My Friend Is Insisting That I Wear A Wig To Be A Bridesmaid In Her Wedding R/Relationships
- Posted on 02 December, 2022
- Pixie
- By Anonymous
Relationship Reddit Stories, OP was requested to be a bridesmaid at her friends wedding but as the wedding got closer she said that she wants her to wear a wig and then eventually the truth comes.
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0:00 Intro
0:21 Story 1
3:33 Story 1 Comments
5:57 Story 1 Update
9:08 Update Comments
9:47 Story 2
12:50 Story 2 Comments
16:25 Story 2 Update
18:39 Update Comments
#redditupdate #redditrelationship #redditstories
Hey hey waffle gang. I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more relationship stories and if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like subscribe? Maybe that notification bell too. Let'S crack on with today's first story, which comes from strict Mastodon, who says: am I the [ __ ] for refusing to wear a wig to my friend's wedding? Just as a little background, I grew up in a very strict Christian family, where I wasn't allowed to cut my hair ever because hair is a woman's crown. It was down to my knees by the time I escaped to 18.. Ever since then, I've either had a pixie, a buzz cut or have been totally bald, because I cannot stand the heavy feeling of long hair or all the brushing washing detangling after dealing with it for so many years. So that's a big reason, I'm so stubborn about this issue. Also, all of my friends involved in the story have always known me as the girl with no hair right now. I'M bold because I always shave my head completely for the summer. One of my good friends is getting married in August and she chose me to be one of her bridesmaids. Everything had been cool, she's always been the sweetest person, and she showed no signs of going bridezilla before this until she caught me up about three weeks ago and asked me if I could do her a favor and wear a wig to her wedding. She explained that she wanted all of her bridesmaids to match and that she wanted us all to look good in the pictures I told her. I really didn't want to get a wig and we've been on bad terms. Ever since all of our friends are on her side, because it's just a wig and it's not like she's asking you to grow out your hair for the wedding. So she's, not the one being unreasonable, and I know I can be very stubborn, sometimes which I guess is the reason I'm posting here. The thing is, I don't know how many of you will be aware of this, but a wig that will actually look good and realistic is expensive. I'Ve already paid for a bridesmaid's dress, new shoes and plane tickets, as well as a small deposit for the person who's going to do our makeup. This wedding has already cost me a fortune could afford a wig if I wanted to, but do I really want to spend the money on something I'll, never wear again when I've already spent a ton not really also. This is going to be on a plantation in Louisiana in August, I'm already going to be hot and uncomfortable, and a wig will make things a thousand times worse. My biggest reason - and this is why my friends are saying I'm the [ __ ] - is the principle of the thing I feel like it implies. I look bad because I don't have hair, which I personally don't think is true - is being bold, so hideous I'll ruin. Her pictures is she going to make her balding father wear a toupee, and I think the I want us to match thing is stupid already wearing matching dresses. Why isn't that enough? I know it's her day and we're supposed to make her happy, but isn't there a line? I'Ve offered to wear a cute headscarf as a compromise? If my ball head is that offensive, but she's not having it, I'm still in the bridal party and invited, but I don't know for how much longer honestly am I the [ __ ] for not wanting to wear a wig edit, just to add two things: one She'S not willing to pay or reimburse me for the week in part or in full two, along with a headscarf I'd, also be willing to grout my hair out into a pixie cut. The wedding is at the beginning of August, so so to still be really short, though, but we're gon na go to the comments and we're going to start with a deleted user who says not the [ __ ]. If she had a problem with your appearance, then why the hell did she make you her bridesmaid you're, a friend? Well, friends: don't try to change their friends to satisfy their vanity issues. Another deleted user replies that saying this 100. You shouldn't have to change your appearance to be part of a wedding. Your friend knew the deal when she asked you demanding you do something other than wear a specific dress and shoes is bridezilla. In my opinion, another deleted user says no one's an [ __ ]. Here you shouldn't have to wear a wig if you don't want to, but I don't think your friend is unreasonable to ask. I hate my BFF's hairstyle choice. I would have asked her for a different one for my wedding, because to me it's pictures from my wedding and I would be the one looking at them. It was less about me not respecting my friend in the picture and more of seeing my friend in a style I wanted. I can see both sides and I'm sorry you're in the situation. Percy says not the [ __ ], the bride. Wanting you to wear a wig to look good in photos is ridiculous and just insulting describing her as bridezilla sounds about right. Opie responds saying the thing is she hasn't been a bridezilla at all before this, and I didn't think she would have been capable of it. Considering her personality asking something like this of me is very unlike her posea says not the [ __ ]. If she cares about you enough to ask you to stand up for her at a wedding, she should respect you and love you enough to let you be yourself, I don't understand why Brides would want to see their friends looking like anything but people. They know and love in pictures if you don't conform, you may be asked to step down, but you should have an honest conversation with her and tell her that you are offended if someone asked me to change because I didn't fit in with their look. I'D wonder why they even asked me to begin with. She knew you were you when she asked you. Why would she want you to be anyone other than yourself when you stand as a witness for her Opie responds, saying I'd be fine with stepping down if she won't budge on this, except I already spent so much money on being in the bridal party. So it adds insult to injury. Ligi says no one's an [ __ ]. Here you have your principles. Bride has ideas of what she wants for her wedding, since those two aren't meshing, then, maybe remove yourself from the bridal party be prepared, though, to possibly lose a friend over this. So now we're going to move on to op's update, which says so. First of all, thank you so much for your replies and advice. I'M writing an update post, because things ended up working out well and because I want people to see my friend isn't actually a horrible person like people were saying she was. My texts are asking: if we could work things out over a phone call, we don't live in the same state, so our relationship is over phone and text. It turns out a lot of. You were right and my friend was being pressured to ask me to wear a wig, a future mother-in-law found out about my shaved head and pitched a fit. Like I said in a comment, my friend can be a huge pushover and this woman is apparently a nightmare. She'S also paying for the vast majority of the wedding, so my