Femininity With Natural Hair

You know one thing that has come up often I do content on femininity and on elegance and just on women embracing their Womanhood and allowing themselves to be beautiful inside and out, and one thing that comes up often is people will ask me: is natural, hair feminine Because Society has made it appear that when women wear their hair in a natural texture that it looks rough, it looks Untamed, it looks messy and a lot of women feel like the only way they can really look. Ladylike and feminine is if their hair is straightened or they have on a wig, that's straight, and I wanted to know what you think about that. What and it's it's unfortunate that this is even a conversation right. It is because it shouldn't be, but people truly don't feel like they're their most elegant selves when wearing their hair in a natural style. Welcome to daf show I'm Dr daff and I'm here with a beautiful special wonderful guest, Miss Brandy, cocoa, I'm at Brandy years ago. She is a hair stylist who has her own salon and has a hairline and she invited bloggers to come and have a special day for us. That'S when I met her and I fell in love with her personality, her spirit, just everything she represented - and I am so excited to have her here to talk about her journey with hair talk about her romantic life, which is also very inspiring to me, and whatever Else we get into so welcome. Brandi. Thank you for having me, I am so excited to be here like I really am like we got here early. I know so thank you for having me thank you so much for coming and for coming from so far. Of course, so you came from Temecula, I did and that's where your salon is be kikoa. Yes, now your salon is so unique because it's a natural hair salon. Specifically I mean you do other things, but that's something you focus on. Yes, there's a lot of salons a lot of stylists, don't Focus primarily on caring for one's natural hair and there's also a very beautiful vibe in your salon. You have a very special Aura in there. So tell us a little bit about the cocoa Studios. I started BK Cola well, first, the name um. It means courageous, The Brave One and it's my last name and that's in keikoas, and it means courageous and brave in Hawaiian. So I thought the name was fitting when I was really getting into um doing natural hair. So when I started to where, when I got my own Salon, it wasn't planned. My mom is the one that actually inspired me to get my own place. Wow and she said you have to do it. It'S it's a little Studio. You have to do it and I made all the excuses in the world like Mom. I don't know like no says I put the money down on the studio for me, so she put the money down on my studio and I just I Grew From there. Every year I expanded and expanded and expanded and um. When I really started getting into natural hair, I was looking at the ingredients in the products and I'm like. Oh, this looks kind of bad. What does this mean? What is a paraben and I'm researching things? I'M like? Oh, my gosh most of these products out here for us have trashy ingredients in it. Why are we using it? So then? That'S when I started slowly doing my research and getting into my own line what I want to put in things how ingredients work talking to cosmetic chemists. I do have my own cosmetic chemists now that'll tell me Brandi. No, this isn't good, don't put that in there, but this is good, so I'm going to mix it up for you and you see how it works. So I have this relationship with an actual chemist that puts ingredients in my products that are good, not just for the hair, but also for the mind for the body, because she's also an aromatherapist. Your products are second to none. They are so beautiful to look at. They smell like you're on an island and they work. Your products are one of my absolute favorites for natural hair. I mean we can talk about all day. What is your favorite of all the products? I'Ll tell you my favorite of your products, but you tell me which one yours is I have so many of I love them all, but what's near and dear to me, is the be Lola and it's because my mom was involved in the formulation process of my Belola, deep conditioner and Lola is the name of your yes. Lola is the name of my late mother and um. I just sent my mother, unfortunately passed in 2020, but since then I feel so close to her um. Every time I use the conditioner. I can feel her spirit. She came up with the fragrance with my cosmetic chemist and when she was smelling things and putting them in the conditioner. My chemist was like this is interesting because some of the things that she gravitated to the fragrances were good for bone health, really immune system and she passed from bone cancer. The smells that she needed were the things are that she liked were the things that she actually needed for her body. So it's it's just it's, it was. The whole process was really interesting and that product is just it's just my jam. I never. I never like. Really super miss her because I feel her all the time when I'm working that is so beautiful that product is one of my favorites. Is it really that's? That was one of the two I was going to mention it's. The best people is fantastic and you know I have 4C hair, so my hair is like on the scale the kinkiest or like the most. I don't even know what you would call it, but the tightest coil. I guess one of the one of the best extras working with the tighter coiled textures, because it's so versatile and they're, so it's so beautiful it is. But yes, it makes it so silky and soft. I love that when you started the salon, was it something that you felt that you could