Not Y'All Gaslighting Black Women About 4C Natural Hair Again...

Ashley Cox: The "do they see you?" as a social experiment is so so real. My sister is dark skinned, has 4c hair, she keeps cute styles, and wears beautiful head scarves. But last summer, she put in a honey blonde crochet style with a natural ringlet texture. She said men were breaking their necks to get a second look at her when she'd be out. They don't think we notice how they treat us because *they* don't notice how they treat us.

saxviars: Honestly as a person who wears my Afro, I hate how political it always is. EVERYONE and their mama always has an opinion. "It looks dry it need definition why are you outside like that", "I like this more than the others styles stop wearing weaves", ect., ect. For every black man that's ranted to me about their preferences for girls with "good hair"; I've also got weird standing ovations for wearing my hair... like it's out here trying to end racism. Leave us alone, please. Like how other women get to wake up, comb out their hair and move on with the day, I am just trying to do the same.

M B: I think we have to realize some of us will never be the preferred for some black men and thats okay. If its not hair then its skin tone like it will always be something when it comes to black women. I am tired of it. I am NOT going bankrupt trying to get a bbl, keeping my hair laid, or trying to pretend that I am something that I’m not. I see a lot of my black kAnGs looking like a big toe with a fade and be out here thriving. Like I’m good don’t worry about me.

100Stratusfiedx: I’m still in awe that someone took her pictures to create a dating profile for her. That’s unhinged behavior and it proved nothing. Getting matches on a dating app doesn’t mean relationships. If she says that in her region she only pulls white boys in that hair style then that’s her experience. I’ve just accepted that black men really think their 4c hair and dark skin only looks good on them. I was definitely the suburban girl with shoulder length straight hair. Dealt with a lot of heat damage and considering getting locs.

Morgan S.: Misogynoir in a nutshell is literally insulting black women into the ground, but simultaneously having such low self esteem that you desire, from those same women you treat like crap, unwavering love and acceptance.

SCORPIO NOIR: There was a lot of fake progress. I find that a lot of black people are stilll dealing with their internal self hate when it comes to their features. I have been growing my hair out and have embraced my afro. I love it and used to be quick to cut my hair or style it to hide the texture. I've grown to love my afro and the bigger it grows the more proud I am of it.

ereka's vibes: I’ve been wearing my hair unstretched since 2019 when not in a protective style. When I first went natural in 2012 a friend of mine (now ex friend), also natural with 3b/3c hair had the nerve to say “natural ain’t for everybody”. How is the hair that grows out of my head not for me? “You don’t like teeny weeny Afro NIGGA” tell the truth Kim!!

seeyaontheothersidelol: I noticed twitter was in an uproar about this and its crazy. All she said was “i can pull white guys more when my hair is like this” and black people lost their minds. Why can’t she talk about her experience? Believe it or not, there are plenty of white guys out there that love our skin complexion, hair, and features. People always assuming that a white man is fetishizing us simply for liking something we naturally have is crazy, black women are so used to not being liked the way they naturally are by black men that they think people are lying when they like us just how we are. What about a young dark skinned girl pulling white guys makes everyone so upset?

dede9699: "Being literal is a sign of low literacy" I WILL BE USING THIS THANK YOUUUUU

oolivia brooke: I feel like we’re deviating when we say “she just made a casual joke with that statement” because she didn’t. Even if she said it with a mean face, she’s not wrong and doesn’t deserve ANY backlash. I’ve been following her content and she’s talked about how blk boys/men have been very colorist towards her. Off the top of my head I can count many blk men all over the world that have said blk women are not pretty or allowed in their space! (Dave santan, Chris Brown, 50 cent, Lil Wayne etc.) so why is everyone trying to gaslight her? Y’all go around saying you don’t like us, then still hate on us for being honest about our experiences? Boy bye!

lime mai: I remember when she said on Twitter that black men are only mad that she doesn't mind pulling only white boys with that hair. Like how dare she not assimilate to self hate beauty standards so black men can finally love her? Weird. Edit: I'm also TIRED of hearing black men say that they love their black women and how dare she make them look bad, how are you gonna dismiss someone's experiences?? She experienced this FIRST HAND so wtf are you talking about black men???

eel.: i’m a lesbian black femme and because of the assumption of heterosexuality that’s been projected onto me by strangers my entire life i’ve had to deal with black men constantly criticizing my appearance or trying to make me out to be an attractive “exception” to their rules. i remember my first year of college, i was approached by a man while i was just minding my own damn business and he started complimenting the fact that i wear my hair natural and that i look better than other black girls who do it and i was just like . sir, that’s not a compliment i want to receive, especially after years of being told i’m ugly for not conforming to the beauty standards they’ve erected.

