How To Know When To Let It Go | Quick Easy Headband Wig Install Ft Omgherhair

Hey guys, it's jess welcome back to my channel, so i have a very, very interesting video. Today. It'S a little. It gets a little deep. It'S a little bit of a therapy session, a little bit of uh advice. Kind of i just really want to dig into when to know it's your time to get out of that relationship. When you know it's your time to leave, i really want to empower you guys and help you to see some of those red flags, and i just really am coming from a pure place. I want the best for all of you guys and we're going to get on into that, but before we do, we do have a sponsor for today's video. It is this hair that i'm wearing and we're going to do a quick pause to show you guys all the specs of this hair and then we're going to get right on into the video. So special thanks to omg her hair for sending me this hair. For today's video, so inside the box, they give me a few headband choices. There'S this nice camel colored, one that i was wearing in the beginning of the video. I have a nice teal colored, one there's a sparkly sparkle one, and then they also send some hair tools ahead: um stocking a comb and, of course, some extra straps in case you need to adjust it. So this is the bag that the hair comes in, and this is the headband wig they sent me is 18 inches in length. It'S 150 density, it's a natural color. The cap size is medium and it is 100 human hair. They also have two combs in the back: no two combs in the front and one in the back and adjustable straps. So i'm just going to go ahead and do up the front of my hair so that it can blend as much with the um the headband wig as possible. So at least like the front of my edges, are like nice and slick and smooth. So it kind of looks like i got a fresh perm in the front. So then i'm going to put on the wig cap that they sent me and just hold down the twists that are in the back and again here is the wig. It is nice and straight i am going to cut it as you see in the beginning of the video and i'm going to style it with some like wand curls, but i just wanted to show you guys the starting point and the 18 inches was cute, but I was just feeling for something short and jazzy, so i was like this is the original length and this is how it looks and then we are going to style it throughout the rest of this video all right. So i'm just going to go ahead and style. This wig, while i'm talking to you guys, you know i kind of wanted this to be a voiceover, because i really wanted to focus on what i was saying and not doing two things at once. But i also really wanted you guys to see my face and see my expressions and be a little more raw with it. Even though i did write some notes and these notes are insane, i'm going to show you guys right now, because i was passionate about this. Oh, my goodness, it's so much probably yeah. Look like. I wrote all these notes on things to say because yeah we got a lot to talk about, so i will say i'm definitely thinking about cutting this wig a little bit shorter because i don't know i'm just feeling like i'm in a short hair mood today. So today's video, i really wanted to talk to you guys about how to know when to let go and how to see the red flags or how to acknowledge the red flags, because a lot of times we do see them, but we just gloss right over them. We don't acknowledge them, we just make excuses for them and so on and so forth, and then we end up in a place that is depressed. It'S lonely, we feel like we don't have any self-worth, feel self-conscious, um and so on and so forth, and i really wanted to tackle this topic because so many of us women are going through it and men too are going through it, and i just don't feel Like it's something that is talked about enough and i just wanted to dive into it, really quick. I do want to preface this by saying: i'm not a relationship expert, i'm not a therapist, i'm only 29 years old, it's not like i'm coming from 50 years of experience or from being married in a successful marriage or anything. But this is just coming from someone who has been there, who knows people who have been there and have gone on to the other side, so um, let's just get on in um, but yeah. I'M also gon na be doing my hair because this just it's giving, but it's not really, i feel like it could be giving more so we're just going to go for it. So, like i said, i am 29 and i have two been in a bunch of relationships in the past and every single one of them. I knew that i was not supposed to be in them at one point or another, even with my current relationship now. This is our second go-around, but the first time that we were together, there were signs that i knew that we should not be together right now, and i stayed there was a time where you know i got cheated on and i stayed there was a time where Everything was going perfect and he was a great guy, but i wasn't happy and i stayed friday put so much pressure on us and in my family everyone got married like 21, 22. 23. 24, like 25, the latest and i mean i'm 29 and i'm still not married, but before when everyone was getting married and stuff. I don't know if i should be cutting my hair like this, but i'm gon na go for it. I was just settling and i was like look everyone's getting married everyone's, showing up to christmas with their boo and i'm single sally. Yet again i was the butt of all the jokes, the single jokes. Oh, that looks so good. Where is your man and blah blah? So i was like all right if y'all want me to have a man so bad think about how i feel. Of course i want one too, so i'm just go ahead and take whatever is out here. So that's what i did and it made me settle. Amazing amounts of settling, and you know sometimes you got ta, look at yourself and be like look. I know who i am and the guy that i'm with he really doesn't deserve me. I'M way better than this not way better than him, even though he might be, but you just say i'm way better than this situation that i'm in and there were so many times that i knew that this was not it, but i wanted to save face. I wanted to have the instagram pictures i wanted to show up with the boyfriend to the group dates and all that stuff, so i settled for something that is less than what i deserved. So i asked you guys