do, because there was a time there was a shift? Yes, where a lot of people were doing their own own hair due to YouTube yeah. A lot of us Naturals started figuring out how to take care of our hair, and we didn't even think to go to a salon because salons usually ruin our hair or complain about it constantly and don't want to do anything with it, except for permit sure. So. Did you see a shift when it started getting popular on YouTube in terms of your clients coming in? Was there any? Was there anything that you noticed? That was different in terms of just how people were seeing their hair and yeah? Well, I actually I got busier. I got busier, it was because I didn't when people came in to see me. I never talked down to them. I said this is your journey and it could be our journey. We could do this together and I tried to encourage my clients to embrace their curls and their natural, and I was just guiding them along the process. So a lot of my clients gravitated to that and they liked it, and they would tell me like oh on YouTube, someone did this and that in the third and I'm like well, you know I wouldn't do that, but if you want to try it, you know, But I never talked down to my clients. It was always like you know. I want my clients to feel empowered when they leave my space, so I got busier with the whole natural hair movement because I encouraged them to do it. You'Re right, you're right and a lot of stylists, you know they would get kind of down talk like you said to a lot of people when we have the tighter coiled hair. I know people personally even some people in my family who are afraid to go to the salon, because they don't want to hear The Stylist complaining or telling them that they ruin their hair and all the negativity that comes with it. And I love that your salon is so Serene it's it's an Escape. It'S beautiful! It'S really! It'S like a spa! That'S what I go for! That'S what I go for. I want a hair spot. Yes, that's exactly what you feel when you come in there and you're. So kind - and you never had this like, I don't want to call it like contention with bloggers. You invited us, oh sure, instead of saying like oh well, we're competing because you're on YouTube and you're doing one thing and a stylist really know what we're doing and you don't. You know you Embrace stuff yeah. I truly believe in abundance and a collaboration, and I felt that you know when Christina actually came up with the idea. I said yes, I said bring them in and let's let them use my products, let them smell it. Tell me what you think. What it did was it boosted my business because you guys were like okay. What do you think of this and then we're just talking we're having conversation? There'S no competition, I'm you guys are blogging and um doing your thing and I'm behind the chair. So how is I know what I know I'm. I feel that um, I'm I'm the professional, but you guys also had something to bring to the table, so I thought it was a great collaborative event and um. I would actually like to do more in the future. I think that would be wonderful yeah. You know one thing that has come up often I do content on femininity and on elegance and just on women embracing their Womanhood and allowing themselves to be beautiful inside and out, and one thing that comes up often is people. Will ask me: is natural hair feminine, because Society has made it appear that when women wear their hair in a natural texture that it looks rough, it looks Untamed, it looks messy and a lot of women feel like the only way they can really look. Ladylike and feminine is if their hair is straightened or they have on a wig, that's straight, and I wanted to know what you think about that. What and it's it's unfortunate that this is even a conversation right. It is because it shouldn't be, but people truly don't feel like they're their most elegant selves when wearing their hair in a natural style. Oh sad, it does and then another thing like what do you define as feminine? And I think that's the issue. That'S the issue. These things well, people are saying these things. I'Ll be honest. There are people, there are um, podcasters and YouTubers who do make content saying that it's not feminine feminine and that's completely incorrect because being feminine is being ladylike, it's it's being in your Womanhood right. It'S showing that compassion and love and caring and beauty and taking care of yourself right. But I think maybe what the people who say it's not feminine are referring to are women who just wake up and walk out and don't put any care into their hair. And I do think that that can be an issue, because I do think some people think that, just because your hair is in its natural style that you literally have to do nothing to it. And even if your hair is straight. If you wake up and walk out, it's gon na look, you have to brush your hair, like you have to do something to your hair sure. So I I think that there is that. But what do you think about natural hair and femininity, or what are some ways that they can make it feminine? Yours is so beautiful today, feminine it's how it grows out of your head, but really femininity is how you are. You can have a faded hairstyle. I'Ve had clients that have Fades with with designs, and they are very feminine, they are and they Embrace their femininity. So it just depends on on how you s you see or what you consider to be feminine. But if people are saying that which I think is totally silly - I mean you can do certain hairstyles to that's still hard. You know because it's what I consider feminine, but maybe not what someone else considers