Kat Blaque: Exactly. I said this on another video but they'll be sitting there with a white girl or a girl with 3C hair talking about how much they love 4c hair and TWAs. The invisibility thing is so true too. I couldn't wear braids for over a year because I had a surgery that left a scar on my scalp that needed to heal and when I would wear my natural hair it was like wearing an invisibility cloak or something. The moment I got the braids back it was like wow she's there again lol. I think all black women know people react differently to them based on their hair style and the impression you will often get from folks is that if you wear your hair natural, people might like it but they will also probably see you as more of a radical/pushy person if they ever do actually see you at all. It's ingrained!

A B: For my wedding I wore my hair in a large blown out Afro. I looked like a beautiful dandelion lol. My husband and friend were the only black people to say anything positive. From family to even other women at the salon EVERY BLACK PERSON said what hair will I wear? What wig? What braids? What silk press will I wear? My biracial stylist had to give me a pep talk because I never have “baby hairs” and I was getting told by a black aunt to at least do those so I look presentable. That stylist said if you don’t want it don’t do it. I appreciate her so much! Every single white person said positive things about this decision. I cried about it… and then wore my big ‘fro with my mermaid style dress and I love the pictures of my ‘fro and veil blowing in the wind. My 4c hair and dark skin is good enough for my wedding day, Tuesday, a gala, and any dang day.

GirlYouAlreadyKnow: I just want to say I'm proud of black women. All the bs jealousy, criticism and gaslighting and somehow we still elevate, still glow, still the creators. No one else and I mean NO ONE could be who we are ❤️

SupaAmi: I love lip gloss! I dunno how old she is, but she looks like she might be no older than 19-20 years old, but she is so wise and funny for her age. I’m sure she gets a lot of hate and attempts at gaslighting because we know how the Internet treats black women in particular and she still seems confident and strong in her point of view and I love it.

Busi Skinn'e Mjiyakho: I really struggled growing up with not having "great" hair. There was always an expectation to ensure that my hair was done back home (South Africa). When I moved to Scandinavia, I was so relieved to realise that whether I had spent 2 hours on my hair, or gone out with my overnight protective hairstyle, white people couldn't notice the difference. I realised how much pressure we put on each other as black people. Now that I live in China and it costs x20 more to get my hair done, I usually opt to wear it in it's natural state. When I went back home, my family and friends were like ??? They said I looked homeless. They blamed it on me having a white partner. So as much as that last part was a joke. I did pull a white boy with 4c natural hair

J.Belle.V: I have short 4c hair. When I was a baby, people used to stop my mom unsolicited and tell her not to worry my hair would grow. My sister used to apologize to the hairstylist for how nappy my hair was when I was young. As a teenager, I used to have panic attacks if I couldn't get my hair done. As an adult, I've worn weave, wigs, braids, short afro, long afro, mohawks, and a shaved head. I am always treated the worst while in public by black men AND women when I have a short afro. Anti-blackness toward 4c hair is the default not the exception. BM usually treat me like I'm invisible. And I'm not talking about dating or romantic attention, I mean just basic human interaction. They can pretend on social media they love natural hair but we definitely know better.

Wait, what???: I will never forget what a friend said to me when we were in our early twenties: " Black Men are more into hair than women are" --over the years, this has been proven true countless times. I am so sick of BW being trashed and attacked over their hair. The very same hair that black men have and pass on to their daughters. C'mon black people!!! When is this going to stop?

Cat Lady: So, I grew up upper middle class in the suburbs. You are spot on about the weave thing, it signals a very clear class division. My mother and her sisters always relaxed and straightened their hair, and it was a point of pride that their straightened hair was still "their hair." It is all about maintenance, because my mother could afford to get her hair straightened at a ridiculous price every weekend in the black hair salon. I also suspect it has something to do with looking a bit more ambiguous, and passing for something other than "American black" because everyone in my family is light skinned and my mother and her sisters are Jamaican (but if you ask them about this they will deny it). None of them know how to do their own hair, but when I decided to go natural because I was sick of going to the hairdresser every weekend, all of a sudden my hair was nappy, unkempt and "I wasn't as pretty." The thing is that they associate weaves and wigs with looking fake and crusty, but I know for a fact they don't know when someone is wearing a weave or a wig because they aren't at all familiar with what weaves and wigs actually look like on a person. I will also note that the only black men who have ever complimented me on my hair were older homeless black men in Philly, and to black men of my own social class I am at best invisible, which is something I find interesting.

fizzychizzy: Its the gaslighting for me...and she wasn't wrong. When White men, in my experience, try to pull Black women, they are not really concerned about her proximity to whiteness. Its all Black to him. He gonna get it from his group of white peers regardless for dating outside of his norm. So, when confronted with blanket pushback, regardless of the type of woman he goes for, it makes things sort of even. For Black men, a lot of them are hung up on getting the girl that is a trophy. And that trophy means someone that gives them proximity to whiteness. So it becomes a ranking system that puts those darker skinned girls with the hair type they don't like lower in rank.