friend felt even more beholden than what she wanted. That'S why she told me she couldn't pay for the wig mother-in-law refused to neither of them knew how expensive a good wig can be. My friend only found out when I told her over the phone. That'S also why our dresses, shoes and makeup weren't covered it turns out. My friend is mortified by what she sees as her mother-in-law, making her look cheap and greedy, but she didn't want to tell us that, because she's already embarrassed to be relying on her mother-in-law's money, apparently it's her fiance's family, insisting on a huge, extravagant wedding. That'S why our reasons didn't ring true to me as well. She didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me that her mother-in-law was being so judgmental of me, so she basically blurted out the first thing that came into her head. She assured me that she thinks I look great with short hair and apologize for making me think she thought I looked bad. I know people will question how I can believe her, but I've been friends with her for nearly 10 years and I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. We'Ve been there for each other for a lot and really care about one another. I'M still side eyeing the Plantation wedding, but I didn't tell her that because she seemed so stressed out by essentially being bullied by her fiance's family. I didn't want to pile on. I do know for a fact that she only wanted that venue for the big oak trees all over the property which are admittedly beautiful to the plantation's website, and they do acknowledge slavery, evils and even have a memorial to everyone who was enslaved there. So that makes me feel slightly better. I did tell her that asking me as a mixed girl to wear a blonde. Wig could be seen as racially insensitive, and I explained why she was horrified and apologized over and over sincerely. She wants to stand out from her bridesmaid in pictures and she didn't even consider the racial implications of asking me because most of her bridesmaids are blonde she's kind of oblivious to things like that. So are a lot of people, but the few times I've had to point out something she said could be hurtful she's always been understanding. Instead of defensive. I decided I'm going to grab my hair as much as possible for the wedding just to help her not get grief from her Monster-in-Law it'll still be pretty short. So that's, okay, she's fine with that too, except she was worried. I still have to deal with snide remarks from her fiance's family. I reassured her that, after nearly a decade with short hair, I've pretty much heard it all. By the time we hung up. I felt way better, not only about the wedding, but about our friendship soon. As I saw Plantation wedding in the first post, and then it started talking about the blonde wig as well, I was just like: oh my palm was on my forehead thinking. Oh, my word just think. There'S another story out there about this wedding that went on that. Wasn'T this that certainly wasn't the end of that story, especially from Friends, point of view she's, a part of that family as well, potentially, if they're still together, of course, that mother-in-law sounds like an absolute nightmare. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let'S move on to another story, and our next story comes from the Mi, the [ __ ] subreddit from a deleted user and does come with an update as well titled. Am I the [ __ ] for spending a large amount of money in a trip with my Dad? Instead of paying the debt on my boyfriend's house, I-29 female recently got into a fight with my boyfriend, 30 male and his family, because I refused to spend my savings in a house payment that could result in him getting kicked out of the house so context. I'Ve dealt with mental health problems all my life, but when I turned 20 I was at my worst due to that. I couldn't maintain a stable job while studying in college. My parents have always been supportive with me. They let me live with them, and my Dad paid for my psychologist medicines or my college education and maintained me until I was 24, while also taking care of my mum and my three younger siblings, he's a super, hard work. Man and I've seen him quit things. He enjoys and loves to give me and my siblings the best he can top tier parenting, and I love him to death fast forward to this year, have a stable job that pays really well, and I've been saving money for the past five years, because I want To do something for my dad as a thank you for all the sacrifices he has done for me. His dream has always been to go to Disney World we're not from the USA and stay in one of those fancy hotels, but he was never able to do it and now that he has retired, he thought he would never be able to. So I have been saving money in secret to make it happen. The only one that knew about my savings was my mum and she loved the idea. I'Ve been with my boyfriend for one and a half years now he has a good job, but he's not the best at taking care of his economy. He bought his house before he met and he's still paying for it due to his poor management of money. He started accumulating a debt in the house payments and a few weeks ago he told me there was a chance of him losing his house if he doesn't pay the debt. Last week I finally reached my goal and had enough money to take my dad to his dream trip. Just the two of us. I told my boyfriend and I was really excited, but he was livid and told me that how could I be so selfish and go on a stupid vacation trip when he is about to be kicked out of his house? He also told me that if we were in it for the long run, I should help him to get out of his dead, because that could eventually be my house too. We didn't live together. I live in a small apartment. He also told me that his trust was betrayed because I've been hiding the money savings from him and a good partner does not do that. I told him it was not my responsibility to pay for his debt, but he kept yelling at me, and so I left he told his mum and sister about it, and now both of them have been harassing me going to my apartment and to my work telling Me how horrible I am for not helping him and trying to convince me to pay his debt. I get that my boyfriend is going through a hard time, but this is something I've been working really hard to achieve and since my dad is starting to have difficulties to walk with his eyesight and his health in general is getting worse, I don't want to wait Any longer to take him in this trip, am I the [, __ ], look to me in this one you're not married. Your finances are not tied. You don't even live together at the moment and he's trying to manipulate you by saying his trust has been betrayed because he was hiding savings from him and a good partner does not do that and then he's sending his family around to harass you to try and Give over the money yeah someone did that to me. I wouldn't want to be with them end of story, and I would definitely be taking your dad to Disney World. It sounds like you're going to have an absolute wonderful time together, and I wish I could see his face when you surprise him with that, because yeah tearing up thinking about it and now we're gon na go to some of the comments from Shadow Fox who says Not the [ __ ], your boyfriend needs to learn how to handle his own debt. You don't even live with him, so why in the world, would you be paying for his mortgage? Please find someone