How Gray Hair Communicates Power In The Workplace

Good morning, hey everybody, it's Beth welcome to infinite Garden. This week, I stumbled across an article in the Wall Street Journal, titled gray. Hair is a new power move for women at work, or something like that. I got it pretty close. It got my wheels turning and I thought we should talk about it here on my channel, if you're new to this channel, welcome on this channel, we celebrate self-acceptance, authentic personal style and sometimes the expansion of consciousness. If that sounds good, I hope you stay and subscribe. I think I've mentioned on my Channel that I use Apple news. It'S a subscription-based service and it serves up different headlines from many different news sources, so you're not just married to one new source. So I saw the Wall Street Journal article in my Apple news. To paraphrase the article basically, the Wall Street Journal was saying: this is a power move. Women who are doing this, don't care what you think and they understand the risks but they're doing it anyway. That'S the too long didn't read or don't pay for Wall Street Journal subscription can't access. The article is intro interesting. It connects the trend during the quarantine of ditching the die into you know the reality of years later now, women reintroducing themselves at the workplace with their gray hair. One woman spoke about the experience she had when she launched her new head shot when she got the first professional headshot with her gray hair. She said she was launching a new me. I really really liked that another person interviewed said she felt that going gray in the workplace was both risky and awesome, and I personally felt like those were two very like Salient and clear emotions that I could relate to as well about this particular topic. Going back into the workplace with my silver hair, it does feel a little bit risky. I posted a video a couple of weeks ago about the firing of Lisa LaFlamme, and I think that that shows what some of the risks may be they're very real. I can also relate to awesome, because I know no matter what anybody else thinks or sees. I know that I feel really great about how I look and that really does feel awesome. The article also mentions that there is a prevailing stereotype that older women are less competent in the workplace. I find that very interesting because it does not marry up with my personal work. Experience. Rarely has the older woman in the room been the least competent. I did have one little knit with the article in the beginning when it's setting context it talks about broader Trends, including more remote work and then a more casual work environment, saying that the Casual work environment is sort of holding the door open for gray hair in The workplace, I understand what they're saying, but I think it's dangerously close to the letting yourself go Trope with not dyeing your hair anymore. I do think that's what I'm reading into that, maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I also wanted to say that gray and silver hair absolutely belongs in a business, formal work environment as well. It is not strictly appropriate in a casual workplace. I hope it doesn't feel like I'm deliver in a lecture. It kind of feels like that to me right now, but that's okay. I just wanted to download what was in the article so we're all on the same page for the most part. Okay, so I like that the Wall Street Journal is acknowledging that the gray hair is a power move, and it led me to think a little bit more about what kind of power, though, in my experience in the workplace, I have both witnessed and wielded different forms Of power, it is my belief that there are many forms of power and the workplace, for the most part, has only celebrated a couple of styles, and I think it's time for the workplace to include other types of power Styles, and I'm not the only one who Sees it this way, Amy Weaver is the CFO of Salesforce she's, also a silver sister. She was interviewed by Forbes Magazine the subject matter of this interview, mostly centers, around different types of power, and in this interview, Amy Weaver says she leans with the powers of kindness and authenticity. She talks about how, when she was younger in her career, she was advised by older male colleagues to walk into a negotiation and really thump the tables and just demand control of the room and she said to her boss. I'M not going to do that. I'M paraphrasing here she said: I'm not going to do that. Everybody would laugh at me. Have I ever gone into a negotiation for you that I did not get everything you asked me to get and he said that no, she hadn't and she continued on with her style, which was one of listening gaining Rapport building relationships arriving at you know a good Negotiation - I really related to this story from Amy. I myself have been in tons of negotiations during my work experience. I have found that I can generally hold my own with any type of negotiator in almost any high pressure setting, because I rely on different sources of power for my position. I'M usually extremely well prepared a very clear in knowing what it is that I want, and I have empathy for the other side so that I can hear when they are asking for something I can understand how to get them, what they want without it being about. My ego or like losing a point or something like that I've been able to do the same thing and what Amy Weaver describes in this article sounded very familiar to me and I was so encouraged because that was something I just had to come to you on. My own to me, I was glad to see that Salesforce was empowering somebody with this type of message, a fellow silver sister. I think she looks fantastic. I think that her message of authenticity is strengthened by wearing her natural silver hair color. I do think it shows that she is all in on being her authentic self, and I love to see it. These two articles made me think about how this was manifesting in my own personal work, life experience honestly for the most part in my workplace, I haven't had a lot of pushback for my silver hair. There are other people that I work with who have made this change as well. It'S not the type of workplace where that very rigid traditional Orthodoxy is in place, there's a little more flexibility within my workplace. So I can say, I've had a supportive work environment, but I have had a couple of experiences one in particular. I wanted to share with you guys, so it's not entirely uncommon for me from time to time to be invited to speak on panels at certain Gatherings, whether it's a conference or a gathering