Who's that girl? It's Tiff!!: " Beauty is a commodity for women; Women are a commodity for men." A word.

Sinovuyo Budaza: Kevin Samuel said that black women are at the end of the beauty spectrum. He continued to pin point all the features that make us the least attractive race. And many black men and women agreed with him. Now we're pretending that it's not a thing.

Kung Lao’s Hat: Big yes to everything she said at 19:10 The way I’ve been treated in public has absolutely been tied to my hair. For years I had an afro and I was basically invisible to most black men. No one was ever rude to me or anything so I didn’t even really notice it until I changed my hair. I went blonde and started wearing it straight and then black men started to interact with me more. On dating apps, but also in everyday life. Opening doors, starting conversations in stores, asking if I needed help carrying things, ect. When my hair was natural it was mostly white men interested in me. Then when my hair was straight (and dyed) it was almost exclusively black guys. It was such a surreal experience because my clothes, makeup and attitude were the same, but that ONE aspect of my appearance had a huge impact on my dating prospects.

Quamina Johnson: What she said is true as a black women who wears my natural 4C hair black men literally will look in the other direction and act as if I'm invisible when I walk by but when I wear a 40 inc Brazilian wig or braids I get a lot more complements the bottom line is some black men don't think 4C hair is beautiful a lot of them view 4C hair as nappy and ugly I've had black men call me nappy headed even though they have 4C hair as well.

Michelle ✨: I lover her for being HERSELF!!! She is right! I’ve been natural for 13 years I’ve done every style there is. I did my final big chop in December. Listen I wear my hair fully in it’s natural state this time. No I don’t wanna do a twist out. No I don’t even want braids. Like this is what you getting! I’m 30 going on 31 and this year I’ve learned to love myself! I don’t have to be who black men or any man wants. I just have to be who I wanna be. The only thing I wanna be, is me. So yes that means natural hair, I might put a lip on and some mascara but 98% of the time the best you’re getting is chapstick or lip gloss. No I don’t like wearing bras and no idgaf about these respectability politics that have been place on our bodies. Lol as you get older you don’t gaf about nobody’s perception. I’m proud of this young lady! She’s absolutely beautiful and radiant in her own skin with her natural as is hair✨

Carli Marie: I stopped relaxing and going to the Dominican hair salons because: burned scalps aint it. I worked at a predominantly white school when I transitioned and I could not go 2 feet without compliments. As the natural hair movement gained traction, I learned a lot but I saw how it was turning into a “means to an end” - that end being length (not health) in order to prove our hair can grow. We need to start investigating our own motivations in order to be able to accept ourselves.

Lu Yeni: So true when I went to my black history class with a 3c curly wig. The bm fell over themselves to speak to me. All men who claimed to be "woke" I was a queen in their eyes. I learned a long time ago... If I want black male attention, looking semi mixed race was the way to go. If I wanted to walk the street in peace a headscarf or my natural hair would was my cloak of invisibility.

Ajani Is Great: "I'm only gonna be able to pull white boys with this hair" takes me out everytime Thats ok sis. Its OK to love someone that loves you for you and not all the shit you cover yourself up with.

SunnyMane: I was really happy she did this to show black women and men that we don’t have to conform to other groups beauty standards. I think the most average hair type for black people gets the most hate. In fact, it’s adjacent to how the most average skin tone for black people get the most hate. We need more people like her to break the STATUS QUO

Mew Mew: Yes! Seeing people call that woman crazy made me SO mad. Listen to people's experiences, even if they aren't yours personally! People who were so quick to call her ugly or unkempt are part of the problem. Not shaving doesn't make someone dirty or ugly, when are people going to realize that? People really exposed themselves with how they responded to this conversation.

Ten Netshitenzhe: I thought the minute I went natural I won the battle with my appearance and it took me so long to realise that the overmanipulation/overstyling of my 4c hair was not healthy either. We can talk about structural racism and fetishes all we like but she wasn't lying when she says the demographic of the men who approach you changes when your hair does‍♀️

Marquaysa Battle: When she said, '"I'm only going to be able to pull white boys with this hair, " I HIGH-KEY FELT THAT. LMAO. I wear my 4C shrinkage most of the time and every single time, it's white and Hispanic men who respond to me. It's been that way for YEARS. When I blow it out or wear a weave or wear longer twists is when Black men notice and suddenly, then it's "Hey queen." But that 4C shrinkage? They aren't here for it. Maybe for the internet but def not IRL.

bradley barbeler: A lot of the “fetishisation” claims around nonblack ppl liking black features is just people refusing to step away and push back from the belief of “Black women only *deserve* black men”… Not to excuse lots of ignorant and disgusting people with fetishes though, definitely a big problem.

