Crochet With Me | Crochet 101 Wigs To Grow Your Hair | New Colors | Grl Talk Friendship

Is your favorite okay, hopefully one of your faves and today we're going to be doing another crochet with me. Live. I love these. You guys tend to love these, and I want to do something a little bit different when we do this crochet with me, because we want to talk we're going to actually have girl talk, because I got some things to say. But instead of telling me what you're sipping on also tell me what's, your favorite perfume is so if you have a favorite, perfume, definitely drop down, and let me know because you all always have the best recommendations. So I'm gon na start this off by letting you know what perfume I'm wearing. I talked about this before. Oh, let me hold it up, so y'all can see. Do you see this? First of all, the robe is from Victoria's Secret. I mean I did Victoria's Secret in high school and I had to spin the block because I love this role and then, when I bought this robe, they sent me a sample of this perfume. So let me you know, I had to double it, so I got the fragrance lotion and I got the perfume. I also got the body mist, but I didn't want to do too much because, like even when I'm in the house, I like to smell good so y'all can, let me know but yeah, this Victoria's Secret cheese is the sugar floor. I think that's how you say it. It smells so good. Oh girl, please like if you like, to smell sweet like candy, if you like, Burberry herb. This goes so well with that. Please listen to me when I say it so mix Burberry herb de toilette with this, because this is a parfum girl. How y'all doing so. Let me say: hello, Alicia, hello, pink, yes, loving, the pink and um so y'all know the perfume. And, of course, if you want to enhance the fragrance, the perfume that you wearing put the put the lotion version of it on this is going crazy. I have linked everything so if you guys want to know about the robe, if you want to know about my lipstick, my makeup, the um perfume, because again I got the body mist, the perfume and the body lotion because you got ta, you got ta layer, it All of that is linked below, but also again, let me know your favorite fragrance because we got we got to get into it, and I also I bought these new glasses and I don't know about them, so I want your take on this. What y'all think what do you think about this? I don't know like what y'all think I don't know like. I might return them, but I feel like they would be good, maybe just not with this particular look. Maybe something more. You know less bold, but you know this might be a look. Let me know, let me know, can you send me one for me from Jimmy wait? Can you send me, can you send one for me from Jamaica? Oh hold up, okay, you're tuning in from Jamaica. What do you want me to send? You greetings from Switzerland? I know that's right. You watched it all the way from Switzerland girl. Thank you. I appreciate you. What time is it over? There? That'S love! I love that. Oh, she said y'all, okay, so y'all y'all, feeling it. Oh my God. Okay, I don't always know okay, so okay, y'all y'all, helping me build up that little confidence. I need because you know. Sometimes you don't always see the vision and underneath this wig is, you know, a tornado came into the room y'all and she okay, and so the reason why I'm wearing a hat is because number one. Oh, let me fix the reason why I'm wearing a hat is because we're having a bad hair day. It happens to the best of us, but one of the one of the ways in which I, you know kind of despise. The bad hair day you come through with a baby, you come through the beginning, I flat ironed the ends just a little bit, because I wanted some texture on her and that's how we're gon na do it. Let me just fix her because I can't okay. This is how you finesse a bad hair day, and this is from a black owned brand. This is from ebony curls. So if you guys are interested, definitely check that out and it's set in line come on. Okay, definitely I got a little makeup on it, but that's okay, Oklahoma is in the building. Thank you for one fit my notification dinner. Oh it's! 1. 30 in Switzerland girl. You got sleepy, but I appreciate you you staying up with a real one, so we love that. We love that now. One of the reasons why I want to talk to you. This is going to bother me one of the reasons why I wanted to do this. Live is because I'm trying to come up with a new color combination and y'all are gon na help me, and I want to finish this look before this live is over and the reason why I wanted to do this is because, when I get custom requests for Wigs one of the biggest color combinations that you all asked me for is 1B 27.. So I said to myself: when you tell me: you want the 1d27, you don't tell me how you want the color distributed. So that's something that I'm trying to figure out and I want you guys as input, because if this is something I'm going to offer in 2023, I want to make sure that y'all Vibe with it. Okay and yes, we got the fragrances coming in again, if you're in here hit that like button and also drop your favorite fragrance, I want to know what your favorite smell good is. I don't care if it's from Victoria's Secret, I don't care if it's from. Oh some, the the oils, I'm hearing a lot about the oils. So if you know of a good oil, let me know accidentally took a nap after an early dinner. I'M wide awake! Oh yes! I know that. I know it. Louisville Kentucky is in the building. Yes, okay, so my favorite scent is Valentino born in Roma. She is that girl, okay, I've been to some Valentina fragrances and I've really been enjoying it, but I'm gon na take your suggestion and we're gon na make that work now also before we get into crocheting we're going to talk about why you should wear crochet. Wigs give them a chance because period, I need you to switch it up. A lot of you have been commenting on my natural hair and how it's it's grown significantly and I'm gon na be real with y'all. I wear lace front wigs. I wear lace, closure, wigs but I'll be giving them wigs a break and what I'm out and about what am I wearing my own crochet, wigs? Okay. So this is what you need, because, no matter what even if you wear a lace lace is still going to rub up against your hairline lace can still create that friction. Some of you, I think, based on some of the comments I'm getting. You might have