Question Of The Day: Do You Tell People You Are Wearing A Wig When They Compliment Your Hair?

Frankie Lee: I love your dedication to helping wig wearers. If only this level of thorough help was around ten years ago. A small handful of women, all wonderful, did their best, but none, dare I say it, as full throated as you. Thank you from everyone you assist. You are healing so many!

Renee Dalziel: Granny was right - sometimes you just say “thank you”. I too sometimes tell people I’m wearing a wig and sometimes I don’t. I had an awkward moment that I couldn’t stop from happening. I was on a cruise (a small ship - only 400 people). I wore multiple different wigs on the cruise. A lady stopped me and asked how I had changed my hair so much and I said I wore wigs. The next time she saw me she asked me why I wore them? Did I have a disease? OMG, was it CANCER!?!? My husband piped in, “No she likes to change her hair and considers wigs an accessory”. I couldn’t believe he said it! My husband is so quiet, it was a total shock. Boy howdy, do I love him!

Four Ducks: You brought up many good points, Denise. The one I hadn't thought of was potentially making the other person uncomfortable by responding "it's a wig." You're right; some people could feel mortified that they might have pressured a wig-wearer (and potentially even a cancer patient, in the mainstream consciousness) to "out" herself. You asked what we respond to questions or compliments, and that brought up some self-reflection and this long answer: I compartmentalize my wig-wearing to begin with, and that automatically shapes what sorts of answers I give. But even given that...interestingly, now that you made me think about it, I realize I *don't* reveal it's a wig, more often than not, no matter which part of my wig life. At work, I strictly wear wigs that are feasible for what my bio hair could stretch itself to do in its present state. I never deviate more than one level in color, and the length remains within 5 inches of what my biohair underneath the wig cap would be. Plus, whatever style my wig at work is, is something my present biohair could technically (given styling tools like flat irons and curling irons), though unsatisfactorily, approximate i.e. at a much thinner/thinning, less glamorous, and less professionally styled level. So, when people I see every day at work and have an ongoing relationship with ask about my hair style, I answer with what steps I could have taken (- and have done in the past, especially when I had a bit more hair on top - ) to achieve that style with my biohair. **For me/my personal goals**, the workplace is not a platform where I want to revel in my creativity and appearance. As you know, perceived (key word) over-attention to appearance is something society can hold against women in many workplace settings. And, I also think any frequent change of appearance, whether for a man or a woman, can be distracting, but I understand if others have workplace cultures where that's not the case. Weekends are when I break out every bright color and any darn texture or style I feel like! The compliments I get are from strangers i.e. people in the street or in shops, cashiers at the grocery store, etc. But I find myself just saying "Thank you so much!" and complimenting them back. Now that I think about it, the reason I don't reveal it's a wig because I feel what they're really complimenting is the aesthetic or maybe even the taste or style they feel I have. They're not actually that bothered about whether the bright purple straight bob or teal beachy wave mane is growing from the follicles in my scalp (and maybe they even assume it's a wig, given the vividness or stylization )--at least, that's what I intuit. The only time I can see myself saying "It's a wig" is if I'm speaking to someone (woman or man) I have reason to believe is from a wig-wearing cultural background or line of work, OR if it's a woman who visibly has hair loss, thin hair, etc. (like I do) and I'd want her to see how good wigs can look!

Maxine Ricker: I almost always freely admit to wearing a wig. It has led to amazing conversations with women who are astounded by how great my fake hair is and also the fact that they can have great hair too!

Cowboy Von Reecum: I agree with you. I have had hairdressers compliment me and ask who is doing my hair. With them I am honest. Total strangers I usually just say thank you. Women who are obviously struggling with their hair I will tell them the truth. Wearing a wig is like wearing jewelry or any other accessory. Look around and you will start noticing how many (of all ages) are wearing everything from full wigs to clip on hair extensions. If it looks good and you are being complimented, take the compliment. We don't need to explain all of the details.

