Hair Stylist Calls Cops On Deaf Client (Reddit Aita Reaction) | Rikki Poynter

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Chrissy Morgan: I have so many questions but top of my mind is why is this person infantilizing their deaf friend? I have interpreted for my ex in a casual setting. It doesn’t have to be a big thing and it doesn’t require hovering.

KettieCorn: I'm mixed on this. Like you said, we're only getting the hearing friend's side of the story so I can't really come to a solid conclusion. I really do want to know how the deaf friend felt about this. It seems like the hearing friend got mad and went off on the hairstylist, getting them fired. Did the deaf friend want that to happen? Did they know? It seems like the hearing friend is trying to be too much of a savior but again, we don't know everything. I personally wouldn't have gotten the hairstylist fired. I would have asked for the haircut place to enforce training into their policies on how to interact with deaf clients instead of getting freebies and stuff. This hairstylist really did have good intentions and it just blew up in their face. I'm just glad nobody was hurt overall.

sahlo folina: i’m hearing, but i have 2 thoughts: - surely, they must’ve recognised signing as just that... signing. to me at least, the difference is so obvious between “waving hands”, bad/fake signing and actual signing. if she was “waving her hands” surely that implies gemma was actively communicating so shouldn’t it have been dead obvious they were signing. like to me anyway, what 2 people signing together looks like is so distinctive i don’t see how they could’ve mistaken it for anything else. - is there a chance gemma was neurodivergent? if the deafness is on a need to know basis, then other issues could be too and not mentioned in the reddit post. as someone with severe anxiety and currently being assessed for autism, gemma’s behaviour sounds exactly how i would behave obviously minus the deafness. if i’m out with someone i know well i will absolutely ask the person i’m with to just take over and do all the talking, whether it’s ordering food, a doctors appointment or like this - getting a haircut, while i sit there minding my own business. so i completely understand why gemma might just sit there in a similar way whether due to neurodivergence or just being extremely introverted. but tbf if that was the case then surely gemma’s friend would also know that kicking off and getting the stylist fired would just make the situation 100x more stressful for her friend. not sure who the asshole is tbh, but this is a situation that really highlights how much more awareness we need for deafness and potentially also neurodivergence, race and issues with the police.

Sebastian Cromarty: One thing that caught my attention was the way the post talks about "watching" the stylist get fired. It felt like it had a sadistic tone to it? It left me with a gross feeling. About whether the stylist should have been fired, I think if this was the first time she'd make that kind of misjudgment she should have kept her job. But if she had a history of leaping to odd conclusions than that says something about her judgment in general, which would affect how suited she is for the job. This is difficult, especially because we don't know the race of Gemma or her friend. For me (I'm hearing) part of Deaf awareness is "don't call the police straight away," because a Deaf person is in more danger from the police than a hearing person.

Kamu: nah im a hearing hairstylist and idk why theyd go to that level without talking to gemma? i have a lot of disabled clients that come with a carer or alone and if we need someone to help with communication then its clearly talked out before hand? so idk why that person would right away call the cops. im guessing the friend was giving off weird energy but it sounds like they were both just ignoring gemma :( theyre both in the wrong and i wish gemma didnt have to go through that experience

ahdvai: I understand speaking for others is, as a rule, a bad thing to do, but if I (hearing) ever went to a hair salon I'd have someone trusted take over most communication because it's the kind of thing that's way too stressful for me. What I'm saying is just because it seems like someone should be communicating for themselves doesn't necessarily mean that they can or want to.

Rae Yourfriend: Definitely need Gemma’s point of view on this. Hope you find Gemma and invite her for the interview.

Rowan Sídhe: I'm sorry but there's no excuse for being a grown adult who doesn't know about Deafness or sign language. at a certain point that ignorance is deliberate.

JamesBeanMachine: Many good points. I'm not going to put the blame on anyone in particular here, just noting that as with so many conflicts, this could have been avoided with better, clear communication. Of course no one is obliged to disclose their disabilities or identity to everyone they meet, or have to ask for special accomodations if they don't want to be singled out as a norm breaker. Rather, people in general need to be more aware, flexible and open minded in how they communicate. Really bad of the hair stylist to assume that someone is catatonic before considering that Deaf and hard of hearing people exist. Simply trying to get eye contact would have ruled it out easily. Also really bad of the OP friend to hover and speak over the Deaf person, in general. From the description, I can only assume she does this anywhere any time they go out together. IMO this kind of behaviour only makes it harder for Deaf and HoH people to participate in hearing society, it's not helpful like one might assume.