who treats you much better. Take that on the trip enjoy yourself and lose a deadbeat in the dust gem says not the [ __ ], but I hope he'll soon be your ex soon he's not responsible enough to be a long-term partner, you're, not living together, married or have kids, Etc. You'Re. Simply boyfriend and girlfriend who have no obligation at all sister and Mum can bail him out, but let me guess they won't dump him and file for harassment if they keep turning up at your house and employment also speak to your manager about the situation and landlord Management where you live, they might start damaging your property. People can turn when it comes to money edit and enjoy your holiday with your dad. Please go on this once in a lifetime trip, and I think that comment does make a good point about you know. Looking after your property, because we've seen far worse, it sounds extreme that someone would, you know, come and damage your property, but they're already turned up at your place of employment to harass you about handing over money to their son and brother anyway. We continue with the comments from first bumblebee 179, who says not the [ __ ]. You saved your money to take your dad on a trip of a lifetime. The dad has been there for you, and this is a beautiful way to show your appreciation partner, on the other hand, has not spent his money wisely and expects you to bail out of his debt is actually a good thing. He didn't know that you were saving money. His mother and sister can bail him out. They have no right to be harassing you about what you do with your money. I think maybe it's time to move on from this relationship, enjoy your trip with your father and make wonderful memories. No bodybuilder says not the [ __ ], don't give him a penny, enjoy the trip to Disney with your dad. If your boyfriend knows you're going to bail him out when things get tough, then he'll probably be a worse spender. Relying on you to bail him out again needs to own up to his mistakes, and hopefully this shock of losing this house might make him be more careful with money. Also, you could bail him out and you could break up in a month's time and you'd have wasted all that money which could have been used to create Everlasting memories with your dad. You won't be getting the money back and you'll have no say a boyfriend, and family should not be asking you for this money, he's being extremely selfish. Family should bail him out or he can move back in with them, and a final comment from that girl Tasha who says he already found out about your money he's known for months. He already planned to use it for himself. It'S why he got so behind on payments. He either overheard you planning or saw a bank statement he's only in this to use you don't even live together. Why should you say for years to pay all his bills when he didn't under no circumstance? Should you give him a cent or stay with him and certainly don't marry him, not the [, __ ], so now we're gon na move over to Opie's update to find out what happened next, which says: Okay. First! Thank you all. So much for the advice and knocking some sense into me. I'Ve read all the comments and tried to watch my situation from all the perspectives you gave me. So. Thank you. So here is what happened after things: calm down a little, my boyfriend, and I talked he actually apologized and told me that he never intended to come that aggressive. It was just very stressed with his situation and took it on me. You also talked to his mother and sister to stop harassing me. He told me he didn't know they went to see me that he only vented with them because he was angry but never told them to do anything which I kinda believe his family has always been. A bit too much, he recognized that this was not okay from him to expect money from me, but he did wanted to be with me and he even started talking about living together. I told him I understood that he was stressed and I also apologize for being insensitive and talk about spending all that money on a trip, but I knew he was struggling. I was totally on me and I did feel bad for that, but I told him he had no right to be mad at me for keeping my savings a secret when he hasn't been transparent with his finances either. I didn't even know how much death he was in till that day because he never wanted to talk about it with me. Basically, I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone that reacts that way about something I care so much about and accuse me of being selfish, so I broke up with him say: maybe we needed some time apart and he was not happy About that long story short, it was a very dramatic and nasty breakup, but I got out of there and I am safe for now. Thankfully you're a right, I dodged a bullet there. I also managed to keep it from my dad, so the trip is still a surprise for him got ta. Thank my mum for that. I'Ve already started to book things for the trip, I'm planning to do it in October, since I've seen Halloween as a really huge thing. There also hoping the wave in Florida passes I rescheduled for next year. If necessary. I saw all the tips in the comments and I took notes, so thank you guys for those too I'll give my dad the news on his birthday mid-september once I have everything booked and ready again. Thank you all so much and I got ta say Opie had me in the first half there when they were saying you know he approached her and said you know, he's very stressed out and he's sorry took the situation out on op. They talked to his mother and sister and said: you know, they'll stop harassing, but then he said how about we move in together. I was like, oh no, don't do it Opie, don't do it. I hope he continued in saying you know that she was sorry for being insensitive about spending all that money on the trip, and I thought this isn't going the way I thought it was gon na go, but then, when he did talk about moving in together, so It had me feeling you know this is certainly a move on his part to save his ass again and then, when he breaks up, he again shows his true colors once again and it's all nasty breakup because he didn't get his way. Basically, but now I turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Imagine yourself as op in that first story. What would you have done in that moment was that a breakup for you there and then, or was there a way around it? You think, let me know your thoughts down down in the comments below, if you have a moment of your time, of course, and just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your Love, support and time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so much for being involved and don't forget at the very end of the video there'll, be a couple of playlists there for you. That will, if you click on it, will scroll through the video so whatever you're up to running guards whatever it will continue to scroll through them automatically for you and just a huge thank you once again, and I will see you in the next one - take care Much love foreign
Comments
Keisha Iz Awesome: Soon as I heard plantation wedding, OP being biracial and blonde wig I wasn't surprised to hear about the MIL having a problem and knew it wasn't about OPs hair smh
Raptoress: Story 1: the friend doesn't sound that great, if she can't stand up for her friend. Asking the friend wether she actually wants to deal with this horrid family for the rest of her life sounds like necessary tough love.