Cindy Small: I’m usually honest with people. I was at my pharmacy and the woman waiting on me asked if I just got my hair done. I told her I was wearing a wig and she was shocked and said how nice it looked on me. Then I got to thinking, do I look like one of those blue haired women from my childhood. But I decided it was a compliment and let it go. I’m 71 and have been wearing wigs for over 10 years and even close relatives didn’t know I wore them. If it weren’t for wigs I would probably be a recluse. Thanks, Denise for getting the conversation going about this. I so appreciate you!

Mary Pink: This wig makes you look gorgeous and the colour is amazing on you x

Brenda Gregory Yuen: Denise, everything you said was so true! I had to think long and hard as to whether I tell my clients I wear wigs. I am a mental health counselor. I decided to only tell those clients who have lost their hair/are going to lose their hair, etc. that I'm a wig wearer. Otherwise, I say nothing, because that makes the focus me. In my personal life, I am much more open about wig-wearing. It feels good to be a resource, or just to educate my friends and family about hair loss and wig wearing. I've had some pretty insensitive things said to me, but I know they come from a place of ignorance. If I can help that, I want to take that on! Thanks so much for sharing this. It's so helpful.

Jan M.: Wow Denise! This wig was made for you. Both beautiful and real.

TONYA MCGUIRE: I just wore a wig for the first time this week to work. I’ve told everyone that’s complimented me. I just feel better addressing it. As everyone knows me and how thick and curly my hair was two months ago. A stranger, I say thank you and move along. This has been so hard but I am thankful to have found your channel. You have been a blessing to me. Also. Editing to say, I live in a small town. Most people have known me for years so I just don’t want to try to pretend I’m not going through something, word gets around. Lol but I can understand not telling everyone you meet for sure! It is MY HAIR! I paid for it!

Janis Huey: Perfect advice! It is situational and even depends on how well you know the person. Also, if someone makes a negative comment or tries to “out” you, you can reasonably be certain that that person is not your friend..

Skye Diona: Thank you so much Denise, great info and such beautiful hair!! Can't wait for your review

Diane R-D: I agree Denise. Over the summer I ran into an old friend of mine who was diagnosed with cancer over 30 years ago. I never knew about wigs back then and just assumed that what I saw was her own hair since I never saw her bald. We stood there chatting at the store, and she complimented my hair. I had a split second to decide how to respond: well, I said, remember when I was hospitalized last year? my hair fell out so this is a wig! I am so glad I told her the truth. Most likely she already figured that it was a wig, but I actually see her more often now, because we run in the same Christian circles. What you described Denise sounds so familiar to me. To the lady in line at the check out, I just say thank you when they compliment my hair God bless you Diane❤

Brenda Ay: Thanks, Denise for re-enforcing my approach. Sometime I wonder if it's a good time to admit or confess or just let it be. QUESTION: Can you name a wig that is similar to Cal Beach Waves that is shoulder length? It looks smashing on you, but it'd be too long for me.

Cindy Frischer: This is a great video. Thank you. Much to consider when faced with this situation.

Jacie R.: Great advice Denise! You look amazing btw! ❤

CdnCinnamongirl: My main question is: do most wig wearers wear the same wig day to day, so that the people at work/in their community see them looking consistent, vs. wearing a different wig day to day and so there's absolutely no doubt about it.

Val Elliott: If I feel like the person asking has a sincere question, I tell them. If I feel like they are have nasty intent, I don’t. Yes there have been people like that. If they continue to interegate, my response is…( who does your hair)… Raquel Welch . Any other questions? I love my wigs and they love me.

J F1: Anytime I wear a red I get a comment on my hair! Yep people do get uncomfortable when you say it's a wig but hey that is actually good because then I know my wig looks real!

Katherine Mattox: Yes, I tell them it's a wig. It avoids further questions like: Who cuts it, is it dyed, who does your highlights, etc.

Jill Creagh: Yes!! Be prepared with an answer, because people WILL ask, or comment. The first time admitting it’s a wig is both a moment of huge anxiety, and incredibly freeing. I thank them, say it’s a wig, assure them I’m not sick, and say I have a form of alopecia. That tends to answer most of their questions and seems to remove any awkwardness. I’ve heard from one other person who was ridiculed for wearing wigs, by a group of ‘mean girls’ which horrified me, but I realised that I should have a retort ready for that one too. My experience so far has only been positive, so I’ve never had to use it! Keep it polite but also very cutting! Something like “How would your mother feel if she could hear what you just said?” My heart broke for the woman who was treated badly

Country Girl: Good advice, Denise. Best to you and family!

