Divine 9 Sister Discussions: The Black Woman'S Hair And Sister Shahrazad Ali #Blackwomen

Foreign, do you wan na go to a place? I wan na go home. I can think foreign by your side, hello, hello, hello and welcome to Mosaic with TJ Randolph. I am TJ Randolph welcome to the divine nine sister, just sister discussions. Okay, I'm very excited. I have a full house tonight of the ladies from the D9 okay - I am a member of Delta, Sigma Theta, sorority, Incorporated y'all know that okay tonight we are going to be talking about some good stuff. Okay, two people that you've seen before I'm gon na bring them up. First, let me go ahead before I do that. Go look in the chat here and see who we got hello, hello, hello, hello! You know I just try to be a sincere and authentic as possible um. We all in this thing. Together we struggling okay, we chocolate, Hey, Eugene, hey M meals. I don't know what is going on my my um. My connection is kind of slow, so I hope we uh don't have no real serious technical difficulties. Okay, Okay, so we're good shout out to Courtney Michelle because we're going to be talking about her part, one interview she did with her thought. I lead it. I know she just completed her part two that just dropped at six o'clock, but we're going to be talking about and chopping it up about part one and I've already seen it, but the ladies on the panel have not so we're going to get their pure reaction. Okay, so I'm gon na bring up uh my first panelist, you all know her she's, a member of Alpha Kappa. Alpha sorority Incorporated I've known her for what 30 over 30 years. She is my high school classmate, okay, Tamara Washington bring her to the stage. Okay, hello, hello, hello, hey girl, hey next, we have another member of alpha. Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority Incorporated, even though she's been here before Joy, Jordan, I've known her for gosh - I don't know since 80, something a long time for 87 89. Something like that. Okay, so welcome to the stage Joy, Jordan, hello, hi, everybody and yeah. It'S just been a couple years, two three two three years, something like that: yeah. Okay, now this is a new get. This is a new guest and we are working. We don't see her lovely face just yet, but she's in the house we're gon na hear her lovely voice. We still working on the technical difficulties, but she too is a high school class made of me and Tamara's okay, her first time to the panel. She is a member of Zeta Phi Beta sorority, Incorporated. Please welcome to the panel Kim Smith hi everyone. Thank you. Thank you. How are you doing Hi? How are you good good? Thank you. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for joining us, okay, so and last, but certainly not least, this is her first time to the panel as well. She is a member of Delta, Sigma Theta. This has already Incorporated now we met as colleagues within the last. What I don't know. Five, ten years, something like that, it's been a minute but oh you're, doing okay! You'Re doing oh you! I see you okay, so welcome to the stage Ronnie clay, hi, everyone, hi, hey! Ladies hey, I'm so excited we got a full pound tonight. Yes, do y'all see my uh Banner at the at the bottom. I mean the little did the divine nine discussion. Yes, we do we do and do you see the lady. You see the ladies absolutely lucky Marie, who made the overlay and also who did my intro. You know that I absolutely love and shout out to my firstborn nephew Ryan Adams, whose song now that you all are hearing on the intro. You know I got to give a shout out to my baby, the hard-working truck a man on these highways and the byways, and also to all my truckers, who are out there traveling these highways and byways, bringing us our much needed Goods keeping the supply chain moving. You heard okay, let's get into it, we you know I've known you, ladies, what you told me for at least five years and uh. The least five is going to Ronnie. Let'S Talk About Hair, let's talk about black women's hair. What what about it? I want to talk about the reason I want to talk about. It is because, and since I've been in these YouTube spaces, there's a lot of talk about um a lot of talk about how we, as black women, we don't embrace our natural hair, meaning the hair heads okay, we do weaves wigs, uh, braids, lashes nails, but we're Talking about hair right now and I'm saying men are saying that we don't like that, embrace your hair, we don't care. If it's short, we just want. We don't we don't want to. You know we want to be able to run our hands through your hair. We wan na, we don't want to be able, you know we don't don't want to have to uh, have uh stop them. The uh Love Jones, because yo weed might get messed up or your hair might be messed up for you. Ladies foreign. Well, you're, not the man for me to get over it and mind your business and mind your business. However, you understand or acknowledge is that sometimes we do this, because there are underlying conditions and or reasons some may have alopecia some may have um uh, not necessarily alopecia, but uh parts of their scalp, where their hair follicles have been damaged and so the hair no Longer grows there um. So there are a number of reasons. However, it's hair, we can do what we choose to do. They grow hair on their face or they cut it off, but it's their choice and they do it because they like it. We do this because we like it, that's a good, that's an interesting point, because some men say that what well a man will say. Well, yeah. I can grow this, but it's mine, it's actually growing, I'm not buying it um. This is mine. Anything that you purchase belongs to you, your car, your house, your watch, your clothes, you put your watch on and off you take that on and off Ain't. Nobody Got no problems with it and that belongs to you. You put your shoes off and on you, take your shoes off and on and your socks, ain't nobody's ever said pants. Those things are necessary. Those belong to you because guess what you purchased them, I I don't I don't. I don't know I mean hold on Kim and Ronnie. What do you all say about that? Well, uh. I can respect a man that Embraces a woman with her natural hair because to me um to the stringy side of her, that just so happened to be blonde or brunette. So