Fulfillment In Marriage Through Life'S Trials || @Mahoganycurls

Welcome to the Dr daff show today I have a beautiful and special guest with me, Jessica Lewis, also known as mahogany curls and curly girl Jess. Today we're going to talk about natural hair, Jess's Life, Family, marriage and all things mahogany welcome Jessica, hi. Thank you for having me you're, so welcome it's so great to see your face. We have really missed you on YouTube. Thank you. Thank you, yeah! No, it's been a while, so it's been a while, but I really love the new Direction. You'Re taking things so Jessica has been a natural hair vlogger for what like 11 12 years now um. I think it's really 14 years yeah, I started in 2009. So then all well. I think it's about 14 years now. That'S such a long time hearing it back, but it doesn't feel like it's been that long. It hasn't. It doesn't feel that way to me either - and you know what's interesting about your page - is someone who has a different hair texture than you. Your channel was so beautiful to watch because you're beautiful you have a very sweet personality, but your hair is so gorgeous and it was one of the textures that I think a lot of people. I would even say envied because your curls were just like. Always very juicy and like seemed just very easy to style and the look that a lot of us try to achieve yes or we expected our hair. To look like was what your hair looked like just naturally, yeah. Did you notice that a lot of people look to you in a way that they were sort of like hoping that their hair would be able to achieve the results you would get when I started? I wasn't thinking like on those terms. You know as time progressed, I remember people would start leaving messages. You know saying. Oh my gosh, don't worry about. You know doing that, because our hairs are like that. Okay things like that. So I start realizing. Like oh wow, you know I was coming from a place where I just wanted to help people, and you know just allow people to have an understanding of their hair and how to do it and how to manage natural hair, because this was so new to everybody. You know like a few years back, so I was just coming from like a teaching perspective and necessarily not the extra perspective, but I totally understand and I get it so when I started getting those comments and things I was like. Oh wow, you know, because I was in my own little world about okay. Let me help you with your hair and teach you how to do this and you know so you weren't expecting all of that. No, no! Not at all did someone teach you how to do your hair or how did you learn how to take care of your hair, so I've always had a love for hair care. I grew up in hair salons. My dad's mother is a retired cosmetologist. I have two aunts that are beauticians as well, actually three, so I grew up in hair salon. Like all my life, and I was there, I was the shampoo girl I used to shampoo people hair. I used to base women's scalp before they get the relaxers in their hair as well. So I was called a lot of things and I just fell in love with that process and then like when the natural hair movement started. It was just something else I can get into because I just cared about hair. So much like to me, it was a beautiful thing. I just think that taking care of your hair is just so nice and it's something that you're doing you know for yourself and I feel like it's a way of treating yourself too, because everyone feels good when their hair looks good. You know, that's so true. Wow! That'S really nice that you had such a solid background. Yeah I'm like I'm grateful very grateful for that when you're out like on the streets, did you also try to help people like? Did people ask you about your hair? You know YouTube is its own world, but then there's like real life right where people may stop you and say wow, your hair's, so beautiful. How did you get it like that? Oh yeah? I get that a lot, even when my hair was short a few years ago. I cut my hair because I just wanted to wear it short. I remember I was in the airport because I had an event and someone just stopped me and asked me like what are you put in your hair and I'm like? Oh, my goodness, my hair is so short. I didn't think you know it would still make an impact, but yes, I do get people all the time, especially curly girls. It doesn't even matter, you know the race or anything. People will stop me and ask. I thought your hair looked really beautiful short. Thank you that always looks gorgeous, but that style really suits you. Thank you so much. It was one of my favorite styles. I may go back to it eventually right now, I'm trying to wait for the Grays to come in, because I want to transition and grow it out. I don't have any yet, but I'm waiting for them to sprout up so yeah someone started a new Journey. Just was like the gray hair. That'S awesome now I know for a while. You did the curly girl method, where you were using conditioner only on your hair yeah, and then you talked about now. You no longer do that. You shampoo your hair yeah. Did you feel like you were doing that, because that was just a trend, or did you feel like that really actually worked for your hair at a certain time, and now things have just changed? I really do feel that it worked for my hair during that time, because we didn't have a lot of products been, I think, Miss Jessie's and maybe curls. It was just a few Mixed Chicks. You know a few Brands and they weren't easily accessible either. So you know I was looking into other things and I ran across the curly girl method on naturallycurly.com, one of the forums back in the day, and I just ran into everything. I'M like okay, let me try this and that's when I started reading ingredients and let's do this - let's not shampoo, because back then we didn't have a lot of products so started following that method. I got the book from Lorraine Massey. I still have the book right now and I learned so much about curly hair, because at that time you know I was still in relaxer mode. You