MisterNightfish: Story 2: Hard time or not, if you're not even living together the BF has no leg to stand on. That he sends his family to harrass OP pushes it into irreconciable territory.
andyawe13: Story 2 there is no excuse for this behavior. None. Do not let him back. He had no right to be mad and he definitely shouldn't have told his family. And then he was dramatic and nasty. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. People like this are users and dangerous.
Deedoof: Story 1: Given the info about the BFF's future monster-in-law, I would ask BFF if she really wants to marry into this family. Fiancé's family is deciding everything for the wedding? MIL's holding money over her head? What about future career paths, and kids? Are they going to dictate that as well? I'd tell this woman to run!
andyawe13: I remember story 2. Boyfriend was so out of line. This didn't happen to him like he lost his job or got scammed or robbed, he made poor financial decisions. You saved for your dad who's done so much for you. Dump your BF. This behavior is a huge marinara flag. A grown ass man trying to swindle me out of money and tattling to mummy is a no for me. I'd never accept that. It's not even lying about a savings. This money is earmarked for only this thing.
Brandy B: Story 2, he apologized and said he was thinking about them moving in together because him blowing up on her and sending his family around didn't get the money so he thought being nice would get it. He wasn't sorry and that's why the breakup was so nasty. It was just another manipulation tactic on his part.
alyzu: I'll never understand why brides choose their bridesmaids and then demand they make physical changes in order to "look alike". And demand they pay for it all, on top of it. The first comment is right on. (BTW, most people don't look at their wedding photos nearly as much as they think they will.) Update: Yeah, the friend is pretty clueless. Why is she marrying into this family?!?!? Does her fiance stand up for her? Doesn't seem like it. Story 2: OP needs to not only break up with the BF, she needs to file a report on his sister and mother.
Tammohawk: 1. Sweet cheese and rice. If I were OP's friend, I'd be rethinking this entire marriage thing. From the venue to asking OP to wear a blonde wig! It just reeks of disaster. 2. They have only been together for a little more than a year, don't live together, or even share finances. OP doesn't owe him anything. Now his mom and sister are badgering her at work? I'd be furious and they would know it. I'd humiliate them to no end.
Carl Rood: Berating her didn't work, so he tried the nice guy routine and threw in moving in together so she'd have a vested interest in the house (but without actual ownership). When it didn't work, he showed who he really is.
Sadia: For story 1, yes the friend absolutely needs to learn to stand up for herself and her friends, and yes she sounds pretty tone deaf with a plantation wedding of all things but it sounds like she has a lot of capacity for growth. People are often very combative when you point something out to them so seeing her try to understand what she's doing wrong is always a good sign. Hoping she grows more as a person
Mewse1203: Story 2: NTA and end the relationship. He got underwater and expected OP to pay his bills. They've been together for a year and a half and the two things she'a really learned is that he is super selfish and financially irresponsible. She owes him nothing. Theybarent married. They don't live together. Their finances are totally separate. She didn't have to tell him shit about her plans for her money and his reaction is a huge red flag. The fact that he was yelling at her, then sent his flying monkeys in order to manipulate and harass her means HE is a horrible partner. Edit: he tried to pull the classic abuser. Abuse, then later apologize. I'm glad OP nipped that right in the bud.
SwearI’mNotARobot: Story 1: I always find it dumb when people want everyone in their wedding to look the same. Like if you look at photos of Indian weddings for example, they are so colourful and cool. Why do people insist on everything being bland. Like I get wanting more emphasis on you, but damn. Also, this bride in particular want her to pay for a wig herself and won’t be enforcing this on men, just women. Definitely the AH. For my wedding, we gonna go full rainbow
Mapache095: What a good partner doesn’t do is feel entitled to the other’s money. That’s what they don’t do
Sophie Scott: Story 1: I don't get why the bridesmaid would have to spend a fortune just to be part of someone else's wedding anyway. If the bride wants her to be involved, shouldn't the bride foot the bill? Then again, the thought of spending tens of thousands of dollars on a ceremony and party makes me break out in metaphorical hives in the first place. No, refusing to wear a wig is not an issue here.
Russell Grant: Story 1: So the friend is easily steamrolled by her future Just No MIL to the extent where she wanted OP, her mixed race friend, to wear a blond wig in a plantation wedding for aesthetics. Eewww! I pray for the future bride. This sounds like the beginning of a shit show. ♂️
ScarabD: Stories like one always make me feel like the bride is lessening the people who should be important to her and just... treating them as props. Like, yes, I get you want nice pictures of your big day, but is that REALLY more important than them showing who your friends are? Isn't there a way to make them all look 'nice' and cohesive in a photograph, without lessening their individual style? If I have a wedding I want my friends to be themselves in every way because THAT'S WHY THEY'RE THERE. I mean, yeah I might feel a bit put out if people were obviously or ignorantly just trying to upstage me, or not having respect for the other guests, but... I'm already the bride! Everyone's ALREADY looking at me! Why do I need to crush other people down to emphasise that? Why do all my friends have to match? They DON'T match! That's the point!
Jasc Random: Story 1: That marriage is going to be misserable.
Dizzy's Doings: She could have always worn a wig from Halloween. I'm sure the MIL would have loved that!
High Lord Baron: Imagine asking the "girl without hair" to be your bridesmaid and then expecting her to wear a wig, because you don't like her having no hair....