Chic Fila: I just want to say it makes me happy to see so many people in the comments that GET IT! Let’s not sit up here and pretend like things aren’t what they seem when most women who have worn their 4C hair can vouch for this young woman. Black men have been colorist towards her (for what her hair does NATURALLY) so who is anyone to tell her that her experience of that was invalid or made up? Self love is so much more important than us wanting to appeal to men with absolute trash mindsets, low intelligence, and low self esteem.

Yup That’s Me: the discourse that little throw-away comment launched on the bird app is insane! bm and bw being so mean to that woman and for what??? everyones experiences are different, why deny hers

Michelle ✨: Also I’d like to say she’s not lying, white men are not perpetuating texturism. Black men do; along with colorism. Many Black men do, because they don’t like to be associated with anything that reminds them of their blackness.

23ahndra: I Love her TikTok channel. She ALWAYS has great content. They really tried her. Blk men pretty much proved her point.

grarycat1984: 2012 I was pregnant and glowing, hadn't had a relaxer in over 10 years at this time, 2nd son on the way....glowing y'all....I had my hair in a twist out with a pretty bow....glowing...went to see my grandmother and she stated when are you going to do something with your hair it's a mess all over you head....It felt like a verbal stabbing....her words hurt me to the core.... I asked my mother if we could leave since she was driving....she didn't know what was said but she could see how upset I had been....I'll never forget feeling my grandmother doesn't see the beauty in my natural beauty....not the way I do.

Maya D: My black girl luxury is the luxury to not have to excessively groom myself in a similar way that you described when talking about how we present to other black ppl vs. white ppl. Idc about a designer bag, I want to not lay my edges.

Saphire: Black women need to continue to seek self love. Unabashed self love. We cannot continue to look for this type of acceptance and love outwardly and think we’re going to get it. It’s hard because of what we face everyday from our counterparts. Look inward. No one will accept us, until we accept ourselves. It’s a work in progress. I locked my hair 6 years ago and went through that journey from self loathing and self doubt to self healing, self acceptance and self love and never looked back. Best decision i ever made because of the inner work. I could be bald today if I wanted to and still feel like a goddess because the way I feel about myself no longer hinges on how others feel about me. It has nothing to do with me. That has to do with their own internal struggles and issues that they need to deal with. We have to realize that we don’t have to take that on. Let “them” deal with their own issues and let’s heal ourselves. Surround yourselves with people who love you and are kind to you. Remove the toxic stuff from your sphere as much as you possibly can. Do the work. There is no way around this but through this. I pray for us.

Kiarah K: Even hoteps seem to only like Afros and kinky hair that is big / long and is no kinkier than 4a ( and that is pushing it ) .

Matxalen C: I love that she's trying to accept her hair. That shrinkage kills me sometimes, but better to have healthy shrinking hair then not.

Bzzy Brie: Also, I really must say: As a black femme, it's so interesting to see how hair is an immediate segue into an assessment of one's personality, goals, social standing, etc. and vice versa. No matter what or whom, the first thing bm and bw do when disparaging a bw is to go after the hair. And because your hair is messed up, you're ashy, you put lotion on after you put your clothes on. Your armpits smell, your face is unwashed, your breath smells bad and it all goes back to HAIR. And there's hardly safety anymore. I think the natural hair community in some ways, in fact, have regressed because there's such a focus on growing your hair so it's long without being stretched. The amount of big chops I've seen from heat damage soft glam blowout failures feels like it has gone on the extreme rise and there's no peace to just wear your hair unstretched without it being a statement of political prowess. And you can't even turn to people 5 or 6 years older than you; the amount of 25-35 year old bm+w that I saw attacking her reminded me of the fact that as much as we need our elders, the self-hate and projection from them can be so astronomical that finding peace in the expected racism and ignorance of white people officially hurts WAY less than hearing a kick-in-the-stomach comment from an auntie I thought I could turn to, be it online or not. This video was really amazing and they rlly do be trying to gaslight us!!! And then if you date someone out of your race, especially a white person, then 'crustiness' is automatically prescribed to your branding - so much so, we begin to ascribe it to ourselves??? "You like me even when my hair is crusty so I'm a crusty when I'm with you" or something, it's such a thing and my thoughts officially petered out three sentences back. anyways. great vid. and for the ppl who couldn't take a teenager making a joke... ur cracked. lmao

Marissa Wilson: Texturism is real but the black community isn't ready for that conversation.

serenity6831: They made a whole Hinge profile trying to prove her wrong. Vile behavior.

rena green: I’m so glad you made this video. I’ve had locs for almost 14 years. Locs down to my butt. I started combing them out last night because I just felt like that journey is over. However, I opted to comb my hair because I was so afraid to cut my hair and have a fade again. I question myself. Am I gonna look ugly with my natural hair texture? I am talking myself through this process. I just want healthy hair and I want to feel beautiful even if society isn’t gonna view me a such. I am very much aware that twa’s are not as respected as a luscious fro. This is so sad. Anti blackness is still alive and kicking.