know do the same things he did before and it just wasn't working in the beginning and I kind of just out through it I went to a cosmetology school and then I started learning really about how Hair Works, and things like that. So I decided to try it again using shampoos and, to be honest, I love it so much more using shampoo. I feel that products work better as well, because now I'm not sitting here trying to figure out like oh well, you know this isn't curly girl friendly. I can't use this because I may get build up, but now the shampoo and basically cleaning my scalp is easy. I can use anything because my scalp is always getting cleaned. I do not get filled up on my hair, so I really like it now and I feel, like I missed out on a lot of really good, is really nice. You know and my hair is responding well, it is actually less weighed down now, and that is something I always wanted with like volume in my hair and like when I was doing the curly girl method, My Curls were like you know they were defined, but they Were like super weight, yeah, and that could be just from conditioning and not removing everything with the soap, the shampoo and now it just works out with my lifestyle too. So I love to shampoo my hair now. Is there a shampoo that you reach for? Oh, my goodness, yes so way have you heard of that brand wait? No, I haven't. Whey is sold in Ulta beauty and Sephora and you can get it online and I love their detox shampoo and I also like their medium hair shampoo. So they have shampoos based on your hair type, so like in the Beauty, World, hair type isn't type you know, ABCD is actually fine, medium of course, okay, so I go for the medium because my hair is kind of in between you know. Okay - and I like it a lot, it has like coconut oil, Shea Butters and it's very moisturizing and then their detox shampoo has apple cider, vinegar in it, and it basically is a reset, and I like to use that once a week, usually on a Sunday. You know to start fresh, the detox, shampoo, so yeah. I love waste product, oh wow, that's so interesting! So the hair typing system that we use in like the natural hair world, like the type A B C D, is there D? No, it's been so long since I've thought about that. I actually couldn't remember what the yeah, what the words were, but is that something that's actually talked about in the cosmetology world, since you've actually gone to school and you've learned like the proper hair terms and that sort of thing have they now started, including the things That the natural hair movement sort of birthed, or is it still down to the basics in terms of like how fine or coarse your hair is? So when I was there in school - and this was like four years ago - they do talk about curly hair, but it's not like ABC. That is something I think Andre Walker like Oprah still is created years ago, and it's a funny thing. I really don't like hair typing that type of hair typing, because it's a lot of factors that goes into how your hair is going to perform based on the product. So it doesn't, you can be a type four and you can still have fine hair. You know a lot of people say: I'm like. Oh I'm tight four, I have really thick coarse hair and it's really like you know it deals with a lot of things like porosity and things like that. So in school we learned about curly, hair straight hair, wavy hair, so they'll put like literally basic terms, just like that straight away, baby early and then I'll say tightly quickly or the really tight curls. But it wasn't like a hair typing system. We really focused more on the texture, like, I said, the fine normal. Of course we are here because that makes a difference in a porosity. So if the hair is Virgin Hair, you know you're going to use different products based on the factors and the hair and the porosity that actually makes a lot of sense. And you just when you said one, two, three you're right, they're numbers and then there's letters. I'Ve washed my mind from that whole system. So much - and I forgot that it's actually because I was type 4C in the hair world, but of course that just caused a lot of division and a lot of vision, unnecessary issues that the people who had the coarser textures had to deal with and watching. Girls. Like you who had the looser texture, I think it just created this sense of like yeah, but that's so pretty and mine isn't pretty and not having enough examples or just having expectations of something different or something beautiful within something we created to be beautiful right so And all textures are beautiful so, and that is something I wanted to. You know convey my channel like when I used to do it, and I know a lot of people just with our culture will get caught up in how we grew up. And with the hair thing and like my daughter, her curls are a little tighter than mine and I'll literally tell her every single day like oh, my gosh, your hair is so beautiful. I love your hair, so pretty because like we're in the area of where it's not a lot of black people, you know I live in Colorado. Okay - and I know she may go to school and see her friends and they wear their hair down a certain way and I'm always letting her know like. Oh my gosh, your hair is so pretty you're Frozen. Pretty your braids are pretty and she loves it. So I think it started really early. You know with that. She knows that her hair is it you know, and because you wear your hair out, it helps her to know how beautiful it is, because if you were saying that to her that her hair is so pretty, but you weren't wearing your hair out, she wouldn't believe You, oh yes, everything is really intentional when I do my hair, so I haven't straightened my hair in years now and I do not have anything against it like. If I do it, I did do a roller set, maybe a couple years ago, but it was a roller set. It'S not something that would do a lot, but I want her to get used to the natural hair and when I dropped my son off in school he's in high school, and I see the girls, you know the little black girls with