of a local professional association that hosts panels, for you, know the audience. So this happens to me from time to time. You know like a few times a year in 2020 and 2021. Most of these types of events were held virtually and in 2022, more and more. These types of events have been in person again and so we're appearing in person at these events - and I had my first one of these types of engagements since completing my gray hair transition since cutting it all off, and you know when they asked me to send A headshot for the flyer for the marketing materials - all I had was one from before I had this photo taken in December 2019.. I didn't have time to have a new headshot taken, but I made note that it was something I needed and I scheduled a new headshot to be taken with my new gray hair. So this blonde headshot of me was included in all of the marketing materials that were sent out to promote the event. When I arrived, I did get a couple of surprise sized looks. I think I did catch a couple, people off guard, they were expecting. One thing got another thing, but overall it seemed to be going very smoothly. Nobody really said anything, but the part that I really wanted to share with you was when it came time for our group to join the panel. We were the first group to go. It was a like an 8 AM to noon sort of gathering and we were the opening panel for the event and there were five men and me and then a man moderating. So we were called up and the panel table where we were was on an elevated Podium. I dressed well. For this event, this is one of the first things since you know quarantine, so I actually broke out. You know one of my best dresses from the fold. This is an English company that I buy, like my very good professional aware from, and then I also wore a pair of Chanel shoes. I did it. I broke out my one pair of pristine, Chanel kitten heels so when it was time to come up to the podium to climb the little steps they had for the six of us who were invited to speak, they had only five chairs and every one of the Men took one of the chairs and I had nowhere to sit, and nobody seemed to be concerned about that. This moment where there was a part of me inside that from the past, if I can still access that person from before times. I think that I might have been upset by this or flustered. I would have gotten up there and I would have said, oh, my gosh there's not room for me. I'M an imposter. I don't belong here. They know that they don't really want me here. How am I going to carry a chair for myself up these stairs in my little Chanel kitten heels? That'S maybe what would have gone on inside of me from before times, but she's, not here anymore. In this circumstance, my new me just calmly went down the stairs and returned to my seat at the breakfast table by my cup of coffee and I pulled out my phone and started looking at my email. So, as I sat there at the table with my coffee, looking at my email, the room started settling down and it was time to begin the panel. All of these guys in the panel were calling to be like Beth Beth. It'S time come up on the panel. Like as if I didn't know that I looked up and said there isn't a chair for me, that seemed to do the trick. Somehow somebody was alerted a chair, materialized and a seat was provided for me. The table and I joined the panel calmly and comfortably and had a great time with my colleagues talking about the issues of the day and taking questions from people in the audience. I think there was a part of me if I had been the me before. I would have been so flustered and offended and hurt and bothered by this sort of awkward encounter, but now I didn't see it like that at all, the numi was in a space that thought well. You'Ve invited me here. You'Ve used my face and name to promote your event and to sell tickets. If you really want me to speak on your panel, you'll provide me a seat, it was a completely different mindset. I wasn't angry, I just thought well, my presence here has worth and I'll. Let this organization prepare properly for my presence and I'm not going to get flustered while I do it, I'm not going to jog anywhere in these shoes, and I'm certainly not going to let this little minor mishap impact my ability to perform well on this panel. You know, I think the me before might have gone on more of an anxiety kind of Journey before the panel even started. The new me was cool as a cucumber for me. Personally, I think learning how to take these kinds of blows differently is a form of power as well. Last night, my husband and I were watching this National Geographic series called Europe from above, and they shared this particular star-shaped fort in the Netherlands. That was used to defend this Village. This star-shaped Fort was built by the Dutch at a time when German Canon technology was increasing. The Cannons were getting better at like breaking through stone walls that were used to secure areas, so the Dutch innovated, and instead of building thicker stronger, bigger, harder taller stone walls. They changed course completely. They built up these very thick, dense, Earthen Mounds, along the sides of the area they're trying to protect. So, as the German cannons came to try to take the fort the cannon, balls and cannon fire just sort of like thudded into the soft Earth and they weren't able to gain ground. So, as the German boats kind of came into this molded area thinking, they were going to be able to breach a stone wall with their Superior cannon fire. They found themselves trapped in this mode and attacked from all sides by all of these different angles, with arrows. Coming at them and their cannonballs just sunk into the Earthen berms and the Germans were not able to take this particular Fort. I found the story of this fort to be extremely interesting and inspiring, and it made me think about this event. I was just telling you about there's a time where I might have been more like a Stonewall against a superior cannon fire and I actually do feel like now. I do feel more like that Earth and berm if there is something negative coming my way, whether it's a thoughtless, common or just rudeness, whatever I'm able to receive those blows with more structural Integrity than I used to have - and I think embracing my authenticity has a Lot to do with that, there is so much power in authenticity, just like Amy Weaver says, and if that's what the Wall Street Journal means by a power move, I'm absolutely supportive of that, and I hope that catches on anyway, I hope you're all doing well out There - and I hope you have a great week ahead - thank you so much for watching talk soon.