debora floyd: She’s beautiful! My hair is 4c. I’m 59 years old, Society tried to convince me that I’m ugly because of my hair. I resisted and I’ve been natural for about 30 yrs straight. Locked for 4yrs. I was told by other black people that I was a waste of light skin because my hair is so nappy! At this point, I don’t give a @&ck what someone else thinks. I know that I’m beautiful the way God made me. I taught my daughters ✊✊and granddaughters the same✊✊✊✊

Aubrey James: Lip gloss is a goddess. She is a special person. Her monologues are so damn truthful. All I can say is that when I had my pure Afro hair out in California— yes, near LA, and San Diego, the black men would prank me or act mean, but damn I had TWO German, beautiful, preppy white boys playing in my hair, and hugging on me. Jus my testimony.

Aisha Raison: My grandmother was a beautician who hated natural hair. She not only didn't accept it, but she raised the women in the family with the idea that there was something wrong with being your full self, from your hair to the body. Years after she passed away, I had my first big chop and left relaxers and toxic thought alone. I've loved my natural hair since I was a kid, but between chemical burns and straightening combs, the hatred of loving my natural self was implanted deep. Texturism and colorism can come from the saddest spaces.

tosca: I'll be turning 50 this year and come from a very conservative (read white adjacent) Caribbean culture. We have survived 400 years of being told that we're inferior and of course we have internalized a great deal of it. But, within my lifetime I've seen black women, and men, make the decision to rebuke this narrative. It's still frustrating and even disheartening at times, but I have faith that as long as we hold each other, and ourselves, accountable we'll get there.

Katie Hope: Such a coincidence! Me and my bf (black) got into a discussion about this today. He is really passionate about working through internalized anti blackness and we’re so dispirited by the way our communities are socialized to aspire proximity to whiteness, and denigrating black women in the process

joitakestheinternet: this fake ass controversy pissed me off so bad kim like why tf would the natural hair movement even have been created if our hair was so “accepted”

Caramel Swatches: I just quit Twitter over this. I first saw her TikTok reposted to Twitter and then I saw some guy took screenshots and posted her on multiple dating apps to try to gaslight her and disprove her. I reported him to Twitter, and the two dating apps. I’m just so disgusted that someone would respond to her in that way and that these companies would not move more quickly to stop it.

Tara Speaks: Side note Kim be on her cute all summer vibes. Love the braids. Meanwhile back to the hatred regarding all things black women. I love how the young lady stated " this is what the hair wanna do"!!! RIGHT. It is what it is. End of discussion 4C hell 4D hair. It doesn't matter we as black women gotta accept it first and yes it hurts when our men don't accept us but until we fully love ourselves......

Kiran Holt: Black men walking around here w/ 4C beards and chest hairs, but they want to talk about Black women??? Make it make sense!!

Divine: Its so frustrating because it’s so obvious that the people who are hating on Lip Glosssss are being purposely obtuse. Why are we pretending that black men aren’t the main ones calling us “nappy headed hoes???” These people are unserious

T: no literally let’s please talk about it. that’s why a lot of black women are so OBSESSED with having long hair.

Anna Gifty Opoku-Agyeman: THANK YOU! I am working on something about this, but from what I could tell (not on Twitter atm), folks within the community essentially proved her throwaway point. If the issue with her statement was that she couldn't recognize how whiteness constructed hair discrimination itself, there's a way to address it without demeaning her and shaming her... but no, the shaming was immediate and widespread. People were comparing her to Kodak Black, a literal abuser of Black women, and for what? She acknowledge that 4c hair is viewed less favorably than everyone else. As someone said, it's FAKE progress, masked self hatred that is projected on a wide scale vis-a-vis social media.

SWEETHONEYONAROCK: I recall going to Jamaica a few years ago with "so called friends" who were from Jamaica. I wore a wig, but once I go there I decided to wear my natural hair. I was not only ostracized because of wearing my natural hair. But the bigger issue was that I wanted to enjoy the beach and the sun. I was told, we as Jamaica's dont sit in the sun because we don't want to get black. Men don't like dark women in Jamaica. The whole vacation I was very uneasy and just couldn't believe that I was hearing this and also experiencing this from friends.

trinity2times: something to note about black men's power in the dating market is their power in the overall global cultural market. i'm living in south korea currently, and i cannot help but to notice the very strong culture of korean men emulating (or rather, trying to emulate) black men. in the usual aesthetic ways like hair, fashion, and dances; but being here in seoul, i've also noticed how that emulation extends to their dating preferences and practices, as well. we ofc know how this extends to how they generally treat women. i could speak extensivelyyyyyy about this, but i just want to say that the calls for black men to be conscious in their dating preferences/how they speak about, regard, and treat black women are important because they can deeply influence how we are treated around the world. would love to hear other people's thoughts, experiences, and ideas :)