biracial girls or whatever and They'Re wearing their hair natural and I love it. I love this school. I didn't see that you know, I didn't see it either. No, that's wonderful! I think we have definitely come a long way and I'm grateful that we now have products that we can use. We have influencers that we can look to, and I just think everyone, including stylists, are just more knowledgeable now I want to take care of our hair, no, they are and it's getting better um. One thing: when I was in school: they didn't really have um curly, hair band. I can, but you know when I was there: I taught a lot of people a lot of things and they you know what people are really curious in hair school, like you know, about texture hair because to them it's almost intimidating, because you know they're not used To it, but I would have people literally standing around me and I'm like giving them many lessons on how they should use certain products. And you know when you detangle the hair start at the end, just brush it and yeah so you're right, because it's all about learning. It really doesn't even matter what race you are because I'll see like barber shops and I've even been to like a natural hair salon where the stylist was Caucasian and she was working on someone with yeah. You know type 4C hair and because she understood the hair. She understood how to work with it and worked on it for so many years. She did just as well as someone who had it growing out of their head yeah and um. I even like my husband. Sometimes I think his Barber is Middle Eastern and then yeah like when you first go into the barber shop you're like I want the black barber right because you know how to cut, but his partner is so nice. He cuts his eyes so well, because he learned it and once I think they get over the intimidation piece and they are open to learning it helped just allow it to be more of something that is not like, intimidating or look down on, but something that everyone Can feel like they can help with? No it's true, and it's funny. You say that I live in Colorado and when we first moved to Colorado, my husband, Barbara, was actually a white guy and you never know you know, because he worked in a black barbershop. Like you know how to fade the hair and then at one point it was another one that was Puerto Rican and I think now he's current Barber we're in Denver now. So it's very diverse here to like the springs and, of course it's a black guy. But once you learn how to do it, you know you got it. That'S right, that's so cool! So you said right now: you're in Colorado, yeah, Denver, Colorado here in Denver, Colorado you've moved around quite a bit. You used to live in Los Angeles right yeah. We were in California, so like around Santa Barbara, so we were it's a military base not far yeah and they do a lot of launches and stuff and my husband he's in space. So that's why we were there wow. Yes, Santa Barbara is beautiful, that's a it is like a vacation spot literally um, all the time and the weather is like so nice. You know it's not too hot or not too cold. Just right. It'S just right and your husband, you said, is in the military. So you're a military wife. Yes, yes, I am. How long have you two been married, it'll be 17 years in May wow, 17 years yeah, so you met in college right. Yes, we did. How did you guys meet like in college? How did it happen? I met him, in fact it was like my first day school like he was passing out. Flyers for parties at his fraternity was having and it happened to be on my birthday weekend, and I remember he was just at the front desk and I was waiting for some friends because I used to hang out with a lot of people. You know in groups and stuff, and he was there and you know he introduced himself and I introduced myself and he was like um. Do you want to go to this party we're having and I said I'll make, but I didn't show up. I ended up doing something else and I remember you see me coming out of the cafeteria with a friend and he remembered my name and he stopped me so we started talking again, you know small talk and we exchange numbers and it kind of went from there. You know we just really got to know each other. First, that's so nice, so you've had so much time together where you've been in school and then spending time as a couple married and now you have two children. What is it like? Yeah, a military wife. I know that that's something that I feel like it's kind of its own world, where people on the outside don't really understand what wives of those in the military have to go through, because life is a little bit different right. Is your husband home often or is he? Is he gone a lot? How does that work? Well, he used to travel quite a bit when we were in Germany because he was in a different Squadron and he did a different Mission. So he had to go to Iraq, you know - and that was during the time when they had the actual Awards and stuff on us, and he was like in a certain part of I think it was like part of Russia, but he was definitely in a wreck For a while - and that was scary, so he transitioned and that's why we moved to Colorado. He doesn't travel much like he still does the military part-time. We don't have to move much, but sometimes it does take a lot of time. You know from him Wow when he went to Iraq and he was fighting in the wars yeah. What did you do to keep yourself from stressing and worrying and having anxiety about what was happening to him while you were home? Well, I had Junior because he was a baby at the time, so I started working at the youth program, so I was around other women because we were on the base in Germany and I just had a lot of friends I hung out with - and you know I'Ll do stuff on the weekends every day. We would find time to talk to each other, and you know so. It was nice to hear his voice. It was a scary time, I'm not gon na. I don't know how I did it sometimes, but I just kept myself busy, because if you're just sitting down and you're just constantly thinking about things like that, your