Dwight'S Best Quotes - The Office Us
- Posted on 28 September, 2019
- U Part Wig
- By Anonymous
Where would Dunder Mifflin be without the ever-loyal, bear-loving Dwight K. Schrute?
“Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?”
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Hey: hey how'd, the run. Go! Oh pretty good. I finished that's great. Why is that great? Because they accomplished something? What was your mild time about? Seven? I could beat that on a skateboard. Well, that has wheels yeah well my feet. Don'T and I could still crush that time - really Dwight, not faster you, let's just put it this way. Last weekend I outran a black pepper snake. Really. I am fast to give you a reference point, I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose and a panther man. What is shaking Toby so long, oh I'll, just time him later and you'll compare the times yeah? Are you ready? No, have I being mean to Dwight? I don't know, I did just make him run around the building and I have no intention of timing him. This isn't even a stopwatch. It'S a digital thermometer. He does make my life harder, sometimes and on purpose, like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls as a way of bringing in more money for the company, hey three more laps to go. You got ta pick it up. You'Re gon na beat Toby. I should probably get back to work seriously: okay, okay. Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you're gon na need to bear a passing resemblance to someone. I just want it to stop here. We go college Roadshow, got ta, bring our a-game. What is the most inspiring thing? I ever said to you: don't be an idiot changed my life whenever I'm about to do something, I think, would an idiot do that and if they would, I do not do that thing. Oh man is that a prism duro sport you've seen one of these yeah they're, like an iPod, only they're better, because they're chunkier and more solid Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'M trying to figure out how to put songs on it. Oh no! No! No! Don'T go there. I know this Russian website. You can download songs for two cents, apiece really yeah I'll write down the address for you. Only the only thing is is that all the songs are in Russian kidding. Why would the AL beat okay, see you later Pan yeah me a cup of coffee me too, or do you also have a monopoly on thirst? Okay, guys it didn't work out for any of us, so we're still on the same team. Let me get these. No! Let him get his own. He'S got suruc use money. You know your partner's got a lot of attitude, but I like that, how long you guys been dating Jim couldn't land me in a thousand years, but you're saying there's a chance, Cumberland Mills, and how did you get my resume? Oh, no! No! I'M very flattered. Don'T get me wrong, I'm just not sure that it's my official resume or if it's something that maybe a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under martial arts training? Oh okay, I'm gon na have to supplement that. Could I have your fax number? Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm gon na be paid for. Here is my loyalty, but if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly I'm going wherever they value loyalty, the most honor of oh, oh, what is on your face is that a disguise clown, paint ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I set up my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged? He are going to do everything humanly possible to ensure that this never happens again. Well, it doesn't help because it already happened to the watermark. It'S a one-time thing. I don't care, it was disgusting. It a cartoon characters having sex. Then I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual. Both animals were smiling okay. I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable: go down chicken chicken on goat, a couple of chickens, doing a goat, a couple of pigs watching whoever drew this got it exactly right. What did I do? I did my job I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money was I too harsh? Maybe I don't believe in coddling people and the wild there is no health care in the wild health care is ow. I hurt my leg, I can't run a lion, eats me and I'm dead. Well, I'm not dead. I'M the lion you're dead, just hit me you'll, see I can't cuz just got a manicure, so oh cool yeah, i queer. I that's a good show important show go ahead, do it just have to I punch you Yoshi? Well, that would be kind of worthless, because I know a ton of fourteen-year-old girls are gon na kick is it? I know a ton of fourteen-year-old girls. What belt are they look? Dwight is a wuss when we rented Armageddon no right at the end of it. Michael. I told you that was because it was New Year's Eve and