Tea Time: White Women Can Have Curly Hair (And Wear Wigs) Too

Hi there wig lovers: this video is a love letter to curly girls everywhere, shout out to you. This is tea time with Heather from hairkiddyk.com, and today I am drinking Hardy and Sons, Victorian London Fog with a little bit of cream and Splenda. So this particular video was inspired by a friend of mine who helped me with my website: delightful non-binary person, really smart uh, gen Z, as you can probably imagine, um really Savvy sensitive thoughtful person. I have a ton of really wonderful things to say about this person. Beautiful Soul inside and out, but even beautiful souls can say things once in a while that are a little insensitive and to this person's great credit. When, when I actually brought this to their attention, they they actually were receptive to the message, and we had a really fun conversation about it that I wanted to share with you. Uh, I'm not naming this person's name, because this is not meant to be like a passive, aggressive jab. If anything, I was impressed by how this person handled it. So just shout out, you know Incognito to that person. So anyway, as you probably know, on hair kittyk.com, we have this feature where you can sort by curl type. To me this was very important because, as you can see, this is my natural curl pattern and I have a lot to say about it. Uh and I'll. Probably get to that later on in this particular video, but let me get through the story. First, I've had to deal with this hair. My whole life um, but it's very, very curly and the longer it gets the kinkier it becomes. So it doesn't actually ever really grow past my shoulders. It just kind of progressively gets Tighter and Tighter and harder to manage and up here, just kind of frizzes out and gets gross, there's no hope of running a comb or a brush through it. We'Ll just put it that way. I spent most of my childhood combing. My hair, with a pick and a lot of uh women of color, probably know that story, but there are a lot of Caucasian, ladies, like myself, who can also commiserate so just shout out to all y'all curly girls, because the struggle is real in that regard, foreign. This wonderful Zoomer non-binary person they they were very um, reluctant to put the tags into the product listings that they were helping me make that identified the curl type and when I asked them why their answer was because I am a white woman and they didn't feel It was appropriate for me to be pandering to women of color, and I said well what makes you think that that's what I'm doing you know and of course I was wearing a wig at the time. So I don't think that this person realized that this is what I had underneath the hood and so um. You know they. They gave me a very politically correct answer: a very um. You know at this point it's cliche to use this in the pejorative, but it was frankly a very woke. Trite phoned in kind of answer, an answer that I think they felt compelled to give me almost like. They were obligated to say it and that prompted me to literally take my wig off and show them yeah uh curls are not an exclusively woman of color concept. It'S something that you know kind of transcends racial boundaries. It'S something that you know is possible, no matter who you are and uh. You know me selling wigs. You know I fight that battle every day, because I I'm confronted by folks who think that you know how dare I model wigs, because I'm not a woman of color and don't. I know that only women of color wear wigs and I'm like uh. Do you want to go out in public like this? Do you want to go out public like this arrest? My case, you know, but it's it's like until people see it and understand that that that their assumptions of these rigid boundaries aren't real that they're, just you know, artifacts of the fictions. We we tell each other on social media so that we can fit very neatly into binary categories of US versus them. You know a lot of life just doesn't fit into those narratives in reality. That'S why it's helpful to go touch grass once in a while and actually go out and talk to actual people in real life, hear about their actual lived experiences in Real Life coming out of their mouths and not not just what they're saying on social media, because, Frankly, it's it's very, very hard in this day and age for people to realize that the bubbles they're siled into by these algorithms are not an accurate reflection of other people. It'S not US versus them. The whole world isn't all game theory, and - and I think that that is something that people who were chronically online have a very difficult time with and as you've probably noticed like, I have people who are younger tend to spend a lot of time online. So they're they're they fall into that trap. A lot more easily of thinking of the world in terms of these very very rigid, binary definitions of US versus them and if you're, not with me, you're against me, and I had to literally take my wig off to show this person. That was my friend that no this, this isn't bigotry that I want to show. You know people how to