Must Have Red Wig Omg | Watch Me Install While I Rant! | Recool Hair

Hey everybody and welcome to my channel welcome back to my returning viewers. If you guys watch Tiana start this really bum wig from re-cool hair. While I ramble and talk keep on watching, so you guys, hey um, as you guys can see, I'm in a my voice is a little bit better. Okay from the last time, you guys heard me, speak and um. You know I'm in a better place now, and you guys gave me a lot of love and a lot of encouraging words that did not get unnoticed. I mean I've seen all of them and I love all of you guys for sharing your stories and just making me feel like. I was no one which I knew I wasn't, but it just made me feel like I wasn't and that felt really good and I'm super happy that you guys um were there for me in the time of me speaking my truth and speaking from pain, because y'all Could hear it in my voice? Okay, like y'all, know, I'm usually upbeat you know and cool, and you know, but I was speaking from pain. I was really hurting and you guys were really there for me, like 50 plus comments, are you kidding me? I was not expecting that I was not expecting that I was kind of nervous to post it because I was being extremely vulnerable because you guys have never really seen me in that light, especially not on this channel um. Of course, on other platforms, I'll talk a little bit more, but on here it's usually like I said in my last video, strictly hair talk or whatever, but I'm gon na start speaking more okay, because y'all really did it for me in the comments and I'm smiling As I'm saying this, because that felt really good, you guys were there for me, I felt all of your guys's words and it definitely uplifted my spirits like I did not feel alone at all and you're, probably like damn like you're gon na talk about this again. I am just for a little bit. Okay, this is another long video, so that you know I'm I'm gon na try to make this short and sweet to just kind of continue. What I was talking about in A New Perspective because everything's perspective right and that perspective was speaking from a lot of pain and now I'm going to speak from like a clear mind. Okay, so we're gon na do that and then we're going to get into really what I'm doing here in this tutorial. But I made this video along again, so you guys can still watch and enjoy what I'm doing. While I talk and speak more truth foreign. So I don't know if any of you guys have ever heard of the term inner child, but it is basically like the child. That'S inside of us that remembers all of our wounds and traumas and uh abuse that may have occurred as our past selves and while who we were in our past, basically and um. I just basically realized how wounded my inner child was not even just from abuse from my mom, but friendships that have failed me relationships that have failed me. People leaving me abandoning me people that I thought cared about me but showed me in the Long Haul or the long run that they actually didn't, based on actions and abuse or just saying me and moving on with their lives. When I actually cared a lot about a lot of people that was in my past, that just did me hella scandalous. You know, and so that's why I didn't want to like or didn't want to, but I kind of was looking back at that video and I'm like okay, my mom did play a big role in my traumas, but I have a lot of traumas from a lot Of people like it's definitely not just her, and I made her the focal point of the video just because that's who I was dealing with at the time. But I realized that I get triggered really easily right. My inner child I'll say, gets triggered really easily and I didn't realize how wounded she was until I sat and thought about it like this. Isn'T even you like? You have to be your adult self now and it's crazy to say, like I don't know if you guys know that I'm only 19, but I am 19 years old and I'm just now realizing how fast I grew up. Well, I always knew I was kind of like super mature from a very young age, but not even just being mature but growing up fast. I grew up super fast and um yeah, I'm basically just not realizing how young I am and how fresh all those wounds really are and that I have to mend and heal all those wounds so that I can be the adult kamani that I know that I Am deep down inside and that shows up sometimes, but not all the time, because the little girl inside of me, not even just like I'm, not even talking like 9 10. 11. 12, like I'm talking 15 16 17, because I'm still in my Adolescence in that age range like I'm not grown yet, even on my mind, you feel me I was grown. I definitely wasn't and the things that I was put through and the things that I went through, that life put me through and the lessons that I was learning that was really hard like changed me. It changed me in a good way, but it also changed me in a bad way made me be um recept, not receptive, but um. What'S the word to use vulnerable to codependency, okay, a lot of my relationships have been codependent due to being scared of being abandoned and left, and on top of that, um just being gullible and trusting people really quickly, because I wanted somebody not even just relationship-wise but Friendships too, I just wanted love out of some something other than myself and it's like. Oh, we I had a lot of rage like I've grown a lot of rage and I feel like I was so combative with my mom, because I didn't speak on how combative. Well, I don't remember if I did or not, but I had a lot of rage when I came to my mother because back in school, which I don't think I've ever spoken on this channel. But I used to get bullied really bad by people. That was supposed to be my friends, people that were my friends, but it was like that bullying that you see in the movies. It wasn't like a mediocre bullying like that was traumatic. Okay, if he was really with me, bad, like all the way up into high school - and I was so quiet because people viewed me as a week and I just left them because I didn't really have a