yesterday on my instagram. If there was ever a time when you were in a relationship that you knew you shouldn't have been, but you stayed anyways, what was the reason so we're gon na go. Look at some of those reasons right now, so you guys can't really see, but i got so many responses of women who stayed in relationships that they shouldn't have been in and they knew that they shouldn't have stayed and i'm gon na read you guys. Some of these there's so many are you kidding you guys are not alone. Let'S just read some of these. We have fear of being alone. I had low self-esteem and did not know my worth. I was scared to be alone, it wasn't toxic, but i wasn't happy. Um i had low self-esteem a lot of low self-esteem and afraid of being alone. I stayed because finding a christian man is like finding money. It'S hard to find um a lot of people said they stayed for the sex um. I believed his words and not his actions. I stayed for the potential. I stayed for our kids um i've seen this a lot too. I was afraid of hurting their feelings. I didn't want to leave because i didn't want to hurt his feelings. We had a lot of history. The sex was good, a lot more. We had children, we had children, we had children, i was afraid of ending up alone. Someone said he owed me money girl. If you don't get away from me, i didn't feel like. I deserve more due to my baggage and my issues. Someone said my body count was rising and i figured it'd be wholesome to stay where i'm at i lived with him and he was paying all the rent and the bills. I felt like i needed him. Someone said because i just knew with my first relationship - i was gon na end up married, so she just wanted it to work. I thought god gave me the okay lol, but that was the devil. Someone said in my relationship. He gives me 15 love and 85 percent hate and i'm just waiting for it to be 100 love and i'm still waiting being comfortable and kind of happy versus dealing with change in the unknown. Everybody loved him and knew we were together and i cared what people would say. I invested five years and gave my best to him. We were together for seven years, i'm afraid of starting over, because i thought i could change him. So i want to get back to me for a second and give you guys a real life example of how i was in the trenches, the trenches. I mean it wasn't like abusive or anything like that, but i was with someone just because i didn't want to be alone and then i'm going to tell you the story of how it happened and then we're gon na dive deeper into the rest of the foolishness. So so i met this guy like four weeks before i turned 27, so you know i'm like i'm about to be 27. Everyone else is married. People are starting to have kids and i'm like i'm just single i'm by myself, and i'm like, oh god, where's. My man, what's going on so this guy slides to my dms, and i was like oh hey - i i knew him kind of in high school but um and i always thought he was cute, but we never really went anywhere. This looks so much better short, good job um, but never really went anywhere because, whatever it just didn't, he slide into my dms and we're like kind of flirting for a few days whatever whatever now. Finally, he tells me by the way i just got out of an engagement, i'm not looking for anything serious, but i really like your energy. I, like your vibes, blah blah blah. So first of all that was the first red flag. Like me, i'm about to be 27. Why am i entertaining a guy who doesn't want to get married or even to be in a relationship right now sign number one girl get out of there. So silly me, i start telling my friends about this guy and i'm, like you know what do you guys think he's so cute he's in the church blah blah blah like? What do you guys think i should do and of course, like all my good friends are like girl, do not entertain this man like where is it gon na get you absolutely nowhere, but i went out with him anyway, so we go out and we have a Good time we had really good connection like we were having a good time. Okay, we were having a good time. We were so i was like well, you know what i'm gon na keep hanging out with him. Maybe i can change his mind to change his mind and it seemed like we were getting in that direction because we were hanging out all the time you know i met his mom. I introduced him to my mom and my brothers and stuff, like six months in there's, no title still we're just hanging out we're getting physical all this stuff, no title. I remember one time we were at lunch and i was gon na put my food on instagram. He was like whoa whoa. What are you doing and i'm like dang? I can't put my food on instagram he's like. I just want to make sure you didn't get my hand in there and i was like it was honestly that moment and so many more that i was like what the heck am i doing i'm too old for this. Why are we doing sneaky links when i'm trying to you know build a life? Get married, have kids yadda yadda. So then i was like you know what i'm leaving i left. I like blocked him on everything, and i was like this: is we're not supposed to be together? I don't want to do this and then all of a sudden when i leave he starts trying harder like he's showing up to my house. He'S writing me letters in the mail and all this stuff, because i blocked him his phone number. I blocked him on instagram blah blah. He would leave comments under my youtube. Video blah blah blah like not it wasn't very stalkery. It was more so like sweet. I thought it was sweet at the time i'm like wow. He really does care all of a sudden we're talking about love, we're talking about marriage, we're looking at wedding venues and um still not his girlfriend. We make no public announcements or anything, and i'm like am. I being tricked here am i being fooled mind you. We also have not a lot of things in common and there are so many things that our life plan did not match up. He wanted to move out of the country and live not in a house. I'M not going to say what it was. He didn't want to live in a house and he wanted to move out of the country and i'm not talking about like oh to paris or moved to jamaica. He wanted to move to like istanbul, okay, like a place that is, you know somewhere, i'm not trying to be yet. I ignored all that stuff, even though i knew that's not the type of life