find wigs with the curl type that makes them feel comfortable because you know what if I went looking for a curly wig, here's something that that a lot of women of color may not even realize, and if you are one please. Let me know in the comments if you've noticed this, but there aren't that many really curly wigs out there for white. Ladies right like if I wanted to buy a lace front wig, I would struggle to find one with this kind of curl pattern. But you know cuter, you know one that didn't have all this mess on top and was actually like nice and full. You know if I actually wanted to buy something that looked like my bio hair. I would struggle to find it in white lady hair, and I would I would need to resort to buying it from you know: a Black Beauty Supply Store where the lace is going to be so dark that I'm better off not buying it with lace at all. Now, luckily, some some of the progress is happening faster on the Black Beauty Supply Store side of things right like there. There are companies like Bobby boss that are inventing, like you know, transparent lace that melts the melted hairline. That sort of thing that that works with all skin types - or you know at least some lighter ones, but but a lot of the lace is still too dark for someone like me, you know I'm not going to be able to get away with. You know Beyonce color, Cafe Olay lace front without cutting it all the way down to the point where it's it's right up against my hairline, the wigs the wig sisters know what I'm talking about this is. This is hard to pull off, and then you usually have to wear a ton of makeup, put foundation on your lace and stuff like that to get it to blend well um and I just can't be bothered right. So a lot of the time I just buy wigs that are straight. I make a lot of wigs that are straight because, frankly, that's what most Caucasian ladies want is are our straight wigs and when I make curly wands, I hope that they do well, but it's kind of a niche audience, because there's still this perception that you know We all want poker straight hair and I felt that that pressure to have poker straight hair, my entire life and it's just not happening when I was younger. I actually resorted to using relaxer on my hair once just to see what would happen and it broke off. It became so brittle because I mean when your hair is really curly, regardless of your ethnicity. If you've got a really tight, curl pattern, your hair becomes very brittle and it makes sense if you think about it in terms of microscopics right, like straight hair, is circular. It'S got a really wide axis and it's stronger because of that the curlier, your hair is the flatter The Strand gets and that you know adds more points for breakage. It makes it easier for proteins and stuff to Leach out of the hair, and then, of course, if you chemically, relax it or or you know, do anything to it. If you dye it, you know or anything like that. That makes it weaker, and there was only so much you can do to fortify that with products after the fact, because the the truth matter is is that straight hair is stronger, it's just stronger. It is, and so when, when companies Source hair for wigs, they typically like to Source it um from Asia and stuff like that, because the hair tends to be rounder, thicker, stronger, less prone to breakage, it's a little harder to die. But it's it's also a little bit more durable, so it can get through the processing. You know really kinky curly hair just isn't well suited for that, because it's so prone to breakage. Now I'm preaching to the converted, if you are someone who actually has curly hair, naturally you already know probably everything that I just said in the last 30 seconds, but that was just for all the folks who have the good hair or you know, had good hair Before it fell out, because you know most of my audience is struggling with this stuff like I am, and in full disclosure, I usually shave all my hair off um. I'Ve just been kind of inspired to let my hair grow lately to kind of reconnect with myself and to kind of understand my own hair, to make peace with it a little bit more because cycle, logically and and particular particularly pre-covered, and I'm going to try not To get too deep with this, but I I'm gon na take a look at this to you to figure out how to say this. I just hated my hair so much that I just had a lot of negative feelings about it and it got worse. Of course, the more it became hormonally influenced the more that it began to fall out because, as you can probably see even here that down here, you know it's it's almost cute. It almost looks like a perm, you know it's, you know, that's that's a cute curl. I'M sure back in the 80s people would have paid good money for for that kind of curl. I guess, but up here it doesn't mirror that and the reason why it doesn't mirror that is because of the kind of alopecia I have. I have PCOS and androgenic alopecia, and so up here is where my scalp is the most hormonally responsive, and so this is the hair. That'S the most heavily impacted by my Androgen imbalance that