Being Non Binary With Long Hair... When You Have Short Hair...

Hello, how's it going welcome to the elephant in the room. What the hell is this like got ta tell you i did not. I did not miss this part of yeah, okay um, so hi uh, i made a video a few years ago, called being non-binary with long hair and i'll put that in the description. If you haven't seen it, i'm sure you have it's my most watched video to date and i still receive comments on it, which is awesome. It'S uh, it's so cool and i still like every once in a while. Like i don't know, i feel like like once a month, maybe on average or whatever it gets like a new influx of people and there's like new people being like hey. This is really helpful and it's very cool. It'S really cool to see um and i i always kind of meant to make another one, because it's pretty old and then uh. Clearly, i cut my hair, so i i want to talk today about being non-binary with long hair, even though i don't have long hair right now, um and i think that that's an interesting part of this conversation um, perhaps because i know a lot of people that Comment on that video um comment on it and there there's definitely been a bunch of comments of people being like. I want to cut my hair, or i wanted to cut my hair to present more masks and uh. This was like made me think. Maybe i don't have to or like a whole bunch like a whole, a whole range of like um people's hair experiences and people wanting to cut their hair, not wanting to cut their hair and changing their mind and yada yada. So i want to talk about my experiences as going from a non-binary person, with long hair to cutting my hair and now experiencing being a non-binary person with short hair, and a lot has gone on in time frame that i've cut my hair, i spent uh several Months in, like um, crazy uh like recovery having to like hash through a bunch of um transphobia like internalized, transphobia and homophobia and stuff. So i've been gone for a while um from uh queer spaces in general and lgbt spaces in general, because i needed a break to sort of sort out some of my own um, but i've mostly come through. I think i'm coming through to the other side of all of that now, so i'm feeling more uh excited to talk about this, so i started growing my hair many many many years ago. The story of me growing. My hair is in that that original video uh and i grew my hair basically for a long time. I basically didn't really cut it. Any substantial amount, for i think the most i cut off of it was maybe like four inches at one point, um for quite a few years and by the time we get to the beginning of this this story, my hair was probably at my like natural waist. So, like maybe like elbow like when you're out when your arms are down, like maybe like elbow length, ish um, the longest parts of it, it's pretty pretty long, um, there's videos of it being that long and it was black uh on this channel. So if you wan na see it in action, uh, that's where that's where it was, and so basically yeah. It was pretty pretty freaking long and i um i dyed it black, like with just a non like. Oh, it's the word like non-chemical dye or something i don't know what the thing but like it doesn't react to your hair. It just like deposits pigment in your hair. It doesn't like actually change the color of your hair and then it just washes out um. So i dyed it black, it was black for a bit and then it was like rinsing out. It was starting to turn kind of green we've. Been there, i've been there, it's shitty, no, it's terrible. I just have dirt on my elbow whatever i'll deal with that. Later um so yeah it was black and then in the and super long and then in may of this year. I think um i'd been really struggling with my hair for a long time and to be clear, i've been struggling with my hair for hair reasons, not gender representation, representation, presentation reasons uh, my hair is curly wavy, it's dry as all hell. I live in an incredibly dry climate um and it's just like i was just. I was trying to get it to like look nice and trying to get like my curls to like revive, and it was just like so long and so heavy and so dry. And it was just like a poofy woolly mess, and it was just like not going with anything that i wanted it to be, and it was just we were in hell me and my hair were in hell for quite a while, and we were on the outs For a bit there uh and i'm really struggling, and there was some hair acceptance struggling as well like i was doing a lot of in that winter. I was doing a lot of like oh well. My hair would be nicer if it was straight and like, and then i mean spent all summer doing that with my sexuality anyway, um there was a lot of self-acceptance issues going on about my hair texture and it's like it's appearance and so on and so forth. None of those related to gender representation, like i made my piece with that ages ago, um and so yeah, and then i was. I was also like exploring a lot of other things and letting go of a lot of stuff, and i was feeling kind of stagnated. Spiritually and like feeling like, maybe my hair, was adding to that and like just a