that i was called for. Okay is this thing on. I was not called for that type of life, but i stayed you know why, because he gave me emotional satisfaction and um. You know some other stuff at the time, but i wasn't really happy and i knew that this was not going to get anywhere long story. Short, we after i was like okay. This is stupid, we're not getting anywhere like yeah. I rather i don't want to be alone and i'd rather, you know be with someone what you know. We can go on date, nights and all that stuff be on the phone watch movies together, which we were doing all that stuff, but we weren't getting anywhere. I wasn't happy and then we broke up quote broke up four months later, he's engaged to be mirrored. Somebody completely knew i'm like okay, so that is just it goes to show that we wait around for like oh, i know he can change and i'm hoping he'll get back to. You know blah blah blah and, like maybe, if i change his mind, he'll ask me to marry him. No, a man knows what he wants and you're wasting your time, trying to change his mind and trying to change him or wait around for him to do xyz, because if a man wants something he's going to go for it in that relationship, showed me exactly that, Because we did this song and dance for like nine months, no title, no, nothing and then literally like four months later. He called me to let me know that he was engaged and not to his previous engagement to a brand new girl. So i was like okay. That relationship was not for me and i thank god because i'm not doing it anyways. I truly believe wholeheartedly that in every relationship good or bad, but that we're not supposed to be in, we there's always signs. We always see the signs. Our female intuition is, i don't say it's never wrong, but it's just always there. Something is always there and there is a difference between red flags and like personality differences or something like if your man, like, oh man, i hate his breath in the morning like that's, not a red flag, that's just a difference, but if you can tell that he's, Like a womanizer or he's disrespectful, or he calls you out of your name or you know certain things and you see it happening, the signs are always there. You can't tell me that you don't see them. Even if he's pretending to be a good guy, you'll see inconsistencies in his pattern, because nobody can pretend always you're gon na see it within at least the first two weeks, you're gon na see it you are, i know, there's a saying like: oh, he was a A wolf in sheep's clothing, but even if a wolf puts on a sheep costume, you can still see that it's not a sheep something's off and we always know when something's off we're just too afraid to say something or we just don't want to be lonely. And all those excuses that we said before and it's unacceptable, because you're only putting yourself in a rut and you're going to fall into depression, because those signs are only going to reveal themselves more and more as their relationship goes on. As that guy realizes that you're falling more and more in love with him, he realizes that, no matter what he does you're gon na stay, so his true colors start to show - and all he has to do is say baby, i'm sorry! I love you and you're like it's. Okay, i love you too. When you know, love is not painful. Love is not prideful. What don't let me hold on? Let me pull up the verse because y'all might make me preach up in here. Okay. First corinthians, chapter 13. Verses 4 through 8.. This is what love is. If you're not experiencing these things in your relationship, then you need to get out. Love is patience, love is kind, it does not envy it's not jealous. It does not bulls, it's not boastful. It'S not proud. It'S not rude, it's not self-seeking, it's not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Okay and us as women. We could definitely work on it. We'Re not holding grudges. Love does not delight in evil, but it rejoices in the truth. Love will always protect, always trusts. There is trust there always hopes we're gon na we're gon na dive into the hopes later uh. It always perseveres. Love never fails okay. So if your man is talking down on you he's yelling at you he's raising his voice at you he's cheating on you he's not calling you for days. He ignores you, he doesn't bring you around his friends or family. He bosses you around he's, not kind, doesn't say kind words to you, he's not patience with patient with you he's short-tempered with you he's telling you you'll never be good enough. No one's gon na want you, i'm the best you're ever gon na get. That'S not love! That'S not love sex only is not love. Staying with someone just because of sex is good. That doesn't mean that they love you and you're, not showing that you love yourself by just staying with someone just because the sex is good. Now i will say, even though i'm i don't condone this, but if you're, just if that's the agreement that y'all had and that's the relationship that you guys have like hey we're just here to have sex, and this does not apply to you. Okay, we're talking about women who are in real relationships, but they know good and well. They should not be in that relationship. That'S what we're talking about we're not talking about your sneaky links or your f buddies or your work, husbands or any of that stuff. That'S not what we're talking about here: okay, okay, if y'all had an agreement on that, then i i'm i'm not in your business. That'S your stuff! That ain't! My stuff, that's your stuff! So i want to dive in a little bit to the excuses of. I stayed because the sex was so good. Now we are um, i understand we're physical beings and soul. Ties are, are a real thing. I don't know anyone who has had any type of sexual interaction who was not blinded by it for a second and was like. Oh lord, i'm gon na have to hang out here for a little bit because he satisfies me physically, but i mean if we can be honest for a moment, just give me a moment of honesty. Are we really going to sit in a depression in a state of loneliness and mental or physical abuse for three and a half minutes of pleasure and half the time? I don't even be that good. Okay come on guys come on come on, come on, come on! Come on, you guys sometimes we're hanging around, and it's really not even that