I could really appreciate a brother that braces me, natural hair, you know, and and and I've I've met guys that really liked the long. You know flooring weave because I've worn those as well, but I mean is it? Is it because it's pretty or because it's you like long stringy hair and you might cross over at any point, I could really appreciate a brother that that's into natural hair, because I you know we we have so many. That'S that's um crossing the street in, in other words, um dating white women with the long glowy hair, but I I appreciate them um, respecting the authentic sister. I promise you I'm authentic, I'm all natural under here well and there it is. I have so many yeah. I I maybe it's because of where I live right now or just me growing up. Excuse me, I um I. I grew up in a house where my mother was like the perfect example. You can be anything you want for Halloween as long as you look good, and so she was a advocate of you can be a very pretty clown. You can be a very pretty hobo you, but you're, not gon na, be looking crazy and if I can find something to enhance what's already there. Why not, I think the biggest complaint now mind you, you got ta, remember I'm from the Dark Ages. I'Ve been out the game for a minute. The biggest complaint I ever really got. Was You Gon na? Keep that Bonnet on and guess what and they kept it moving and it kept and it worked it was. It was suddenly became a non-factor. You can get this bonded or you can get the step in one to two. What, ah, really I I don't know and there's a whole a whole bunch of Lifestyle right now that I'm I'm I'm definitely not a fan of, but okay for different folks. That'S why the world is the way that it is everything is not for everybody right and so hey the man that lets me be. Who I wanted there. You go. I'Ve been married 26 years and he knows we have another marriage veteran on the panel. You said married 26 years so Kim. I want you to say it one more again for the people in the back about what your husband about what you call your husband. Well, he knows, and I've been married 26 years and we done talked about hair and everything, but he lets me do what I want with my hair that you know yeah. I appreciate you for that and he appreciate yeah. He lets me be who I want to be well and I um sometimes he has comments, but sometimes I have comments back, but you know it's just I. I don't tell him what to do with his hair and he doesn't tell me I appreciate him. He appreciates me, no, you don't lie to it elaborate uh, Vincent Williams, and before you elaborate, let me go ahead and grow you to this uh me and Mr Randolph met four years ago, and I had the big curly hair right and the first thing he said To me, oh, I, like I, like your um, your natural hair, I said hold on, I said um. I have hair, but this ain't it yeah. So I mean you know, because I wanted you know and the hair the wig that I was wearing is like the hair. That'S that Ronnie has grown out of her hair right now. That was a style and almost the color. You know, but I love that I said hold on uh just so you know I have some hair mm-hmm, but this ain't it girl. You know this might have been a telling story as well. When I was dating my husband and I had just gotten off of work - and you remember - everybody was rocking them ponytails back in the day girl we having a conversation and I'm sitting there going uh-huh and I'm steadily undoing my ponytail, it's deadly the whole time. He talking to me I'm like because you know I didn't have the drawstring. I had to get the whole weft and wrap it around with the pins, because I'd have it like that. So I'm up here doing this and I go bloop and he didn't miss a beat. He looked at me for like okay and then I was like going through my hair and I was like looking probably as cute as Buckwheat. It could be, but I was like he didn't, have what what it's not again. I just find it very disconcerting that people really want to fixate on one thing on a person and if that is to your detriment, that that's you can't see past something. I'M like. Okay, well, some people wear hats. Some people wear contacts. Some people wear glasses. Look! So if, if you met somebody - and she is a nine, but she wears orthopedic shoes - oh you can't do that. What this is so trivial again and what I hear is. I only hear our men doing it. White boys don't seem to have a problem at all. They ain't, never saying none and you know, except for oh, you look great. I love that on you and uh. Oh, that is a beautiful Style right. They know this ain't. Real they know. I would think that if 22 inches came through now, oh sorry, guys get Ronnie in here. Okay, you, you know um by me, going to a multicultural church. One thing that I noticed um as far as being on the other side of the fence, the white guys they're more attractive to me, um to to um ethnic women with their natural hair. Whereas I noticed a lot of brothers um, you know if, if they go on the other side, they like women with straight hair. You know, that's just been my observation. You know even on social media, most of the um, the Europeans that date outside of their race. Um on African-American side, they mostly have their natural hair for some reason they're um turned on. I would I would just say that if they gon na date, black women, they just dance. Let me say this Joy is, is, is it their preference or are they curious? I agree, I agree with you, they want to touch it yeah, they want to understand it. They want to see how it feels they want to ask questions about it, not just them, but their relatives as well, because they're not familiar with that texture or that grade. So I think they're more Curious than they are anything they're used to stuff like this. Unless they marry, you know a person, that's that's it and that's the spot. You know especially being in the church. Most of them marry women with natural hair in America. I I love the natural hair, looks okay, I think it's great hold on. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you how many of you you know whether you're married now or have been married before, did your hair? Was your hair issue for your men now? What I mean by that because some will say well the issue for men, but they just didn't tell you what have you has it been a point of contention in any shape, whatever form in your relationships when you were through the court of it I mean just. I want to get your your thoughts on that my hair does not define who I am. It just says what I look like at this particular moment. Yes, my mood, my attitude, my personality, my disposition, the way I present to you, how I carry myself doesn't change because my hairstyle is different, I'm still the same person. I totally agree with you. I don't make the hair, I mean the hair doesn't make me. I make the hair right so if you can't take me with, however, I look you can't take me at all and see my husband has always been there. He doesn't seen every hairstyle everything that I've done hello. Oh, I was just saying my husband has seen me with the short hair. He has seen me when I've taken my weave out. He didn't with all it was natural, he doesn't seen it all and stuff, but he knows who I am like Tamara was saying. He knows the woman, I am so it has never been an issue. Well, what do you? What do you think? What do you say to me to me you're putting in other people's textures? That'S not what do you say to that? You that's your opinion and, and it's like an [ __ ]. We all have those that's right, and so you can't change another person's opinion or they thought their thoughts about you. I don't care because I I mean you're, the one who's obviously bothered by it, because you're commenting on it I'm going on about my business, who I am at the moment at that moment, whatever hair that I decide to wear, allow me to be who I am Yeah, I I mean if, if I have had people ask me about my hair or whatever the whole situation about it, I was like well, so I've got baby flying hair. I'Ve always had baby fine hair, and you know it's it's it's a look. I mean there's nothing like getting your hair done, going home, taking a nap and then you get up and it's gone. There'S no style. There'S and let me get this straight. So there are things that I can do to have a style that'll. Last more than a day, oh yeah, I'm on it, it's not about who I hate myself or, or anything like that. I just I just I enjoy the versatility of it. It was just it's versatile and plus when I'm getting up at five, something in the morning. Guess what that struggle ain't real, I I'm good! I'M straight! I whip something out and be good to go and - and it's just it's it does bother me that if you got a real question, go ask somebody and but again when I see women out and I compliment them girl that looks good. They know what I'm talking about, I'm not trying to say oh you're, doing something less, but if I see somebody like Ronnie, I'm like oh, I like that. I love the honey. I love that color. So what it's? Just it's like a hat, it's an accessory to me. It really is it's just like like if you had a really cool Fedora, it's a really cool hat like when you had your braids girl down to your butt on campus us, and then I don't even know where she's going. Do you remember that that was such a flex? I couldn't find it. I have some pictures, but they don't have you with your hair that long they don't. They do not have you with your hair that long, but it was such a flex. It'S like yeah, okay, so here's the thing um, I I and one one thing I do agree with men about this. Is this reason - and I say this because I I always looked at hair as an accessory, and I even went as far as to say that I used to say that hair and changing my hair, you know uh braids down because Joy, you, since you brought it Up you remember when I came to School uh and my I had my braids in so long, I could sit on them and I'm and I did them myself. So I was seven. I was setting Trends, you heard right and, and now you say well, hair isn't expensive until I start losing mine, okay, so sorry to the young women, and I do because when I had when we had thick hair, we we wore our thick hair. Yes, we Diversified it, but we didn't always have our hair hidden, and so I think so I hear what the men are saying now, because now many of these men don't even know what the women even look like, because all they see is that so we do. We know they have man wigs now. Do we know that that's really who they are? Okay, they have beards that they can put on. Do we know that that is again. I have seen some of them that I have seen some Authority. That was hey. I don't even care that was weird. It was gorgeous, it was absolutely gorgeous, it doesn't have to be the majority, but we're not the only ones doing it. Yes, people are doing it also. So you you're attracted to me because you like the way that I look, but once you find out that that this is not grown out of my scalp, then you have an issue with it, but you like the way that I look right. That'S a good point. That'S a good point: I'm the same person with it or without it. What'S the difference, you're attracted to me with it well going back to what I said with Mr Randall, I tell you I have here, but this ain't it and I will tell you I will tell you. I remember, and I see things now through a different lens at in my 50s than I did in my 20s, 30s and even 40s. I didn't realize that my hair had started to thin until my late 40s. Okay, my hair started to thin, but I guess if I would have been paying attention to the women in my family, I would have known that that would have been the the progression so, but so, instead of hair became becoming an accessory that I always called it Because my chemistry had changed, because I was taking medications that affected my hair growth, all those kinds of things, it was not an accessory anymore. For me, it became more of a necessity for how I felt about myself, because I always had thick hair and I'm somebody who never had it welcome to the Thin Hair Club girl. It'S all good we're here so so somebody said: why are you trying to tell me and what to accept we're? Not you accepted or you've known. I mean I'm, not you accept me for who I am and what I like or not. I'M not I mean that's a preference, I'm not trying to tell you what to accept it's kind of like the makeup thing where people go. Oh, I can't stand it when, when women wear all that makeup and they just catfish and they take it all off and they don't look like that, I'm like