Lani Evangline: It's the fact that we as black women, those who don't fall into the general desirability category are to an extent traumatized by the way black men have treated us and continue to treat us and then they fault our view of them as opposed to the actual way we are treated historically. This reminds me of Can Therapy Save Black Men? The question still lingers. Also I noticed from a young age that men preferred my hair in styles other than my natural state and I decided at a young age that I could never been in a relationship because at some point he is going to see my natural hair. You can't be in serious relationship with someone and them never see it. Luckily that's not an issue that I deal with any more, but it persisted for a long time.

C. S.: This video was so interesting. I'm older, been working in white corporate america for along time and I have the "desirable" hair. Long, loosely textured. From my experience, white people care less about our hair than we do. When a black women at work would were natural hair,braids or dreds or something, the older black women in the office seemed to care about it the most and saw it as unprofessional. The whites in the office could not care less and these same women did not seem to lack opportunities vs women with weaves/straightened hair. Some of my white co workers who felt they could talk to me openly seemed to actually think our obsession with weaves was odd and wondered why we didn't just wear our own hair. This is is a complicated subject, but for the longest time I've felt that the harshest critics about our hair are black men and then in turn us black women based on the attraction level from the men.

OsCiriah Press: Texturism is so problematic. I still struggle with feeling like my natural hair is formal enough for events. There’s always this internal debate I have about straightening it or not for an event. And I have a daughter who will be 3 soon. I’m always protective of her when it comes to people commenting on her hair in it’s most natural state. It’s so annoying that people - even people who are close to her - feel the need to comment negatively. Right now she’s not paying them any mind (it seems), but I’m trying to nip the commentary in the bud. If we’re getting the negative commentary while out in the world, it’s one thing. We don’t need it at home, too. #NothingIsWrongWithOurHair …And black men who deny that colorism and texturism exist are literally in the sunken place. #DelusionalAF

champagneprincess: i’ll never forget i was like 12, and did my natural hair. i moisturized it, fluffed it, parted it, and when i got to my grandmas house my aunt said “bad hair day huh?”.

Tiara S.: The natural hair trauma runs deep and it’s sad. The “it’s unprofessional, it’s nApPY, it’s ugly” crap is bullsh*t and getting super old. I agree with a lot of what the women said on here—gotta get that self-love going. This is how our hair grows and it’s nothing ugly or unprofessional about it unless you’re blatantly not maintaining and taking care of it. Some of the same men on her video doing the gaslighting was probably some of the same ones who make such ignorant comments about black women’s hair. A lot of “us” starting to get on my nerve ‍♀️

Blvck Wanderlust: We need to call these “beauty standards” what it really is and that’s anti-blackness.

Yolanda Montague: The worse part for me is that, instead of focusing on the topic of appreciation of non stretched tightly coiled black women’s hair, they jumped straight to dating. They didn’t want to show appreciation for her hair! They could have posted about that type of hair and their love for it. Nope! Straight into degrading her and that’s because we all know that they still don’t like that type of hair. What a shame!

Amber1850: OMG thank you, thank you, thank you for making this video! Everything yous said is 100% true! Especially at the end! I can also honestly say that I have never, ever, ever had people( especially men) treat me better or pay me more attention then when my hair looks long and straight. I've been wearing my hair just out and natural for a little over a month and even though I blow it out and style it I STILL notice a huge difference in how I am treated. The idea that there are black people trying delude themselves into thinking that this isn't a thing is wild to me!

Michelle jenkins: I had an ex who was a fake hotep n used to always complain how when black girls go natural they always end up with white guys. (this may be because she is so used to black men not valuing her like other men did when her hair was short n natural she may divest.) He convinced me to loc my hair then while I was in the starter loc phase he cheated on me with 2 different girls that were lighter skinned and had longer locs. Black men fetishize us also when we are natural they prefer it to be super long, manicured, parts showing, loose n textured . After him I dated a guy who was wanna be hood/hotep but was really suburban when we were kids. He liked the idea of my locs maybe once they got long, but would make lil comments about how I needed to “delent” “ moisturize more” “get a retwist” like on a weekly basis. (I was maintaining them myself n still figuring out what to do) Until I finally just slapped a wig on then he made me feel like I looked ghetto n told me I looked bad. I came to find out he was really into thicker women with the lace front look tryna impress his hood guy friends. My conclusion, is that men usually choose women based on how he wants to be perceived by other men.

