How I Dealt With My Hair Texture Disappoinment

I think just about every natural haired woman has experienced some form of disappointment with their hair. Perhaps your hair just won’t cooperate that day, or maybe it’s in the awkward length stage and you’re frustrated.

However, not many women like to talk about being let down when they see their true natural hair texture for the first time. You have this picture perfect idea in your head of what your hair will look like once you cut off your relaxed strands, but your curls turn out to be nothing that you expected.

It would be a crime if I didn’t admit that I’ve been disappointed myself. My disappointment didn’t come immediately after my big chop. In fact, I was very pleased with my curly, short teeny weeny afro. It was easy, simple and you could finally see my face. My disappointment came when I decided to stop cutting my hair and let it grow out. The first year of growth was easy breezy.

My hair was still short enough for a wash and go, but long enough for cornrows and other styles. I was pleased with my growth, and I was looking forward to where my hair would take me.

After the first year, I started to get frustrated. I would wash and go, but my hair wasn’t cooperating like it did when it was an inch long. My curls didn’t pop as much, and I really noticed the thickness in my roots. My hair was also very dry, and I didn’t really notice how dry it was until I had a good amount of length.

My curl pattern seemed to have changed as well because now that my hair was longer, my curls were different. Needless to say, I wasn’t too pleased. I was expecting my hair to hang and lay a certain way once I achieved some length, but that wasn’t happening. My hair sort of stood up all over in these tiny cork screw curls that reminded me of the little springs that you find in ink pens. I was expecting loose curls that were much bigger and a lot more shiny, not tiny little ringlets.

After being annoyed with my natural hair, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I researched everything I could on curl definition, and how to achieve the perfect curl. I also purchased every product I could that could possibly create the curl I was desperately searching for.

I was becoming obsessed and a product junkie to the point that was getting out of hand. My results after using multiple products left me with hard and crunchy hair. I was using products that claimed to give you the best curls, but were not the best for MY hair. It wasn’t responding well, so I soon opted for a protective style out of sheer annoyance.

I had what Oprah likes to call the “ah-ha!” moment, when I left the house one afternoon after I applied all of my alleged “magic potions” to my hair. As I was walking to the library, I caught a glimpse of myself in a store front window.

I didn’t like what I could see; my hair was just a mess. It was dry, dull, and had no life. I knew then that I needed to stop focusing on chasing perfect curls, and start focusing on my hair’s health. What is the point in having a curl or two if the overall health of your hair is subpar?

Over the next few years I learned a lot about natural hair, and how to take care of my natural locks. Instead of obsessing over Wash and Go’s, I adopted the twist out.

I made a list of all the things that were wrong with my usual styling methods and products, and searched for a resolution. My hair needed moisturizing styling products, frequent washings, and less combing. I had to give my hair the love that it needed. My curls would never hang a certain way or lay down. I had springy cork screw curls that were just as beautiful as big ringlets. I needed to embrace that, and nurture the curls that I was given, instead of trying to force them to do something else.

My hair will never be super shiny, or grow down and rest on my back. Instead, I will always have to keep my very dry hair moisturized, and understand that my Afro hair grows out and not down. I will always have springy kinky* curls and thick roots.

I may never be able to wear a Wash and Go every day, or not break the comb attachment on a blow dryer*. As long as my hair is healthy, all of those things are just fine with me. Like you, I’ve had to learn to love my texture, and everything that comes with it. Natural hair is a journey, and is still a journey for the veterans. It’s something that takes time, and I’m still learning.