well, oh okay, she still got the same personality makeup or no makeup. That'S the sale, the same person that you were making on for four hours and she went home and washed her face, and now you like. Oh Lord, she looked like a bottom of a shoe, I'm like well, she an artist what you know it is what it is I mean I guess I mean like: are they, which should we just consider them extremely shallow, that they can't seem to get over some Presentation, because that's all it is, if you can't get past me at this - oh you're, gon na see me without this you're gon na see me without a wig on eventually I and guess what not concerned. That'S right not concerned, do not care, so mine is a sew-in, so you will see me when I take it out to get it redone and he ought to be helping you take it out. I hope uh he has before yes, Miss Mills has said that it's different for women that are single and dating well, you know what I I I've had to be there. I'Ve had to be single, I've had to be dating. I I am the same person now that I was then in here real quick. It means you make a good point, but here's the thing when I met Mr Randolph, I was dating and I told him you know I have hair, but I told him I I got a whole Shelf depending on my mood. I understand that he likes when I wear my own natural hair, and sometimes I do because I know he likes it, but he also knows that my hair is thinning. He also knows that I have a certain level of insecurity about it, and so his issue is whatever makes you feel good about. You amen and same for my husband right because, as we get to be over 50, our hair dust then - and I've had problems with my hair and he's seen them so he'll say do what makes you happy baby right, and I tell him the same with his Hair we're going to be reviewing her video in a moment. Accordion says with the women on the panel have the same attitude: if the man they they fell in love with women hold up with the women okay, let me stop what do women have the same attitude? If the man that they fell in love with they thought had a job ended up being broke, that's different! That'S not the same thing! We'Re talking appearance, we're not talking about um. Well, I just lost my words, but we're talking appearance. How you look we're not talking about um your status, your ability to provide, at least for yourself, yeah um, we're talking appearance. Your appearance doesn't necessarily hurt anyone yeah. Well, let me get Ronnie in there Ronnie Ronnie, what you got well uh me and to me they wear a wigs or topaz or whatever to me. They'Re, just in touch with their feminine side. Go ahead. Girl go ahead. Okay, you can come a little closer to the camera bronnie, so she said if you lose it he's saying: if you're losing it just go on and let it go come and let it go. It'S not sexy to me. If you just let it go, whereas um you, you got a guy, that's in the mirror more than you he has to get his hair done. He has to get his sew in and his wig tight, that's just two and being too in touch with your feminine siding. That'S a turn off! So no! I I don't appreciate that. But although I do appreciate a guy, that's well groomed, you know, and it's ditto for us. I I'm sure they would appreciate it if we're well grown, regardless of if it's a weave or if it's your natural hair, whether you wear makeup or not just you know, keep yourself presentable. What Courtney's saying your look is the equivalent to that man having a job. We go through with their hair loss and everything too, as they get older, older, their hair thins out, or they want to see what they can do to kind of grow back that bald spot or whatever they're having and go. You know so we they go through. Some of the same thing when it comes to their appearance and them getting older too. I agree Kim, but you know what your looks does not pay your bills. Well, maybe it could it could it could, but just keeping it real. My your looks not gon na pay for your housing pay for your food on a consistent basis. You know what I'm saying yeah depending on somebody else um I just I don't know I I just I disagree. I don't think that looks are equivalent to a man having a job. I I don't see the the correlation there for me. Okay now see here's the thing too. Okay, so listen these women, these women on my panel, we're all in the same age group. So we're gon na see things differently now. The only thing that I would agree with for the most part is when you have women that are in their 20s that are in their 30s and all you see, and they have full head of hair. Oh and they say it's a protective style protection from what and the reason why I say that, because you all we all the same age group here we, the only thing we have for is protective styles when we were coming up, is either cornrows or individual breaks And the individual braids need to come into play until maybe the 90s. So let's be real here. A lot of it is laziness. Yeah our situation is a little bit different. Are you saying this? Let me make sure that I understand what you're saying Tara I'm confused. Are you saying that people are deciding to the level of effort to do our natural hair versus us? Having extension, wigs weaves whatever is is because we feel that it's just easier to do. This is that what you're saying I think in many instances it is and that's why, and I say that, because you know I have been a hair. I'Ve been in love with hair, all my life before there was Weeds. I was wearing towels on my head, but the difference sober pervasive in the market. There was intermingling of it a lot of these women. That'S all they do so. Men don't even know what they look like without it. So that's so I I do understand. I have nothing with diversification because I've been a proponent, you know, like I said even before, forget it, let me go ahead and bring it up. Let'S talk about pictures, this picture right here. Let me go ahead and share my screen. Let me share my screen. Let me share my screen. Okay, why are you sharing your screen? I I was gon na make a quick statement. Oh never mind it's coming up. Oh, I know that I have that you see this picture. Okay, yes, I'm in the middle anyway. Right of me, you probably did yeah Lisa is wearing a wig whose wig was that mine. I think it okay, I was about to