How To Overcome Hair Envy

I absolutely love scrolling through instagram, finding the latest “hairspiration.” I get so intrigued by all of the tips, products, styles and whatever else women have to share about their experiences with their curly hair. At this point, I feel like I follow more natural hair accounts than people I actually know! (I’m only half kidding.)

As much as I enjoy the pictures and videos, sometimes I have to catch myself and make sure that I don’t fall back into some of the bad habits that trapped me a while ago. You see, it’s really easy to fall into hair envy.

Whether a woman’s curl pattern looks prettier than yours or you’re wondering why her hair seems to be growing so fast while yours isn’t–it’s very tempting to become envious of another person’s hair.

Not even the person herself, but the actual HAIR. How crazy is that?! We put ourselves down while praising our sisters and salivating over their luscious locks.

Whenever I start to wish my hair was longer again or if it isn’t as dense, I have to gather my senses and remind myself how appreciative I am for the hair that God gave me.

I am a huge advocate for loving the hair that grows out of your head. This was a process for me. After I big-chopped, I couldn’t stand my curl pattern.

It didn’t even curl up! (I read months later that you’re supposed to give your hair several weeks to show its curl pattern after you big chop.) My hair wasn’t long enough to rod or do any other curly styles like I used to, so I truly had to face it for what it was.

I had to come to terms with my real hair. I had to learn how to look into the mirror and like what I saw. I had to train my hair appetite.

This itself was a process. Some days I felt like I looked fly, other days I cried because I wished its texture was different. After a month or so, I was able to Bantu-knot it again, but I only did that once I fully came to love it in its natural state.

Yes, even people who rock “natural hair” may still have problems truly loving the hair that grows out of their head. Twist-outs, braid-outs, and flexi rod* sets are all beautiful ways of manipulating your curls and waves to achieve the form that you want.

However, if you do this to hide your true curl pattern, I would encourage you to take a break from those styles and really hash it out with your hair. It is only then that you can truly love all of yourself. Don’t be a hypocrite like I was, sporting around natural curls, yet not liking my hair as is.

Now, granted, I’m not telling you to hop out of the shower and go out the door. You still have to make it look presentable; add some product to it, you know, but just let it breathe for a little bit. There are plenty of vloggers who have perfected the wash ‘n’ go.

If you decide to do this, I encourage you to find the YouTube vlogger with a similar hair type as you when you are looking for styling tips. Why? Because not every tutorial is going to yield the same results on every person.

I’ve actually given up looking for tips on wash ‘n’ go’s because I have yet to find a woman whose curl patterns, density and porosity are the same as mine. Their tips just don’t work for me, and that’s okay. It just makes me experiment on my own and teach myself new things.

The point is to have fun with your hair and love it for what it is! Don’t fall into the traps of envying other women’s hair or manipulating yours so much to the point where you are embarrassed to wear a wash ‘n’ go.

I bet you that the same girl whose hair you love actually wishes her hair could do as much as yours can! That’s just how we are. We constantly compare ourselves to others, not realizing that they actually want what we have!

I can honestly say that I love my hair now. With all of the time, energy and money I put into it, I better love it! The more you run your fingers through your hair, learn what it does and doesn’t like, and see all of its versatility, you start to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

You realize that the second you take your eyes off yourself and onto someone else, issues arise. If people weren’t throwing their hair in your face, on your phone screen all day long, you probably wouldn’t be hyper aware of curl patterns, textures, types, etc.

It’s all a matter of perspective. I encourage you that the only perspective you need is your very own. So, today, let’s make a commitment to learn to love our hair as is, strand by strand, curl by curl. Envy doesn’t live here anymore!