good. Okay, that's where the soul tie comes in! It'S like dang! It'S really not that good, but like once you have sex with someone or you have physical connection with them. Your souls are tied like you're in there and they have a piece of you and you have a piece of them. But let's be honest here all right, sometimes it really don't even be that far for us to be uh. Staying in these type of relationships. For some mediocre peen come on. Ladies, can we just be honest, guys come on, we grown, stop, stop it. Stop it right now, right now. Thank you. I'M just saying like if you end up accidentally having kids with him, you're stuck forever and a lot of the times i like i said i don't have kids but a lot of times when you have kids with someone. Oh, when you have kids or someone before you're married, a lot of y'all, don't even end up getting married having kids with someone is not going to get y'all to where you want to be. I want to really tiptoe on that subject because of the fact that i don't have kids. I don't know what it's like to be a single mom. I was not raised by a single mom. I don't know what it's like to rip your kids away from their father, especially if they love being in his presence, but i saw a lot of people say i'm staying because we have kids together now i just like. I said i want to tread lightly on this because i can't understand i'll, never be able to understand that right now. Who knows it might happen to me later on? God forbid, but i want you to know that your kids are not stupid. Kids can feel when their parents are unhappy. Kids know when their parents are arguing, they feel it. I have a friend, their parents got divorced and they said that's the best thing that their parents could have ever done, and then they were at a young age. Like sixth grade younger age they're like thank god, they got divorced because there was nothing but turmoil in the house all the time, you're blocking your blessing - and i know it's great, like you know the parent, the kids have their dad but like what good is their Dad in the house, or of having their mom in the house if the parents are unhappy, i don't know trust me when i say your kids want to see you happy and healthy. Also, you want to set a good example of a healthy relationship for your kids. Go and find yourself find your inner peace and be happy. Your kids want to see you happy they do. I know i'm like i said i want to try lightly, because i know it's not easy to just be like alright, kids pack up we out of here. I know that's not easy, but i just want this to be in your mind that your kids do want to see you happy. You want to set that example of a happy relationship, because your kids will accept what they see growing up. It'S like well, you know my mom. She got pushed around and blah blah blah. She wasn't happy, but she stayed so that's what i'm used to. So that's what i accept this is that what you want for your daughter is that what you want for your son? No, so i'm not saying you should or shouldn't, but i just want you to keep that in mind, set that example and you could be blocking an amazing stepfather for your kids. Okay, like this is not the end all be all. I know a lot of you guys think which man what man is gon na want me. I have three kids. There is a man out there: who's gon na love, you to death and love your three kids as his own, and who knows you might find a man who has his own three kids. Now you'll have six kids and you're in one big, happy family, but you're. Never gon na find that if you continue to stay in a relationship with a man who you don't love anymore, well, you're not happy blah blah blah. Now i will say this doesn't necessarily apply to people who are married because that's a different subject and that's true. Yeah, that's that's different. If you're just shacking up with your baby, daddy your children's husband, what your children's father, he made a commitment to y'all you're, not married, even if you're just engaged you don't have to stay if you're, disengaged or engaged we have kids. I have to try to make it work, try to make it work for reasons, because you feel like this can work. No relationship is perfect. Every relationship needs work, but not if it's like. Oh, i see the potential and i know that one day he's gon na love me like that's not trying to make it work. That'S you staying with a man who doesn't love you trying to make it work is like. Oh, i can't stand his mom and he's a big mama's boy, but like we can figure this out or like oh, no, his his job got moved to connecticut and all of us were in florida. He has to leave tomorrow, but we're going to make it work and we're going to figure it out i'll move up there. Whatever you know things like that, trying to make it work does not mean he's hitting me, but i love him. I wanted to make it work or he's cheating on me, but i know if i just cook and clean and pretty up myself, we can make it work that is not making it work. That is, you need to leave. Okay, so evaluate what exactly you're trying to make work and why you're trying to make it work. That'S all i'm going to say on the whole kids thing, because i can't touch on it too much because i'm not there, but i don't feel like you have to have kids in order to know that you shouldn't stay with someone just because you guys have kids, Because there are plenty of women in the con who can even probably tell you in the comments yeah, we had kids together by left, remarried have a beautiful life and it's just way better. Just remember your kids want to see you happy and they can tell when you're not and it does affect your children. It does affect your kids. This is going to be a quick mention, but i also seen a few women saying they stayed because they felt bad. I felt bad for who's this, like don't ever let a man say, first of all, like oh i'm gon na kill myself. If you leave that's manipulation, do what you have to do for yourself. If you need to call his mom call, his family call his best friend like look he's, saying, suicidal things or call the police or something but do not carry about weight on your shoulders. Because, honestly, if you're not married, these are the people who are not married. Okay, i'm not talking to anybody who's married. If you're married, don't listen to me um unless he's