a sensitivity to lace, imma Circle back around with my findings, but I think there's something going on based on the comments, I'm getting I'm getting the vibe here. So what I want to do the reason why you need to get you one of these. You can deep condition under your crochet wig. You can wear your hair in um twists with a crochet wig. You can wear your hair in a ponytail. You could wear it. However, you want underneath a crochet wig, but I want to say I like to be able to oil. My hair and crochet lets me do that exactly so. Let me I'm gon na be honest with you 2021. I had just started like paying better attention to my natural hair and in 2020 I would go. Look at my videos in 2020.. Go look at my hair because when I finally do my natural hair Journey because I didn't want to speak on it until I had a good understanding of what was going on with my hair, go look at my videos in 2020. and you're gon na see a Clip there was something wrong and we'll talk more about that when the time comes, there was clearly something wrong so um. When I finally got that together, I started paying attention to my hair. The first thing that I did that was different. I had to wash my hair more often, I know the girls love to go two months without washing their hair. I had to change that. That was one of the biggest issues that I had, because sometimes your scalp is irritated and it's telling you it's irritated in a lot of ways but you're not listening, and I was another thing I'm guilty of because I don't I don't put my wigs on and Then take them off after two days, no I'd be wearing my wigs. That'S why I don't do a lot of videos, because I need to actually wear the wig, so I can actually give you an honest review and so the problem with that, though, I was leaving my wigs on for too long. So what does that do? If you can't access your scalp, if you can't have direct contact with your hairline again, that could be lace can exacerbate drying out your hair. So that's something that I was struggling with. So I'm dealing with not washing my hair enough. I'M dealing with the fact that my hair is drying out with these wigs because I'm not accessing my scalp and I'm not clarifying the scalp in order to cleanse or remove any buildup and so that it's breaking off. Okay, it's been, and I'm not retaining length, so that was one of the biggest adjustments that I had to make and again with something like this that you can take on and off at night. Now, some of you, you want to keep your wigs on when you sleep, and I understand I understand I think that's great because again, sometimes when y'all with y'all boo, you want to keep your wigs on. I understand me you gon na you take me as I am so I'm coming with the wig or without, and you could put you can put a bonnet on top of this, make it work for you just make sure you tie it down. So it don't move any other night. Crochet is lighter too yep. Crochet is lighter too. I like that. I can still feel the air on my scalp great yep, excellent, that's a great point and some people really need that. What about the V part wigs V part wigs, are excellent as well. However, you still have to make sure that you're treating your hair underneath, because the one thing I had to get myself out of the habit of is putting a wig on my head and forgetting about my hair. Underneath because some when you Google, wig down and you got the ball cap on, let's be realistic. How well can you, if you are, there's, there's this debate about whether you should oil or grease your scalp? My hair is growing because I'm oil in my scalp, I already know what a dry ass scalp. Does it don't do too much for me, so I needed to go in and start moisturizing the hair, the ends of my hair, as well as oiling the scalp. So when I had that's, why I don't go a lot of my wigs down because, oh I I need to be able to lift the top, you know what I'm saying: lift the wig up and then I need to be able to oil. It that's why, when you guys ask me why don't you secure the back of your wig because girl I need to? I need to lift that thing up and oil my scalp and also do my scalp massages you sleeping on scalp massages, and that could be all the difference. People, okay, I would like a kinky straight blown out hair. Look for crochet just need to find that type of hair. You know what I'ma come back with a style. That'S gon na be my next piece of homework. Thank you for that request. Let me see, let me get your name, Miss Donald. I like that. Thank you. We'Re gon na come back with that. We'Re gon na come back with it. We'Re definitely going to do that, but let me get the crochet. So, let's see, can you do a okay? Oh you who said that Aisha Cox, so let me think okay hear me out. I bought the headband crochet cap right. Let'S talk about that. Let'S look at her. My honest opinion, I'm not sure I like it. So they tell you when you take off the plastic, so you guys to see so at the back. You have to secure it using these velcro straps. I don't like that, but some of you might okay, so you have the velcro straps at the back. It'S a fairly thick headband, now imma give y'all what you asked for so next time you come through we're going to have a headband already made that have been with already made. So let me show you because I feel away so this is it. This is the headband crochet cap, okay, and this is what I'm talking about. So here is the velcro. I don't necessarily want to open it, but I'll show you a little bit. This is like the real hard Velcro. Now. Let me tell you why I don't like Velcro on the headband wig, so my issue with the crochet, the velcro on the headband wigs. This could get caught on your nape because, when you're adjusting this to your preferred or desired like Comfort or tightness, any part of the velcro that is exposed to could potentially rub against the nape. For me, my nape is super sensitive, and so, when you have friction in that area, I'm concerned about breakage, I'm concerned about um irritation, and so that's my hesitation with doing the you know the headband with the velcro, but and also so the velcro is not attached. It'S not directly attached to the base of the crochet cat, which is a little bit of a problem for me. So you know a little bit of product. Consulting on their end could have helped resolve that. So it's like it's detached from the base of the crochet wig cap. So that's the issue