Welcome To Gnc News

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to gnc news. I am your presenter, mr fallback, and today our top story. There have been reports of a male conscious, no way, there's a male contraceptive, there's, no ways. Men are on the pill. Now you're lying stay, psyched now just go to that break. I i still need to process this. We don't have ad breaks this early in the show. No okay um. Well, this is kind of old, but i did not expect that. Well, i've got a joke for you, you know if you want to fill up the space, what do feminists use as a contraceptive? I don't know her personality. No, you know what just just just go to the lab. There'S a there's, a male contraceptive. Apparently, let's go check what that's all about. Okay doctor a lot of people are curious. Have you ever experienced negative side effects um for the most part? No, she was so perfect bro. If we do have any side effects relatively mild side effects. Nothing too crazy. Now, if i slap my boys fat juicy ass, does that make me gay? Probably not. Can you name any one of these side effects um, just a runny nose, maybe a mild headache. You know it's, maybe some flu, but a little mood swings. But this i i i miss this thing she used to do the back of my head with her fingers broke up with man good girlfriend, what the hell's talking about a girlfriend bro! I'M talking about my barber dog that [ __ ] got deported like last week. Man, nothing too crazy. You know, okay, so would you recommend this pill to the rest of the society? Just just just use condoms, if i'm being honest with you, just just strap up put your little johnny in a cap and you should be good. Thank you very much. Thank you so much yeah, so uh moral of the story. Men are on the pill. Now don't forget to take them. Take it like it's your vitamins. Our next top story, i must admit, is a bit of a tricky and uh. A very sad one: there have been reports of flash flooding happening in durban. No ways did i read that right, derby, what's going on man? Are we living in centuries? Like imagine, waking up right. Imagine waking up right opening your window and then you just see your brand new toyota corolla just swimming and hitting backstrokes down the street. Now listen, hey! I won't be mad because my brand new car i'll be mad because the air freshener that i bought for that brand new car has been flushed down. Those things are like teddy around the pop bruh. Very bad. We'Ve actually got some live visuals of someone who has been recording for us in kwazulu-natal. Let'S have a look. My heart goes out to everyone. Who'S been deeply affected by the durban floodings and listen to anyone at home. Who has got some small change? Please deposit into my bank account so that we can help aid the flooding situation in gaza and now, with such sad news, i think we should cut to an ad break boy. We are about to be rich as hell. Imagine they're gon na be putting all that into my bank account and we're back we're going to transition to kanye who's going to give us the sports news for the day of your life. Maybe but um you broke up with your girlfriend recently. Can you tell us a little bit more about that yeah um? That relationship was a bit shaky, i'm not gon na lie. We signed a one-year agreement with the option of extending, but with the other offers and the competitors that want to sign me um. It'S not looking very likely um. We did have a couple of downfalls in our training sessions like making breakfast, you know laundry and just splitting common trolls. We didn't really see eye to eye, so i just thought it was best for us. Just you know let each other go and i'm excited for the future. I'M not gon na lie to you. There'S uh amazing prospects who want to sign me onto their team and yeah. I'M just i'm just very excited about that yeah. So do you see yourself being assigned to a new relationship any time soon, uh any teammates that you're looking to work with at time being um i've had a couple of exciting offers. I'M not gon na lie. Um. My manager is currently dealing with a couple of contracts, but yeah i'm excited for the future. I'M not gon na. Let a lot of um blondes on the roster, i'm not gon na lie, which is something i haven't really dealt with um in the past couple of years. I'Ve been more of a you know, the sweeter, the uh, the blacker, the berry, the sweeter, the jews um, but uh yeah. I'M excited to broaden my career and experiment with more um races that i'm not really familiar with. You know. I'M just excited to be known as a duplicitous one day. You know for this following season uh, what kind of techniques will you be going with? Would it be the size batteries technique or is it the motion of the ocean um in my previous contract? I was more of a motion in the ocean kind of guy, but you know with with the blondes that are on the roster. I don't think they expect much. You get what i'm saying. So i think what i'm working with is pretty pretty well. My coaching training said that it worked pretty well, so i'm excited to implement those new techniques into my strokes, not gon na lie and yeah. Let'S just and i heard there's a new contraceptive for males, so it's gon na be an interesting season. Um a lot of busting - if i may add you know nothing too crazy, but um yeah, i'm pretty excited for it. Okay, far back, we are looking forward to seeing you play at the top of your game next season. Thank you very much for giving us your time. We hope to see you next season. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. So much for everyone having me. Thank you for all the support. Thank you to my previous club. You will be missed very much, especially during the shower sessions, so i'm excited for the future and yeah. Let'S go team blondes uh we've got hatfield the devil's [ __ ], so you can imagine the degrees there. Uh. In other news, we've got reports of another pendant. Another pandemic there's no ways we're going through another pendant dude, we're literally going through a pandemic right now. What are they eating now? What are they eating now? There'S no ways we're going through two pandemic dude. I can barely deal with the first one. Listen, i couldn't cut my hair bro. I looked like cyril ramaphosa before apartheid ended, that's how bad it was so. Have you ever seen those little brushes that you use to clean your toilet. I look like the brush after you use it to clean the damn toilet. Bruh, i cannot do this again. What what are they saying again? The pandemic you guys are talking about are like vapes right, so it's not like an actual pandemic. No, that works. Breaking news. Listen kids are running through flavored power banks like crack in the 80s. Now i've got another joke for you. How do you tell if someone vapes you just wait for 30 seconds, see that [ __ ] hitting the pull my game dance up in that [ __ ], there's no! Ah wow! What the hell! Why? Why do kids love these flavored usbs? What the hell's going on man this? This is gon na finish, y'all quicker than yelp. I swear to god, yo nah, you know you know. I actually heard the guy who invented waves, actually passed away. Damn pretty sad. I know. I'M sure he'll be very missed. No, no, please, please don't fire me. This job is all i got like after this i've. I'Ve got nothing, so i don't know, but that is i've got a real question. Whatever happened to doing like hardcore drug [, __ ] that in my day we did lines off of your granny's counter table. Bro like it was none of this easy soft, [, __ ]. Nowadays, you can't even take the mandam seriously bro. I walk past a group of like six seven, above guys, all in puffer jackets. Looking like they are ready to kill someone and then boom. It'S just cotton candy in the air. What do you mean? There'S cotton candy in here, bro um, so so before we run any tests, i need to know: do you do any hardcore drugs or drink? Any alcohol was that you, you only vape, you only vape okay. How gets no [ __ ] okay got that got that. Sir, thank you everybody for tuning in to today's segment and please don't forget men, take your contraceptives like their vitamins. If you live in kwazulu natal, i hope you know how to swim and kids. Please stop at the usps. Stop it like what what the hell, what the hell would mandela say he didn't fight for this. So disgusting, please everybody at home! Consider yourself informed i'll, see you next week and signing out