job is crazy and watching the news and all of that yeah and praying a lot. And you know he came home safe. So thank God, for that was it something that you knew he was interested in while you were dating in college or was it something that came later like? Were you prepared to be someone who was the wife of someone in the military and moving around? Oh? No? No, no! No! Not at all so we got pregnant in college, you know, so we had to think fast and we were planning on moving back home, but one day he was like gone for hours and I didn't know where he was. He came back and he was just like. I joined the military, it was a mess, it was awful but he's like no, we got to get you know. We have to get on our feet and basically he's like I'm only gon na do four years. I'M just doing it to get us back on our feet, so we can have benefits things like that and then you know the four years turned into 17. because he really enjoys it. He likes it right right. He initially wanted just to take care of his family. He was trying to step up right, which was very honorable yeah. I wasn't expecting that right, wow. So what year were you in college when you first got um 2005 and 2006, so it was a while? Was it your junior year? You know it was my freshman year it was your freshman year yeah he was a junior okay wow. How did you manage like taking care of your workload and taking care of your baby? Was that something that was challenging to you, because looking at you now, it seems from the outside, like you just have everything together, you know you're gorgeous you're, a great decorator you're great with hair. You have a beautiful family. Thank you. It doesn't look like you. Take life to hard in a sense that, like you, can kind of like move past things in a very graceful way, and you know in the beginning it was rough. You know your first year in college and you get pregnant. So now you got to grow up fast and I didn't get to really experience that college experience it's like 100, because I had a mom and we moved with his parents. They took care of us until he left to go to the military and I didn't go to school for a while. I started school again. We moved back to Germany and I did it online and I remember I would like like go to school wake up at two o'clock in the morning and do my assignments, because Junior would be up and wow I braced it. He refused to take a bottle. So I had to you know, manage things and I struggle with that for a while, like not finishing school on time, used to really bother me, but I used to just keep myself busy and say it's going to work out. You'Ll be okay and Javon was like. So encouraging you know he still is, and I really think like just having that tunnel vision and that Focus really helped me a lot. That'S beautiful. So did you have support in terms of like friends and family, helping you, because for someone listening to this, that's a young girl who is in college or maybe just finished high school and got pregnant and thinks that you know what I'm probably not going to be Able to do this anymore. Is there anything that just encouraged you to continue, even though it was so challenging? Was there a motivator for you that just kept you coming my family? Actually just my kid, you know I'm like I was already upset with myself. For not, you know not doing what I'm supposed to do. He encouraged me to just okay: let's start a foundation, let's start our family early. You know and Junior really helped just drive me and then jovant to because you didn't have to join the military. He didn't have to do those things, but he did it because he wanted to, you know, make a way for his family, and I don't know for me that inspired me and I don't know you know when I was younger. I just like everything's going to work out, and maybe that's because I was somewhat naive at the time, but it worked, you know uh-huh, no, you have a very useless, you know. Yes, yes, you have a very optimistic attitude and, and that Joy just shows up all over you, so that thank you for sharing that that's, oh you're, welcome, yeah and everything will work out. Just it's okay, just because you didn't finish anything just keep going. Yeah you're right, I end up finishing school. I have a math degree now and I got that 2014.. It was years ago. You know so everything works out and now it doesn't even matter anymore. You know exactly yeah. I think that's the bottom line. It'S like you're, where you wanted to be, and even through all those things a lot of times, things are not in a straight line like we expect them to be now like it's just so unexpected. You know right, and I did a lot on my own because we had to move so Junior was born. We were at his hair, we stayed with his parents for a while, they were so kind. You know and Junior was born in November and then November 2006 Devon left, like literally Junior, was two weeks old and he left to do basic military training and then he came back in 2007. So we didn't spend Christmas together. Any of that with Junior the first year and then we left in I think, June of 2007 after he came back and we moved to Germany. So I pretty much did everything on my own wow wow. That'S that's a lot. I mean from someone who just had a baby like just hearing you're, just like wow that is so inspiring. That'S so wonderful that you were able to do that, and you said you moved around a lot so of all the places that you've been to, even just with traveling, like for hair conferences, and that where would you say, is your favorite place? If you can go back to somewhere and stay there for a while, where would you go? Ladies, after having my son, I realized how much hair loss can affect your emotions and your self-image, and I know I'm not alone. In this 30 million women are impacted by weakening or thinning hair, if you're among them know that you're not alone, and that there's a solution that you can trust to deliver results. 