bunch of things, and so i decided in may in late may that i was going to start fresh and i mean start fresh, so i literally shaved all of my hair off. I had, i think i went down to 1 8 of an inch which is like really short um, and that was crazy. I never ever would have suspected that i would be somebody that would do that. I'D never been interested in doing that. I'D never wanted to do that. You know like we've, all we've all like been around those people that are like, oh, my god, i've just like always wanted to shave my head and it's like. I was never one of those people. I always loved my hair. I never wanted to shave my head, like the whole thing like i was just like no now, but i really needed to let go of many things and um, and that was part of it. I mean that hair was a whole slew of history. So anyway, i shaved my head long and short of it, and my hair was really short and i haven't really cut my hair since then, like obviously, i've cut it because now it's in a shape so like i've, cut this sort of bottom part, but like the Top part, like this part, hasn't hasn't been cut since may so this is just like all the growth and it's just gon na yeah. It'S gon na stay like that: okay, um, that's cool, so so yeah, i shaved it and for the first, like two threeish weeks ish, i would say of it being shaved before it started to grow. It was amazing, like i just i felt so free so much of my time and energy. It was just like freed up because i just didn't have to worry about hair at all. It was just not a thing in my mind anymore. I didn't, i suddenly didn't, need all these products and all this like hair stuff that i had - and it was just like it was great. It was amazing and then um and then it started to grow. And now it's pretty hard like there was some really awkward stages in the middle there that were just hell uh that just looked bad and there's just nothing. You could do about it and that was terrible and then now it's sort of at this stage and i'm i'm enjoying it like it, doesn't look terrible all the time i mean right now. It'S ridiculous, but i wouldn't say it looks terrible. I mean this part back here, whatever um, but now that it's sort of like now, it's entering the phases of short that i've had it before and that i had my hair for long periods of my life and i'm finding it really really brutal. Because it's just bringing me back to like certain periods of my life and also i just don't i don't like like i don't like the way it affects my expression and i think that's something. That'S really interesting so like i think that you should always explore and that, if you are somebody who's, uh, non-binary or whatever you know like you, don't even have to be non-binary if you're, just whatever, and you want to cut your hair and like explore the way That that affects your expression. I think you totally should um, but i think you should do it with like open, open, mind and and know that and like try and be able to sort out what is what is it making you feel like, and what is it doing to your expression in Society and what those like experiences are, because, obviously now that i'm back in the like short hair, whatever realm, i come across typically like socially as much more sort of androgynous and much more like queer and much more. Just like oh something's, up with you and like in terms of the like something not super straight, is up with you and like i. I don't hate that because obviously i i am queer and i am kind of androgynous and i enjoy. I don't know if i enjoy it, i don't enjoy it with straight people, but i do enjoy it with other people in the community. I like being visible to other people in the community, and i like people being able to look at me and be like. Oh, you seem like you're part of my gang and be like yes, yes, i am, but i don't like i don't like uh like it doesn't feel like me. That'S what i'm that's what i'm trying to say like. Where are the words? That'S what i'm trying to say it doesn't feel like me, this is not my expression. This is not how i express my gender and it's not my preferred presentation. It'S not bad like some of it's bad, it kind of messes, with my confidence a bit sometimes for sure um, and i definitely feel that - and it's not like it has had some effects on my mental health. Definitely um. It'S not all like roses, and it's not all just like oh neutral, like i definitely feel some kind of negative about it sometimes, but in general i would say it's not like the worst thing ever, but it's not me like it's, not my. It'S not my preferred, and i so cannot wait until my hair is back to being like at least like here, like i feel like by the time my hair gets to like here i'll, be feeling better like i'll, be feeling more like myself and i'll be feeling More like me and i'll, be feeling more like. I can express myself the way that i want to express myself and uh and i'll be feeling more in tune when i like see myself uh in photos and like in the mirror and stuff so yeah. So that's been hard for me. I had to cut my hair for other reasons, like non-gender related reasons, and i was