Homun System: i get that the stylist may have thought she was helping but she could have just asked the op about their history (ie how long have you known each other etc. hairstylists love to talk personal life so like ???) considering how freely op shared things from their past with the cops to prove they knew each other. im not saying the op blowing up SO much was super necessary. she could have helped like suggest she use speech to text or something like that (because you cant write when doing coloring because you gotta remove your gloves all the time or just let the stuff get everywhere.) honestly i think they both coulda done better. deaf friend did great tho.

Ælis: French hearing person here. I won't talk about the rest of the situation, but am I the only one really SHOCKED by the fact that the hairdresser was fired??? If someone makes a mistake when trying to do good, you don't fire them. You train them to be better and you put a process in place so that something like that can't happen again (seriously, if you are going to call the cops, you might want to tell a coworker/your boss and get their opinion on it beforehand).

Queen Cripple: "Hearing Savior" hahaha omg that is hilarious and horrible I am HoH (I am hearing but I have issues with it, sound is actually very painful for me and I often wish I was actually deaf. I do understand that can seem very offensive to people who are deaf, but when you CAN hear and 99.9999% of sound causes you literal physical pain, you can NOT use noise-canceling headphones, can NOT use earplugs, you end up wishing your hearing would go away...) and my partner is deaf, the MOST I do is tell people "She is deaf, you need to speak clearly so her Live Transcribe can hear you" unless she lets me know that she WANTS me to be a go-between. I do NOT hover, I do NOT speak on her behalf. Just because I can hear and she cannot, doesn't mean she is unable to communicate. If people want to default to talking to me instead of her, that just shows they are lacking the will to put forth the effort.

Fi Anderson: It appears to me if the stylist was clicking out of Gemma's sight then she was testing if Gemma could hear, why else would somebody do that? Odd behaviour otherwise. Not that I think clicking at anybody is acceptable. But it's obvious that Gemma's hearing friend has seen this stylist clicking at her deaf friend, so at this point did her "friend" not do what a good hearing friend should do and either stand up and say wtf are you doing that for or tell Gemma er "hey sorry but the stylist is clicking at your behind your back..." so Gemma could stand up for herself and explain yes she's deaf and that's not acceptable. I am getting the feeling the friend isn't being 100% transparent here.

thefadingmoonlight: Definitely need to hear Gemma's side of the story. If Gemma told her friend beforehand to communicate with the hairstylist for her, then I could see the situation playing out as it did. However, if Gemma tried to communicate with the hairstylist herself (e.g. show her photos and a text describing what she wants), then I think the friend could be TA if she didn't allow Gemma to talk to the hairstylist, or the hairstylist was TA if she refused to communicate with Gemma in a way that she would understand (e.g. talk to text). Because the hairstylist called the police, I am inclined to believe either Gemma asked her friend to communicate on her behalf, or her friend was being overbearing and Gemma didn't even have a chance to communicate with the hairstylist (more likely). If her friend didn't seem to make an effort to try to keep Gemma up to date about what the hairstylist was saying, I could see how the hairstylist could misinterpret the situation. Not knowing the full situation, I could see why the manager would fire the hairstylist and gave freebies to Gemma and her friend to apologize. Any possibility that an employee or business discriminated against someone who is deaf is serious. Summation: 1) Gemma deserves a better friend, and 2) businesses need to better educate their employees.

Chloe: I feel like both sides were at fault in this situation. At first I was like you and just thought “hearing people suck and the hairstylist shouldn’t have called the cops.” But Gemma’s friend honestly didn’t handle things well either. I would like to know what Gemma said or did that made the hairstylist think she was “catatonic.” I’ve been to the hairstylist with my mom before and she’s hovered occasionally, but no one ever felt the need to call the cops behind my back. I remember what it was like to be a freshman in college though. Gemma might still be getting used to advocating for herself and may not have thought anything was amiss until the cops showed up. I’ve definitely been completely oblivious to stuff happening behind me until someone told me about it later.