feminine. Like I put a flower in everything, I know I and that's why, when you're like some women, just wake up and leave and be guilty, sometimes because I'll fluff and then I'm like okay, let me put a flower in and let me do this and put some Lipstick on because that's it as women, we have to give ourselves Grace right. We can't be on a tan all the time you know, and sometimes you natural hair is. It could be a lot and sometimes you wake up and you're like Okay. This may not be my day today and you put on some lipstick and you put on a flower and some earrings and you bring that back and you smile and you smile. So it's not just all about your crown. It'S about your essence and your spirit and how you're feeling yeah and um. That'S that's the best way that I can answer that you're. Absolutely right, though, but I do think that what you're saying is true, that you could even have a fade or be bald and still be feminine, because really it's about your essence. It'S about the way you carry yourself, but if you are trying to find ways to make yourself look more ladylike when your hair is let's say very short, I mean there are other techniques like with your clothing. You can use sure like how you have on something. That'S like a v-neck yeah and it kind of like highlights your face more yeah, your earrings throw some lashes on yeah some heels and you cool headbands are supposed there's so many things that you can do. But to answer your question for those of you who ask, because I do get this question very often so interesting - it is absolutely feminine to have natural hair and there are so many natural hairstyles from braids to Locks to little Mohawk Puffs that Felicia Leatherwood Style with The the Buns, the rollouts beautiful, I love that you can even look on like wedding Instagram pages that have natural hair for weddings yeah, and they have a lot of very like beautiful, updos and things yeah for an updo and updo will last you a week. Get a good updo put that little scarf on. You know, you'd be good, so don't worry about that and one other thing when it comes to taking care of your natural hair to just take care of yourself as a woman completely and be in your femininity. A lot of it is that time, you're taking to wash and condition and deep condition, your hair sure - and you know you have products for us to be able to do that with. But one thing that does come up often in the natural hair world is that the products are too expensive yeah. There are too many steps, true and in order to wear our hair out, it just takes a lot, and I know personally for me, I got to a point where I was spending way too much time. It was taking up my entire Sundays yeah doing my hair yeah and I needed to find a way to shorten it, so I just stopped doing it, which is not good. It is what it is. I'M not gon na judge you. I was scared when I was gon na see you. I was like. Oh no! Well I better wear my hair because do not look at your hair when I'm around town - and I see someone they're like oh dude, I'm like I'm not painted, I promise the the hair stylist hat goes off. When I leave, I I don't even but give yourself Grace with it, there's a lot of steps. I know if it becomes that tedious and it becomes all day. Something is very wrong right and um. I think that it's always good to consult with the professional to minimize the steps, but a good, shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioner and a leave-in. If you don't want to wear it out, you know it's interesting. You have that product to be clean, which is a co-wash. So it's like a shampoo and conditioner. Yes all in one. Yes, it is phenomenal. Let'S not talk about it, because I don't have it right now: business owner things happen and things happen with the be clean, but I'm working on it y'all. I was just going to say like that product takes care of everything it's the best. Now I still have some so now. When I do my hair, that's pretty much all I do. I use that and I use a leave-in and I just twist it up and put it under my wigs, but that's right yeah. It made my life so much easier yeah if you get your hair, properly hydrated and just twist it up. If you're not wanting to deal with it, then you're good, okay, you know um make sure that you're shampooing, though a lot of natural leases they have not been using shampoo y'all, got to please shampoo, I'm not gon na come on here and talk about oils and Butters and all that that's a whole nother story, but please just get the shampoo in there make sure that your scalp is clean so that your hair can grow in a clean environment. Thank you for that yeah. I have seen a huge decline in the amount of people who have kept their natural hair. There was like that huge natural hair wave, oh yeah, and a lot of people ended up, relaxing their hair again, and I think from what I've heard on YouTube, especially, is that they just said it was too time consuming and their hair wasn't growing and they just Felt like they couldn't keep it up anymore. So it's not for everybody, okay, it's not for everybody and I'm not gon na sit here and be like. Oh, they should not have done that. Not everybody can do it. Everybody'S lifestyle is different um. One thing I wish people wouldn't go back to was relaxers because we know what's in it, but why not a silk press? You know, because when you get enough, silk presses your heat, your hair becomes heat altered anyway. Oh, I see so why get the relaxer you get it done enough. You know it's gon na stay kind of straight. That'S true! Instead of playing the chemicals in it, yeah be more manageable. If that's what they're struggling with