worried about the experience of this and i was worried about exactly this. What happened with me feeling kind of not comfortable and not 100. In my uh skin, but i think in some ways that's also important because, like that's helped me, i think explore some of those things and go through some of those things again and feel them again and yada yada and i think also in some ways that will Help in the future, when my hair is long again, i think it will help me to feel more confident in my identity and to feel more confident in my expression, knowing that. That is how i want to express myself, and that is how i feel uh good and, like not, everybody needs to do that. Obviously, it's not something you need to do, but for me, um with my super anxious brain it's nice for me to have like things that i can look back on and be like see. Remember when you did that, and it was not good like that, wasn't good! So this other thing is good and like remember that, like it's good, because i do a lot of doubting, i do a lot of doubting, there's a lot of doubt um, so i'm a classic person of being like. Maybe it's not true, maybe maybe i'm not. Actually this and this and this so i do a lot of questioning and a lot of doubting, and so i think for me having that thing of being, like oh yeah, we'll remember six months ago, when you cut your hair and it was short and you didn't Feel like yourself and it was kind of shitty for several months, and you just wanted your long hair back, so you could feel like you again. I think that'll be nice, but also who knows, maybe my hair will grow and i'll be like you know what? Actually? This doesn't feel like me, and that's also cool, so it's cool to change. It'S cool to discover new things about yourself. All these things are great, but please remember that if you want to keep your long hair and you are someone who is like non-binary or trans - and you are in a traditionally feminized body, and so the idea of long hair is too feminizing um for your expression Or whatever, and that freaks you out just remember that that is society's. That is not your and you can absolutely heal those views in yourself and you can represent something else in the world and it doesn't matter because other people can't touch your identity, and i know that it affects people. It does affect people and i'm not trying to belittle that it totally affects people. We all have to live in society and, if you have to do certain things, to make your path and society more comfortable for you, that is okay, but if you don't want to do those things, if you want to push back, if this is how you feel Comfortable - and this is what you want to do, do it okay, because, like you can look, however, the you want, and it does not detract from who you are. It doesn't change your identity, it doesn't change anything about you and if other people are like, oh well, your long hair is just so girly, then they're idiots, that's them being an idiot and that's them being ignorant and that's them not knowing anything and that's them. Not being able to disassociate the idea of long hair with feminine, which is, and if you need some healing on any of this, just go and do some do some brief. Do some some history? Okay, do some basic history of clothing, of hair of makeup, of all of these, like traditional expression, things things that build our expression. Do some research on those, because i promise you that all of those things that you thought were super femme have not been most of them have not been. All of them have not been like the historical portrait of what a man looks like and what manliness is would be unbelievably femme by today's standards. So kick the standards of the window because they don't exist, they're all made up and you can make them up as whatever you want, because they're all made up in the first place. So just like make them what you want and to my non-binary crew, who has long hair. I love you and i miss you like hell and i am coming back for you like. I still am i still in my heart and soul. I am still a non-binary person with long hair, like i still draw myself with long hair, because i i'm not drawing this. This is not me. This is not like how i look in my soul, so it might be how i look on the outside right now, because i unfortunately needed to let go of my hair, and that was important for my development and my growth, spiritually and just like in other parts Of my life, so i had to do that and i had to sort of sacrifice that and i will be enjoying my short hair while i have it for what it's worth. But i am coming back to my truest expression, and that is my long hair and i will be here and as far as i'm concerned, like i don't know you fight me all you want, but like i'm still a long-haired non-binary person and like you can't touch That it's still there you can see the long hair. You can see the shadow of it right now. I know you can okay cool. So that's that's the story of that uh, bae i'll, be back. Maybe i don't know i'm never. Who knows? Who knows? That'S? Not! That'S not real i'll, just i'll be around when i'm around. Obviously bye