Bambino: Did the stylist overreact? Absolutely. Did the situation suck for everyone involved? Absolutely. Should the sylist be more educated and aware about deafness and other such conditions that may present similarly? Absolutely. However, better safe than sorry. The stylist didn't do what she did out of spite or anything, but genuine concern for a client's wellbeing. She completely misread the situation, sure, but being questioned by the police I believe is a minor inconvenience when dealing with something potentially as serious as human trafficking. I don't think it's right or safe to make people think twice about reporting things when they are suspicious or concerned. I think getting her fired over it was pretty disgusting, personally. Mandatory sensitivity training or something, sure, but to scream at her and have her fired was ridiculous. Yes, YATA

White Crow49: If the hairstylist is a fan of "Grey's Anatomy" like I am, they would be thinking about human trafficking, which is a continuing plotline in the current season. I have had difficult interactions with people in different professions and vocations, but not with hairstylists. Your reflections are good. I think it's important to remember their ages (18) so their experiences may be limited.

victor carjan: Thank you for posting. This is helping my "deaf awareness" otherwise it's easy to forget to think about that or how it would be good to take the mask off for lip reading. Isaiah 43:8 “Bring forth the blind people that have eyes, and the deaf that have ears.” ISAIAH 42:18 Hear, ye deaf; and look, ye blind, that ye may see. 19 Who is blind, but my servant? or deaf, as my messenger that I sent? who is blind as he that is perfect, and blind as the LORD'S servant?

Charlottesreadsthings: More often than not in situations like this you always hear the person involved was fired, rather than educated on it. Which doesn't fix the problem at all because as you said it's a lack of awareness and how to adapt to those situations.

Jaime: Here are some of my thoughts. 1) Gemma hearing friend may had anxiety for her Deaf friend- it could be the reason why she was hovering more than normal. 2) the Deaf person could of had mental heath issues about her hair cut. Her hearing friend probably knew her fears or prehaps something worse had happened before. 3) that is a great big leap assuming the Deaf girl is being trafficked. Not saying it never happens. But from what I got nothing really stood out to me.... and If hypothetly she was I don't think shed be free to roam in a hair saloon! 4) i don't think the hairdresser was using ANY common sense. - she jumped conclusions. Should she fired? Yes and no. But; I would ask the girl to take Deaf awareness classes and Deaf history along with basic Sign Language so it can be avoided again.

Jubilee Creates Something Amazing: I have called the cops for suspected human trafficking (worked at a bank and had a man and young woman and he did all the talking but the account was for her and it gave me a really weird feeling). This is a hard one cause we need to be vigilant and help fight human trafficking but if you do not know sign language even exists, maybe you are not a human rights detective and should stick to what you know.

Chet JSmith: One other possibility. This story was either partially or entirely made up to serve as fodder for the reddit account holder. I say this because there is an increasing number of these types of AITA postings. Almost like there is a competition to get the best AITA post. That being said, this is an interesting ethical situation. Let’s assume at this point that the OP is being up front and honest about the entire situation and mostly fair in her descriptions. We still are left with some nagging questions. Was this friend (the OP) doing all the talking for her deaf friend? Does this even matter? I’ve experience an interpreter doing all the talking for me but it’s more “professional” where he/she will not answer any questions but faithfully interperate and I do all the answering. So I highly suspect there was an element of ignorance here where the OP really felt like she was doing right by her friend when she was actually limiting her friends ability to interact on her own. So right from the start of this story, the OP has placed herself in a position of caregiver. Did the hairdresser genuinely suspect human trafficking? Was she trained to spot human trafficking (training helps reduce these false calls)? We also do not know how many other people were in the place with them. We’re there others that could have made the phone call to the police? What could the hairdresser have done different if she really suspected human trafficking? Snapping her fingers at her ear was an extremely rude and ignorant thing to do. I would advise the hairdresser to in the future communicate directly with the individual through writing or such and not have the friend be in control of the conversation. Was the hairdresser fired? I was unclear on this, maybe i missed it. This was an opportunity to educate, not fire. My conclusion is yes, the OP is largely in the wrong. The OP needs to take an interpreter training class and learn what is and is not appropriate when interpreting for your friend. I suspect the OP could use this experience to become a fantastic interpreter. And finally, I’ve been where the deaf individual in this story was. Being unsure exactly what all the fuss is around me and just wanting a haircut (or hair lighten for this story). I’ve had people ignore me, dismiss me, call me names, threaten to fight me (as if my very presence offended them), and coddle me. I’ve learned the hard way how to stick up for myself and take myself out of these types of situations. But that requires experience... something these young ladies likely lack.

Krystal Decker: How do you go straight to assuming that someone is being trafficked because they cant hear you? And you have a friend helping because they are hearing. Yea no kidding stylist needs to be fired!

Spooky Circuits: The thing that bugs me about the story is that not responding because you don’t hear something or have been drugged would look pretty different. A Deaf person having conversations with their friend would look pretty alert and engaged in the conversation and what’s going on around them.