yeah? That'S, that's all we're not being judgmental! I'M not aware very rare Brandy. I want to talk to you about something that I think is absolutely inspiring for me personally and just to so many people, and that is your marriage with you and your husband. Yes, so I am inspired because I have never seen a married couple that just seemed so in love, they're, so they're, so supportive of one another. Her husband comes from a different culture which I think is very unique and interesting to me because it influenced, I think, a lot of what Brandi does. But when you see them - and you just see what they've produced from their children to their hair care line to things that her husband is also doing that's inspiring, it just makes me so happy to know that that kind of partnership and love is out there. Yes, and so we want to know first of all, what's the secret sauce, you met when you were 12, 12, 12 years old, yes, and how did you know that he was the one it's like when you grow up together? I don't think that there was a particular moment where I was like this guy's, the one, because I mean I I knew him before he had hair on his face. Yeah we were babies, I just I just it. Just became this thing where we grew up together. We were best friends um as we got older. We just knew that we were going to be together forever because it's like when it's your person, I don't think you have like those moments. It'S just like a gradual thing like you're around each other, often um. He knows my quirks, I knew his and I get so sad when he's not around. I think that's when I knew like when he wasn't there. I didn't feel complete. So instead of yeah, that's the one. That'S that moment. I will say that when he wasn't around, I I didn't feel whole. So I guess that's how I knew that. That'S that makes sense that makes sense. This show is sponsored by Better Health Therapy online from being a mom to being a boss, being a wife to being a friend navigating any of life's challenges can make. You feel unsure whether it's a career change or a new relationship becoming a parent or anything. That'S just new. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with a user's manual. A therapist, that's trained is the next best thing. Therapists are trained to help. You figure out your challenging emotions and learn productive skills which can make therapy the closest thing to a guided tour of a complex engine called you as the world's largest therapy service. Better help has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed, embedded therapists available. 100 of the time plus it's affordable, just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things are start clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist at any time. It couldn't be simpler, no waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist learn more and save 10 on your first month at betterhelp.com feminine, that's, better h-e-l-p.com, slash fed. When you got married. How old were you 20.? You were 20, so you're a really young married couple. Yes, as you've gotten older, did you ever start to feel like? Oh, maybe I probably should have dated other people and had my time out there, or did you feel like no? This is, this is what I needed, or this is you know I mean, of course, I felt I needed to taste a little something else. I'M not gon na lie to everybody, be like oh, no. He was a woman, no of course you're young. I will tell you so I get okay, I lived in my parents house right and then I get married so from my parents house to my husband's house, so I'm in this house with this man. You know this this boy, I grew up with and I'm thinking I know him and, like I had this moment where I'm like what the hell am I doing what am I doing because laundry was just sitting around and my dad spoiled me rotten and did my Laundry so I didn't do laundry at home wow my dad washed, my clothes. He made my breakfast my mom and dad ate my dinner, so I move in with this man and I'm looking and I'm seeing laundry pile up and I'm like well, when are you gon na get it? So there is a lot of like learning. You know and um compromise and yeah when we were younger. Of course those arguments get pretty Rocky and rough, I believe. But as you grow, you learn and I was still learning myself like. Who am I? What do I want and then I'm learning this other person so as you get older, you're learning to um, you're learning yourself still and then you're learning how to pick your battles right and you're. Both very calm like you, both have very like mild spirits. In the sense that you're not loud or just over the top, both of you are that way, I'm a little over the top he's the mild. You can't get like that when you want to, but he's extremely yeah. He is my calm. So how do you deal with conflicts in your marriage? That'S a good question. Um as they come. I just I. I pick my battles because sometimes it's not worth it. You know I've been married for 21 years, so it's like um. You learn to really pick your battles and you learn how to navigate through the seasons of your marriage, because we're not always out of 10. we're not always happily married, there's some times where I'm like. What did I do and that's okay and that's normal as long as you learn how to navigate through these Seasons together, you're, so right because with a divorce rate being so high, I think a lot of times what happens is people do have those thoughts and don't Realize that they're normal, like yeah, I can't believe I married this person in in that moment of anger or frustration, and it just that thought just keeps seeping and seeping and sleeping, and