say I thought it was yours that was my wig mm-hmm. Yes, so this picture was taken in 1992.. So but the difference is we still wore our hair. We wore our hair more than we wore wigs and - and I have I have one more than we wore weed but Terry, it's it's a different thing and I think it has to do with the economy of certain things in 1992. I remember when I learned what wefts were. I remember thinking, oh my God that girl bleached her whole head. Then I was like wait. A minute wait a minute. That'S not what, for somebody like myself, do you remember those things used to cost so much money girl? You can get you a good, cheap, wig off of Amazon, now costs nothing and that's now, and if, if back in the day, there was no way I could have afforded, I mean it was like five six hundred dollars for a full head of weave and and Then it was gon na look half crazy sometimes, but now it doesn't cost anything. It'S just it's! It'S simple! It'S easy, but I dare say this. You talk about it's easy to do girl. You called me on one Sunday and I'm doing a two and a half hour wash day on this thing girl this. Let me get this wet guess what it looked like our hair. Oh it's a two and a half hour ordeal to press this. To do this. To do everything else, but it's what I choose to do. I mean I like how it looks I mean I don't necessarily have a fight or a struggle with my hair, but yeah I've got thin hair. Why not, and and I and I and I enjoy it and again, but what I share to the younger women, specifically my daughter, because my daughter got a full head here, I said: listen, don't hide it if you don't have to because there's going to be a Time I said, look at your mama. I said: look at your mama. There'S gon na be a time that you might need to hide it. So if my daughter's all-natural don't my daughter - is 100 natural she's been natural for probably six years now, yeah and she's not conflicted about it at all. You know she comes home. I catch a trying on my wigs and I'm like okay heffa put those back in that room. Oh and I've got pictures of us and I was trying to find some that were older, but Terry they didn't quite qualify. The hair wasn't the focus in those pictures. Sorry, you remember this picture Tara. I know them both of those. Ladies, yes, okay, but it's a pretty picture what's wrong with it. Another picture here you know, and so again it goes back to what I think. I'M really glad that my husband didn't make it a big deal. I have to be honest. It was not until coming into these spaces that I knew men had such a problem with it on a larger Terry. Now, some men do, I said on a large. Yes, on a larger scale, my my husband prefers my hair, but he is not it's not a deal breaker. I will tell you that there was a friend um God Rest, her soul, Sheila. She used to tell me about. I don't know if it was a friend or a relative of hers that have been married for years and her hair was. You could see through her to her scalp, but her husband did not want her to wear a wig. I was losing my [ __ ] and it didn't even concern me. I said how you know, but you know, like I said elephant it didn't even concern me, but I'm like it was obvious that she didn't feel good about herself because again for women's hair. It is our crown and Glory yes and if you lose it, but because her husband was so, you know rigid About Wigs, even though his wife was suffering about her confidence. This went on for years until he ultimately gave in and allowed her to do. That now - and I also said you know, going back and then I'm gon na, let you all talk so I'll talk. I won't talk all over you, but I remember going back what 15 years I worked when I lived in Virginia shout out to the Commonwealth, my nephew, her neighbor, I remember she'd, be out every morning sweeping her her little the front, the the driveway and they had Been married 30 plus years they were retired. She had this wig on Air day and I couldn't understand it because see. I still had a full head, then um. I couldn't understand. You know why she got this raggedy ass wig, but, as my hair started to thin that I understand yes and apparently it didn't matter to her husband what she had on her head. He she did it he a lot because it made her feel good about her. Your thoughts, I think, just in the past, when we were growing up, we never we didn't have well all these wigs and weeds they're. All about a lot of people in the 80s were wearing Jerry, curls and flips or whatever they were doing, and I just think it's a time where now that uh, our culture has changed. You know the hair we didn't have access to wheezer and all of this that happened, the new generation and then we had the power movement. Where now natural is great. You know what I mean my daughters: all both of them were their natural hair and back then you know we had curls and everything but time of change and we changed with it and I think the ladies, my mom and all of them were probably going through The same thing we were all going through right now. You know I used to see older women with the wigs on there and I would go okay, okay, but I didn't know the reason why you know and we couldn't afford the wigs Me growing up, because we didn't you know they were just not there in colleges. We didn't, we didn't, have um wigs, we wore or even weeds that we wore we just heard about them in the early 90s, and I was like what is that you know, and so it's just different times now different access to hair the beauty Market is so Big right now, it's one on it every corner. Almost you know we just have access to different things, and Society has changed when it comes to our hair mm-hmm. So I think it's it's whatever makes you feel. So is this that looks like me, Terry with a heads. It is you, okay, is that I think I don't know if that's the weave or my hair. Okay, that looks like a weave if it's cool, that's your hair, okay, okay, the front part is definitely yours. Right now, my my maybe some weave inner intermediate. I can't tell if it's straight then more than likely it's my hair. I wear curly weaves, it's like wavy, okay. I can't now the front part of your hair. I can tell it's yours: okay, you must have had some, maybe intermingled in there yeah. I could have maybe that both Crews - you know I I find