Clara: Great advice Denise I couldn't agree more ✔️

glenda burton: If someone just compliments me, I say thank you. If they also ask who does my hair I have to tell them it is a wig.

Mileetn: Great advice!! I sometimes say it's a wig and sometimes I don't. It usually depends on how much time I want to spend talking about my hair. If I say it's a wig everyone will go on and on about it. Asking questions and such. I'm sure the same happens to you. I will usually always say it's a wig if the person who says something has thin hair. I just think I can do them a service by telling them. I also will tell people that I see every couple weeks and they mention I got a haircut or letting it grow etc...I just feel more comfortable telling them because I do wear different styles and colors. I don't think I've ever had someone be uncomfortable like you said the one lady was. And oh my gosh I LOVE this wig on you!! I have seen her on others and always think it's pretty but it's usually always a blonde. This color is absolutely gorgeous on you! It reminds me of Rosewood which I have on Tabu. I will be watching for your updates because depending on how she holds up I may be getting this one!

Geraldine: My oncology nurse told me that I’d be surprised how many women refuse chemo bc they’re afraid to loose their hair. For that reason, I err on the side of telling. I figure the person will tuck the info away and recall it one day when they or someone they love is faced with the choice to do chemo or keep their hair. Hopefully they will remember that there is life after hair loss, and that hair loss is worth it to get medical care you need.

CJ Palmer: I always tell them it's a wig, I have nothing to hide and it usually starts a conversation . I've even given a few ladies the name of what I'm wearing. Sometimes I get a sad look from the person asking, I'm assuming they automatically think I'm a cancer survivor which I am not and very thankful of that, I do tell them the reason I wear wigs however.

Diane R-D: I was so engrossed in what you were saying, I forgot to mention that I love that red wig! I can’t wear the long ones, but it looks nice on you. Diane

100 Seconds to Midnight: This is a question Ives asked myself? , never sure what’s the right answer, you look lovely in Tresalure by the way

Donna Q: I see no con in being honest. In the instance of a passerby stranger just say thank you. To people who see you every day they already KNOW it's a wig whether you told them or not. I am like you, why would anyone lie about these things if confronted? A cashier at a store just asked me what tools I use on my hair. I had no problem telling her it's a wig. She laughed and told me her mom wears a wig. No one really cares to tell the truth.

Cindy Frischer: The wig you are wearing is gorgeous on you!

Robyn B: I was visiting my elderly sister-in-law at a memory care unit today and that is the first thing Ike it happened to me. One of the workers that I see all the time said “Your Baha’i looks so good now today”. I said well it’s a wig. She said sh would never have known. But that’s okay because I will wear different ones - long or short or red or grey - and I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable the n T time she saw me. But I’m completely new to it his. I felt pretty darn good after I said it. Almost freeing. Anyway. I’m rambling. Love the color and style on you. I think it hat is my fav so far. Have a beautiful day Denise “ wig sister “

Karen's Kloset: Oh I wanted to share Denise you look absolutely stunning in this style it is so youthful on you girl perfect color and everything you are rocking it⚘❣

Michelle Diekman: Reading the situation. Great info Love and Hugs

Lo Presti: depends on my mood. whenever i tell them its a wig, they always wanna know where i go to get them. they want the website info so they can go look 4themselves. ! im not uptight about it so the ppl i talk to are usually not uptight about it either. its only fake hair afterall, not sumthing super duper monumentally deep or important, in the big scheme of things in life.