you have to that, can't keep seeing it can't. No, it can't and understand that this is a situation, but that's what you're doing you're growing together and you're learning together absolutely and it's so fun. It is fun we're in the we're in the stage in our marriage, where our kids are older um. We have a 17 year old and a 13 year old, so they're kind of doing their thing a little bit my daughter's driving and we're like. We have fun. Yes, you know - and it's you know, but it's not always like that, but like I'm just navigate through those Seasons, embrace them and talk to each other and communicate all the time when you stop communicating and losing each other. That'S when you get into trouble you're still right about that communication is key. Now in terms of your marriage, you said that you have a lot of fun and I can tell you have a lot of fun together. Just from your Instagram videos, I'm like wow, their house must just be lit all the time all the time, but as a married couple, that's something that actually is one of the factors that cause a lot of married couples to end up divorcing is that they don't Spend like recreational time together, they don't do things as a couple. Yes, what is it that you do together? What are some things that you do as a couple that help to keep you together and not in your own separate lives? We'Re really good at seeing each other. You know um, we like to date. We like to date. We know like when things feel like we're, we're not connecting we'll go on a date. Okay and we'll talk or he'll, be like. Let'S go to Palm Springs for the weekend and we'll go to Palm Springs for a weekend. Um he's really good at being romantic I'll. Just get flowers one day or I'll um same for him I'll, try to send a text or try to give him a compliment, because men need to hear it too. Like you look nice honey, you know like it's so hard for us. I mean I must speak for me, but I know I'll just say for black women we don't usually say: oh honey, you look nice and I sometimes have to push myself to tell my husband. Like you look handsome today, you smell good yeah yeah. Without the eye roll, but actually like mean it because they want to feel good too, so it's like a give. You know you have to give and take, and it can't be one side just giving all the time. It'S not fair, that's true, and when you learn to balance things out, they'll work beautifully like a dance. We always say: marriage is like a dance and a lot of times. You'Ll hear like maybe other people complimenting him and that kind of thing, and if you're someone who never does it, it may be a lot more like sharp to you, like someone tells them wow. You look really nice and you're looking at like oh right, but you never say it or you. Never. You think I don't have to do it because he already knows. I married him. He knows. I think he looks nice right yeah, but you do have to you. Have to they have to hear it and yeah, because you know they want their little ego stroke like you look good. They want that. They won't tell you and sometimes they'll act out, yeah, sometimes they'll act out and you're trying to figure out what's going on when really you need to just give them a hug. I guess I'm on the cheek hey. Are you okay, they're not too complex like us? It'S true so sometimes the simplest thing you know a neck rub or a kiss on the cheek are a compliment, can just make their day. I think touch is really significant to relationships like I think people don't realize how powerful it is just to touch him. Just that physical feeling of touch can do wonders a lot of times. We get to a place where couples are not even touching. Everything has just become so mechanical and you forget that intimacy is necessary just to keep that romance going. Absolutely it's it's vital. It'S important! You need to keep that you need to keep that eye contact and you need to do those texts like how was your day. You know you have to, or else it's so easy to lose each other and that's why, when I see marriages and trouble it just breaks my heart, you know and my husband, you know um he's a kumu which is like a Hawaiian Minister and he does Retreats And things like that, so you know he got to keep things good, that's right! If he's uh marrying people, but I mean before he was even doing that he just he practices everything he preaches, and you know I go right along with him, so he conducts ceremonies, but he also had his first marriage Retreat right. Yes, what was that like? Oh, it was so fun. It was uh three couples that we had and um at first, I am I'm not gon na even lie. It was hard for me to let him do his thing. Okay. Why? Because, like I'm kind of a control freak, but not really what yes, I am, and I some of the couples were my friends that I knew and I'm like. Okay, what are you doing now like? How is that gon na work? You know, and I'm looking over and just trying to micromanage too much when really this was his thing. This was his Retreat, so I made an account accountability post and I put it on my Instagram and I said, listen guys. It'S all Cola, I'm not gon na. I'M not gon na intrude, I'm not gon na doing it's all him. So it was a Learning lesson for me to to actually have to sit back and allow my husband to lead um, and I didn't realize that I had that challenge. Oh wow, this whole time. In your life, you didn't realize that you had that challenge. No, because I think because maybe he was letting me get away yeah and I don't think a whole lot bothers him right, but and you're always. You know you're always doing something always and he's super supportive. He'S always there and I I think he