for me, but I'm gon na make a wig with this. I'M gon na make a wig with this and we're gon na see how it goes. I like the cap overall, but we're gon na, see it off this and how comfortable it is. Okay, so, today, for this unit, I'm going to be using the soft Baby Curl if you are a beginner, if you don't really know what you're doing. Let'S get into this texture right here, I know I've made like a huge thing with the ringlet wand curl, but I want you guys to consider the soft baby Pearl, because the curls are a little bit tighter and what I find is that it's not as voluminous And it gives more of that everyday. Look, okay, so yeah, I'm gon na hold this up. You guys can screenshot this. This is something to consider. Okay and I'm gon na show you. So this is what I have a finished version. You are, you know, I always always got a finished version, but this is what the curl pattern of the soft Baby Curl looks like. I haven't cut it, yet I haven't done any of that. So that's coming, but yes, this is a I like this. This is great for the beginners, so yeah, and it's just it's not a lot like once. I cut it. You'Re gon na see it's not a lot like it's just it's more realistic, okay, so I'm gon na start. Okay, let me bring this down a little okay. So and don't be um stingy with the likes, if you're in here you're tuning in and you appreciate it, you know, let me know show me some love, it's free, so um I already did like. I want to say I've done a little over half of the unit and, as you guys can see, this is how I'm creating the illusion of like highlights. You don't need a lot of color in order to create that highlight. Look so when you're using the color 27, it's going to stand out a lot in comparison to your 1B. Now let me see these questions. It'S giving bomb twist out, vibes! Okay, I know that's right pink. I tried doing a crochet wig for the first time. However, it was too full for me and my knots were very loose after three splits, but after three splits, what do you mean? What am I doing wrong? Okay, so let me show you how you should be securing your knots. Let me get this up, so you guys could really see okay, let's get in, and let me know if you guys can see I'm gon na kind of move out of the way. So we can, you can really get focused and also you see how this is very neat. So I work in sections, so I'm not going to be all over the wig. It'S a process and I break the crap the cap down into sections. So I'm gon na be working on the right side. So what I'm about to do is again. I work on my space and you don't want to overcrowd, so you will never see me crochet. Let me get closer. You will never see me crochet through a box like on this box. You will never see me do that. I'M always crocheting on the edges of the diamond out. So let me show you what I will not do if you are crocheting through this Square, that box don't do that, because this is also creating a great deal of stretch. You don't want to tighten that. I saw the girl he's doing that and I knew no. I need you to insert your latch hook along the edge of the diamond. Okay, you want to insert your section of hair, make sure it's secure within the hook close the latch draw it in the reverse Direction. You want to then remove the hook from the section maintain that loop with your fingers. Okay, I'm gon na return. You see, I have a nice clean loop. I can grab my section of hair, I'm going to pull that through. Once you have cleared the loop, the section is cleared in the loop. It'S made one pass through the loop, I'm going to turn you need to rotate. Okay, you need to turn you need to rotate your Loop, bring that section back through now. I do too, but you can do three so again. I have cleared the loop of this section rotate because you don't want the hair to move unravel itself, I'm going to pull that section, pull the length of the hair and then put pressure on this knot. You create a little pressure. You know you push down on the knot, it's not coming through. So if you find I'm gon na come back, I'm gon na do more examples. Um we got ta, get these lights up, y'all. What'S going on what, especially with the likes? That'S interesting um because you know I'll be putting y'all on for uh for the free 99. You know what I'm saying uh. I love the love. So let me move through this section. Let me see what y'all talking about so hey pink. I quit your live. Yes, I love having you here. It looks easy enough. Yes, and so the thing is, you have to do it a few times and like make your wig when you have, when you have time when you have time to like really be a student being student and teacher mode like because, if you're just rushing through it, That'S a problem, and I wanted to highlight this product because again I told you guys you can deep condition your hair, while you're wearing these crochet wigs. If you need to run out girl this, let me let me put this on the screen. You need this as well. First of all, it smells so good and my hair loves this. I don't know what's going on, I don't know. What'S going on, this smells so good um! It'S something about it's something about this brand that I think my hair really likes and go to the beauty, supply store and get this um or go to Walmart. So I put a link for Walmart um. Try to get this, I don't always like to buy hair products like this on Amazon, because if I can't verify that the seller is from or directly affiliated with the brand, I get a little nervous because I don't play around with hair products on my hair. So that's why I put Walmart, but you also have to check the seller for Walmart as well. Does it make your skin break out so the thing about this? This is a hair mask, so the focus of a mask is a little bit different than a conditioner. So it's highly concentrated, you put it on your hair. You don't have to go like a whole five hours with a mask. If you do uh the steam hood or you do some sort of direct scene, you can wear this for 10 to 15 30 minutes. I'Ve been doing 30 minutes and I've been having a lot of luck. So again, I haven't had any issues when you are taking biotin the like the supplements, where you're taking the capsule. What I started doing was buying biotin capsules and I break them open into my smoothies, and one of the things that I have to be mindful of and monitor is my water consumption. So if you are taking biotin, I take a lot of biotin. So I'll do every