Britni Cox: 1: on one hand I understand the pressure that this girl is on, but the fact that she’s known OP for 10+ years and she didn’t shut down this mother-in-law at all because she’s paying for it is some bullshit, actually. I hope this set some boundaries in their friendship to prevent the mother-in-law trying to do anything like this in the future for OP 2: This is her boyfriend not her husband? Who she’s only dated for a year and a half??? I would’ve broken up with him if he expected me to fix his financial situation, or had the audacity to *yell at me* for it. How do you see someone else’s money is yours after such a short amount of time?? and especially when you haven’t put anything into the savings
Norm Rayos: Here’s what I don’t understand, making someone change their appearance for one day to try and make them blend in never seems to work because they end up looking SO atypical for them - everyone who looks at the photo is going to immediately notice and wonder why. It’s like, in trying to tamper it down, it actually *makes* it stand out the way they were trying to avoid in the first place.
AngharadMac: I was just going to comment that it's probably the parents paying for the wedding insisting that the bridal party be "perfect". I'd dump the fiance at the first sign of him defending MIL's bullsh!t
andyawe13: I'd been looking for a 4 pan waffle maker and found one on Amazon for a good price. It came last night, so of course I had to use it today. And they're heart shaped! So cute. I made same hash browns(insanely easy, will add a recipe if anyone is interested) and some normal waffles.
Alison Smith: Two really great accounts today Mark. Hi from Australia! I worked with intellectually disabled kids before i got married. Three of the 4 in my group walked me down the aisle. I just got their parents to let me know the colour of any nice clothes they had. One little one had a white dress with navy piping, the boys had navy or black trousers and white shirts. The only thing one family bought were shoes. After this, my bridesmaids brought over a selection of their favourite nice clothes and both had variations of navy skirts and white blouses, so that's what they wore. Nothing else had to match, as they were different shapes/heights. My hubbie to be then bought a navy tie. My entire outfit (dress, jacket & shoes) cost <$20 (from op shops, in the 1990's) and that was it. So it can be done tastefully and painlessly. I agree with another commenter, that you really don't look at your wedding pics that much normally, and it's probably your lad your looking at most anyway! 'Omgoodness, look at you then!'
Denelva Pikku: Story 2: Just... the lion, the witch and the audacity of that bitch of a boyfriend. 1: It's not his money. 2. OP wasn't the one getting him into debt. 3. They're not even living together, let alone married. 4. Even if they were married, he's still an asshole. I lost my niece to cancer almost 2 years ago and didn't get to see her or any of my family except my partner due to the restrictions. It's so painful to think of the memories I didn't get to create with her, that the last hug I gave her was in july 2019 and I didn't know then it would be the last. I'm going to visit my family after new years for almost a week, I booked tickets and my awesome dad who knows money is tight, paid for it <3 If my hubby had said "you should spend those money on a debt I got into all by myself" I would've straight up laughed in his face - and then went on my trip as planned. It's even more worse that the bf obviously KNOW its a last chance trip for OP and her dad. If, lets say, I had had a chance to see my niece for the last time and my hubby had called me selfish or even hinted that he was 0,0001% displeased with that, I would've booked couples therapy and threaten with outing him to every person we knew that he prioritized his own want for money over my dying niece. I doesn't matter how many stories about completely selfish people I listen to, I still get baffled everytime.
Flora Posteschild: S1: OP needs better friends. People who accept her as she is,. Maybe people who don't want to be married on a plantation in Louisiana. After the update: someone who crumbles to pressure to do something bad is too immature to get married.
GhostInShell MMS: 1st story, my condolences to OP and their friend, good luck trying staying friends with them and their racist other half. its not gonna end well soon enough.
Josefine W: Story 2: Absolutely unacceptable behaviour from the boyfriend. And I wouldn't stay with someone who: 1. Can't handle his money. 2. Feel entitled to my money. His reaction in the end says it all. If he was truly remorseful I think he would cry and beg for her to give him another chance. Instead he blew up. That tells me his apology was just a manipulation tactic.
Random username: Hot take: if you want your friends to change their appearence for their wedding you judge them for their appearence and you don't really respect them. It's not acceptable to ask. And what's this BS about photos? Do you want to see your friends or dolls?
Denise Slay: Yay! I hope OP and her dad have an epic, amazing adventure together.
Ellora Sg: Story 1: Okay! I know looking good in marriages is a must but being uptight over it. I honestly think people are too obsessed with looks in this era. ♀ To add the cherry on top, it's not even the bride demanding it. Momzilla!!!!
Riley: Story 2. She needs to get a wheelchair so they can go everywhere Dad wants to.
DiscoTimelord: Story 1: Solution - Have a fun wedding instead I'm dressing up as The Doctor from Dr Who and telling the guests to show up in any child friendly costumes or masks they feel like - imagine the hilariously fun photos That will be a wedding to remember!
Mimi: As soon as I heard ‘wedding on a plantation’ and ‘Louisiana’ I was on OP’s side. Anyone who chooses to get married on a slave plantation has no taste or class. Edit: She’s still an AH. Why is she letting her MIL to walk all over her? Why doesn’t she tell her fiancé to put his foot down? Girl, grow a spine! Or better yet, get a better man who can stand up to his mother!