just doesn't think it's necessary to like upset you right, but he's also so content in himself. I think as a person, you know him so well. I I've watched him for years. Yes, but I had to take a step back and he did it girl. We had sound bowls yoga um, it was at a beautiful Resort in Palm Springs. Um when I say my baby LED, he led and I let him lead and I was like okay and it was actually kind of hot. I was like okay, I can just let you leave. You know this is nice, it's a change wow, so it went so well. The couples had a great time um. At the end, he did a ceremony for all of the couples like to um yeah Unity ceremony is what he called it and um just to fall in love all over again and see your person, and you know just, and he did Incorporated some things from his Culture into the ceremony - and it was beautiful - how I think that is so important for couples to do things like go on. Marriage Retreats yeah. That kind of stuff is not necessarily talked about as often in the church. It'S talked about. Usually, a lot of churches have a marriage or Couples Retreat at some point during the year, but I don't think people notice how necessary something like that is. Like you're saying you're, you're traveling you're falling in love. Again, maybe they think it's just gon na be like a bunch of like lectures and workshops. It wasn't it. He made a he created, a beautiful workbook for them, one that I one of the things I liked in particular was the scratch-offs that he made um. You can scratch off something, and it says the dollar amount before you scratch it off, but it's a date. It'S like a type of date that you can go on and the ones that have all the dollar signs. It'S. You know you're gon na spend money, but if you scratch it off, it's like a weekend somewhere, you know um or it can be. You know, have have dinner together and watch a movie or go to the movies. It'S just really cool like the whole thing. It wasn't work and another thing: yeah. A lot of marriage workshops are based in the church right um, which I think is great, but there's a lot of people that don't attend church exactly so you're missing a huge chunk of people. Absolutely getting any of this absolutely and um he. Actually, he got people in there that that don't really attend churches, because I mean marriage is one of those things that is is sacred, and you know some people feel that you know they want to keep their their marriage. That'S why we call it sacred sacred space time. They feel that they want to keep their marriage sacred, but they don't really want to involved too much of a church. I know what you're saying so um what he had to offer was a little bit different and people really liked it. That'S great! No, that's super inspiring yeah, a lot of people who are single and are looking to find, like you, said their person. They feel discouraged that maybe it's not out there and a lot of times, don't necessarily know, what's important to look for what would you say, especially since you got married so young as you've watched your marriage develop? What are some things that you believe are very important to look for in your spouse and what would you say to someone who is discouraged about ever? Finding love don't be discouraged because I mean there's: there's somebody for everybody out there um that's an interesting question, because women now are getting married older than before, when I was younger, girls were getting married, 18 or they're getting married um. So what I would say to look for is to what you don't like you know. I think that if you see what you don't like in a person, it would be easier to narrow down what you really like. Okay, because it's just one of those things like. Oh, I can't stand that he does that. So I can't that's a no for me, so figure out your nose and then write down some of your yeses and then do the nose outweigh the yeses. You know so it just you know. Are you guys both spiritually yoked? Are you financially? You know you look at those things and and what are the deal breakers? I do believe that there's somebody for everybody and sometimes like with my clients - I've encouraged them to step outside of the box because they'll say oh, I normally will date this type of man, okay and I'm like. Well. Why don't you try this type of man? You know it's it I I did well, it was with me it was different um. I grew up in an area where it was not very diverse. Okay, didn't have a lot of options in that way it did not and um. I saw something brown and beautiful, and I was like oh jackpot, so I just. I think that it's important to um be open, be open to different things and just have fun, don't be so serious and stoic all the time. Just just have fun because by you being open it births, so much not just your lovely marriage, but your brand. Your brand is so unique and in that way, because, yes, you are a black woman, but there's so much of the Hawaiian culture intertwine in all of your products in your salon, yeah and it it's just so beautiful. The way that the two of you came together and created so much for the world, thank you. He is my biggest cheerleader. He really is um. When I came out with my brand, he was right there. You know - and I tried - and I still do include him in everything that I'm doing like with the business so that he doesn't feel left out right. I know that some women who are business owners they struggle with that where their partner doesn't feel like they fit, or maybe they want their partner to be doing like the business stuff, but that's not who he is, but he may rather support you by making you Dinner or by taking care of your dry