uh, beating you or cheating on you or something whatever but anyways. This is not for any married folk, but um yeah, i'm assuming it's like. Oh, i didn't want to hurt his feelings, like he loved me so much. I didn't feel the same. First of all, you're only hurting him more because think about it. On the other side, a lot of us women have been in love with a man who we know did not love us the same way. We love them and we felt it and it hurt it hurt. He knows that you don't love him back. Okay. He knows that you don't love him the same way, you're only blocking him from being with someone who is going to love him the same way or or no better than you could ever love him. So you're actually hurting him more by saying. Yes, it's going gon na hurt a little bit in the beginning. All breakups do but he'll be fine, don't kill your peace or fall into a depression just because, oh i don't want to hurt him because they're not they're, not gon na do the same for us. First of all: well, that's really not the first reason you shouldn't do it, but but that is they're not gon na. Do that, for you, these men don't care, they don't care. Okay, so don't let any man guilt trip you into feeling like you need to stay and even, if he's not guilty tripping you, but he is just a great guy like oh, i know, he's gon na be a great dad and he's a great provider, but you Know i don't really love him get out. You'Re, not money will never make you happy. It'S not you're going to be unhappy and you're probably going to end up cheating on him, and then god forbid, when you cheat, you end up pregnant by someone else, and now you don't know who the baby daddy is because you're still having sex with both of Them and that you know like it's messy, that's not and will never be a good reason to stay, because you feel bad for him again. I will say: you're only hurting him, you're hurting yourself too, but you're hurting him more because you don't even really want to be with him and there's someone else out there. Who does all right now we're going to touch on the oh, i'm staying, because we've already been together for five years and i'm afraid of starting over with someone else. That is a lot of the ones that i've seen like we've been together for so long. I'M afraid of starting over with someone else and i'm afraid of being lonely, we're gon na touch on those right now, first of all, if you're in your 20s, first of all and you're, like oh i've, been together since i was 20 i'm 26 now, and i Don'T want to start over you're still so young are you kidding those six years were just a test, and you probably learned so much out of that. That'S gon na help you progress into your next relationship. Love does not have a time limit. Love is not gon na, say. Oh, she was with someone for eight years, so you know her love time is up. I'M not gon na give her any more chances like no you're, only wasting more time by staying with that person who you've invested five six years in so what you're gon na stay another five years and now you're ten years in when you could have left five Years ago and moved on and been happy and healthy, either happy and healthy, single and working on yourself and blah blah blah or happy and healthy in a new relationship. Don'T let time hold you back? Don'T let the time excuse hold you back. It'S an excuse. I know you're comfortable, you guys have worked out a rhythm blah, blah blah, probably living together and i've seen like oh, he pays the bills and blah blah blah girl. First of all, anyone who said i'm staying with this man because he's taking care of the bills. We are women, we are bosses, we don't need a man to take care of us if you have to go back home. Do it if you got ta stay with a friend, do that do not stay with the man because he's paying for stuff, because, first of all that gives them so much power they feel like they have so much power that they can do whatever they want. Because, oh she can't leave me, she don't have nowhere to go who, where how's she gon na eat, where's she gon na sleep, so i can do whatever i want to this girl and she's not gon na leave, because she needs me, don't ever let a man Feel too much that you need him and you can't live without him. Okay, that is not what we're doing on god's green earth. I did not die on the cross for us to be just legs, open, cooking and cleaning and having this man cheat on us, not respect us, not love us not be patient or kind, or you know any of those good things. That love is that's not a good reason, but anyways back to the whole. We invested time. Okay, that's fine start over it's okay to start over. Do you know how many times we've all had to start over like if, at first you don't succeed, brush yourself off and try again, there are billions how much people in this world there are over 7 billion people in this world, and you guys are stuck unhappy With one of them - and you guys are saying i'm afraid, i'm never gon na find anyone else - seven billion people and you're with one raggedy shmaggy man and you're afraid that you're never gon na find somebody else. Sis look at you, you're gorgeous he's raggedy. Honestly, men are so raggedy, okay, please. There are plenty of other good men in the world, but you're sitting up on the couch with the raggedy marcus raggy marcus. Really. I just really want to encourage anyone who is staying because of the time that you put in just remember. You have so many more days ahead of you. You can find your new man tomorrow. Don'T wait until you find a new man to to leave the one that you're with now? That'S not fair to yourself, because you have so much growing and healing to do you're, probably never going to find that new man. If you're stuck in this battered relationship, you're depressed um, you don't think highly of yourself can't leave the house, you feel like you're ugly, like all those things. No new man is gon na even want that a lot of us - and you guys, i myself - included, really need to go to therapy and get back to the bad. You know what that you really are, and i know a lot of those men made a lot of us feel i'm trying to say us not like you. Women like us, feel like we're not worthy we're, not good enough. We'Re never gon na find anyone better and that's not true, like i said, seven billion seven