Aiki Kana me: Story 2: WOW. When that guy realised he wasn’t getting her savings, he pulled the ‘let’s move in together’ as a backdoor way to get her to subsidise his living *while he was apologising*. This guys a full fledged hobosexual
iz™: Story 2: OP could honestly file a report with the cops. He can't just yell at someone to give up their savings and send their mini mafia fam (jk) to their work place. That's financial abuse if not attempted robbery
Brownie Win: 1) I'm glad the friends talked and things got straightened out between them. I am however wondering if her friend will come to regret marrying into that family because it doesn't seem like her fiance is doing enough to keep his awful mother in check, and why is that? 2) So great to have loving, supportive parents. For OP to give her dad the trip of his dreams is the right thing to do. It is unreasonable for the bad managing BF to expect his GF of one year to bail him out from his bad decisions and actions. It's good to see how awful they are and how entitled he is and I think the best way to deal with this is for OP to break up with that bad BF. I hope OP had a wonderful time on holiday with her much deserving father. After update: I'm so glad OP has broken up with this guy who is trying to manipulate and use her. I am so happy she will be taking her dad to Disney as he has dreamed of doing.
Joy Davis: I'm quilting in Nebraska. I love listening to you. Don't ever change to those voice filters that take away your individually and make you sound AI.
Sammyxcatlover257: Tbh my equivalent to that story with Op taking her dad on a trip. I have been wanting to save up money to take my grandma back to her home country to visit and then being "no pay off my debt instead" knowing how important this is to me
momshardrockvideos: Story2: OMG!!! You are a fantastic daughter! Loving and kind. Go on this trip with Dad and have the most fun ever! Dump the bf. He’s a loser.
Shannon Bullock: I wish the last story had an update telling us all about OP's father's reaction to the surprise and their much anticipated dream vacation. I would love to hear the positive side!
ana S Martins: Story2: I think everyone got a "No, OP, don't do this, please, don't do this!" momment on this second story... Phew, what a scary, the way OP talked just gave me all the wrong vibes... Luckly, OP was vaccinated for manipulation this time, could see the bullet's true colors and dodge it just in time for it to explode. I hope dad has an amazing time.
Lucretcia Seven: Story#2 : If I was OP first thing I'd do is ask the BF since when is someone I'm not married to or even living with entitled to knowing about my financial assets and how did he ever get it into his tiny little mind that I'm required to report to him about them? Then I'd ask him and his posse what the hell he'd ever done for me that comes anywhere close to what my dad has worked and sacrificed to do for me? Then I'd tell all of them that I don't owe manbaby sh*t or any of them the tiniest explanation or even the time of the day for that matter given their behavior and the fact that I did nothing to incur his debt and haven't a relationship that warrants any obligation to help relieve it . And lastly I'd drop his sorry irresponsible spoiled ass like a hot rock.
hothotheat3000: If you’re that weak-willed that you’d try to strong-arm your friend to wear a blonde wig at your plantation wedding, you’re not worth having as a friend. I’d wish her the best, skip the wedding, and start distancing myself. Stop returning calls and texts and she will figure it out.
Michael Woods: I understand OP’s feelings about hair, but it is just a wig. That being said, the bride should buy the wig. That would be fair. NTA Story 2- wtf?! Go on the trip with your dad! Honestly, you are not married and his debt is not yours.
maggPi Prime: As soon as I heard "wedding on a plantation," I'm like, nope. Your friend is NOT the sweetest person at ALL, and it does not surprise me that she's perfectly ok with re-traumatizating you, someone who's supposed to be someone she loves. Get out, run.
Paula Stiles: Story #1: Bridezilla was already losing me long before OP mentioned it's a racist "plantation" wedding theme. That was just the final nail in the coffin. That Lost Cause nonsense does not belong in 2022. After the update: Holy shit, OP's *biracial* and they still expected her to participate in this? So NTA. NTA alllll the way. That is Firm levels of toxic. Run fast and far from this relationship, OP.
Owl: Story 1: Honestly? "I want everyone to look good" that gives the implication that you don't think Op looks good and just insulted her appearance if someone said that to me, idk if I'd want to go period. If Op had like, dyed her hair and the roots were showing a lot or something then that'd be one thing ig, but a whole _wig_ to hide something about someone who's supposed to be your _friend_ purely because it doesn't fit _your_ ✨️aesthetic✨️? No, it's just rude. Especially since I get the feeling she might know at least a little bit about _why_ Op cuts her hair, which would make it even more rude. Edit: I still feel like she sucks for not standing up for her own friend. Story 2: I feel like unless you're married and it's agreed on by _both_ parties rather than one assuming the other will just because they can, it's kind of a dick move to get angry at them for spending money _they_ saved on the thing _they_ saved it for.
Ale c: Story 2. I would've sent a breakup text after the harassment from his mom & sister. I wouldn't even had the conversation. Ijs.
Amilikestea: The NAH votes on story one really annoyed me. Since when is it okay for the bride to ask a friend to change their appearance for a wedding? Reddit's hypocritical side is showing. There have been so many stories where an OP is being asked to cut/dye their hair and everyone is outraged on their behalf. So I don't understand how some people can be "Well it's okay to ask" or "It's her wedding and she has this vision."
DaniS: oof. Story 1 was about to give the bride a pass but OP being mixed race, asked to wear a blonde wig, AND the plantation wedding. NOPE. No one is THAT oblivious. OP is way too forgiving.
Elle Davis: After all these hellish stories about MOH and bridesmaids, I have no idea why people still think being part of the wedding is an honor. It's more like an expensive torture where bullies pick friends they can manipulate in order to get their dream wedding picture and extra money.
hothotheat3000: Story 2: he’s not sorry. He saw his meal ticket about to head out the door and is playing nice now to lock her down. He knows he can’t get a ring on her if he’s acting up.
Josh Hawkins: I love listening to your videos while driving between patients, a great way to decompress ☺️
Schrodinger's Box: Can we please denormalize being an entitled AH at your wedding as being acceptable?