Karen's Kloset: You are very true it all comes down to just feeling comfortable and confident and knowing that this is a part of you a part of your presentation of you. Take me for example I have a full thick head of hair I don't need to wear wigs however I do have herniated disks in my neck and it is painful for me to do my hair with a curling iron or blow dryer lifting my arms up so I prefer just to let my hair go I usually cut it in a pixie and I'll wear a wig. There have been people at work saying oh I love your hair and I'll just smile and say oh it's blah blah whatever wig I'm wearing. Another gentleman at work came up and said there's something different about you and I said oh it's my Sienna wig.... So I would have to say just be confident and own it because if you look at the majority of African American women they wear wigs all the time why because they don't want to mess with their natural hair. And they look stunning and nobody questions them it's just accepted in that culture I think especially as Caucasian women we need to own it and feel great about it because our hair can be as nappy as the next persons and we may have our own story behind it and we may help somebody who may know somebody who is starting a wig journey or never considered that for whatever reason so I just lift up all the girls and I can understand The uncomfortability but once you get past that and just let it go its very freeing! Whose opinion really matters anyway it's how you feel in your wig in your heels in your dress in your style in your home it's an expression of you so I would just walk your life with confidence and just own it and share it who you're wearing and I guarantee the girls are gonna be wow it doesn't even look like a wig..... They're not gonna think anything less of you and if you have a story share it be open be transparent because you never know if you may be hoping someone along the way and you get the return of feeling that gratification I had one friend who I said you know it would be fun maybe sometime you can come over and we'll have a wig of fun and just try on all my wigs and just have some girl time fun and we still joke about that today and of course covid and everything else we haven't been able to do that but... Just have fun because girls no matter what age we can still be silly with one another and enjoy 1 another's company and bond in that way so just think of it like if you have a tastefully simple party or a candle party or a jewelry party have a wig out party and just go ahead and have some fun with your friends and try them all on.... Justified that's how I live my life⚘❣

Maria Barradas: My friends know I wear wigs but in general if the person is a stranger and says my hair is nice I thank them but don't go forward, my dogs vet and all her coworkers know my fight with breast cancer, radiation, etc, they all know and comment, one wig is their favorite, Impressive from Toni Brattin in Light Blonde, they also love Beach Mono form EW that I wear with a clip on an up do, we have fun and I have no issue telling people, some neighbors also know but it all depends on how I deal with the person, if it's just on an elevator or a line for check out or if I am friends with them.

Sweet Irish Girl 86: Denise like people at church yes the love my hair and I tell them thank you. Then tell them its a wig I feel comfortable plus I wear different colors and different styles. Like you if you see someone you never would see again. Just say thank you and that's it

Jane Powell: When I want to have fun with someone when they say they love my hair and asks who does it I just tell them they can have it tomorrow. Lol they are shocked tha5 it is a wig

Nerd Diddles: I agree it is good to be prepared and it is nice to get it in the open if a woman is comfortable talking about it...However...I dont think a woman is obligated to tell on herself. Some people feel that is an open door to ask very personal questions, and if the wig wearer is a private woman, it is very uncomfortable and can even be traumatic. I personally dont feel like I need to discuss my hairloss journey with strangers. It is a sad part of my life.

Tracy Lamoreaux: . Being prepared is key

Nancy Williams: You look fabulous in this wig !

Nancy Wingo: I love this wig on you!!!!!!

T2the_heyy: Lol, as if I have a choice, Denise. I live in a small gossipy town and people around here don't care, they tell ME that I wear one, such horrible individuals here I tell you. Personally, I don't think it's anyone's business, I'm not comfortable with telling mean intentioned humans anything about myself. xx

Joyce M.: No matter what style or color of wig you wear you look great in them.

Rhonda W: What is the color on the Tressallure you are wearing? LOVE the color!

Robyn B: Oh sweetie I have been there. Same happened to me.

Ruth Tirado: Nope! A fool tells all! Plus it is my hair! I paid for it!

Sherry Batson: Maybe the first lady was thinking natural hair color, as in dyed hair. You wearing a wig was probably the last thing on her mind. Same with the 2nd women. She probably had no clue it was a wig, you proceeded to stress that you owed her an explanation.

Margarita Soto: Why should we even care. As long as we like it, that's what matters. Lesson I learned.

ballerman22345: I would tell people. I feel that many people can detect a wig. I would be embarrassed to think that someone knew it was a wig and I lied about it. Sounds like that woman was fishing. She probably already thought it was a wig but was uncomfortable asking.

Robyn B: You look so good. ❤

Michelle Diekman: I have told Sometimes. Depends like you said reading

Lexicron: YES!!!