billion, there's, always somebody better. Okay, there's somebody better than me. My boyfriend could leave right now and find somebody better than me. I mean very small chance, but um you could because there's always somebody better. Okay, there's always somebody better small chance, but there's always somebody better. So i really want to encourage you if you're someone who said like, oh my gosh, we've been together for seven years already. I don't want to start over starting over could be the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to you and you can look back and be like, ah so glad i finally left, i'm so glad i finally left take a chance on yourself. Take a chance on yourself, you can do so much better and you know it, you know it don't let anyone tell you girl, you're, never gon na find anyone better than that look. He'S a doctor he's a doctor. You'Re not gon na find any he's. A lawyer girl come on. I'M gon na bring up tyler perry, y'all saw tyler perry. Was it family reunion with that guy? Was he like a lawyer or something, and he was making all this money her? Her mom really wanted her to be with him, but he was beating her. She didn't love him. Are you the one in love? I don't love him the way he loves me. Then. Why are you marrying him? Mom says love will come. She was gorgeous too, and then she left and she was free free as a bird just be free free yourself from that thought of time. Just know that once that time gets doubled and you went from seven years to 14 years, you're just gon na think i should have left seven years ago still, even if that time doubles and you end up being there for 14 years, you can still leave your Life is not over if you're still breathing air into your lungs, then you can still leave. I don't care. If you've been with this person for 30 years, you can still leave it's not too late to start over. Please know that all right now, let's talk about staying because of the potential. Now i saw a lot of girls saying like i thought i saw the potential in him and potential can go a few different ways. Don'T make excuses for potential like there's potential, as in like oh he's in school, to become a doctor one day he doesn't have money right now, but he's going to school, he's working he's studying, and i know that after he graduates will be set. That is healthy potential now the potential that you guys are saying is, i know that he can love me the way i love him one day. I just know that he has the potential to be such a great guy, like he has some good qualities and i feel like he's still learning and growing in life that he's gon na be better one day like i do think, he's gon na quit drinking and Quit smoking - and you know, i'm gon na - take him to church and i'm gon na get him saved and he's gon na be a better guy, blah blah blah, and while that could be true, my pastor told me something one time that stuck with me is: do Not marry potential if you were to marry the guy you're with right now and he never changes, he stays the exact way that he is right now. Will you be happy? His potential is a what, if it's a possibility, he could never change, but there are some things that, like we're, calling potential that you just need to throw away the whole like i'm just hoping that he is going to love me the way i love him or I'M hoping that he's going to love me the way he used to in the beginning. That'S not potential that you need to leave, don't stay with someone because, like oh, we used to get along so great and yeah. It'S been rough, the past two years, but i know the first six months that he could love me like that again. If i just lose that weight - oh tyler parent movie, coming around again, why did i get married? The first movie when the girl sheila she's, like i know it's my fault, if i just lose this weight, i don't know if he'll love me again like no, that's not potential. That'S emotional abuse! Okay! I know it's abuse is a rough word. It'S probably triggering, but it is emotional abuse if and if he at all, first of all is not treating you the way he used to in the beginning and now you're unhappy. Why are you staying you're staying for what used to be? It'S not fair anymore, and it very well may never return so just leave just leave it you're, not gon na get it back in your head, just you're, not gon na get it back and most of the time, if you continue to stay with a man who's, Not treating you well, why would he ever change? Why would he ever change you're, giving him everything he wants, you're having sex with him you're, giving him his you're, giving him your car um you're paying for stuff you're you're loving on him, while he's doing the bare minimum, because you're hoping all these things you're doing Right now will get him to be better, but there's no motivation to be better because you're doing everything right now, while he's being trashed so he's thinking huh. So i can continue to be trashed and still she'll still treat me like a king. This is great. No! That'S not what we're doing. Sometimes you really just have to leave and i'm not saying leave so that he'll notice and you guys will get back together just leave. Maybe you guys will get back together and he'll clean up his act. Maybe you won't and you'll find somebody else, but you just leave with no expectations of getting back together, but just leave with the expectation of building yourself back up and finding your true worth and knowing your true self and remembering who you are and whose you are Come on somebody and that there's somebody so much better out there for you, 7 billion 7 billion and also the man. What is he 27 28 he's not changing. He is who he is if he was like 16. Okay. 20, all right. He has some maturing to do that. Man he's a grown man, he's not making decisions because he doesn't know any better he's making those decisions, because that's who he is again, i'm not saying that he can't change. God can change anybody, but don't hold on to potential because, like oh, i know, that's not who he really is. He just needs to learn. No, that is who he is right now. So, if who you're with right now never changes. Is that what you want for? The rest of your life just look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself that question. The last thing i kind of want to touch