comes as part of the package of PCOS. So this is the effect of hormones, specifically too much testosterone on what little hair remains up here, because you can see that there. You know, I have profound profound thinning up here, and this is very dry. It'S very brittle and if I use conditioner on it, you know like I used Carol's Daughter, uh black vanilla, which is fantastic for curly hair, probably the best conditioner I've ever used for curly hair they're, not paying me to say that it's just it's really good. For that and it's made for curly hair and it it shows because look how cute this is down here. You know, but no amount of conditioner is going to fix this, because if I, if I put really slick you know waxy conditioner up here, just to tame all this frizz, it will turn into a helmet on top of my head. It will just kind of shellack it into submission, and my hair will look even thinner, so there's no winning when you have this combination of issues going on, and so as this situation progressed, I grew to really resent my hair and to hate it and wearing wigs To cover it up, did you know it allowed me to dodge dealing with those emotions a little bit? I mean, if I'm being honest, it gave me the ability to camouflage, so I didn't have to go out in public and then explain why I like to stick my finger in light sockets for fun, which I don't. But you know what I mean like it looks like that. I don't want to have to explain why my hair is so thin. I don't want to explain so I mean wearing the wigs gives me the ability to not have to explain that stuff. I and I will look more professional. I will look more put together because you know because of this situation very quickly. This can turn into uh. I look like I don't care about my parents, I don't look. You know, I mean people make a bunch of assumptions. Those assumptions are unfair, but it happens. We'Re social creatures and people are prone to just snap judgment, and I guess that brings me full circle to what I started. This video talking about is that even people who were trying very hard to kill their subconscious bias, who are trying to be more thoughtful and considerate. Like that non-binary person that I mentioned, I said folks, but it's not it's not plural. You know what I mean like that person was very caring, thoughtful and considerate, but was still short-sighted because they hadn't thought critically about that narrative before they just parroted back the talking point and in doing so literally marginalized me, because they don't realize what a minority white Women with curls are among all curly haired people on the planet. You know and and the fact that you know we wear wigs is real. We are a minority in that regard, which is why it's so hard to find curly-haired wigs with white lace. Hopefully, that's changing and - and I hope to do that with my own wigs. But I need to make sure that there's actually an audience there before I commit to making those kinds of products and because most white women like straight hair or things that are just a little wavy. You know, because even most of the curly wig curly wigs in the white ladies face they're, just wavy, there's a phenomenal difference between a wave and a curl. This is a curl. You know, there's no running a comb through this at all, even a wide tooth one. Maybe when it's wet, but even then that's kind of fraught, because the hair is more prone to breakage when it's wet, and so you got to be careful, you got to pick and choose your battles when you're a curly girl, naturally um. So I think that this is a great place to stop. I'M super curious to know your opinion. If you've got straight hair, I want to hear it if you've got curly, hair and you're a white lady. Like me, I want to hear it and frankly, if you're a woman of color - and you want to add your perspective - please know that that is valued here too and please don't attack the person that I mentioned. You know, even even in the comments just you know Ambiguously, because they were very well intentioned and, as I mentioned, they were very receptive to what I was saying when I actually proved the point, but I shouldn't have had to because people should not assume that everything Can be neatly divided into US versus them categories and me having curly hair and wanting to give everyone. The option to shop by curl type at hairkiddykitty.com is helpful to more people than just people who look like me or who have naturally curly hair. It'S helpful for anybody who wants to find a curly wig, so I still find a profound amount of utility there. But empathy is not that cut and dry. It isn't it isn't about. You know who who fits your camp and only having empathy for those people? It'S having an open enough mind to have empathy for people who don't share the same interests you do, who don't share the same skin color as you who don't vote the same way. You do it's deeper, then just your tribe at least that's my opinion. Thank you for sharing this tea time with me, here's to you and I hope that you have a wonderful weekend. Bye everybody, foreign foreign