Life on Low Batteries: I just need to know more before I could really form an opinion. I do sense a little bit of Hearing Savior (or however you said it) in there though. But you’d think if they were friends since childhood, Hearing Friend would know better than that. I don’t know. Mixed feelings on this.

John M: I would like to see Gemmas Side of the situation. We have what seems to be a spat between two Hearing people about the well-being of a Deaf Individual.

michael landry: ok, when I first read this story I was thinking "stupid hairdresser"! but your perspective made me think. me being deaf I'm still thinking "stupid hearing people". now I'm thinking it's 50/50 the friend and hairdressers fault. I'd like to know Gemmas perspective.

The Deaf Orc ?: It is really hard what to think about this. I'm hard of hearing and need help sometimes not. I'm a fast food, where it loud, I need my wife or daughter to do the ordering. When I was apply to go to College, my Sister decided she should do all the talking for me.

Theresa Lynn: I think there were definitely mistakes on both ends!

Alysa Wolfe: I agree, I have your mixed feelings. The snapping at her ears and comment she was "waving her hands" really triggered me. I've had those experiences too with people being angry that I am ignoring them in stores and not moving out of their way. I also don't have a deaf voice, so people don't believe me when I say I am half deaf. Someone literally said once "Really? You don't sound like it."

Louie Richards: Question, would it help if a deaf person had a medical alert bracelet or necklace? We really do need deaf awareness. Thank you for this video.

T. K. Abrams: Hi, I haven't seen anyone talking about this, but I really want to hear a Deaf person's opinions on the Japanese band HANDSIGN. They've been around since 2005 apparently. The band members are all hearing, but they built their image around Japanese Deaf culture. I have my opinions of them, but I'd be way more interested to hear what you think of what they're doing? Is it more harm than good?

trayas22: Hmm tricky one. What if that deaf girl was being trafficked, unresponsive to sound because she was drugged or scared rather than deaf? We don’t know if the hairdresser was quietly questioning Gemma where her hearing friend couldn’t hear, asking if she was there willingly, if she was in danger etc and took the lack of response as a yes.

Meredith P: The shirt is completely made up. I graduated from Gallaudet and have worked there for years. No shirts say "school for the deaf" on them. Supposedly it's a sorority shirt with chapter info, but no DE/DZ shirts have chapter info or say "school for the deaf." The shirt is completely fake, so what else is fake about this story?

Ivy K: Did they not tell the hair stylist that she was deaf? I mean human trafficking is a thing and she acted on it. The OP sounds trashy as hell

Patrick Freeman: Yes she was the asshole. Regardless of what the reason is, when the police gets involved, the interaction stops. Call corporate at home if you must.

Donia Boumansour: Honestly, Deaf person or their hearing friends has their rights not to explain that They are Deaf or whatever so, it’s up to the hairdresser to question and ask , what’s that you are using! Why isn’t she talking? Instead of being so suspicious and Stupid to call the cops? Seriously, is she that unaware of people with disabilities or some mental health related? No excuses for anyone’s stupidity. And to say why is her friend hovering over her and doing everything for her is their business! Not anyone’s else business.

cutei zombi: The whole thing is kind of weird but what really gets me Is how the stylist was acting why would she automatically assume that someone's being trafficked? Yeah hovering over the friend was a bit much but really? And also waving her hands around? What the f*** lady? Don't you know sign language when you see it? What had this lady been watching true crime documentaries? I'm starting to wonder if the stylist was under the influence of something because this is not normal at all thank you for sharing your perspective on this I don't get how someone could look at a story like this and say The stylist was just doing her job don't make assumptions and don't treat anybody like s*** I think everyone sucks here and I would like to hear the deaf friends perspective on this

Lisa Gibbs: “Hearing people! What the hell?!” More like, “Ignorant [hearing] people! What the hell?!” Who IN THE WORLD, thinks snapping your fingers next to a person’s ear is an appropriate way of asking, “Are you okay?” It’s not an appropriate way to ask, “Can you hear [me]?” (of course)! Nor would it be an appropriate way to determine if someone has some form of autism. Do people really think it’s okay to snap their fingers next to someone’s ears? Honestly? Or am I the only one?

CatladyNikki: What’s hell?! That pure disrespectful to Deaf and hearing friend. If were me, I’ve would film video hairstyle person by app Tik Tok, Snapchat, FB, and YouTube so she or he will be very be sorry caught

Jellyrose: Woah! I was watching a really old video of hers and she looks so different!