on is the whole, like, oh i'm, comfortable here, and i don't want to be alone like why i rather be unhappy with someone holding me than happy and alone, or some people would say an unhappy and alone. So i'll be honest, being alone after coming out of a relationship it does suck, it does suck because you missed you missed being held. You missed that comfortability. You missed going on dates. If your relationship was even that good, some of y'all are in relationships that really suck and you're staying anyways y'all not going on dates, i'm not being held, none of that stuff, you're just getting some sex every now and then, when he feels horny but anyways you Miss all the stuff of being in a relationship, you know a breakups suck, they do it just sucks um. I can speak for myself when my boyfriend and i broke up a few months ago. We broke up for about two and a half months and um. You know i saw the signs that they were there, that we should probably break up, and i knew we had a good relationship and he was a good guy, but there were some things that i was like: something's, not right, something's, a little off. Something is missing. X y z - and i was like i don't think we should be together, because i know that you're not giving me everything you're, not giving me all of you you're holding back, and you need to figure out. Why and if we get back together great and if we don't, then i will find someone who has it who's, who will give me their all and not hold back and yada yada yada and honestly. The relationship that i was in majority of women would have stayed because it was not bad at all. It was good, it was good, it was very good, but it wasn't great people would ask oh jess, how are you and so, and so i'm like? Oh we're good we're good, because we were good, but we weren't great. I knew that there was more like there was more after. I felt that way around, like seven months after we got to like a year and two months, like five months later or whatever, and all that potential that i was waiting for was like still the same after we had a few discussions about it. I was like look i'm out of here long story short whatever we i made the decision to leave because i was like, even though this is good. I know that i'm settling for just good and a lot of women will go ahead and settle for just good, and i did that at age 29.. I had to break up with someone who i thought i was gon na marry and it was good at 29 years of age, because i knew i deserved more than good. Okay, and i know that that would be really hard for a lot of people. It was hard for me too, because i was like what the heck am i gon na do now. I'M 29., i don't leave my house how i'm gon na meet anybody else. What am i gon na do, but i was not going to settle for good. I just wasn't: oh joe, i was not going to settle for good. I was like i deserve great i do and at age 29 i was like i have to make this this this this decision, i'm leaving okay, and that was the hardest thing i had to do. I was not used to being alone, and you know i live in this apartment by myself. I was alone. I was crying for weeks. I was distraught. I was like what am i gon na? Do i'm alone, i i just. It was the hardest thing for me. That decision was the hardest thing and it wasn't like the break up and double back and you're still hanging out sneaky, lincoln blah blah doing all this stuff, like no. I'M talking about cut and dry break up, didn't speak for weeks. Okay, even though it was hard - and i cried every day every morning - every night for like the first three weeks, there were literally times where i was like on the ground, like literally on the ground, crying like god, why? Why is this so hard like? Take this pain away. There was one time where i woke up and i was like: oh my gosh, i'm still alive. I have to go through this pain again. Another 24 hours like i just woke up, and i was like really god you can just end it. Last night, like i i wasn't like, i wasn't trying to kill myself. I was like god, if you want to go ahead and just call me home, i'm okay with it, it's probably better. I was, i was not doing well, i was depressed and even though it was really hard eventually, it does get better. It gets better okay, because, after like three or four weeks of the trenches and the struggle i was like, okay, life actually is moving on life is going moving on. I still have friends, i still have family. I still have to work and get these coins like. There was a time that i woke up at like 5 30 a.m or 6. I just drove to the beach, and i watched the sunrise and i brought my journal. I had my airpods in, and i was just writing words of affirmation and telling me stuff about myself, like you're beautiful you deserve the best you made the right decision, god's gon na take care of you. God has the best plans for you plans to cross. For you plans um not to harm you, you're gon na have a great future. You will be successful all these things. I had to tell myself and build myself back up. We are more than just help needs for not even just here to be a wife or be a girlfriend, there's so much more to this beautiful life that we are blessed to live every day than just having a boyfriend. Just because you don't have what you want right now like in that breakup season, where it just seems like the world is over, it doesn't mean you're, never gon na have it. There is life and breath and better days at the end of the tunnel, but you do have to prepare yourself that, yes, that breakup is gon na be hard and it's gon na suck for a few weeks, and you have to do it. The right way. Do not double back and like oh closure, hey, can we talk like no? No, you break up. You move on not i'll break up and like three days later, like hey, are you up or hey? What are you doing or hey? Can we talk like what? What are we talking about? Hmm y'all had three years to talk, no block block things. You got ta block things sometimes now. Luckily, for me we did get back together like three months later, and it was everything i always wanted that i knew i could be getting before. That'S not gon na be everybody's testimony, but for the for those of you who don't get back with the guy, you just thought you were so in love with you're gon na find somebody better and then you're gon na be like. I can't