Do You Check With Your Man Before Changing Your Hair?

“You talking bout the braided pull up joint? If we talking about the same thing then I’m not a fan. A grown woman should only have micro braids when going on vacation to a third world country where they don’t have hairdressers or when playing Janet Jackson in Poetic Justice.” – Devon, 28 when asked if he likes braids on women.

Yeah OK!… who asked you? Oh, that’s right, we ask them, we ask them all the time! What is the first thing we say to our man when we finally leave the salon and make it home?

Honey*, do you like my hair? And then we get either positive affirmation or something similar to that Devon character quoted above.

There are vastly contrasting views on the topic of men and their opinions on our hair, arguments ranging from men hating weaves* and braids, some guys preferring natural hair to a relaxer, others preferring a relaxer to natural hair.

And in addition to all of that, there are the arguments specifically surrounding the topic of checking with your man before changing your hair. It is my opinion that if you are married or in a long term relationship then it is more likely that you will, in fact, check with your man before changing your hair.

I think it is ten times easier to do something drastic with our hair without soliciting the opinion of a guy we have only been on a few dates with. Chances are he will probably say he likes everything anyway to ensure he doesn’t mess things up.

There is no way to deny the fact that what grows out of your scalp is yours and you have every right to do with it as you please in a perfect world. Yet it’s not a perfect world, we value the opinions of others, especially those closest to us and we look for validation; especially if it is positive.

When things are going well and you have your red freakun’ dress on, you want your man to keep his eyes on you all night long. You don’t go out with the defeatist attitude of if he doesn’t like it everyone else will anyway. You want him to like it!

It is the same with our hair; we want our guys to really appreciate the choices we make when it comes to our hair especially if it’s healthy and aesthetically sound.

So what do you do if you choose a hairstyle that he absolutely hates? Are there any compromise to be made or is it a take it or leave it situation? This is not an easy problem to resolve, because if you are of the opinion that what he says does not matter then be prepared to accept the fact that it can go both ways.

Guys go through phases just like we do, there are bound to be stories of husbands or boyfriends turning a certain age who have decided to all of a sudden to pierce their ears and wear small hoop earrings, rock a high top fade in 2013 or decide to dally with facial hair when they have never shown an interest in the past.

The point is, we cannot escape opinion, likes or dislikes from our spouses, and dealing with the issue whether large or small takes time and might involve some compromise and a bit of discussion.

If you want to rock box braids and your man doesn’t like them, maybe sharing the benefits of what protective styling will do for your hair is the answer. If protective styling is really the goal and he hates box braids, then would you consider another protective styling option that maybe you both will like? A wig* that closely resembles your real hair perhaps?

Now don’t get the wrong idea as a modern woman it is extremely hard to write about compromise and ‘checking in’ without feeling like a sellout. It’s natural for you to feel absolutely in charge of your own being and every strand that comes with it. The truth is you are but if you feel really strongly about your hair choices then he will fall in line especially if you are consistent about how you feel and you are also able to do the same for him and his choices when the time comes.

There are crazy stories of marriages coming to an end because of hair choices, but we never actually know if there are other issues, personality or otherwise that the couple has been dealing with that have also contributed to the breakdown.

There are also other stories of men who ‘came around’, who grew to love the choices their lady decided to make for herself and have become very supportive given time.

The point is there is no hard and fast rule to the variety of opinions men and women share about each other especially when in meaningful relationships.

Whether you check with your man before changing your hair or not is entirely up to you and your man because it is a completely unique situation just like Devon’s opinion.

If you have an unsupportive man, it is important to deal with him as best you can in your own relationship using open communication and honesty.

Be careful of the advice that you might receive because it might be coming from a place that does not fit your current situation. For example, everyone has that best single girlfriend, no kids or immediate family obligation and she might tell you, DO you boo!

We also have that girlfriend we don’t see that often unless we have a play date or at a birthday party for her fourth child and she might tell you, girl listen to your husband! 

If you check with your man before changing your hair, do not be ashamed, that’s a good thing.  If you don’t and he loves whatever you do, that’s great too. But we cannot deny the fact that we always at some point seek some form of validation.

With that said do not act surprised when your single BFF miss ‘do you boo all day long’ is caught smiling from ear to ear when that guy she has been looking at all night at the club tells her ‘ Hey baby, I like your hair!’ – Just to break the ice.