other day I'll take 10 000 mcgs. That'S a lot y'all ask me about my skin and I'm telling you 10 000 mcgs every other day, but my water intake has been increased so that I can compensate for the increase in biotin. But you also have to be careful because you got ta like you might do every other day every two days or you can do 5, 000 MCG again do what works for you, but um. You want to increase your water intake, so I would say if you're someone who's very sensitive start off with like a low MCG of biotin, you might not need ten thousand, you might need 5 000 and you may need to take 5 000 mcgs of biotin every Other day, every other, you know two days you and be, and that's the thing whenever I'm trying something new, I write it down. You cannot monitor changes if you aren't documenting when you are doing something so for my cat, my monthly calendar. Whenever I start a new supplement, I write it in my calendar because I need to be able to track if I notice something different about my skin. I know exactly where it's coming from, so you know what I'm saying you get me well, let me see the chat oh hold on. What'S the name of that brand, oh um, so the brand of the biotin is this. They feel like different, feel different, feel it's linked in the description box. Can you open the capsules and put it in your shampoo or conditioner? So one thing about that um. I wouldn't do that, so I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that because I'm thinking about like absorption, so if you break open a capsule and you intend to put it it's not something like oil, you get what I'm saying like if I broke open uh like what kind of capsule if I broke open, like A oil, I would say, you'd, have better luck with an oil, because, again, liquid is better for absorption like one when you're consuming it, but then also you know. Naturally you put oil on your hair. It can absorb, especially if you use a steam Hood just to like open up the cuticle of the hair, but I wouldn't break open a biotin capsule and put it in. I just wouldn't do that instead, like what would I do if my hair is lacking in moisture, I might put avocado oil in it and do the steam Hood. If my hair is like um, it needs some protein. I might I don't like to do eggs in the hair. I don't like that. So what I would do with mayonnaise mayonnaise is a great medium and it it's just better. It'S less messy than eggs. I don't like how eggs are in the hair. I I don't like avocado in the hair, I feel like the chunks stay in there. I don't know you need. If you do avocado in the hair, you need to like process it, so it can be incredibly smooth when it's on your mask. So you know what I'm saying so yeah, that's that's what I'm that's what I'm about, but um. Let'S see so glad I caught your live. Just join. Please show me the not taking one more time. Okay, let me show you. Let me see you. I love your makeup. Thank you so much! Oh, let me slow down. Sometimes I get in my mode and I go. I go fast, okay, so uh. If you are crocheting through this box, let me let me tilt this, so you can really see trying to push your latch hook and crochet on this box. I think that's already a mistake, so I'm gon na say: let's stop that the focus. What I'm crocheting is. I'M on the the sides of the diamond, the sides of the diamond - I don't crochet through this because that box allows for stretch. It maintains the integrity of this cap. I'M not crocheting through that there's a reason why these are as thick as they are, and these are not so I want to maintain the structure of my cat. Let me stop. I want to maintain the structure of the cap, so I'm not going to crochet through the box only the sides of the diamond with your latch hook open. You slide your latch alongside the side of the diamond. You put your hair into the hook. You see that the hair is in the hook, push that latch upward, Pull It in the reverse Direction. Before you take, you know open up that latch. You want to grab hold of your Loop okay, now some of the hair that a little frizzy that's fine. I can fix that, so I'm gon na open up the loop and I'm not rotating you don't have to rotate here. Once you pull the section through the loop and you clear the loop itself, then you rotate the loop okay. Then I'm going to pull that section back through the loop. Okay, it's getting a little frizzy, but that's okay and then I'm going to rotate right, rotate and pull it back through and then I'm going to push the loop down just add a little bit of pressure and push down on the loop like push it close to That side of the diamond that you've just attached to here to did we get. That was that good. I hope y'all got that. Okay, I'm about to get in the zone, because I want to finish products: okay, so yes, so boom we already talked about Rosemary. So I got a theory about Rosemary. I got a theory about Rosemary, you need to use the essential oil and I need you to get the castor oil that has the Rosemary in it. Okay, if something something with rosemary is what is, is what you need, that might be what you're missing, um and rosemary, because I've stopped using avocado oil. Like that, I don't know what happened, but that's the thing about your hair, like your the needs of your hair. Will change with age with changes in diet um? If you have a deficiency of some sort? That'S why I tell you guys, please go if you can go to the doctor, get your blood work done. You should know. If you have a deficiency, I'm gon na do a whole thing about iron, because one thing my people lack and sometimes have a deficiency in is iron if your blood is not appropriately inadequately oxygenated, that can impact hair growth. If your thyroid is an issue for you, I need you to go to an endocrinologist. You need to see. What'S going on, are you hypo hyper? Your thyroid will mess up your hair 100 percent 100 percent. If you um stop eating red meat, I need you to take zinc. Okay, that was when my hair was a mess. When I first became a vegetarian, oh I did. I was oh, it was a mess, it was a mess. If I could be honest, it was a mess and that's the thing you if you don't know you can't help, you can't help your hair and you can't give it what it needs and also just help your body overall and vitamin D. Also, yes to yes, come on, stress hurts the thyroid, there's so many things like um and then also like this alopecia running your family alopecia