Alistair - HParadoxæ: I'm 'ot deaf just otherwise disabled but "you should have said your deaf" ? People don't care or listen when you say your disabled that doesn't work

Christopher Coats: Aren't people (and their friends) who rely on lip reading medically exempt from masks in most cases? They certainly are here in Scotland

CatladyNikki: I know how to protect myself around Hearing or Deaf people (don’t matter family, friend, public unknowns people period) disrespectful me. I recommend leave them if they don’t accept who you are. It’s very important love way who you are first then can love people too. Because I’ve been through don’t love myself problem and hated people before. I’m Deaf, please never change who you are, only for yourself

Jada Harris: You just gave me some new thoughts on the topic

Sharkie: I REALLY don’t understand why people don’t write shit down when trying to communicate with deaf folks. It’s not that hard unless your hand writing absolutely sucks.

do Ray mi: Is it possible the hearing friend meant she was hovering over the hair stylist? That's what I thought it meant originally but I could be wrong, I thought she meant she was watching to make sure the hair stylist had understood the instructions (maybe Gemma wrote them down beforehand and just showed the phone instead of typing it in front of the stylist? idk) Either way a bit overbearing unless she was specifically asked to do so, but if Gemma had very specific instructions as the post said it's possible she was asked to help or maybe it's why she was there, who knows. I have social anxiety so I hate doing stuff like that alone but again we don't know what Gemma's side of the story is and even the op didn't explain the situation very well. I would be kind of embarrassed if an employee made a mistake which affected me and my friend made a whole big fuss on my behalf without being asked to, and it doesn't seem like she had been asked by Gemma to do that, or if she asked Gemma if she wanted it to be taken up with the managers. They don't mention if this is the same place Gemma normally gets her hair cut, if it was but it was just someone she hadn't seen before that certainly makes it a more extreme error. A similar thing happened to my cousin at the airport, her parents are separated and her father is abusive so I think there was some error with her passport not having been signed by both parents or something, and she got separated from her single mother and questioned, despite not being old enough at the time to speak well, and not believed regardless of saying that my aunt was her mother when asked. It's a stressful thing to accuse someone of for both the accused and the potential victim but I understand that it's important to be careful. If Gemma was getting an extreme change in colour (like i think it said she was having it bleached or something) I guess that could be worrying if somebody else seemed to be making that call (since she managed to miss the signing back and forth), like if they were trying to radically alter the appearance to avoid being found out. I do find it hard to believe that the hair stylist hadn't been told Gemma was deaf though, especially if she had been asking a lot of questions about the two of them. If she still called even after having it explained to her though, that seems a bit much. Especially if she was doing the clicky ear thing to verify the story and then took it as a sign she was "catatonic" and not deaf anyway. Deaf signers tend to be pretty expressive facially but i guess with masks it would have been hard to see her expression. I imagine the friend must have been signing to Gemma as well? So it seems weird that it would be taken as a worrying sign. Panicked hands don't even look similar to sign language, signing is more purposeful. I feel like that's the most benefit of the doubt perspective, it's entirely possible and tbh likely that both the stylist and the friend overreacted in the situation, neither allowing Gemma any of her own agency. Instead of clicking at her ears the stylist should have at least tried writing a note or something and seen if she responded that way, and the friend could have tried harder to keep Gemma in the loop as to what was going on and letting her decide how to respond. Seems like a messy situation on all accounts. Also, I grew up going to school with a girl named Gemma, the first half is pronounced similar to the word gem (like a different word for crystal idk how commonly used it is in America) with a j sound at the start. I don't think it's a super common name so I doubt a lot of hearing people would even know how to say it. Do you want people to let you know about those kinds of things? Apologies if you'd rather people just ignore it. I personally prefer people tell me if I'm misreading a new word but I know it's not the case for everyone. Sometimes I honestly misread words I already know because I don't realise it's the same one if it's spelled weird lol.

Sharon Dunn: Is it possible the deaf person could not speak either?

KitKuroi: I agree. What's Gemma's perspective?

SabiLewSounds: Who tf sees sign language like "crazy hand waving."

WUDT Detroit Daystar Deaf Church TV 23: Wadsworth did buy your shirt.

King Fat Ian Moore: Ugh. No roof

Hadi khan: You are So CUTE

Juan Sanchez: Love miss

Asya Bellia: Sorry, but why is the hearing friend reporting this? At best she's infantilizing her deaf friend and going all hearing savior, at worse you can add to that harassing someone who was being a decent human being. I think it is quite telling that Gemma did not weigh in on this.