it convenient yeah and it is whatever makes you feel good about yourself now when I travel I'm single and for some reason, whenever I went on a um, Fantastic Voyage, I had to go. Get a sew-in because I thought maybe if I got a sew-in, then I'll meet someone. But now, when I get on that ship, I'm gon na wear my name yeah, you know I I so wait a minute. Let'S, let's stop right there. You said when you, when you got you, you would meet someone and you would get a sew in let's, let's unpack that, what's that about well, that was back then now I don't care. I wear my natural hair, but that was being single and and coming out of uh uh kind of a bad marriage um. I was just doing anything I could to make me feel better about myself. You know um anything that I thought would enhance in my my true self, to where I can attract someone, and then that was just the way I thought back then, because I was fresh out of a bad marriage and I wanted to to meet someone. But now I get on that ship, I'm gon na wear my natural hair or um some kind of ethnic style. If I want to you know - and I'm gon na feel good about myself - you know, whereas for years and years when I would get on that ship, I had to have a fresh sew-in had to you know. So now I there's nothing wrong with natural beauty. You know, and - and I find now that more men are attracted to me because of who I am without the weeds, it might just be. Your level of confidence has gone to the part where it just to precedes it, and that's true, that's true: it's your level of confidence has made regard it's. It is a non-issue regardless, if you have your natural hair or whatever you're, just a beautiful woman, and they can sense that and nobody's not that they don't think it enhances. How you look, but you are, is what they're seeing they're not seeing the hair. I I think they just go. Oh that's a nice attractive. It'S just like people like boobs. They just like some people like Boo, some people like ass, some people like hair whatever I I think that most men can most men again, can kind of figure things out. Um Tara, I did drop a couple photos in the in the other. Facebook Chat that we had. Okay in our messaging group for yeah and um, I wore the wig that I have on that. We went to um for Shelley's party. I wore that wig like all weekend, the big honey, afro, wig girl, and when I say this thing is huge, I wore my out girl. I wore it on the plane. I wore it the whole weekend, long, nothing, nothing but oh, my God. That is just beautiful and I was like you know what, if I could do my hair like this? That'S all I ever wanted when I was doing right now, Mary. How long do I 27. wow? How long Joy it's two seven mm-hmm now now in Mills I never worn wigs or weeds. My grandmother had hair down her back, but had eight kids and always wore a wig because she had eight kids. She was busy. That'S why you ain't got time she got to cook for them people and everything else. Lord Jesus, you know that's what it was. So what for men that are in the chat? What do you say to Emil saying the same thing? Her her grandmother had hair down her back, but she wore a wig because she had eight kids. I need to hear I need to hear from you, because what I find very interesting, you know, and we women do it. Sometimes too, we got all the answers. We got all the answers for men and they seem to think that they are the answers for us. I'M just saying uh what go ahead? Terry, I'm sorry! No! No! Where did you see it what'd? You say: oh yeah, that was it the Vincent Yes, him was. Was it this one that comment? Was it a marketing strategy? Maybe I think that things have changed and I can't everybody wore wigs back in the day white people wore wigs. I mean that's the big thing everybody wore wigs and when it became accessible for black women to do it, we did it, and so, as Things become more accessible people do it. I don't think it's as much as it's a style thing. Think about the first time that you know people had multiple cars. Oh my God! They got two cars, okay! Well, because they could it's it's sometimes, just because we can. I was like okay, I'm gon na experience, this yeah the quality of wigs. You know to lace. Fronts, a person can put on a lace front and it looks like the hair is going out of their scalp, so the quality is quality. Thank you. Oh you stupid. You were so stupid. That'S what I'm here right now! Thank you. Wait a minute I'm having who's sitting up here. Thinking going, I don't know what this one is. I don't know I mean, and I wear thick hair too, because I'm not worried about all that other stuff. I'M like girl, look. I am so far from bleaching knots and all this I was like somebody asked me what this is I'd be like, oh girl, thank you confident of myself where'd, you get that I mean whatever again it Terry Thin, Hair Club since I was born, so I it Doesn'T fade me, I I don't and if I don't get to be friends with somebody because they're concerned that I don't have a black image. Oh it's a tear whatever they can keep it moving. I love the versatility of it. I love it. Love it love it. I really like to try to rock short wigs. I just can't find them to cover up my forehead because girl. Oh, I got this five head, hey, I remember those ticks too. Oh, we had some good eating that day yeah. I really like the honeycutters, oh Kim. What do you got? What do you got Ken? Well, I just think what you are saying: it's about your confidence. Do what you want to do with your hair if it makes you feel good, that's great! That'S what counts! I'M with camera enjoy which they said from the beginning, just if you're confident, if you want to wear what you want to wear, you should have the right to, and you know I've always been confident in wearing my wings and we huh so camera go ahead. Can y'all hear me, I Think I'm Going Hammer is here? Okay, no, we hear you okay, yeah. I like, I was just saying it's just confidence, it's just confidence and being who you want to be. You know if I want to wear a short blonde wig one day I have the right to right. I have braids right now, yeah, you know it's just what I want to be, and you know Kim they don't Define who you are. I am the same person. You show our girl, it doesn't girl, you know dude. I already know yeah what my