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After experiencing postpartum hair loss around my edges, you can grow thicker, healthier, hair and support our so by going to neutrophone.com and entering the promo code feminine to save 15 off your first month's subscription. This is their best offer anywhere and it's only available to us customers for a limited time, plus free shipping on every order. Get 15 off at neutriful.com, spelled n? U t r a f, o l.com promo code feminine. It would actually be here in Colorado. Oh that's! Great yeah, so we left California to come back to Colorado. What do you like about Colorado? You know, I know a lot of people like. Oh my gosh, it's cold. It is cold. It'S snowed everywhere right now, but the people are really nice here, like the people. Are really nice things to do like I like to go hiking and do an outdoorsy things I just like how this is. The culture is out here, like everyone's pretty laid back for the most part, especially in Denver. California is like that too, but it's just so expensive to live in California yeah. I think Colorado is a good medium. I love home, I'm originally from Georgia, but I just like it out here. I just just laid back now: that's Psy! It'S super peaceful. You know it is that's great now you being a married couple, you and Javon seem to have a really nice friendship and you both enjoy one another's company and from your Vlogs. It seems like there are a lot of things you enjoy together. I know that you mentioned that you didn't get to spend your first Juniors first Christmas with him, and I know how much he loves Christmas from your Vlogs and Christmas is something not you. Yeah Celebrate song well, because they really didn't grow up. Doing that and it's like there's been times where they didn't do anything and he used to feel sad as a kid. So as an adult, you just want to do everything he didn't get to do as a child. So that's why he so festive. That'S the way he is because he feels that he's blessed and he's able to you know, do those things and his family, like his parents, are great, you know, but you know he came from a young family as well, so you know his parents had to work And do a lot of things and that's why he's so big on family, because he just wanted that growing up and then for me my parents were divorced Growing Up, So I was thinking Christmas with my mom and my dad. So that was an interesting thing. Like you know, go spend the morning with her and then go with my dad or they swapped based on a year. So I was in between homes, then eventually, like my mom she'll just buy stuff and she didn't wrap it up, which is it's not anything wrong with that, but no, that's beautiful! Now that you can both celebrate it in a way that is, you know beautiful and kind of like what it's meant to be every generation's supposed to get better yeah. You know like we want our children to be better than us. You know that's right, yeah, right. What kinds of things do you do as couples together that keep you having a really solid friendship play games like you tell me how to play poker, and I love it now, so they play poker. We play board games together. We sit and watch documentaries like last night. We were sitting downstairs just watching. There'S some show on HBO, but we were just we get into it like we watch shows we like ready to love, so we watch a lot of dating shows. We have fun with those and we go hiking together. We take dates. We do a date night thing, because sometimes you just need a break from everything too, because both of us work pretty hard. Yes, we keep it simple, like we're, still dating really we'll cook together and make cocktails together and we're in a house together all the time. So sometimes, even just you know going out with our own friends and resetting and stuff like that, because he's working from home now with his new job, he's been home since the pandemic. Oh yeah, that's different! Yeah! That'S really nice! That you're able to do so. Many things together and that you've grown up together in a way where you've seen your interests and things evolve and change yeah. I think it had a lot to do with us just being away from everybody too. So it's only like the four of us and it's because we're a military family like all of our families back home in Georgia. So we don't have anyone still like with us, and we understand that, like being a military family, that's the sacrifice you have to make you know. If the military say we need you to go here kind of got to do it. We would love to have our family around us at all times, but I've learned how to adjust with just doing everything on my own and just the two of us, so we're very independent when it comes to like just handling things and doing certain things and creating That atmosphere for the children, so they still can feel like they're loved and they have things going on. Our parents do come visit quite a bit, which is nice, though you know, everyone is still spending time with each other, so both grandparents they'll come and visit, and all of that that's so good. Now you did videos on YouTube and you kind of Taken breaks here and there oh yeah, for some of the reasons that you've been taking these like long breaks, um creative, you know when Bill got sick. She has medical condition, it's like a blood disorder, and that really just like did something to me. How old is she? She is seven she's, seven, okay, yeah, but she was almost two. She got really sick and she was in the ICU. She was in a coma. All of that stuff, so yeah that really did something mentally to me and I was like I need a break because I was just so caught up on social media and honestly, it's like I was younger, then, and now I've kind of outgrown it in a way. Like I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong, I love it, but I'm just in a different mindset now like I just want to do it for fun again and not just oh. My gosh got ta do this. I got to do that and I I guess when she got sick made me realize, like what really matters is like being spending time with your family. You know off camera, you don't have to