cleaning or doing other things, to make your life a little bit easier, but maybe he can't be fully in the business side of things. Do you think that it's important for women to choose people who are aligned? In that sense, or do you think it's okay to be completely different because, as a business owner, your business is a huge part of your life yeah? That'S that's tough! It is tough. That is tough, because if he wasn't so involved we would start to sway. We would start to disconnect. I think that it's very important to have your partner as much as involved as possible, so that, when wins happen, you can celebrate them at the same level. That'S true, you know um. When I get a win, he is so excited. If it like yeah, you know when we got one of our first orders online. He was there and it was like. Oh my gosh. Yes, yes and we're packing orders and it was so fun. I just. I think that it's really important for your spouse to be somewhat involved for things to, and I'm not saying that it can't work. I'M saying that I think it would flow better and it's a lot less challenging and you won't have that. Like resentment, some people end up having yeah like their husband, is not involved or knowledgeable and make it fun, for them don't be putting them making them do the business stuff and the numbers, if that's not what they want to do. You know like have them. Do other things too, like honey? You know I'm gon na check this thing out. Look at this packaging. What do you think of this? Whatever you think that they may be interested in right, you know always kind of put them in the back of your mind, with your business and and the creative process, because that's the fun part that is so true. So what would you say in your opinion would be some advice that you could give to someone who needs that fire back in their marriage, because you recently renewed your vows with your husband been yeah. We'Ve done it twice. You'Ve done it twice. Yes, we did it. 10 years and we did 20. - oh the ceremony was so beautiful. I was there, it was so beautiful. What would you say to a couple who was struggling to get that fire in their marriage? I feel like it's just dry and they just don't have that passion anymore for being married. What would you say? That'S right goodness we don't let it get dry um! It'S there's little things that you can do. Um it's uh go to dinner. Have a date! That'S you know what usually what people say but like sometimes like change your hair wear something sexy. Yes, you know um go to a bar and act like you, don't know each other. Why not you know? That'S fun like put the fun back into it and just go back to the the beginning on when you guys first started dating like what was it you really like. You know what gave you the butterflies, what made you be like? Okay, that's my boo, you know. Go back to those times take out a picture album and look at pictures like you remember that one time, memories, I think, really spark things up like oh yeah. I remember you made me feel that way, because when you look at the picture, then there's the feeling and then it's just it's kind of like okay. How can we replay this feeling? I, like that? That'S that's good, yeah doesn't make a difference, and you said also like your appearance. I know for me, that's so important. I didn't realize how important it was until after having the baby, I obviously needed time to be able to heal and recover, but then it got to a point where I was starting to get a little too comfortable in the place that I was and I needed To not only kind of get my energy back up and start working out and just looking nice for him, but also for myself, and I realized that part of that weight loss process for me related impacts. The way that I showed up in my marriage in terms of my confidence in terms of what I wanted to wear I mean I don't want to look sexy. If I don't feel sexy right, so you did a huge transfer. Well, it wasn't a huge transformation, but you did lose a significant amount of weight. I did and what inspired that and how did it affect you? I did it. I did it for me. First of all, you always have to do these things. For you I mean for and then, if he's a bonus like oh, how he's going to look at you and that's just the bone, but you do those things for yourself. I just I became more mindful over what I put on the tip of my fork. Okay and that made a world of difference, it was very gradual because after I had my son, I was like 300 pounds straight up and I slowly I was like okay. This is you get to the point right where you're like okay - and you know my husband who adores me, but I was the sexiest thing. You know what I'm saying I mean at that size. This was great. I didn't even notice until you lost the weight that there could even be like another level, because I thought you were already so beautiful. Like I, I agree with him. I had to get that stuff off um and after I got the weight off. I was like you know what I needed a breast reduction, because this was too much weight to carry okay, and you know, after that I slowly just started doing little things and then, as I started, doing little things, he started doing little things and he lost a Hundred pounds wow, he did, he did just by like little like: let's not eat the burger tonight. Maybe we should have a salad. Oh, that's a drastic difference, just little things throughout a number of years. It wasn't like okay, you know and when you start putting good things in your body, then your mind gets stronger and sharper and sharp and when your mind gets strong and sharp, you really start filling yourself and then the confidence comes