hair looks like. You know how they say: on Tick: Tock put a finger down if you have bleached your hair, a different color and took out all of your hair, because you didn't know what you were doing because you had a perm and then they told you don't color your Hair, but you said I know what I'm doing and you colored your hair anyway and when you got out of the shower, your hair was all on the ground and you didn't know what you were gon na do so, thank God you rocked the wig. I put it figured out, yeah been there. I think all of us have been through here things that have happened to our hair. I think you know what I mean it's a choice. Y'All were versatile. That just shows how versatile we are. I mean, I think people put two too much um stock. In this I mean this is who I am my hair. It doesn't change the person that I am quit. Looking at those things, I'm presentable, I'm not walking around with my boobs, I'm a butt hanging out. You know I mean what difference. Does it make Different Strokes for different things? Girl? You couldn't have told me when I was in ninth grade. I was not rocking my fro y'all see my Ace. You see that right there I was trying to get my my fade. Going, oh, I've been natural girl, I've cut off all my hair, so many times. That'S probably it just is crazy. Oh I was loving that look. Oh, I was loving that that was so fly right there I was so fly and God I look like I was eight geez. It'S just thank you. I think I'll take that I'll. Take that. But do you see the picture I have of us? Do you see the picture of us right now yeah this was so much fun now this is but that's the way it got wore all weekend. I wore that wig all weekend long and it was just fantabulous, but you know what uh M Mills was talking about. You know the it takes confidence to change your appearance. You can try things out. Why not I'm never going to. I Will Never dye my actual hair again. I have finally learned that lesson. I don't do well, I I you know I and the only time I've ever had my hair burnt out was other than that time. I colored it was at professional places. They had left it in too long or whatever I have thin hair. I know it, it doesn't take it very well, so God go get me another color wig, like you remember, I had the black and red on. I had the black and red I got so many compliments had fun with that. I I think the only thing that I would suggest again and everyone is it is a choice but knowing now what I didn't know then - and I am glad like I said I have always is you know you all have known me for over 30 - most of You have known me for over 30 years, I've changed my hair, often and a lot of times we women, we change our hair based on how we feel, because there will be some times, especially if I went through a breakup. I cut that [ __ ] off and started something completely different, I'm seriously or if I would, if I had you know, then I would put some braids in so I think many women we've always done that. I think the difference is we have so many more options now than we did then, because back then we could only either do braids or our natural, our hair. When I mean natural hair, I don't mean the next natural texture, because for the most part most of us were not wearing our natural texture, because because men want it long, silky straight hair, so most of us got perms. Can I keep it? One: thou wow yeah? Yes, yeah well, so none of us were wearing our natural texture. So when I'm talking about natural hair, I'm talking about the hair, that's coming out of our head and I think that's what men are talking about, but most men weren't checking for women wearing natural texture, because uh, I remember being on the campus of OU. They wasn't checking for uh what they call the earthy girls. They wasn't checking for them. They were checking for the girls who had the quote-unquote little hair or had the perm a silky press don't play with me, I'm bit I'm too old. So that is the difference. We have more choices and those choices have been passed on to younger Generations. So what I will submit, though young ladies you know when you say protective style, I still struggle with protection from what struggle with that. If you, if you, unless you have a a medical condition with your head uh or are you over 40. or you take medication, I'm struggling to find what you're, what what you're protecting it from, because our mothers, our grandmothers, they they either wear their Flats. They went to what they used to call the beauty shop and got their hair pressed they wore cornrows and and the sun was still the Sun. What you protecting it from the protective part, I believe, is that where, where and Terror of us pressing it, the heat curling it every day, more heat just damage from not knowing what people are doing to their own hair. I believe that's what protective styles for me. It means because I know that I've seen people curl their hair. I was like you know that thing on, like 8 000, you don't need it to be that hot they don't know how to take care of their own hair. Well, so it's a protective style for many reasons or like when I had that little perm color incident. I was protecting my hair to grow back because I had to put something on there because I was looking real cray-cray, so I mean it's a protective style. I don't consider my wigs a protective style. I just love them, that's it but a lot, but a lot of young women said they call it that and see. I understand. I think I just heard that, because again I got braids underneath here. I have braids underneath here so again as my as I'm trying to grow up my hair. As a matter of fact, I talked to my husband this uh weekend. I said you know we're trying to wear my hair, but my hair is still coming out because why? I put some chemical in it trying to make it straight, but you know we enough of hair we're gon na get into this video shots. Of course, yeah we're gon na do this thing. This is a she her. This is part one with Charizard Ali. She brought the smoke uh another smoke, but the fire um we're gon na look at part one, and this is really and okay. So Kim you were all OU's campus. Do you remember Ali came to OU M. Do you join any you? I will have to see. I remembered I do remember I don't know if I got to come and see