do everything online all the time so yeah I decided to take a break and I actually love it. Like I don't mind taking my breaks now, it's good that you do you just always come and like apologize and I'm like girl. You do not need to apologize to this yeah. I don't do that anymore. You know I went to a lot of therapy and stuff too and a therapist like you, don't have to do that. You know, like you know. Sometimes we people please, and sometimes your followers don't lie to make you feel like. Oh, you should be doing this, but it's like no. I have to take care of myself first before I can, you know, do anything else and I know I felt like I used to just give give give give and do so much and like now. I love that I can set boundaries and like okay, I'm taking a break, maybe because I just want to be off camera this week. I don't want to create content, and I am so grateful I'm in that position to do that, but yeah with Bill. You know I have to still focus on her like she still go to get infusions every three weeks. If that we have one tomorrow, you know we have to wake up at five o'clock in the morning and be at the hospital by seven. Then, like three four hours there, so she can get her treatment. You know wow every three weeks they haven't stopped so yeah you have to do it tomorrow, hang on! So is this something that the doctors are saying that she's going to be able to overcome? After these treatments are completed, we don't really know right now, because what she has it's like, an ultra rare blood disorder and it's a genetic thing. So it's not like. Oh something happened, and it happens right. Her doctor is the top doctor in the world for this particular condition. Some people have like a strain that is just like a variant. That'S really bad. It is somehow when it's like mouth he said build, is kind of like in the middle and like right. Now it's been pretty much dormant, you know what I mean like it hasn't been going on, because the ultra rare just order. You know you kind of have to keep an eye on it. So, that's why every three weeks you get like full blood work and she has a port and they draw the blood and everything um. So we don't know yet but like he says, everything looks good too, like they're watching her with a close eye. So, thank goodness everything is going well, but right now she's still getting the treatment well. Well, that's I'm! So sorry that she's going through all of this and I'm sure that you know she has a beautiful, loving, supportive, family and yeah. God bless you with the top doctor. Thank you for this, and you know no matter what what's important is just knowing that Bell belongs to God. He loves battle even more than you do, believe it or not and yeah. He will use all of this for his glory and it's it's just so important because having a child who is ill and, like you said in a coma like that is a place that no parent wants to ever experience. Yeah, like that is ultimately yeah like even sometimes feel like it worked up. You know talking about it, it's hard for me. I imagine I can only imagine you need support and you need constant. You need constant, fueling um. I know it's it's it's hard. No, you don't have to apologize. I mean this is when you told me like it felt like a knife went through my chest. I mean that's it's something that no one wants to ever have to experience, but God gave value as a mom for a reason. You'Re. Our mom for a reason and her father is her father for a reason, and all of this is going to be used to glorify God yeah. At the end of the day, her life is purposed for greatness, and so we might pray a lot and you know, go to church and everything too. So, oh good, no and yeah. We do she's doing great. You know, but it's still like her. This one's like after that happened, I didn't want to do like it, just took something out of me and I just didn't care that much about YouTube and social media even still to a certain extent, it's just like not a top priority for me anymore. Why would it be? Your daughter is the most important thing in the world. I mean yeah all of this stuff. It doesn't matter if you're not able to be there for her and have your attention your mind, your energy, like everything, she needs everything. Your whole family does like she still takes medications and stuff like people, don't know that side of it, like people, think everything is so perfect and it's like. No, it's not it's. You know I have to deal with this. This is my drama. The things I have to deal with you know so that's the thing about social media that I think makes it so painful. Sometimes is that we're given this platform and we're kind of like made to seem or made to feel like it's for sharing all of the beautiful parts of our life and yeah, believe it or not from the outside? Looking in your family does literally look perfect. You know you're gorgeous gorgeous husband, gorgeous children, a boy and a girl like. Oh you know. What more could you ask for, but behind every single family, not just yours, every family? There are a lot of things going on that people don't know about, and it's important for people to realize that everyone is human, we're all going through things, and you can't be there for everyone and Care questions. Hair questions are gon na, be at the bottom of the list yeah and it's not like I'm trying to be mean or anything, but I think, like I was saying earlier when she got sick. It made me realize that I have to focus on my family. Even more so like that's, what we're always trying to be kind with each other and do things like for the most part me. It'S gon na have a really good relationship, and that's mainly because we had to you know, depend on each other. You know what I mean like we couldn't. It was just us and that's why our relationship is, you know the way it is because we're still depending on each other, we don't have family. We just go to for certain things, so we have to really work together. Like yeah, we get. I have arguments like your typical. That'S been a one