believe. I stayed in that relationship. I can't believe i thought that was love. I can't believe i thought that was the best. I was ever going to get i'm with the same guy right now, but we have a different relationship which makes me even look back on my own relationship and be like uh, my old relationship with the same guy and be like. I knew like this is what i wanted, and this is, if i never left, i don't know how long it would have taken to get here or if we ever would have gotten here. Okay, sometimes you need to separate, and you two need to do what y'all need to do, and god calls you back together, then great and if not then he's calling you to better. Okay, just know that there is better, like. I can't stress that enough. There is better out there, but you have to follow your gut. Follow your instinct. Follow that column, that's telling you get out of there. You have to leave. You have to leave because again, a man that you're waiting to change he's never going to change if you're still there and doing all the things that you would do if he was the man of your dreams like. Why would we change that? I feel like that's. The biggest thing here, everyone who's staying for potential and staying hoping things change, but you're doing everything you want, or everything in your power for a guy who's doing nothing. Why would it change? Why would you change if you're at work and you do the bare minimum and you keep getting a raise? Why would you work harder? You keep, you know, you're gon na get a raise every day, like oh great, why would you work any harder? Why would you change why, so i wrote down a few things, things that you should kind of look out for in your relationship. I said: stop settling for a man. I said some of these things earlier, but stop selling for a man who does not call you, and this some of these are coming from my suggestions. Videos, a lot of you guys would send in things like this, like. Oh, he hasn't called me in like three days. I'M like what child okay stop sailing for a man who doesn't call you who makes you feel bad about yourself. Who tells you you won't find anyone better. Who only calls you when he wants to have sex. He never tells you anything nice he yells at you continuously chooses his friends over you. He will not commit to you. Stop waiting around for a commitment that is not happening. He compares you negatively to other women. He doesn't bring you around his friends or family. He makes you feel bad for your accomplishments. Um he's inconsistent. He isn't a man of his word. He doesn't trust you and you don't trust him like if you feel like you have to go through his phone all the time or you have to follow him around. Please get out of that relationship. He tries to control you, he control tries to control what you wear or who you hang out with or where you're going get out and there's way more things. But these are just some things you could be like. Oh dang, he does do that like think about it, there's so much more things. Also, i have to stop making excuses for these men. Take it for what it is, stop ignoring yourself. You know if something is wrong, and you know that you deserve better. Just believe yourself - and i want you to ask yourself this question right now - the relationship that you're in right now, if somebody else came along today, okay, he was good looking and he was interested in you. He said i accept your kids blah blah. Whatever would you leave the person you're with now no question yes or no, if you're just waiting for somebody else to come around, then you need to leave that relationship if that's all you're waiting for to leave just because you don't want to be alone, you need To leave now don't wait for somebody else to come around, because chances are you're going to ruin that relationship, because you're carrying all the baggage from your stress relationship and bring it into this new healthy relationship with this healthy guy, but you're gon na ruin it because You haven't healed yourself yet so, if that's all you're waiting for to leave, if somebody else would treat you better but i'm to stay here until i have like that new security then leave. This is not a job. I understand like at a job. You have to stay at this job until you find another one, because you don't want to be broke. That'S different! That'S survival! If you need to write out the pros and cons list, be honest, write out a list and be honest: don't lie to yourself because lying to yourself gets you nowhere, write yourself a list and if that conflicts way outweighs the prose, if it even a little bit, Outweighs the prose, i don't think that's um something you need to be in right now. I really don't so i say all that to say is like i'm, not i'm really not trying to come for. Anyone like this is supposed to be just empowering. Please do not project on me. Do not take out your insecurities in your relationship on me because i triggered something and you're like well, you don't know him, i don't want. I don't want to hear all that. I don't want to hear any of that, because, if you even have to come at somebody like that and defend your like something might be wrong, but anyways, i'm not saying that your relationship has to be perfect or that your man has to be perfect. I'M not perfect you're, not perfect, but i am saying what am i saying, but i do want to point out that there is a difference between you know, a great relationship that has some flaws, then a flawed relationship that has some good times. The good should way way way way outweigh the bad. The bad should not be outweighing the good. I don't want you going to sleep at night and holding on to those few good times. You have this week when the other five days that week were bad. We'Re like oh, but he bought me flowers, but he was horrible for the rest of the week don't hold on to like oh, i know he can be better. I know he can be better. Let me just give him more time. More time more time, there's seven billion people in this world. Okay, over seven billion, don't get stuck with the one that does not love you. That'S all i'm gon na say so i said a lot. I really hope that this video helped somebody anybody. I really want you guys in the comments to you know, be a good community beast of good support, lift each other up.