Anna: 1: Op should give the best wedding gift ever- help getting away from that MIL. XD 2: Woot! Ditched the lump & Disney with the dad! Go op!
Travis Lee: Story 1: the Bride needs to wise up. The bullying from her MIL will NEVER END. Wig or no, OP’s friendship is likely over. Story 2: the boyfriend “didn’t know” his sister and mother were going to harass you. Ha! Pull my other leg. And next, he’s trying to get OP to move in with him.. (“We’ll both save money, baby!”) Take a “break”.. And you know what that means.
Jenni: I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace, hugs and love to you all!
࿐ꨄSwnsasyꨄ࿐: Story 1: Nta... I don't want to change my friends. The dresses match so that's good enough for me.. As long as they are presentable I could care less.. Especially, as a person that wears wigs, they are EXPENSIVE and to pay that much money for something for a few hours is ridiculous!! I live in Florida and yes, IT'S HOT but I'm use to it.. I would just sale my dress if I can't return it and bow out.. Story 2: His house payment is NOT your burden to bear.. How is HIS family mad at YOU instead of all of them getting together and pulling THEIR money to help him pay?! It's a year relationship and it's his fault, not yours.. He needs to learn to grow up and budget his money better!
LissamerOT7: My sister had a shaved head for my wedding. It didn’t bother me at all. I also made the bridesmaids dresses and paid for their shoes. Weddings are out of hand these days. They care more about the wedding day then about their actual marriage and relationships.
Toshi: Story 2: Glad she dodged that bullet. Guaranteed if she forgave then the second OP had ‘moved in’ he would dump all the debt and bills on her/say it’s her responsibility now and put her in a financial lock to be his cash cow. What a piece of work.
Moon Bear: Second Story: Dump this jerk boyfriend, OP. His debts are HIS problem. You're not married with him, you have ZERO obligation to pay his debts. Take your Dad on that vacation, you two deserve it! Do it while you both can still get around and have good health to do so. You and your Dad wont regret it. If you help this boyfriend with that much debt now, he's going to take advantage of that from here on out. Dont do it!
Sam Voss: Story 1: here’s a question: what does the friend’s spouse think of OP’s hair?
a-Li-en: my best friend is very traditional i appearance as are the rest of her friends woth the exception of me and when i asked if i should change my hair from my normal neon green she told me no because she loves me and wants me to look like myself bc in her memories that’s already how she sees me
holnrew: Getting married on a plantation itself makes me uncomfortable. Weddings just don't seem worth it to me
Angery Destroyer: Story one: ffs mother's need to stop controlling Story two: not there money they done that to themselves the boyfriend can go pound sand op I'm proud of you for how determined you are
Carl Rood: The wig should have been requested when she asked her to be a bridesmaid or at least when dresses were being chosen and paid for.
Kate-Emma Murray: I'm a daddy's girl with a dad who did everything to raise me and my brother and also support my sick mother so the second one hit me hard. I've managed to take my dad to see Paris and Neuschwanstein Castle, two places he saw in posters when he was a kid in French and German classes and always wanted to go see, and next my brother and I are working on how to get him a trip to Canada to see the Rockys. If a pathetic little boy stood between me and getting my dad the trips he deserves then that loser is taking the first boat across the River Styx.
Katie: Story 1: My mom shaved her head right before starting chemo (she's four years cancer-free ), because she couldn't deal with the thought of having her hair fall out slowly. I think being bald looked amazing on her--she has gorgeous blue eyes, and they looked even brighter when she didn't have hair. Anyone who says that a person would look "better" in a wig for pictures is being insulting. It's especially awful for the bride to demand--she obviously wasn't asking--that OP wears a wig, because she knows *why* OP is anti-hair. The bride's stance smacks of the same misogyny that was behind OP being forced to have long hair as a child. Would the bride ask a groomsman with long hair to cut it short to match the other groomsmen? Is there a specific hair length the other bridesmaids are being forced to wear? What if someone in the wedding party had a style with cultural or religious importance (which, I would argue that OP does)? Discrimination based on hair--or the lack thereof--is still discrimination.
Zoe: After the update, id actually be really concerned for that girl marrying into that family. Is her fiance even standing up against his own mother, because if no, i would of told her not to marry him. Inaction says just as much or more as doing something.
Zk Motivation: "I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine." - Neil Armstrong
cynthiaholland13: It's customary to ask for all to have similar hairstyles. But if OP needs financial help, she should ask the bride
Lyra Northern star: I escape from a cult when I was 17 I was homeless and had no family. Ive made a really good life , family for myself. Some things can trigger my trauma and my concern would be that op would have a panic attack from wearing a wig, it might seem like the smallest thing but it can take you right back to those horrible times
Lillith Herondale: I would INSTANTLY leave that boyfriend expecting me to pay HIS debt instead of giving my father his dream vacation. Boyfriends parents can pay his debt if they're so worried he will lose his house. Gross family, don't stay with him.
Kayla Adams: Story 1 If the bride is worried about appearances maybe don't get married at a plantation. I am surprised people don't get married on the trail of tears.
El Deano: Story 2 has strong 'my gf is angry that I want to have Xmas in summer, for my dying father' vibes.
UDONSAY YYY: Story 1:the bride needs to run that monster-in- law will take over her married life as well.
Takumi Lucius: If my friend told me to wear a wig or grow out my hair to be her bridesmaid I would tell her to screw off. I refuse to have long hair anymore, its too much trouble and annoying. And not worth it.