it started to snow at exactly midnight. Punt you, oh okay, here we go. Oh did I want to harm Michael, but one man I've been hired to protect. No, I did not. Okay, all right. Thank you. I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy. I ever knew World War. Two veteran killed 20 men then spent the rest of the war in an allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity. All his life different kind of fight as a volunteer, sheriff's deputy I've been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight turns out. She was with a couple of guys actually so mystery solved. Let'S go over some of these symptoms of marijuana use. Shall we you tell me who this sounds like slow-moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking shows a lack of motivation. I like the people. I work with generally with four exceptions, but someone committed a crime and I did not become a Lackawanna County, volunteer, sheriff's deputy, to make friends and by the way I haven't okay, I will only need two things: a roll of duct tape and a knife I'm on It okay, 30 minutes relax. Please come back, save the receipts, hey. What hey wait? Wait. I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray. I had velcroed under my desk people, say: oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace. Well, I say it's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose. What you're saying is extremely misogynistic. Yes, thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it and proves my point: women can do anything, I'm saying that you're being sexist, no I'm being misogynistic. That is insane, I'm not being sexist. That'S much the same thing! Yes, when I got my haircut chart, you asked me if I was a lesbian because wow. That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut and when we get mad, you always ask us a form in our periods. I have to know whether you're serious or not. I wish I could men straight. If I could men straight, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore, I'll just be able to count down from my previous cycle, plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides you
Comments
Blindside: *Dwight:* "identity theft isn't a joke Jim" *also Dwight:* "i got a wig for everybody in the office"
Vertex: "Jim couldn't land me in a thousand years" "So you're saying there's a chance?"
steffany evonne: “My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life- different kind of fight.”
theyhatelanderos: "Can you imagine if I was deranged?" This absolutely kills me so bad
atara: dwight: ”identity theft isn't a joke jim” also dwight: **pretends to be pam to attack jim and says he has a wig for everyone in the office**
Nolan Lindberg: Don’t let this distract you from the fact that Toby made a good joke then awkwardly touched pams leg and moved to costa rica
Alexis M: Michael Scott: “Well that would be kinda worthless because I know a ton of Fourteen Year old girls who can kick his ass” Jim: “You know a ton of fourteen year old girls?”
maddie louise: “It’s better to be hurt by a person you know on accident than by a stranger on purpose” -Dwight K. Shrute
Sujoy Chakravarthi: Can't believe this one didn't make it: "I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life" Also - "Just as you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you."
Keirstyn Kat: *"Jim couldn't land me in 1,000 years,"* "But you're saying there's a chance?" *"Shut up,"*
Keanu R: Dwight's best quote: "Bears Beets Battlestar Galactica!"
Maestro of Amore: My personal favorite: Bob Vance: *"Can I steal my wife?"* Dwight: *"You cannot steal what is legally your property."*
The BooMan: 6:11 Michael: "... I know a ton of 14 year old girls that could kick his ass." Jim: "You know a ton of 14 year old girls?" Dwight: "What _belt_ are they?" Kills me every time!
Tom Smith: "The best snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear."
Dan: “‘don’t be an idiot’ changed my life” - Dwight K. Schrute
elijahkang22: Dwight somehow manages to be dumbest and smartest guy at the office simultaneously
greenlion31: You missed one Michael: "Dwight, what is your middle name?" Dwight: "Danger"
1219DSmith: Dwight: “I love hunting. I’m a master hunter.” Nelly: “Did you say, masturbator?” Dwight: “I’m a decent baiter. My cousin, Mose, that’s a master baiter”
Sebastian Solis: "I wish I could menstruate" My favorite Dwight quote.
Joy Li: "K-I-S-S, keep it simple, stupid. Great advice. Hurts me every time." -D. K. S., a security threat
Joanna K: The "Mr. A. Knife" scene is so underrated
ΝΙΚΗΤΑΣ ΤΖΑΜΟΥΡΑΝΗΣ: 1:42 I love how Kevin closes the door on Jim and leaves him out to suffer
Lsester Nester: “May I point out, the sex appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling.”