runs in my family. Let me tell you something right now. If I you know, if anything happened to my hair, I mean I already. You know what I'm saying I can't be in denial about it, but um I had someone in my family hair as long as mine probably longer healthier thick girl. But if you got alopecia it is literally. It is nothing you can do like. Oh, it's so crazy. So you know sending love to anybody who has you know for any reason you lost your hair like so yes, but that's why I want y'all to if you can please go see a doctor, please let me see. Oh, I suffer from stress alopecia. That'S why I demand peace in my home, okay and if you okay, let's talk about it while I do this wig, because you know I'm about to I'm gon na play this way. We want to leave my, but I want to stay on task. So one of the things I want to talk about, I want to have like a little girl talk and talk about, like friendship, because it's so important, like Community is so big, like it's so important. It could make your experience here on Earth just like that, could be all the difference just having Friendship, Community Sisterhood a community in general, but it also maybe think like how many, how many of us are actually good community members like. Are you a good friend like? Are you the friend that you need, or are you in a space where you can actually be a friend to someone else, because I love now more than ever, that more women are speaking up about their experiences with friendship and like we got ta talk about that? I had a crazy year with friendship and it really like opened my eyes um and it especially it made me frustrated because I was meeting so many goal-oriented business women. I mean business Acumen tight as hell and they gave the women in their circles this much space. But then they gave the men who disappointed them and disrespected them so much space and opportunity to continue to disrespect them, hurt them and disappoint them. But if I make one small innocent mistake, I'm a terrible person - and you want to cut me off and how you show up in friendship. It makes a difference like are you in a good place mentally? We don't talk about how often like finances, can impact? How you show up in friendship, um and how, when you're, navigating a new environment, you're meeting new people, sometimes you have anxiety, sometimes you're shy, sometimes, and that can affect how you present and then sometimes people are judging you, because you walk into a room and you're Trying to assess the energy because you're anxious you might be over stimulated, but somebody is perceiving you as stuck up like damn. You ain't even give me a chance for you. It'S like you. You had an assumption about me just based on how I look. Sometimes when I'm anxious. I can look angry because I don't know what the [ __ ] going on. It'S like I'm, trying to I'm being overstimulated is loud in here like sometimes you know like. I really I'm very sensitive to oh, like certain sounds, and people have been talking a lot more about like neurodivergence and like damn girl, that's important so again, learning more about myself and how I show up in the world. But if I'm doing all of this work on me and you're not doing the work on you girl, what are we getting when we getting so the thing about friendship to be within Community to be in community with others? How do you show up what are characteristics? Um this is me, I get called stuck up and think I am better than others, because I don't come out and talk right away in situations that has got to stop that's about to stop, and let me just tell you something with everything that goes on even And I didn't want to talk too much about this because it just it bothered me like. I could not talk about it, but the Sean quella Robinson situation, because it was another situation with her name, Kanika Jenkins. And if I got her name wrong. Sorry, but I think her last name was Jenkins. You around people who supposed to know you who's supposed to like be there for you or care for you, and you got [ __ ] like that happening, and people will misjudge you, because you aren't, you aren't operating in a way that they are accustomed to we're. All different you get what I'm saying: we're all very different people and we come from different circumstances and have experienced certain trauma, and we have to keep in mind that when you're navigating new environments, you are naturally you keep. All of that. In the back of your mind and that's why, when you're interacting with someone new, there may be hesitation, there may be reservation, especially if you found yourself in a situation where you trusted someone and perhaps they they ended up being like an enemy and so like. I said I in order to be a great Community member, I had to do a lot of work. A good friend I had to do a lot of work on myself, because my attitude in the past girl, whoa um, and you can isolate a lot of people if you don't have that together. But then, like part of growing up is like recognizing sometimes the way that you act like when you were growing up. You were picking something up from the people around you, that's not you and it takes you getting out of those environments to realize, like I was taking on something that someone else's personality, because that's what I was around when I was growing up so like when you Step out of that, and when you figure out who you are like girl walk in there, so that you, the more you know who you are the more confident you can become, and it's about trusting yourself when you get to know yourself. Do you trust yourself? Do you trust yourself in new situations? Do you trust your judgment? Discernment is key. Discernment is key. Now let me um the whole case passed over my eyes, even wider, that whole cake that I don't know what to say like. I was first of all like people like. Did you see the video? No? No, because I don't have I I can't. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't participate. That is something where I'm not able to consume that because the heaviness, the heaviness I know I can't take that, and so our discernment is key and Clarity, and I was just telling like one of my homegirls like I want to do a detox. I want to do a cleanse because I got to get some stuff off of me because, like I said sometimes you're carrying other people's stuff, it's not yours, you're carrying other people's stuff and in 2023, I'm claiming being in a much better position. Um. I Am Naturally I'm going to I'm going to open up a little bit more. I'Ve been very guarded because um, I don't trust people period period like period um period and that's just what it is, but I'm working on that I'm working on that right. So I give people space I can interact, but again I'm not I'm not easy to trust. That'S what I will say: I'm not easy to trust it takes time. So in 2023, I'm claiming new connections, new, solid, organic, authentic, genuine connections, I'm going to be inspired, stay inspired, Inspire others by living. In my truth, okay and like 2022 was my personal development year like it was like girl. Let'S do something different lesson, something different and oh, it was a lot of work. It was a lot of work and also like where you are emotionally, can impact like how you show up because, like if you're going through something, did you distance yourself from your friends because, like how many of us do that? Because you don't want to be a burden to somebody else, so you withdraw and you go in yourself right. But then you may not even recognize that you have people in your community that are willing to share you out that are willing to be present. That I would that I want to allow you to take up space that want to be present in your time of need. Okay, because some of that is rooted in our attachment styles. I talked about it a few lives ago and it's so important to understand your attachment Style and also the reasons why you withdraw right. Girl come on it's big because I'm challenging like, like I told y'all I mentioned in one of my videos, and I tend to like put little. I drop Little Gems and videos that I'm like people may not. A lot of people may not watch because if you, if you watch you're gon na get a little something, but I said I tend to, I have to wait till I get through something in order to talk about it or to be in a better space. And that's! That'S crazy! That'S crazy! That'S crazy! Because I know you know it's people that love you and want to love on you, but can't do it because you haven't used the language and language is powerful as hell. Well, you know how to use language. Language is a tool and if you can articulate where you are and where you are not and emotionally intelligent person and that's the thing, a lot of people don't have emotional intelligence, and that's also. Why? Sometimes I don't like talking about certain things on here because no shade, but we're at different, where we how we perceive certain things, our understanding, how narrow our perspective is. It could be scary talking to someone who just doesn't have the capacity to um explore certain conversations because of their very narrow perspectives. Because that's scary to me - and I know I don't waste my time talking to someone who just doesn't have the range I've had the same two best friends for over 14 years now, everyone else I keep at arm's length in their respective categories. Oh I'm a Virgo and we tend to hold a lot in it's giving Beyonce when people say they're Virgos, I think about Beyonce all the time. Okay, so Virgos hold a lot in mind. I can't go over your whole. Look it's a Vibe! Thank you! Girl! Yes, girl, you need to be the friend you want in someone else. Okay, but thank you is it tea? Show Tia shell to show thyroid issues. Is me, but I have a great endocrinologist. I love come on when the girls go to the doctor. I love that. Yes, because advocating for yourself in medical spaces is huge and someone who can address your needs is critical, I'm working it out girl. I appreciate your realness and sharing gems yeah. Let me tell you something: sometimes I get nervous you know, even though my hair is growing. I have to be very real about the fact that alopecia is literally it's all up and through and if it hit me, you know at least I honest my craft with these lyrics. Nothing is in Bang, nothing in the name. Yes, people are so shallow. Oh and not emotional, intelligent and sometimes friendship is performative, because you know what I'm saying are you showing up just to go out? Like you know, I don't. I don't need those like it's cute. When you got a friend that you could you know, you could throw the ass in a circle with, but then you also have like real genuine conversations with. I got a couple like that, and I love that. I love that like in Duality and friendships like yes, you know we could do the classy based stuff, but you know I also like to get into some things. I tell people all the time. That'S a lot of stuff. I keep off of mine. If you see me out, you know really out there. That is a part of who I am, but again I navigate those spaces with people that I fully trust, because I know it's no judgment. You can't have an expectation of me. You don't even know me, but what are you saying I'm actually getting this wig done hold on? I thought I was gon na be off topic: okay, so um people, fake friendships and religious systems, and we would just talk about that. We were just talking about that. Now me, on the other hand, one thing about it, unfortunately, but fortunately I'm not putting no man online, it won't happen, it won't happen and then let's say I marry right. Ain'T gon na know that, until like a couple years past couple years past, my hobby is Swiss and an MD I've been talking to him. I'Ve been talking to him and his colleagues about how they tend to dismiss black women when we tell them our health concerns. Progress is being made. Okay, let's talk about yeah, I think that's important and also, let me just tell you something: whoever you are in community with, if you support women, black women in particular, especially make sure the people that you date actually respect the same women, I'm also not gon na Get down with you, if you rotting, for somebody who disrespect black women it's an immediate dub, you are done, you are. You are done beloved because when you show me who your alliance is with and that's what a disrespectful person I heard you, I heard you because sometimes it's only what you're not saying right. I don't do that, but friendship uh, you know and then also like. Not everything is about friendship. Sometimes you could have good acquaintances, but you have to know how to different differentiate between the two. Not everybody is supposed to be your bestie. It