Relaxed Chicks Are Beauties Too!

Hello, Beauties!

A while back I was  talking to a friend of mine who has relaxed hair. Her hair was thick, but it’s a bit dry and brittle, and she has a flaky scalp.  She was also not retaining any noticeable length. (Her hair had been the same length since high school. I won’t date myself, but trust me, it’d been a while! We were gabbing about products, and I immediately realized what her problem was: Product overload and no clear regimen. So, being the awesome friend that I am, I asked her about it.

Big. Mistake.

Perhaps my question made her feel judged? (Which was not my intention; I’m no hair nazi!) Or perhaps she felt bad because I noticed the problem, which she thought (or convinced herself) was unnoticeable? Did she think I was about to pressure her to go natural?  At any rate, I had offended my friend and I had no intention of doing so. So I apologized, and expressed my feelings of wanting to help. Trust me, I know how some feel that their hair is representative of their outer self, and I hate to make anyone feel bad. I’m a helper, not a hater! Ugh, I felt awful.

Sooo, after I smoothed things over (I’m pretty good at it, trust me, chocolate and pastries and wine help a lot), I told her that I too, used to have a terrible dandruff problem, and my hair was dry too. Thus, came our next roadblock:

“Ash, are you blind? My hair is chemically straightened. I can’t use the same stuff you use! My hair is supposed to be easier to take care of! Why does your hair seem better than mine?”

*sigh*.  Pent up aggression, much?

OK, so I gave her some advice, and perhaps the same advice will help some of the other relaxed beauties out there.

1. You CAN use Oils and butters and natural at home treatments. 

As a matter of fact, you should incorporate some kind of oil or butter or emollient type product into your regimen. Relaxers strip the hair of its natural oils, and care must be taken to maintain balance.

Olive and coconut oils are good penetrating oils that help with moisture retention, and coconut oil* reduces protein loss in hair.

Avocado oil*  is a good  medium thick oil. It has Vitamin E* in it, which is excellent for the hair and scalp.

Grapeseed oil is lightweight and leaves a glossy finish. It also withstands heat well, so it is good to use before blow-drying or using heat. But please do not go heat crazy, because heat damage is the pits! This oil is also a good carrier oil, meaning that it mixes well with other oils, especially essential oils* that smell good, like lavender* or lemon. Yum!

Jojoba oil is a natural fungicide.

Tea tree oil is great for dandruff, just part your hair and apply it to the scalp.

Shea butter is a rich, thick butter that is excellent for dry brittle hair.

Egg and Mayonnaise Hair Masks are good light protein treatments. For a bit more protein, go to your local health food store and pick up plain Greek Yogurt. Pick out the one with the most protein. Protein is essential for relaxed hair.

All of these oils can be used together to fit your individual needs. In my friends case, the jojoba, tea tree oil* and Shea butter* worked great for her.

2. You still have to know your hair. 

Okay, this one sounds silly, but it’s true. Just because your hair is straightened, does not meant that it is like someones with naturally straight hair. I found that a few of my relaxed friends believed this, and they were perplexed at why some of the products they used did not work well. If your hair is thick and coarse, chances are that when straightened, you will still have a lot of hair to deal with. So you may not be able to use mousse to hold your hair. You may need gel instead.

Or perhaps your natural hair is fine, so when you relax it, it is somewhat limp. You will need use products that make your hair thicker. It really depends on how the hair on your head decides to act.

Also, just like some naturals think at first that no chemicals means less work, some of my relaxed friends felt that hair that is straightened every 6 to 8 weeks meant less maintenance. And then they were surprised at the breakage or lack of length.

Repeat after me: HEALTHY HAIR IS WELL MAINTAINED HAIR. See? The key word is maintenance. If you have hair goals, you have to do things to reach that goal. And that means work.  You want length? Volume? Strength? Nothing worth having is easy, Beauties.  Except for a glass of wine, but I digress.

3. There is still a risk of product overload. 

Surprise, surprise. Guess what else contributed to my friends flaky scalp? You bet, all of those products that she just had to have. Anti Frizz serum. Heat protectant*. Blue magic Hair grease. Styling mousse. Hair gel. Hair sheen spray. I could go on, but it seems to me that a lot of these products just masked some of her problems.

Then, because of buildup, she had to wash her hair way too much. Some people can wash their hair often. Some cannot. She is one of the latter. Man, I tell you, Baby girl had flakes as big as the end of my thumb! (just kidding, that’s so gross) She had to stop and think about what her hair needed from the inside out. Covering up the damage with products was like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. Make sense?

4. Yes, you can still do twist outs, lol.

This seemed to shock my friend. I have noticed that women who put more time between their relaxers rely on twist or braid outs to get them through the period when the new growth starts coming in. If you ask me, a pretty braid is any girls best friend. So is a bun. Plus, it’s hot as heck now. You really want your hair on your neck? Twist it up and pin it back, girlfriend! Since my friend put a bit more time between here relaxers, she is noticing that her hair is growing.

5. Know that relaxed hair is just as beautiful as natural hair. 

I have noticed that some of my relaxed friends feel the need to explain to me on a regular basis why they are relaxed. One of my friends actually said, ” I was on the web the other day looking for info on hair, and more natural sites popped up than ones for me. It’s like relaxing is a dying breed.”

I was shocked. If anything, I felt the opposite. Isn’t individual perception funny? It’s as if we all see what we are not, as opposed to what we are, which is unique!

One does not have to be natural or relaxed to be beautiful. Shoot, you could have either, but if it’s dull and dry and just, well, unhealthy, it’s not going to look good. Healthy hair equals beautiful hair, relaxed or natural.

I just wanted to mention a few of these things because I have noticed that there are, in this day and age, quite a few relaxed versus natural websites popping up. These are absolute rubbish, and cause an unnecessary divide. Neither is better than the other. I’m going to be perfectly honest: If you start a site or blog or visit forums just to get an air of superiority over someone because of their hair, then trust me, dear, you have bigger issues than hair!

My friend’s hair is thriving now. She uses a milder relaxer, a couple of oils*, and shea butter*. Her hair is growing, and it’s stronger and has a nice sheen to it. She also no longer compares our heads of hair, because she knows that, between friends, hair is just hair.  It’s not a competition. I don’t want her to have natural hair. I want her to have healthy hair.

And besides, isn’t that what we all want?

 Hey, Relaxed Beauties! What’s your regimen?