But My Stylist Said . . . ?

But my stylist said . . . co-washing is absolutely ridiculous there is no way you can ‘wash’ your hair using conditioner.

But my stylist said . . . leaving the relaxer in for forty five minutes will allow it to ‘take’ properly and that is standard for women of color anyway.

We hear many versions of this statement from the questions we receive in the BHI inbox.

Our stylists play a variety of roles in our lives. Some may have cared for our hair for years to the point that if we were not invited to her little girls graduation it would be an insult.

Most stylists are professionals, they studied hard and are proud of what they do, so this is by no means a post to slander their good name or to discredit the knowledge that they hold.

This is an attempt at giving you the client, insight into the fact that not everything your stylist says is the final word in your own hair care.

There are a few things you should think about when picking a stylist or assessing your own stylist for the purposes of having a person to help you in your long term goal of having long hair.

By no means is it easy to break up with someone who has been caring for your hair for years but if you are not seeing any progress then something has to give and it may be time to start interviewing for a replacement.

With very few (or very expensive) natural salons to pick from, most naturalistas tend to be DIYers these days. It tends to be the relaxed ladies who are left wondering how to find a good stylist so this article will be aimed mostly at the relaxed ladies but you naturals can still use a lot of the same tips to finding a good stylist too!

Before the online hair community came into being we cared for our hair in some very basic ways. So basic that most of us who attended the salon regularly pretty much expected to have shoulder length thinning hair. As long as the hair grazed our shoulders it was fine and anything longer was referred to as ‘long for a black girl’. Never in a million years could we imagine going to a stylist and achieving waist length hair.

This might be a controversial opinion, but great hair care starts with natural hair. If a stylist can take care of hair in its natural state then you know she is a stylist who’s worth her salt and will probably have some success with looking after relaxed hair too. During a long stretch, both you and your stylist will be dealing with your natural roots constantly so going to a stylist who is clueless about curls and kinks is not a good start to your HHJ.

Natural hair is a different animal from relaxed in the sense that it is not as straightforward to care for. DIY naturalistas will tell you that hands down the secret to great length retention is maintaining protein-moisture balance, reduced manipulation, and protective styling.

Relaxed hair is pretty much the same except that due to the chemical service your hair requires more protein, more moisture and focus and attention where manipulation and protection is concerned.

Most stylists were not trained to take care of curls and kinks so natural hair care for some of them is a pretty new phenomenon. Still I find it a constant source of irony that there are black salons out there that ‘dont do’ natural hair.

With that said, even a professionally trained stylist who has limited experience with natural hair will likely make a few mistakes or will tend not agree with some of your hair care practices if you are relaxed.

Lets test that theory shall we. If you are relaxed, we challenge you to walk into a salon and tell the stylist that you would like to add co-washing to your weekly regimen and that you think air drying is healthier than roller setting or a standard blow dry.

Don’t forget the icing on the cake, let them know that you intend to do a four month stretch of your relaxer and you would rather not flat iron* your kinky* roots. If they look at you with anything less than crazy in their eyes, then they have successfully passed the challenge.

Sadly too many of them will say is that wetting your hair so often is not a great idea as too much water will weaken the hair and cause damage. Some of them may not even know what a co-wash is and after explaining it, they will tell you that conditioners are not meant to be used in that manner.

You will probably also be told that the four month stretch that you are about to embark on is a definite ticket towards breakage.  Yet we in the online hair community all know that these practices are the very things that women with relaxed hair ought to consider adding to their regimens, in order to achieve healthy long hair.

Another thing to look at is your stylist’s own hair. Even though this might be hit or miss depending on the circumstances, it is a tell tale sign of what to expect when your own hair is being cared for by her/him.

This again is not set in stone, some stylist prefer short hair or some are male with short crops. But if your stylist prefers to wear a weave* constantly to the point where you cannot make a fair assessment, it should be enough to make you wonder why she never shows her real hair and if it is actually being cared for.

Finally, hair care does not stop at the salon doors, this is probably the biggest lesson we have learned from our online communities, it is not enough to get your hair done for two hours on a Saturday and do nothing until your next appointment.

Like our skin, and our bodies, your hair needs regular attention and care even if it means only adding a touch of moisture at night or covering your hair with a satin bonnet* before bed.

Do not be afraid to mix something in your kitchen and have your own private salon session at the house based on everything your have learned on your own. Perhaps a combination of your stylist’s care and your own diligence at home is exactly what you need in order to start retaining some serious length.

Tell your stylist exactly what you want when you are in her chair. You are the best judge of your own hair and when your stylist tells you something, you need to be ready to accept or reject it based on your own knowledge about your hair.