Ari Huertas: This channel will give us “Best of the Pizza by Alfredo delivery guy” before they give us “Best of Toby”
Lidia Martinez: Michael: “Why do you have a diary?” Dwight: “To keep secrets from my computer” Idk why this is one of my favorites
Skeet Skeet: “Pamela beesly Halbert is my best friend”- Dwight Kurt Schrute❤️ Best quote ever❤️
Dwight K Schrute: Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of an enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend
nikki hartmann: “R is one of the most menacing sounds, that’s why they call it muRdeR and not MUKDUK”
official_kayla_: 7:39 is always my favorite scene Especially Kevin's *"heyy"*
Vaibhav Singla: 6:47 The smile on Stanley's face when Michael gets punched is a thing of beauty
alaska washington: I always want him to clarify who exactly the four exceptions are lmao
Sussy Swagman: Dwight Schrute: Question, what quote by me was the best? This channel: I don’t know, uhh, the one where you say “Smoking is going to save lives.” Dwight Shcrute: False, the correct answer was, all of them.
johnthegreek1980: “My father fought blood pressure and obesity all his life” Different battle -Dwight K. Shrute
Brandi: Michael: I know a lot of 14yr old girls. *Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.*
Augustine Acevedo: "It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger... On purpose..." Wise words from a wise man lol
Mahamud Suufi: The faces Dwight made when he had those wigs on was HILARIOUS LMAOOO
conrad1543: Only quote you missed. Michael: “Dwight, I need your undivided attention.” Dwight: “You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.”
Daniel Owens: jim always tries to make things awkward and i love it
Sask RuffRiders: The snowball fight between Jim and Dwight was epic. And I was cheering for Dwight.
BloodRayne: It's really weird that Dwight having a concussion is actually better person than actual Dwight
Wolf.: Hear me out guys: John Wick style The Office Spinoff mixed with Thread Level midnight humour. Dwight slaying nunerous enemies in creative ways. Instant classic.
Cantus Animus: Okay. This is crazy, but every time I see this scene (3:00) at this exact moment I hear Jim's voice for like 2 seconds and after laugh there is Dwight's voice again. Does anyone else hear that?
2lemonades: Toby's really laid back. He's a cool dude
Brutally Honest: I love how he’s talking about loyalty so adamantly while dressed up as Palpatine
Kevin Freddo: “Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Could you imagine if I were deranged?” This is my all time favorite Dwight quote
BLA5T3R Productions: Can we get a compilation of Dwight yelling “Michael!” Edit: Holy crap, over a thousand likes
Gavin Baker: My favorite quote nobody else seems to remember is when Dwight was showing off his homemade bug spray or something and was saying “do you really think they’d allow that much deet” I can barely remember it but it’s one of my favorites
Özge Özge: 2:55 Ahh, Dwight with a concussion is so cute
vaadaenmacchi: I wish there was a show with Kramer and Dwight !
Noorul Hasan Faizan: I freaking love Dhwight. I would give anything for a colleague like him.
tay smith: I was on the floor when I first saw Dwight punch Michael in a kung-fu stance
Certified Coolguy: You're missing the best of them all: "Neither of those looks like anyone that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left."
VADAR 5.0: Pam: "Why would you want to raise your cholesterol? Dwight: "So I can lower it."
Noah Hancock: Nobody: Dwight: I wish I can menstruate
Patrick: MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!! thats the best quote. so do a compilation
Rachel Wendell: The ‘Mr. A. Knife’ gets me every time 8:39
Master NTC: 8:06 I have no idea how Rainn got through this scene without dying laughing
Kevin Acosta: "My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I knew, was a World war 2 veteran killed 20 men and spent the rest of the war in an allied prison camp" What side did he even fight on?
Victor Draghi: He's the best character. The way he pranked Jim with the snowballs was better than every other prank Jim ever done.
ArseneVids: Best Quotes? Dwight makes me laugh whenever he speaks or doesn’t speak.