and you just become a better Mother, a better friend, I became a better wife. You know it's just a all-around good feeling when you watch what you put on the tip of your fork, wow. You look amazing and that's great that you did that. I'M super super inspired by that both of you did wonderful, oh, he did yeah, he did good yay. So Brandy, you know that I have my fragrance lines lined forever and you are so so supportive and I know you purchased our debut fragrance. I did. I love 29 11.. Do you love it? I loved it. Really. It'S gone. It'S gone, it's good stuff. I like it, it's very soft um. It reminds me it reminds me of my childhood because I remember like notes and those fragrances like smelling different notes when I was younger and I didn't know who wore it, okay or where they came from, but I was like. Oh I remember that's wow yeah. It is really, I know you love fragrance, because you had the cause. You had a chemist that was yeah. You met her she's, the same one that doesn't my products. Yes, okay and I, when I came to your salon, we created perfume from scratch with her and I created this scent and it smelled so amazing. But I didn't write down what I put in it darn. I know I love that fragrance that we created. So I know you love you love scents that smells so good, so I wanted to share our newest launch with you. It'S from our faith collection and I wanted to look at the packaging girl. You know I'm all about the package, see yes, Silent, Storm and mustard. Tell me about the name: both of them are created to help to just remind you to have faith, okay, inspiration for you, whether you're, just looking at the fragrance in your room or you're, actually spraying it. Okay, it's a reminder to have faith in the promises of God and Silent Storm is to remind you that in the middle of a storm that God can silence it, I know that's right. That'S right right! I know that's right, yes, and for mustard seed. It'S to remind you to have even the tiniest Bit of Faith, even that the smallest Bit of Faith as a mustard seed is so tiny. It can do great things. You do great things with just a little bit of faith and it's based off of a scripture. I love that you gon na make me emotional look at the pack. Can we talk about this uh? Can we be in Nordstrom? Well, let me try and get this stuff out. Okay, so let me help you with that. Y'All are serious about it being in. I want to make sure it doesn't spell, so this one is Silent: Storm, okay, okay, that's nice! I feel like this is like these are in the realm of like what your hair products could possibly gosh. That'S really nice and soft. What notes so this one has coconut milk in it. It has sea salt in it. It has ylangling. So this one is called the Silent Storm. Yes, this one's more bright where's, my my uh coffee beans, yeah. I know I need some coffee beans. Okay, I really like this one, because you know I like Fruity. Yes, you do. I like this. This could definitely go in like the hair. Yes, I really like that one! Oh, this is not. Do I get to keep this yes for you of course, of course, okay, I don't want to be like biased. I really like this one, the Mustard Seed, I'm just I'm. So if you like it, oh yeah girl, it's bright like you yay, because you're so bright, like you have to wear something that shows up like YouTube. You see how I lit up. Yes, is it available for ordering? Yes, it is, and I will send you another 29.11., how is he with your business? Oh, he is phenomenal. He'S the machine behind everything. Is he he literally is the machine behind every single thing. Okay - and I mean everything - the only thing that I really can take credit for is like the sense and the name, but like the actual production and all the vendors and the packaging and everything you're kidding gosh is I'm telling you like. I couldn't have pictured myself like he was all God, because really that's nice, that's fantastic. He really puts everything into like everything he does. I mean it's like all soft and velvet like I want to pet it that came up with the design. Oh right on. Oh, I'm so happy you like it. Thank you. No. I love it and I love every single thing that you do and that you stand for you're such an inspiration in so many ways, and I would love for you to just tell whoever it is out there. That'S struggling and believing in your dreams for starting something of your own having a love and a life partner. What is it that you can tell our girls who are discouraged and just don't think that they could ever be the woman that they really see themselves as being don't get discouraged, because you are already okay, you're worthy of everything that I have you're worthy of everything That Michelle has - and you tell yourself that every day take chances, take risk and it's gon na all come together, but you have to believe it. You have to believe it. Thank you. Yes, you're! Welcome. I love you so much. I I love you more. Where can we find you Brandy, um everywhere, so on Instagram, it's BK Cola? B-E-K-E-K-O-A, you can hit me up on my personal Brandy, keikoa. That'S where all the fun stuff is the party. Let'S visit her Salon, yeah come visit me in Temecula yeah. We should do another daycation. That would be so amazing bring the baby. I want to see the baby if you want to get your natural hair, taken care of and just relax and have a great spa day, definitely visit Bernie. And if you want to get your hair colored, you colored my hair and it was oh yeah, phenomenal, yeah I'll hook it up for sure. Thank you, Francie you're welcome. Thank you for having me. Thank you all for watching. Thank you for watching bye-bye foreign foreign