her. Oh mm-hmm, okay, let me find because he did came out and uh, but again it was a different. Dr Kevin Sammy was like. I remember him trying to question about what thought or what the time when Daniel killed it yeah hold on a sec. Okay, okay can y'all hear this hold on a minute, oh one, I should have had it queued up shout out to Courtney Michelle. You did a two-part interview with uh lady, and it was really awesome. Let'S get into it, hey Terry, I can't hear it foreign, no y'all can't hear that. No okay, let me try to get home hold on a second hold on a second. Let me stop I'll. Try again: okay present, it's just we're gon na talk about the women and we're going to talk about black now. Well, that's what I've been talking about for over 30 years. So yes, talk about it! Well, let's talk about it! So well, let's, let's begin it right! There so it has been uh over 30 years, we're getting close to 40 years. I know your first book came out around 1989., so the issues that you saw back then and the issues that you see now, do you see a change in black women? Well, there are some changes, that's for sure, but you know change doesn't always mean better. It just means different right, and so things are different, now uh. So back in the 90s, as just as a starting point uh, I think we were more joyful. We had more expectations, we hadn't been so disappointed as to get so cynical. We trust anyone. I think the root of most of our issues is uh our distrust of our black men. So you think we were more trusting than 30 40 years ago than we are now yes, absolutely well at that time, yeah uh, the white power structure had not destroyed the black man's image like he has done over the past 30 years, okay, and so he still Was very special in our eyes and we were special in his uh. Girls went to school, they came out. They had picked ideas for careers uh. The boys had different ideas of work and jobs. They intended to go to work. Many of them and uh. Remember that in the 90s was at the peak of the crack act epidemic, and so we were losing each other in that it was just terrible and uh crack was the first drug that the enemy had come up with that separated the mother from the Cub. Okay. It made black women who were strung out on the drugs. We function differently about our children. In fact, we didn't even acknowledge most of them right and that's part of what we're dealing with now. Our grandchildren and great-grandchildren are going to school and trying to make with the great grandchildren of the crackheads of the 80s and 90s. So those personalities are out there and uh they're doing a lot of strange things. They have uncontrollable anger. You know they have the bipolar issues: uh, they have hostility and they're murderers yeah. All of this came through the seed of a lot of those drugs. As I said, I think we'll be dealing with that for Generations. I think the Brooklyn family syndrome, black men and black women - you had some households with the grandparents, the parents and the children all on drugs, all on crack yeah. So no good could come out of that, and the people who put it in our communities knew that offered it to our men as an opportunity for a job to work. Yeah. They became addicted to the money and the filth that goes along with drugs and alcohol and prostitution, and I mean those things invaded us and it separated us as black women from our men, because it was real hard to try to love them. Then, when they were on drugs, now I'm a I'm an 80s baby and I unfortunately um the crack epidemic affected me and my father, where he left when I when I was two um because of drugs. Yes, so I wasn't raised at my dad either. So I've always been a lot of our issues because we were fatherless and because the crap crack evidence okay, so I'm gon na get back in there, but before we go any further, let me um. Let me, let's start with Kim what what are your thoughts so far, does any of this uh resonate with you back going back in the 80s and early 90s? What do you think so far? What uh shaharashad Ali has said thus far uh as far as our image and Etc, and then we'll then I'll go down the line. Well, I totally agree with her. I mean we all seen this growing up. We all heard about the crack in the early 90s in the black communities um, we um all seen where the black women are um. It'S been said where black women have separated from their black men because they had to be the head of the household. You know a lot of them so hearing what she is talking about: um yeah, seen it um and um. I think she's right on the money with a lot a lot of things that she is saying um. I think I'm sorry go ahead. Oh okay! I just I just think, since we are 60 babies and in the 80s we were going through the college and everything like she said. We were going off to have careers and, and men were too, but there was things um in society that try to separate the black woman from the black man and we've seen it happen, and we see it happening now with our government in which we live in The United States, so I think, a lot of what she's saying is right on the money, yeah Joy, what you got um two-fold on this. I actually do agree with a large part of this, but I also feel that it has to do with some additional um. I don't want to say social economic areas, but there are less men than there are women right now too, so that also has to do with it if they were not caught up, let's say in the whole drug, The Ward War on Drugs. All of that that separated a large part of our black community um there weren't as many boys people were having girls. There were a lot of women. I remember in college that there that's what you saw and you saw all these women getting together. We were doing stuff, we were trying to get together, but you didn't see as many men and it wasn't because they couldn't get into college. Her say it was this that there weren't that many but um. Unfortunately, I do have to agree with her to a certain extent. I do feel like that. You know we are looking at a large division sometimes, and I think a lot of us we're fortunate. We came we're here where we are right now, but for like the younger generation, that's it's it's not that it's slim pickings, but you are gon na, have to look a little differently yeah.