takes me years to warm up to People by years, and I just have to be real with you. It takes me a long time and not everybody has the patience for that which I understand. I I'm I'm not gon na hold you it's not for everybody. Girl ain't. Nobody got time for fake energy. Fake friendships is the worst okay, okay, please, and if you know what I, what helps is you got to be able to see things through a certain lens like one, you can't allow the things that you've been through in the past to have so much bearing on The present that it prevents you from being able to discern if a person actually has good intentions like I want you to always be cautious, be aware, but be be aware of how you could come off when you are meeting and interacting with others. Are you receptive, you know if you walk up into the scene anxiety aside, even though that is huge and can impact how you maneuver and navigate within a room. But how do you? How do you appear? Because let me tell you something: I went to an event and I was like look girl get get to the side. You know get out of your own way and just walk up and start talking to somebody and that's what I did. That'S what I did, and I love that for me and like it's a you, might be like girl, who cares small steps, big impact in the long run, because if you keep strengthening that muscle, you only get better period so 2023 when I'ma just do things like Um again sometimes you do got to be careful like moving out here, posting your location, saying where you're going to be at that still scares me um. But if you see an event, vet, the people vet, the organizers, because I've been hearing about people having events where you know, people can come together and you're expecting one thing and it's a completely different thing. You know keep a little spot more on you. One thing about it: if I walk into a situation and it don't look right, thank you. You might not ask a question. Okay, I might not ask a question if you get my dress, so let me read some comments. I don't oh okay hold up hold up. I don't usually trust women because of my past experiences with them. I'M with you on that: okay, um! Okay! That'S tough! That'S! Tough! That'S! That'S! Okay! So, okay, okay! That, okay, I'm concerned to an extent. But I'm not going to invalidate what you just said. As long as you are still keeping yourself open and not judging someone prematurely just because they are existing in the body of a woman. Because we got to be careful because again, you don't want to let what you're carrying like prevents you from making new connections, because, like I said I had to have a conversation with somebody, I had to tell them um the standards that you have for women are Different from the standards that you have for men - and I don't do that because if you let men disrespect, you disappoint you. I make one little mistake at this time to cut me off. Girl you'd have called me 20 times about the same man. I made one mistake and it's over okay, I'm Gon na Leave You right where you at I'm Gon na Leave You right where you at, because that's one thing also, I'm not I'm not I'm not doing I'm not doing I'm not doing no more um friendships where I I love that you want to be partnered and I believe that partnership is beautiful because it is um, but the point at which you make that your personality or you make that, like your the overarching like goal for your life, I'm not going to invalidate you. But I have to create some distance because we are different in how we prioritize things and that's not that's normal, but especially when you prioritize someone who doesn't meet your needs. Oh my God. Oh, my God, you have a community of women who pour into you and then you want to interact with men who drain you. We no we're not gon na, be on the same page, We're not gon na be on the same page. No! No because I don't enter, I don't I don't. I was very honest and upfront about what I like on this app. I told y'all. I don't have step, I don't take less and that's real life, because I like what I like, I wish I could find a genuine female friend. My friend is my sister. You know what shout out to Sisterhood, because sisters don't know like my sisters are my peace. I'M gon na put that out there. My sisters are my peace. They are a source of love, a source of light I'll go to war for mine, like my sister always says. If anything ever would have happened to any of y'all, it's all for her meaning. I hope you get what that means. She won't be doing sometimes she's gon na be one of them, but at the same time I think just be open, be open. I be open, even with all of the experiences that I have had because and I'm just being honest. Most of my friendships, with other women have changed because of men and as frustrating as [ __ ] for me, because what I'm not going on don't ever be getting in the way it don't ever get in the way you stay to the left and you let Me do my thing like I don't and honestly I don't even integrate the Two Worlds like that, because just naturally I don't know I'm just I'm. Whoever with me is uh you on the side lines. You got to be comfortable with that, but even though that is frustrating I still make space, but one of the things that my sister told me that was very powerful. She said at the first sign of incompatibility. You need to be honest with yourself about how that can impact the the nature or the dynamic of that friendship because see something happens and we make excuses. You do a lot of rounding up for a person because you want them in your life. Let'S say this is the first friend that you had you're excited that you've. Actually you have good chemistry with this person, a good connection and you're, like you know what we were doing. You know you've been going out every weekend, but then it's been a Vibe. You don't want to let that person go, but at the same time I'm telling you this the very issues that you ignore. They will present themselves again and hopefully you have the ability to discern this could potent. This is a threat to our friendship. This is a threat to our friendship and I think and also another thing you know I mean if you're watching this you're over 18, like we're all grown. I'M sorry, let me not let me back that up we're adults and the language that we use to communicate an issue because see that that will. Let me know a lot because if you want to cut me off, I heard you I heard you well get ready, because one thing about me: you don't spin the block on me, especially when I leave with compassion. I lead with honesty and respect. You don't get another chance, one thing about it, I'm going to stick to what I said you cross me because I tell Evan please because you're gon na hate yourself, because you never you'll, never hear from me again. I promise you never know. I ain't lost nobody. I want back and I'm strong, I'm ten toes on that 10. 