thing, but it's nothing. We'Ve never dealt with anything serious. You know outside of you know, arguing over by this blue and that's red. You know it's like right things that you probably should. Even it's bad about, but it happens right. You know you know with Bill that just took a lot all of us but, like you said it putting life in perspective, makes you more intentional about how you relate to people, because, sadly, on the other side of that, so many people take their husbands for granted. Take their children for granted, they take every day for granted. They don't even kiss their child goodbye before they go to school or give their husband a hug. If, even if they got annoyed about something and then something happens and things are never the same and they wished they would have cherished those moments you're doing it the right way up in this house. So we do a lot of that. I can tell. I can tell, and your son is in high school right yeah, I consider tooth grade in the 10th grade, so you have a teenager and you have a little girl being a mom of a teenager. From what you're, seeing with your son, I remember watching a vlog a while ago and your son was like very sensitive, a sensitive heart yeah. Is he still that way as a teenager or has he kind of? Has he changed a little bit to a certain extent? Okay, very compassionate, you know he doesn't like to see people get bullied or things like that. But you're talking about the Vlog he's a little kid he's about seven or something yeah, yeah they're really sweet. He likes stuff like that, but now that he's a teenager, it's a little different. Are there any issues that you're, seeing not with your son, particularly but just as a mother of a teen? Is there anything that you didn't realize that look? Okay, I need to maybe focus a little bit on this or talk to him about that. Is there anything that has come up for you, video games? You know video games to play video games on the computer, but he keeps his grades up. I think with Junior. He thinks well, I mean Straight A's, so it's okay, you know video game downstairs for dinner like this is what he likes to do he's on the track team. So and that's another thing too, like the kids are in activities outside of school, so it just takes a lot to just constantly be online because we're involved with a lot of that, but he's on the track team. I know where he started he's like. Oh, I'm not fast enough, but he's getting better, and you know how boys tease each other and you know Jamal, had to explain it. I'M like you know this is how boys are, but now he gets it. It sucks that boys are like that, though, like even though it is how boys are it still kind of sucks, because it's like there's still people and unfortunately boys, take on a lot of that teasing and all of the aggression from childhood, and it stays with them. As adults - and they have these like insecurities that come out in these weird ways, you know gen Z's, just a little different. I know social media. He just got like a tick tock. He doesn't even have an Instagram right now. Okay, like I do social media, but like me, it's going to like sew against children just being on social media all the time, because it's tough for adults so imagine how it is like as a child and their brains are still trying to develop. He doesn't mind it. You know he has just other things to get into good. No, he has a tight family unit so that truly does help. Is there anything that, in terms of like your family, a structure, are you able to get support from other wives that are in the military? Do you have a support system? I know you don't have family that's coming to help, but are there people that you're able to connect with oh yeah yeah? I have friends and I have sorority sisters. I actually have one that lives in a neighborhood. Okay and you know so. I have my little tribe of friends and people I hang out with and other moms. So I do you know we have like a bunch of things like that and spend time with each other. So yes, I do have that. You know I can talk to my parents too, like FaceTime a lot as well, but every time you move you've had to like make new friends wherever you live. And how do you do that? You know it's crazy because most of the time it's like military family members because all of us are in the same boat, everyone kind of just gone immediately, because all of us know that we're away from family - and things like that. So it's been times where we'll have Thanksgiving with everybody. You know other military families, because it was one big family. It was really like that in Germany, like you're in another country, so everybody had parties all the time spent a lot of time with each other. They have this very fast and we help each other out and things like that too. Yeah, that's, wonderful and being in a sorority. You probably do have a lot of connections in that sense, oh my gosh yeah! No, that's that's the beauty of that too. Sandwich he's in a fraternity so immediately have people you just know. You know, because they're gon na welcome you and everything make you feel like you know: family, that's, wonderful! Speaking of family you're, creating more Vlogs on your channel now. I'Ve noticed my family Vlogs. Is that the direction that you want your channel to go in moving forward, yeah, so moving forward? I do want my channel to be more of a Lifestyle Channel versus just primarily hair and like now like, I haven't, been posted in the past few weeks, and that's only because, like I'm working on projects, kids we're working on content behind the scenes. So we can just start putting it out. That'S what we've been doing right now, but I don't want it to be. Like 100 hair, I want it to be Beauty, Lifestyle, Family. You know, because I basically ventured more into the lifestyle space instead of natural hair, and I'm actually happy about that. Like you know, it's a nice transition, it is talk about hair content, but not like it used to be. You have a lot of different gifts and I think that a channel like