point to prove. I didn't feel like proving myself, because I knew deep down. I wasn't weak, but I knew that, like it wasn't worth it to give my energy to these people that didn't matter like I was really focused on myself. I was so confident as a kid you guys like. I was so freaking. Confident, like I don't know if y'all know, but I started my YouTube channel when I was 14 and like it was all me. You know it was all me like. That was all my brain like, oh so proud of her. But the thing is, though, like I keep saying like that's some girly right there, I'll just keep like like, like like but yeah um back to the focus back to the focus. Let'S get back focused okay, but yeah since I was so confident when I was younger, and I was truly just being myself like, I didn't grow up with a lot of money. You know what I'm saying like. I was wearing thrift store clothes. I was making fits out of what I could make fits out of crafting up put paint in my clothes. Like my jeans and my Air Forces like I used to do it all up, really crafty right and I was bullied for it. My hair, like when I first started wearing wigs y'all the girls hated it everybody was so mean to me. There was something to me about me wearing wigs and now look at me like, and it's so funny, because people that used to bully me like they'd be wanting me to do their hair now and it's like girl, like I never forgot. I never forgot that's either. Here, though, so since I was so confident when I was younger, that was, I guess I was not even I guess. I know for a fact that I was really intimidating to my peers and they wanted to break me down. They wanted to tear me down which they did a really good job at it like. I lost a lot of my confidence but um. At the same time, I didn't, though, because I feel, like I always knew who I was and like my abilities and my gifts and my talents. I was always aware of that, like as soon as I was aware, I never lost sight type but at the same time, on a um emotional level. That kind of broke me down, because I care a lot about people period but um yeah. That'S back to the point, though, since I came off as weak and since I never fought back or engaged in fighting back or talking back or you know what I'm saying since I never engaged in like being physical with people or physically com, not physically, but um. Verbally combative or like cussing people out, I would just shut the up since I was like that, I didn't want to be like that anymore and once I started to experience verbal abuse and like just the other side of my mom, like I had to fight back, I felt like it was my duty too: I'm not gon na lie because I feel like for so long I've. Let people bully me and now that it's my mom bullying me oh you're, going to get all of the Rage. That'S been pent up inside of me since a child. You know what I'm saying, because nobody really protecting me from anybody. If we're being real my sisters, my brother, my mom, like nobody, was really like putting people in check for me, even though it's not my responsibility to do that, and it's sad that I have to say this, because when it's your family, you would just do that. Like if the tables was turned, I would fight people for my family, but I didn't come from a place like that. So since that wasn't the case, I just felt like she really didn't care and I wanted her to feel every ounce of rage and she wasn't prepared for that like she didn't know that I would get like that with her, because I was super quiet super chill. Super sweet. You know a little attitude when I was younger as people would say, but I was never going to fight so I felt like it was a shock for everybody. When I started to like fight back and just yeah, I would fight back like I would fight physically verbally. I would cuss her out okay and um. She didn't like that, and since she didn't like that, we would fight a lot. You know it would be like every other month thing. She would call me crazy. Okay, I'm not gon na say she would call me crazy, but because I really don't know if she has, but she would make me feel super crazy and um put me in psychiatric hospitals and would just shut me out when I was literally losing my mind, because I felt like I was just so misunderstood and um yeah that hurt me, and recently she had tried and attempted to be cool with me for the first time in forever, like she has never really been close to me, she's always been pretty much emotionally distant, like When we would hang out it would be cool, but it wasn't a consistent thing. It wasn't always thing that we would hang out or where she would engage in. My car engage in conversation with me as a regular person, or she would compliment me or none of these things ever happen as a child and since she just recently started to do that, I didn't take that lightly. I mean I was surviving with it at first, but recently I was like nah like I feel, like you're being fake. It felt disingenaline because I couldn't believe that she wanted to have a relationship with me all of a sudden and um it with my mind, y'all and that's why I got kicked out and that's why things just went really left, because I stopped talking to her for A long time she didn't understand. Why also talking to her, because I wasn't, I didn't feel emotionally safe enough to express to her the real reason why I wasn't speaking to her, because I started to do inner child work and when I did that a lot of came up a lot of traumas Came back up and I was like nah like I don't want to be cool with this lady, I don't I don't. I don't so I just shut up. I just shut up and I didn't speak to her. She didn't take that lightly y'all. She did not. She did not okay. She did not like that, even though I kind of explained to her what was going on, she still felt that it was just mainly disrespect me having an attitude when it was so much deeper than that and um yeah. You guys, I just didn't realize how messed up my inner child was, because that's really the only reason. Why goes where it has been left with my mom, because