Albert Gongora: I just want to say this on the Second Story I don't understand why people get into relationships with people that expect you to always constantly pay for them like I don't get that and especially if they're like known to be so financially unstable and make stupid mistakes like the boyfriend did in the story by buying a house like why would you stick it out with this person like come on you know better as a full-grown adult to be involved with somebody like that especially if they do something that should seem like a red flag to you like getting upset that you and your dad are going to go on a trip to Disney World instead of being like oh that's great sweetie I'm glad to hear that you and your dad are going to have a fun time I wish I can go but I don't have the money to afford it right now but send me plenty of pictures and you know also tell me how the food was like that's how a healthy relationship should be and I'd say even if your partner is dealing with financial problems they should always be happy for you and understand that their mistakes are their responsibilities and they need to fix them like I will never understand sticking it out and staying with somebody like that to begin with as long as you can until it gets so aggressively bad that you feel oh this is the sign for me to finally leave
Judy Metzger: When my daughter got married she asked us to grow her hair out. I'm not a fan of long hair her mother-in-law was not a fan of long hair but it's here. We grew it up went to the wedding chopped it off the next day. If she wanted you to have longer hair she should have asked you once in advance or not make you a bridesmaid. You have two choices you can agree or you cannot be a bridesmaid. It's not rocket science.
Varinis: Story 2 I absolutely believe that the thankfully now ex boyfriend found out about the savings from probably snooping before she mentioned the trip. It's absolutely inappropriate to expect your partner to give you their savings to bail you out. Boy is absolutely trash regardless of he set his family on her.
K P: OK so as soon as you said Plantation wedding I stopped giving up f*** about what the bride wants. She's getting married somewhere where people were murdered abused and literally enslaved and that's her beautiful setting. You don't need to impress this person who thinks that that is the essence of elegance.
Linda Lehr: As a theater person my 1st reaction to the wear a wig was are you gonna pay for it? A decent looking wig to look good in pictures you're talking a couple grand. Also you actually have to know how to wear a wig for it to look good. There's a reason why people like Beyonce travel with their own hair and make up people.
Amelia Bee: OP 1: Whoever said NAH is a nincompoop. You're NTA, end of. I can't imagine asking ANYONE in my bridal party to alter themselves, let alone refuse to pay for it!
Queen Cars: I can kinda understand the wig thing, it'll stick out in the photos and be something that stands out but so? Bald women can be very beautiful and I think it'd make the pictures look amazing. Who cares if shes bald, hair doesnt define beauty
Hodge Elmwood: Story 1: feel like the bride is going to regret marrying into that family.
James Lyons: Honestly why some of these creatures don’t just forgo their families and friends entirely and just hire models to be in their precious photos with them is beyond.
Holy EK: Who in their right mind will get married in a plantation? That's asking to get cursed for sure!
Russell Grant: Story 2: It sounds like the boyfriend was looking to OP to bail him out of his bad budget decisions. I'm glad OP chose to do for her father instead of throwing that money at the BF who likely would have dug a deeper hole the next time.
TsukiKageTora: Story 1: NTA. A good friend allows friends to be themselves and not change their hair or make them to wear a wig for pictures. It’s flat out telling them “you being you isn’t good enough”. F the friend, she isn’t a true friend trying to force someone to change themselves and wear a wig! A wig is HOT to wear, as someone who cosplays. To wear one at a wedding would be downright miserable and OP shouldn’t force herself to buy an expensive wig and go be hot and miserable at a wedding cause her friend doesn’t seem to think she is good enough as she is
R *: Story 2 he's already spending her money when they aren't even married! Reddest of the red flags. I also winced at the move in part and her apologizing when she had nothing to apologize for.
LoveableNiki: Story 1: NTA. Bride should have asked this initially, especially when OP doesn't wear wigs. Then, OP could have declined before spending money. If Bride kicks OP, run OP the money spent.
3ftSteamRwy: First story: Glad OP and bride resolved diffrences, cause it looks like OP will be needed to supprot bride in the next 24 months when the divorce takes place, due to toxic in-law family...
Melancholic_Rabbit: The bride should pay for the wig if she wants it, but I feel like if it's for her wedding, she should wear it for the wedding
JustCause: That bride might want to rethink getting married. MIL will just get worse with her demands once the wedding is over. Imagine how she will be when they have children. MIL will insist on raising them her way. Story 2: NTA for sure. BF sent mom and sister there & when that didn't work played all apologetic to manipulate GF to move in together. So glad she dumped him.
Master Builder Dragon: Story 2: YES!!!!! I was so worried she was going to give him another chance! Thank God she was smart enough not to!
Mewse1203: Story 1: NTA it is REALLY unreasonable, and super insulting, to ask someone to change their appearance like that. Dress codes are one thing. Telling them to change something fundamental about their appearance to "look nice" is damned awful. Also, why even ask her to be a bridesmaid knowing she looks how she looks? Also, she's not "implying" anything, she straight said it. Edit after comments: that's a point I hadnt thought of. The "friend" is even more of an asshole for not telling OP about this until after she's spent considerable money. If she'd done this before, like when asking her to be a bridesmaid, OP could have stepped down or denied the request and been out nothing. Instead, she will likely cause OP to lose a good amount of money. Edit 2: I'm hoping this is true. It rings true. We all know how crazy MIL's can be. I want to hear the friend talk about the MIL
LoveableNiki: Story 2: OP did the correct thing. I did not for a second believe BF with his apology. BF knew exactly what his family was doing to OP. BF was trying to gaslight OP with talks of living together, as though them OP would be obligated to help with BF's house. All this was proven by BF's reaction to the break-up. The "nice guy" act fell. BF and his family are BROKE BOIS. BF was going to use OP for as long as possible.
Taylor Slade: Story 1: women that rock a bald head are bad af.