TizzzytheGreat: Man the “Do they see you” phase really hits home for me. I had a lot of hair on my head since school girl days, I mean a lot. So much so that I was only known for the girl who had long hair that was the only thing people saw me for. I started to believe my hair was my only worth, Of course when I was younger straight hair was the only acceptable hairstyle. I am a masc/ woman and even dating woman they would always want to do my hair all the time, hair regimens on what products I use. Finally this year I just cut it off and I just feel like a ton has been lifted off my head. Now when people see me even family members they still are in so much shock and pain that I would do such a thing. Like the hair was on their head.

zephyr1990: “Can y’all not discern tone?””Being literal is a sign of low literacy” Thank you, Kim. THANK YOU! Like, I’m on Twitter constantly like…”Is everybody FUCKING slow?!” Jesus Christmas be a fucking fence.

Jessica Brown: This entire discourse is a perfect example of the saying “throw a stone into a crowd of dogs and a hit dog will holler”. BM+W couldn’t wait to gaslight this girl for a single off comment, it was ridiculous.

Loriann Richardson: I wish the younger generation of Black women would take a page from the book of Black women from the 60s/70s. We rocked our 'fros with pride. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than a Black woman with a 'fro.

zan752000: Can we talk about lightening the hair as well, I know for a fact that when I lighten my hair I'm treated special. It's very very sad that this colorism and texturism crap is still a thing.

Ruquia Mulamba: Lol on my birthday….I went out and a white man snatched my wig off in front of everyone….ON MY BDAY…and then the black men gaslit me talking about “it’s a joke” So yeah I’m sick of the gaslighting shit ruined my day frfr

Giggles: 4c hair does grow long, it’s curly. It can be short and long. Deal with it. You should love your hair, rebuke those who disagree and black people teach your kids to love their hair. Let black women wear their natural hair and style as they so please. Stop antiblackness!

DiontaeMBlack: She never misses! Kim is ALWAYS on it

PopLife1999: It’s crazy, because the guys who have complimented me on my 4c hair have been am or wm. I’ve never been complimented on my 4c hair by bm. When I had a long relaxer, bm have complimented me. That’s been my experience. ‍♀️

Lisa Bee: When someone comes to me and makes a “ good hair” comments towards my 4C hair saying that it is not “good” ….. I let them know from the door to not project their self hate upon me. Let’s stop entertaining other peoples damage and ignorance because that’s all it really is …it’s just centuries-old damage and ignorance passed Down from generation to generation. Let’s put them in Their place every time, and don’t feel bad about it. Healthy hair is good hair and WE Have plenty of it. And black is beautiful in every hue.

Momo Mathebula: Yes. They’re gonna pretend. It seems to be fun to make black women believe that their very real experiences are… a figment of their imagination‍.

H A: Do we forget all of the panels of Black men discussing not wanting natural hair ???? Lmfao

VICTORY THE CREATOR: I was geeked when you mentioned Hallease because I’ve thought about a lot of things she and her husband have discussed on their podcast. Love them. Chris is actually Latino, but when he said that thing about “why you need to see the scalp” it literally flipped a bit of a switch in my head as a black person. Like, other races truly do not understand the difference. They don’t care. It made me obsess less about my appearance tbh.

Kay Watkins 💜: This video has been my exact thoughts lately . I just did the big chop again on my 4c hair 3 days ago. I met my husband with natural 4c hair and he loved it (we’ve been married 8 years ) During our marriage I struggled with identity crisis because of social media and the increase hate dark black women receive over our skin and hair. I then went on to relax my hair wear weaves , braids etc . 3 days ago I literally woke up and chose me . The exact way that I am. tight kinky curls and all . I must say I’ve never felt more beautiful or feminine in my life . I hate that this is the narrative for us but I’m also at the point where I’m just shrugging my shoulders and ignoring society and loving me the way God created me .

Mary Stella Rose Tarot: I commend her for being authentic. I feel like if everyone stopped trying to be "the standard" and started being (and doing what they want and) who they are then there wouldn't be a standard anymore. Let's start a revolution ✨

Alasiah: Shittt I had a woman tell me I should use deva curl to get a juicy curl and shit and I was like don’t they got lawsuits? Ppl will put whatever on you bc that’s THEIR insecurity. Just another thing they want you to add on YOUR list ..

RSVP - DC: No lie - when the content creator took her bonnet off my first thought was, "She only pulls white dudes." She has the aesthetic that most non-BM (white men, especially) prefer. She was speaking facts when she made that statement.

csmiller: What’s striking is that Black men have increasingly been growing their hair out - in all of its nappy, kinky, coily unmanipulated wonder. I was watching an NBA game recently and commented to a friend on this shift. And while, it’s a beautiful thing - there are a many of them, who don’t find those same features on Black women becoming. It’s not uncommon for me to see those men with women with curls, wavy, or in others words, non-4c hair types.