10 and they all Spin, and I don't want nothing to do with them. I'M not gon na do with them. My female first cousin on my mom's side are my best friends. We were raised like siblings, that's good, that's good! We ignore the red flags and it's like, but why? Why are you ignoring the red flags like um and and then also yellow flags, because not every flag is an automatic red flag, something that gives you pause when you take some time to think about? What'S actually going on, why? Why did that situation? Give you pause. Is it your insecurities, because we also got to factor that in because sometimes we prematurely judge a situation because of our insecurities okay, you can spin the block, but you will be ready and that's on everything. That'S not everything. That'S on everything! Yo! I'M really moving through like okay. Let me you see this. How much I got left I'm moving. This is where I'm at okay - I you know I've been I've been on the job. I'Ve been I've been doing the work. So I'm just see. This is an experiment. Let'S see, let's see how it goes, foreign to yourself and extend Grace like making new connections is crazy, um, not everybody. I wish I had a good group of friends. I have none it, it does mess with my mental health, but I know I'm getting in my own way. Oh okay see Keisha. Let me talk about that. Let me talk about that. So I'm a huge advocate for therapy, but I understand that accessibility presents a huge issue and also the task of finding a mental health professional to help you to navigate. You know part of your trauma and unpack. You know some really important things that make you you and the reason you know you are the Way You Are um but Journal. You know one of the things that I noticed a crowded mind because what's crowding your mind, because if you're walking into a situation and all of the negatives you're just flooding and it's flooding all of your thoughts and you're thinking of every possible negative outcome, let me Tell you something when I walked up to them. People I'm like these people could not want to talk to me walking over I'm like better known me, better, not know. I don't do none of that. I I used to walk into a room and feel very small. I'M like not sure how to take up space, but the right people will make space for me. They will hold space for me and I trust that because even if you integrate yourself into a circle or you go into a room and you try to you know uh, you know introduce yourself to someone. There could be several outcomes, but all what I'm leading with is that I tried I tried and if you don't put yourself out there, you don't know what could come of it and that's the part of getting in your own way. Because are you prematurely trying to find the negative going clear mind before you go into a situation before you go to your next event before you go to the next Meetup before you go to the next two meeting, talk to yourself, I'm I'm big on talking to Myself, I don't care, we won't talk. We have the best conversations me be with me and I just want to say like this can go one of many ways. I can try to anticipate every outcome, but what I can do is put my best foot forward and be my best self, because, if I'm genuine, when I approach you that's all, I can help. How you receive me is based on a number of factors that have nothing to do with me, but when I walked up to you or when I went into a certain room and began interacting and mingling, you can only help what you can help and it you Can help what you do? You cannot help other people's response to you. As pink mentioned. We have to use discernment. Sometimes it's hard to believe and accept that people we love, don't have good intentions, come on. That'S and that's hard, that's hard, that's hard, but that's the truth like if that is the truth and nothing if you start to look like because you know what I talk about like the lens, because it's so powerful, because if you start to look through things with A different lens with it being positive, nothing is a loss. You just learn. So if every experience, if every situation that I'm in I am learning a lesson, hopefully it's not the hard lesson, and I told myself today - I don't want to learn the same lesson more than once, because student uh, it's I'm doing a disservice to myself, I'm out Of alignment, I am dishonoring myself by not trusting the experience the first time that it happened. That'S why? If you have a moment to journal, you have to get it out of here, so so that you can, because you can process it here, but there could be something that impedes your ability to see the totality of the situation put it on paper and then once You put it on paper, talk it through fit with what you're feeling because like as someone who struggled with having an attitude problem being angry like yup girl, I'm talking about almost breaking tables, throwing chairs uh, I get crazy. I don't lie about that. I don't lie about that um, but then I don't like that. You know what I'm saying I don't like who that is so I have been working extensively. You know what I'm saying, because people be getting scared. Like I didn't even know, you was like that, like I try not to get like that, but don't push me. I have to do lots of work lots of work. Let me sing. My mom is my best friend closer than a normal parent child because we had to protect each other until we could Escape - and you know I'm gon na say a the a word - a blessing from a dark past wow. I see that's interesting and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you have to experience that very sorry that you had to experience that because no one should have to um, but you all had to protect each other. It'S beautiful that you have that as beautiful as you have that I am, I am therapy. I am therapy for past trauma and anger period. I need to go back to journaling. Let me see I used to go back to journaling.