that will be able to showcase the different things. I would love for you to do videos on like home, decor and just like styling, because I think you do a great job, like your videos are always very aesthetically pleasing and it just makes it really nice to watch you're welcome it's true stuff, like that. I don't know it makes me happy. I can't help it I'll geek out and just read books and do research, and I don't know I can't help it. It'S fine, we're not all gifted in that way. Is there anything else that you feel like you do for self-care that really helps rejuvenate you as a person yeah, you know I grew up and I wasn't taught really to do self-care all the time like I'll see, my mom do certain things, but you know, as Women, I do think sometimes it's helpful if you're a parent, someone guide you so you kind of had to learn. I learned a lot of things on my own, so I had this habit of neglecting my needs. Basically I'll just do this. Do that and then not just taking time for myself, sometimes just take a nice path or you know, go get your nails done or you know do things like that. Like fill your cup and my husband used to say all the time like you need to take your medicine, it's not necessarily like Physical Medicine, but it's like you need to take care of yourself like he'll, go, take off running and you know, go run five miles Or something - and I started doing that so now I work out - I do like a lot of Pilates and things like that and yoga just meditating, so I'll just listen to sound bath. I love doing that. I paint like just for me it's not to like, sell it and show it because I feel like on social media. You give a lot because sometimes you just need some things to yourself. So I have canvases in this room and I'll sit and just paint wow, because it makes me feel good. So I do that a lot that is beautiful. I love that idea of like taking your medicine and the fact that your husband is so supportive in that way to remind you and not be adding things to your plate, but trying to take some things off to feel guilty because, like when I grew up. Even as a child, you know weekends, my mom would come like oh time to watch cleaners blood. You know, you'll feel bad for just taking some time off for yourself because you're like oh, I got ta do this. I got to do that and I had to basically break that mentality and realize, like no, you don't have to constantly work work. Work work. You know, you know be strong all the time. It'S okay, you're, absolutely right, a lot of households. It is that way when your parents come home, it's like you better, be found doing something if you're just doing nothing. It'S like okay, what are you doing you know and that mentality does stay with us and we feel like. We have to always be doing something and if we're not doing anything, then we're wasting time instead of relaxing like overloaded, because I'm a high sensitive person - and so I get over stimulated very fast, so believe it or not. I don't spend a lot of time on social media I'll get on and check my messages. If I post I post and go now, I used to just sit and stay on it and look, but I don't do that anymore, because it's really not good. For my mental health, because I just feel mentally drained when you just over consume that - and that's just for me like I know people can get on it and then go do something else. But for me it's a lot of stimulation and I've learned that when you know after Bill got sick, I went to therapy and stuff and we opened a lot of layers and realized a lot of things. You know so now I don't post and I used to feel bad for not getting nominated. I'M like oh, my gosh, I'm not on it. I didn't like this person post they're gon na get upset. You know things like that and I was like no they're. Not it's okay, so you got ta, take care of yourself girl girl, even if they do get upset it's okay, right right, I know and then again it's like that people pleasing thing. So I've learned to just no take care of yourself and I'm always happier when you know I'm not even on it, because there's nothing much going on anyway, and I'm not trying to dog social media, because I do it for a living. Now I, like the little things just like reading a book taking a walk, because life is real, like real life, you know outside of that device that you're looking into non-stop it's a lot of things going on. You can miss out on a lot of things too, because children grow up so fast, like my son is graduating in two years and he's going to college no you're right. I feel so sad a lot of times for this generation, because their parents are cons instantly on their phone and their children are playing around them or their children are doing things and they're missing out on all of those moments. On conversations on memories, I'll never get back because of a scroll, a constant, non-stop scroll and it's damaging so you're doing things the right way, and that is important. You know changing things up and I love it. You know I love like when I'm starting to grow into and what I'm becoming, and it feels really good and we love to see it. Is there anything that you really want to be known for, in terms of who you are as a person in terms of like your mark on the world? Is there anything that you want the world to know Jessica, for I want to themselves, especially like women in their hair? You know - and you know, embracing everything I say that a lot, but I think that is so important to do that. I just want people to know that it's okay to you know be the best person you can possibly be. I just want women to feel good about themselves and it's okay to be. You know, Fit Moms and good wives and things like that. That'S important it's needed and it's necessary. So thank you so much for being such a light and thank you for having me. I really appreciate it you're, so welcome we're looking forward to seeing a lot more of you and your family whenever you decide to show up. Thank you so much you're welcome my dear and thank you all for watching bye. Thank you.