Jessica Woodall: Dwight is honestly the kind of person I usually end up being friends with. He even reminds me of a couple of my friends
Kasra Shuman: Maybe I missed it but what about when Jim hurt Dwight’s feelings and Dwight said, “ You May have hurt my feelings but they regenerate 1.5 times the normal man”
Alpha Delta: "Yes I have a wig for everyone in the office..." - Best line in television history
Adeum Deus: Absolutely one of the greatest characters in human written history. Perfectly nailed in every appearance.
Hasan Nasir: *To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose....and a panther* Americans will use anything but the metric
DaPaulieLama: @6:58 ""I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. Killed 20 men then spent the rest of the war in an allied prison camp"...Brilliant.
Name: Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses. Second only to the neck. - Dwight Schrute
Hadouken Hadouken: Dwight: "My job is to be there for Michael, how can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael." (Background, Jim flicks a piece of shrimp that hits Dwight in the face) Epic LoL
DaVinci 3: “When my mother was pregnant with me she did an ultrasound and found out that she was having twins. A few weeks later she did another ultrasound and found that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe that it’s tissue has only made me strong because now I have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.” -Dwight Fart Schrute (security threat) Best damn quote in the history of television
Bhaskar Gandavabi: “Do I want to harm Michael? The one man I was hired to protect?” Here’s a dude who got his job description totally wrong :)
Dylan Jarrell: "I say, it's better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally. Then by a stranger, on purpose!" Words to live by.
DreamCatcher the DreamWing: “I shot a werewolf once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog” “Did you see saw?” “Of corse I see-saw. Me and Mose see-saw all the time” Dwight is the best
James Holbrook: I do not remember some of these "Jim could not land me in a thousand years" "So you telling me there is a chance"
joshua Pannell: I absolutely LOVE Dwight preaching loyalty dressed as Palpatine.
Adam Crow: 5:11 "couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching." When you actually laugh out loud, not just typing LOL.
Sebastien Chen: 3:26 i love his little laugh i think it was a real laugh too
Patariki Sōtērion: That double punch to michaels gut was classic!!
Casey Elaine: “ the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so Jim is technically my friend, but the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so Jim is technically my enemy” - Dwight
Destroyer 2.0: 0:47 - 1:17 Anyone wanna talk about Dwight running the fastest 400m dash ever? Dude beat the WR by far with office clothes and a bad start
Kyle Lee: The day we finally get the MICHAEL!! Compilation will be a day to remember
Emergency Action: Dwight is so funny lol
Sanketa Lokhande: I need a compilation of when dwight makes the ‘dwight face’. Cracks me up everytime
Joe Tolo: The best character on the show!
Alex In Wonderland: i love those moments when they would show a friendship between pam and dwight
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT*: *"Have you ever...pooped...a balloon?"* Always made me laugh and mesmerized at his beauty at the same time...
paige: the first clip is the holy grail, the absolute definition of dwight
Arkeiou: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
RP409: Dwight's interview with kevin is hillarious
kristin martin: “If I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilantes” that always got me
Marin Salisbury: Dwight: “identity theft is not a joke Jim!” Also Dwight: *uses Jim’s credit card to buy a $200 bouquet of flowers for Pam*
Brad Ng: "What is on your face? Is that a disguise?" Always gets me
Lea: “i’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose..and a panther”
manel kh: I want to say that I appreciate the effort that went into the thumbnail. It's awesome
Rocky Bolbo: 1:53 Identity theft is not a joke Dwight. Millions of family suffer every year!
Zoso: "The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel." - Dwight Schrute
David Szczepan: “What is on your face, Is that a disguise?, Clown paint”-Dwight My favorite quote
Spreading Positivity: One of the best characters on the office!!
Daniel Stowe: Dwight: “Don’t be an idiot, changed my life” Favorite line hahaha
voodo mama juju: I think Dwight is the best character! He is funny and had the best character development
Koolk: I believe we need a compilation of Dwight shouting "Michael"