Luci: I'm glad I've been freed from the clutches of youtube hair tutorials. I found that it was all about defining my curls, which was just saying redefining how my hair looks. I don't mind trying different looks and curls, but when it's about constantly manipulating my hair to look a different kind of natural then we''re moving away from accepting our hair.

ahsatar: I'm 40 years old and I'm so happy that this conversation is happening. I'm pretty much damaged as far as self image because I was bullied all through school because of my looks. Ignored during my 20s but used by the few who "liked" me. Now I just stay to myself.

AquaMoon: Being dark skin, tall and wearing my hair natural hair regularly vs when I wear weave is such a stark difference when it comes to ppls recognition. I still wear wigs but it's more occasion based; maybe for a night out, or to just switch things up for a couple days and even in those short moments I can see the staring and catering is very different. I'm lucky to be with someone who loves when I wear my natural hair and doesn't really like the straight hair look so the pressure is not there for me. But the average man tries to gaslight us so bad to not seem like "the others" but we live real life experiences and that's is the true teacher.

Paige Richard: This is so true when my hair is freshly washed and very shrunken before I fluff it and stretch it when people complement it I literally hold myself back from telling people oh yeah I just washed it it looks a little short right now and I’ve been natural majority of my life

Jasmine Newman: I wore a long Brazilian curl, slikced back ponytail to a wedding this weekend, and the groom says "now you'll fit in" (he's Hispanic and the bride is white) Mind you I normally wear my natural twist out or cornrows ... I was taken aback it took me a minute to let it sink in.

blahface: I cut my hair last year and have only been wearing it in a afro when it's out (which is majority of the time). I only got clowned from black ppl, the only people who touched my hair without my permission was black ppl, and the only ppl who compliment it are white ppl. Ngl Im scared to go back to school now cause my mom doesn't have the money for me to constantly be getting protective styles just for me to cover up my hair. I also was never taught how to style my natural hair as this is the first time I've experienced my actual natural hair so I just leave it in an afro which is not acceptable since it's short (not twa type short since it's grown but still short) and 4b/4c. I'm tired of people making fun of me for my hair, I love my hair but these ppl are making it so hard for me to continue to love it and wear it. Now I know why so many black women wear lacefronts

Danielle Stewart: THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO! I commented on a feminine styling video asking if they could use more examples of women with natural hair. I feel like we get left out and picked upon so much. And because of this, women DAMAGE their self-image, mental health and HAIR just to straighten it and look like someone’s fantasy to “look more desirable”.

701kimmie: I really hope that the young lady that did the video gets the opportunity to see this one and really know that we see her and understand her pain. The hate is real out here and I'm glad that channels like this exist to call out the foolery and support and uplift BW.

NatLovesYa: I personally and honestly feel like where we went wrong and I’m saying this as a black woman who participated in the natural hair movement since high school and I’m now in my mid 20s I feel like texturism took over the natural hair community and these texturists ideals made it so many women feel like their hair had to look a certain way and that longhair gives you more value or is more beautiful and so many of us were so keen on manipulating our natural hair texture that is a movement although I feel like it help me solve more comfortable and wearing my hair outside I still always feel like I have to put products in my hair and so forth to feel like it is acceptable. I was made to feel in the community that if I didn’t have the ideal texture than my hair at least had to be long for me to be considered desirable in my natural state which is so messed up. Sometimes I wonder if when I was constantly straightening my hair compared to how my hair is all natural if much really even changed within the perspective of how I view my hair or how I think others view it.

NN Zulu: I've been a 4c natural since 2012 and the journey had it's highs and lows & I still struggle with accepting my hair. I would get endless complements in 2018-19 when it was long & thick and the compliments regarding the length and fullness but NOT the texture. I cut it early this year into a twa and I'm invisible again unless I get it braided

Katherine Sinkler: I have always heard that phrase "you're pretty for a dark skin girl" growing up and so did my mom. This video truly speaks to the full brown/dark skin experience. THANK YOU AND I APPLAUD YOU. I didn't know that I needed this conversation today, but the hair struggle is beyond misunderstood.

Jordayn Ross: I'm a server, and sometimes I like to wear my hair in its natural fro state. I switch my hair up a lot, from blowouts, to twist outs, puffs, knotless braids, flat ironed, slick buns, and in its natural 4c state. On this particular day I wore my fro; which is a personal favorite of mine. I remember the amount of compliments I got from coworkers, customers and strangers (mostly black and white people) alike and it made me feel great! Shortly after, a group of three black aunties came in, and sat. I could hear as I walked passed, serving food, one of them distinctively said while looking at me "she went out with that head like that?". Granted, she was talking low, but being a server I tune into convos very easily; to see if the table needs anything. My point is that it be your own people as well that kills your confidence. I honestly wore my hair in a bun for the rest of the week. I of course got over myself and went back to styling my hair however I like. But it was a moment that made me feel embarrassed about the own hair that grows out of my head.