I felt like I had to protect myself because for so long for years I didn't - and I was trying to protect me at all costs man, but yeah. You guys um, I'm not negating the fact that she wasn't verbally abusive because she definitely was. She definitely was, but I am not innocent. Like I played my role um, I said some really heinous, crazy things which that's not me like. That could be her all day, but that's not me, like that's literally not me, like I've never been like that. I never wanted to break somebody down or bully somebody like that was never my spirit. My like, it was just really uncomfortable with My Soul that I was turning into such a nasty hateful spiteful bitter person, even if it was towards somebody that abused me like I don't want to hold that weight. I literally don't like. I want to move with love, walking light. You know what I'm saying I don't want to be mad or angry or upset with anybody, but boundaries are important right and she didn't like the fact that I said boundaries very clear ones at that, like I made it clear like hey look, I just literally don't Want to talk to you because I got stuff that I need to heal from, and I can't do it while being close to you. I don't know how that still went over her head, but it did. But I made that very clear that it wasn't out of malicious intent that I wasn't speaking to her but um yeah. You guys it's unfortunate that parents don't understand that we're people with feelings. They think that they deserve the moon and the stars just for being a parent and I hate to say it, but they don't, and it's super unfortunate, that it's just the world that we live in, like people have kids and don't think really twice about it or They don't think about what really can happen or they they don't think about how they need to bring a child into this world with unconditional love. Unconditional love, not love! You! When you do this for me or love you when you treat me like this or love you when you accomplish this goal, love me for being me, you know what I'm saying: parents, don't they miss that Mark a lot of parents do and um they hit the Mark with my mom hit the mark with financially providing like, and she speaks on that a lot that she provided for us, which, of course, I'm appreciative of. Of course, I'm grateful that I was able to grow up in the suburbs and not in the trenches. For all, like I'm grateful that I had clothes, I'm grateful that I was fed grateful of all of the all of these things, but emotionally emotionally, I never experienced that care. Okay, that care that love, that feeling of love - and that goes back to me, being codependent in me being super gullible with people, because I just wanted to feel that, because I didn't get that at home from my mom, the very person that brought me here, like That'S important you guys and yeah like I was saying it's just unfortunate that that's just the work that we live in and um, I'm at the point where I feel like I've. Let out enough rage! Okay, because it's been a tough two years of maybe even three of me just going off and I feel like I've, let all that out - and this was like my final - who, okay girl, you need to stop and you need to heal, because this isn't even about Who'S right or wrong or who's, you know what I'm saying like it's not even a point to be at war with anything anymore, because you're low-key, not even low-key, but bro, High key at war with yourself like this is what I have to tell myself like bro. Like you need to heal, so you can know how to move in this world without being emotionally up. I feel like I'm at a place now, where I can respect my mom more respect, people more just for being them and leave it at that set my boundaries and if it's unliked, then that's just going to be unfortunate for them right and, like I said I Can respect her now I have, we did have a talk, and now I am back at home, so I did say my last video that was going to be the last time. You see me there, but it will not be okay. Um I feel like this was just more so of a wake-up call from the universe for me to get my together, because I do even though like um, I don't want to be at home. I never worked towards not being at home, so I needed that Tower to fall and for everything to come crashing down. Mayday mayday mayday right so that I could just realize that I need to be more responsible and be adult Kimani set goals set things you feel me like work towards having my own place, because that's what I want regardless, if I have a bad or good relationship With my mom I like to be by myself, I like to be by myself: okay, so yeah, you guys everything happens for a reason right. You know we experience the light. We experienced the dark, we experienced a good experience, the bad, that's the whole point of life. You feel me that's the yin and yang balance, because if you just had all good there wouldn't be no balance, if you had all bad there wouldn't be no balance, you need the both so that life can be out of balance and that's for everybody. You feel me so yeah I really enjoyed talking to you guys, I'm gon na start talking to you guys more. Like I said earlier, and I know I said, I was going to try to make this feet and short, but once I get to talking you guys like, if you knew me in person - and we were like real life friends y'all would know like. I can tell a story for days at a time I do want to end this ran off by saying. Never um ignore your intuition, your higher self, the universe, the god, whoever is speaking to you and through you when change is about to come because it's going to come regardless. If you like it or not. So in my next tutorial you guys I will go more in depth with my words about what I'm doing, because I know that's usually what you guys are used to. But if you guys like to hear me talk too, let me know in the comments, so I can talk more make sure to check the description box on this hair. This wig is from really cool hair super great quality hair by the way, but I'll see you guys in my next one