorage Alaska for the before you die, Festival, buy tickets, it'll be great or it won't be. I can't promise you anything, but I love you. [ __ ] yeah go see, borian and all of his adventures and as always, you can uh follow us. You can subscribe now to the YouTube. My mama told me has a YouTube. We would love for you to just 1 000 new subscribers and he's gon na. Take out those nunchucks, that's right, uh, the nunchucks are coming out at a thousand subscribers and we're getting damn close, I'm currently in Atlanta. So I I haven't been able to train, but but as soon as I get back, I'm saying get away from me. Child I've got training to do. I'M talking to my baby, get the [ __ ]. Out of here you piece of [ __ ]. I got ta train because we've got a thousand people to agree to this nonsense. Oh oh, buy live tickets, the live tickets. We would love for you to come to the live show but, more importantly, not more importantly, but equally importantly, if you cannot come to the live show, we would love for you to buy tickets to stream. The live show at moments, a house. They are streaming. The live show for seven days after the show, so if you cannot make it to LA because you're you're, poor and or ugly do it, do it online stream it and and get your ugly poor, ass and watch it at home all right! Well, that's all! I got ta say bye, [, __ ]. Look if you hate cops, just because they're cops. The next time you get in trouble. Call a crackheads Washington internment can't tell me nothing.